My Roommate is a Vampire

by Dennis the Menace

The Club Can't Even Handle Me Right Now

I didn't sleep. Didn't need to. Was too afraid to close my eyes. The monster inside me would awake.

When I got up the balcony window had been fixed. All the glass had been swept up. There wasn't a trace of any of my nocturnal activities.

"Did you...find it?" I ventured.

"Mmhmm," Vinyl nodded, peeking out the corner of her eye as she downed some coffee. "You want the details?"

"Not in particular, no."

"Good, then I won't tell you. But I'll say that it was very, very messy."

"Vinyl..."

"I mean seriously, what the heck did you do that poor bunny? I won't go into any specifics, but there was a lot of blood. It was like, everywhere!"

I ran to the bathroom, barfing.

"Octy, I think you need to take the day off."

"Vinyl, I have been taking days off. I've been using up nearly half of my sick days."

"No, no. I mean having fun!"

I glared at her. "Fun?"

Right then and there I should have stopped her. She sucked in, and began to sing, "F is for friends who do stuff together!"

"Please don't sing," I groaned.

"U is for you and me!"

"I swear to Celestia, Vinyl, not the singing. It's too early."

"N is for anywhere and anytime at all—"

I shoved a hoof in her mouth, silencing her. "I will rip your throat out."

"Dawwww, is somepony all grumpy wumpy they didn't get their morning coffee?" Vinyl cooed. "What do you do for fun anyways?"

"I play my cello."

"Octy, that is your job. Not fun."

"Who said my job wasn't fu—"

She cut me off with a hoof. "Moving on!"

"Well, sometimes I listen to music."

"You can do that anytime." She rolled her eyes.

"Read a book?"

Vinyl's head slammed into the table. "Ugh, you're such a...a Twilight Sparkle! I need to take you out."

"Where would you like to go?"

"I thought we were taking a 'break'," Vinyl said.

"Doesn't mean we can't do things together. What did you have in mind?" I asked, arching my eyebrows suggestively.

She leaned in, whispering.

I flushed. "Oh no!"

"What? You've never?" Vinyl gasped, her eyes widening. "You mean you've never—"

"Never!" I gasped, scandalized. "My parents would never let me do that!"

She put her hoof down, determined, flipping on her shades. "It's time to pop your cherry, Octy."

---

"Did you see how big it was?" Vinyl gushed.

"It was huge!" I giggled.

"So long and thick!"

"And creamy," I shuddered. "It got all over my face!"

"Oh, I know, I had to lick it off you. It was so sticky too!"

"I can't believe you swallowed that entire thing down your throat! I didn't think I could take it all in!"

Passing ponies walking on the sidewalk stared at us, their minds working to put two and two together. Mothers covered their foals' virgin ears.

Vinyl cheered, "That was the best banana split I've ever had! Where the hay do they find bananas that huge anyway?"

"Oh Celestia, with all that chocolate syrup and whipped cream, I'm going to need to work my flank off!"

I kept trotting down the street amiably until I realized Vinyl was no longer next to me. Looking back, I could see she was staring at a particular restaurant we had visited (and been banned from) in the past. An all-you-can-eat buffet with salads and soups and pastas. Hardly considered high class, we'd come there for a meal.

"You know what I don't get? The drinks."

"Not this again," I moaned.

"They gave us a glass of water with a lemon in it. It was deceiving!"

"Vinyl, there was nothing 'deceiving' about a glass of water that we both ordered!"

"You raise the glass and you smell the lemon and you think, 'Oh, this is going to be some really good lemonade', only to be disappointed and crushed when you realize that it's just a glass of water with a lemon in it," she ranted.

"For the love of Celestia, will you let that go? And how in the hay did we even get banned from there?!"

"The sign said it was a buffet! All you can eat!"

"You ate everything!"

"So?!"

We glared at each other. My lip twitched. We burst into uproarious laughter, snickering and giggling. She wiped a tear from her eye.

"Oh, Vinyl Scratch! Fancy running into you!"

"Oh hey, Miss Rarity! What's up?"

My eyes narrowed at the cage on Rarity's side. I wasn't even concerned with the fashionista or their petty conversation. What I was more concerned with was that vile creature inside the cage.

"Grrrr!" I growled, baring my teeth at the feline, lowering the front part of my body to hiss and spit at the vile creature.

Opalescence hissed back, screeching and clawing at her kennel.

"Is your friend all right, Vinyl?" Rarity asked nervously, inching away slowly.

"She's just trying to communicate with your cat, that's all. Inspiration for her, uh, next piece."

"Uh huh. Very well then. I shall be on my way. I'll let you know when I have another commission for you."

"Will do, thanks."

Stupid cat.

"Octavia, get a grip!" Vinyl hissed, still waving to Miss Rarity.

My ears perked. "What was I doing? Why am I like this?"

"'Cause you like it doggy style."

---

Many ponies came as they were, fangs exposed and eyes crimson. There was even a fellow lycan or two crouched on the floor, their tails wagging. Among the crowd of ponies packed inside the donut shop, I saw Vinyl's parents, Princess Luna, Fleur de Lis, and Fancypants, of all ponies. Many of them, I didn't recognize. In fact, nearly everypony there I had no clue as to their name. Although I recalled seeing the one with the top hat the other day...

"Fancypants?"

"Ah, hello Octavia," Fancypants said, adjusting his monocle. "What brings you here?"

"I, err, well, I'm—"

"You're one of them, aren't you?"

I blanched, nodding.

"Did that Vinyl Scratch finally sink her teeth into you?"

"Well yes. But, no. Not really. Are you one as well?"

"Heavens no. I make it a point to come along with Fleur to understand her situation a little better. Although may I say, I wouldn't mind if she exsanguinates me, if you get my drift." He winked. "Your secret is safe with me."

I don't even want to know I don't even want to know...

Luna cleared her throat, standing behind the counter. "Good evening, everypony. It is currently seven o' clock. Everypony is here and accounted for. Let us begin. Pony Joe?"

"Yes Princess?"

She levitated a pouch filled with plenty of bits. "Go get yourself a salad or something. Lose the weight."

He saluted. "Will do."

"Now then, back to—who is this?"

In the back of the shop sitting on a stool was a certain wall-eyed Pegasus.

Vinyl whispered, "Psst, Derpy! What the hay are you doing here?"

"I dunno!" she chirped, sticking her tongue out.

"Scram, Derpy," Vinyl said.

"Okay!"

She crashed through a window. Luna facehoofed.

"Octavia, if you will?" Luna said.

I paled. "Oh, no no, that's alright, I'm not good with public speaking."

I was roughly bucked onto stage, landing painfully on my stomach. I looked up, seeing Luna's kind face.

"I'd like you all to give our newest member to the Inner Circle a warm welcome."

I gulped, taking the counter. Beads of sweat rolled down my face. Performing a piece using an instrument was much, much different than speaking. On stage, I let my cello do the "talking", if you will.

"H-Hello. My name is Octavia."

"Hi Octavia," a chorus of voices chimed.

"And...I'm a lycan."

Boos and cheers erupted in the small donut shop. One side of the room struck a pose, throwing their heads back and howling.

"AWOOOO! Score one for Team Lycan!"

"Aw screw you guys, Team Vampire all the way!"

A solitary voice in the back of the shop cried, "Whoo, Team Fairy! Yaaaaay."

"Shut up, no one cares about fairies!" somepony on the vampire side shouted.

A sniff. "You guys suck. Oh, wait, you guys do suck! Hah!"

"Shut up!"

"Get over yourselves!"

And so began the food fight, in which objects of various sizes including donuts, stress balls, and war axes were hurled between both sides of the room.

"BE STILL!" Luna bellowed, her eye twitching. After everypony settled down, she continued. "Now I'd like you all to give Octavia your undivided attention. I'm sure many lycans were aware of the...disturbance last night."

"Doing some hunting?" one pony snickered.

I cast my eyes down. "I was turned only a few days ago, on Nightmare Night."

They remained silent out of respect.

"I thought I could handle it, I thought I had everything in control." I swallowed. "But there was this...voice, in my head, saying all sorts of things. Trying to make me doubt myself."

I could see some lycans were beginning to nod, empathizing with me.

"I started getting...more aggressive. I was grouchy, short-tempered, unpleasant, clumsy even. I kept bumping into ponies and breaking things. I couldn't take it, so I drank."

"What were you drinking?" one called.

"Applejack Daniels?"

There was a collective cringe in the shop. "Ooh."

"The entire bottle?"

I nodded, ashamed. "I woke up, I don't know, two hours later coated in blood."

Gasps. They weren't ridiculing me. Their gasps were genuine.

"I found out later it was...rabbit's blood."

"And how did that make you feel?" Luna asked.

I struggled for words. "J-Just awful! I felt traumatized. Horrified! Sick to my stomach."

"Oh. I was thinking something more along the lines of indigestion, bloating. But that works too."

Once again the room exploded into chatter.

"Yeah, rabbits don't go down very well."

"Psst! Did it taste good?"

I blinked. "I-I'm not sure."

The Princess of the Night raised her hoof, silencing the ponies.

"Thank you," I simply said, dashing off the counter.

"Let this be a reminder to all of you to be vigilant," Luna warned. "We all have our demons. Octavia here was very lucky that her situation was not worse. And I will also recommend that you do not drink at all. It impairs judgement and clouds the mind."

This received groans. I sank down in my seat. Good job, Octavia. Congratulations, you're an alcoholic.

"And let me make this clear: if you are discovered, we will not be able to help you." She paused, letting her words sink in, "You can release names, but we will deny your existence and this group. The best we can do is provide you a new identity. From the moment you are discovered, you are on your own."

I guess it wouldn't be much of a secret organization without secrecy.

"Moving on," Luna cleared her throat. "As per request, we have gotten a more 'family-friendly' packaging for blood packs in the form of," she frowned, "juice boxes."

Vampires cheered, giving each other hoofbumps.

"And they even come with holes for you to 'sink your teeth' into!"

How cute.

---

"So, what did you think?"

"It's like a dysfunctional family, with a tyrant at the reigns running the show," I answered without a beat. "So that's it, huh?"

"Just 'bout sums it up, yeah."

"You meet once a week to talk about your feelings."

"That's," she chuckled,"that's very funny, Octy. You know you've got a great sense of humor."

I took the compliment. "Well, I suppose it's time we head home."

"Are you freaking kidding me?" She tilted her shades down, giving me an are-you-freaking-kidding-me look. "This is the best time of the day! C'mon!"

And I had no choice but to follow her. Into the jungle we went.

The entrance was extravagant and flashy with a Canterlot flair thrown in with ivory walls and gold trim strewn all over the place to hide the rot underneath. Lines of ponies wound around the sidewalk and buildings, waiting to get past the bouncer. Vinyl walked straight up to him.

"You know my name." She grinned.

As I made my move to follow her, I was stopped by an unfurling wing.

"She's a friend," Vinyl said.

Using her magic, she shoved open the double doors with a bang and a flourish, revealing two paths that snaked down into the mosh pit. The electronic music was deafening. The checkerboard floor was illuminated, flashing neon colors in sync with the music playing over the sound system. I had to flatten my ears just to be able to think straight. The bass was a constant pounding ache in the back of my head, shaking the room. Flashing lights. Laser shows. The place reeked of cigarette smoke, stale booze, greed, and other things I didn't care to mention, and was filled to the brim with colts with way too much money and free time to spend on fillies who also had way too much money and free time. I followed Vinyl through that sea of glow sticks and writhing bodies.

This was the nightlife tourists paid to experience.

Even in the pristine capitol city, money could go a long way to having guards turn the other way when patrons at Club Canterlot indulged in their vices. Here, they had all kinds of party favors imported straight from the zebra badlands. Pick your poison. I knew she was better than that, but I wouldn't put it past Vinyl to indulge in that sort of thing at least once in her life.

I needed a drink already. But I needed to lay off the sauce. I needed to make sure I didn't lose control.

You can't lose something you never had.

It was that niggling voice in the back of my head again, there to whisper my doubts. I'm sure many of you would expect that I could differentiate between my thoughts and the wolf inside of my soul. But that was the most disturbing part about it all. These thoughts were not separated by some raspy growl that hissed these words in my ear. I heard these thoughts in my own voice, and yet they were not my own.

"Vinyl!" I shrieked. "You can't just jump on stage!"

"And why not?" Vinyl struggled with the DJ currently at the stand, snatching the microphone away from them with her magic. Feedback. Everypony yelled, flattening their ears.

"HEYOH! DJ-Pon3, in the house!"

Cheers. Stomping. Elation that their temptress of the record had come. DJ-Pon3 wasn't just a stage name. It was a personality. Larger than life and the life of a party. And, this, all of this with all of its flaws, was her domain.

"You don't even have your set!"

"Don't need it," she scoffed, flipping through the record library on stage. "What tunes you got? Sapphire Shores? Really?"

The DJ stuck his hoof out in a gesture. It wasn't a nice one.

"Eek!"

Vinyl levitated me onto the DJ stand, where I stood alongside her.

"For a very special somepony in the room, you know who you are. This little remix is for you, baby!"

I gasped, hearing the familiar classical tune. I blushed, unable to keep a grin off my face as ponies lavished me with cheers. I curtsied. Her horn fizzed and sparkled with strain as I saw her manipulate knobs and switches and dials that made my head spin.

She was beautiful.

And for a while, I was able to live and forget. That night I realized sometimes, something good comes out of it all. Something you know you wouldn't deserve in a million years.

Something that gives you a reason to go on.

Comments

[Dennis the Menace]

FEELING DOWN IN THE DUMPS? STORY TOO DEPRESSING?

HAVE LULZ

[Impoxdragon]

Mother of Celestia... The "F.U.N." song.

And at using Twilight as a tiny insult and the "doggie-style" comment.

Lulz, Lulz everywhere.

[Lithl]

Keep up this pace and I might ask you to marry me. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png

[Axan Zenith]

FIRST PO-

Oh goddamnit.

Oh well. Huzzah! I really loved this chapter. The Inner Circle meeting was tons of fun to read.

Also, I recall posting a Slade quote as a comment similar to the "You can't lose something you never had" line.

Interesting.

[Sonicbrony66]

Juice boxes make everything better! Along with socks.

[AdobE]

And here I was hoping to get first. Will update once read.

Edit: last chapter I was saying how I didnt like te vampire x lycan thing, but I just can't bring myself to hate it. Excellent chapter.
Also:
" And so began the food fight, in which objects of various sizes including donuts, stress balls, and war axes were hurled between both sides of the room."

Jesus Christ, that line. Lost it at war axes.

[The Tainted One]

Oh Celestia, the puns.

[Deadlus16]

loved the lulz i just couldnt stop...i think i woke my family...oh sh**

[suplup]

Hi, my name is Suplup, and I'm a worgen.

Hi Suplup.

[Impoxdragon]

985176 What add-on do you use for the emotes? I could never find one.

[suplup]

I think you may also be a vampire, you seem to update at the oddest hours.

[Lithl]

985211
http://userscripts.org/scripts/show/131623

[PinkamenaDianePie98]

Huh, banana split huh O_o

[ThunderDash]

sponge bob ddnt like
the rest of the chapter just amazing

[Brony Eagle Scout]

I've never been one for vampire or werewolf stories but this story has changed my perspective on it.
Must be the ponies
Keep on writing I love all the references you put in the story.

[BBJBS]

*sniff* You made me feel, bro. You made me feel.

[Juria]

Wow, once again, you never fail at amazing and amusing me!

[Jedi-narwhal]

I like the turn-around with this story keeping the slightly depressing sequence of Octavia dealing with her changes but adding plenty of comedy! YouROCK!

[The Mirage]

ah... beautiful

[song0flife]

I almost feel sorry for the one Fairy haha. I wonder who it could be though hmmm.....

[a pony with no name]

This reminds me a little bit of "being human"

[Flicka Ravenhide]

Oh man, the luls that were had. I can't stop laughing. Oh, fuck....

[Lithl]

985215
Hmm... I hosted an exchange student from Switzerland once. She hated garlic, loved the color black (fashionable black, not goth black), always had redeye in photographs, really long canines, and in all the pictures of her home I never saw one mirror.

A couple years later we had this German student... lanky but strong, lots of hair (both on and off his head), would've eaten red meat four meals a day if he had the chance, and was never able to sleep on the night of the full moon (and according to him, neither could his father). dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowderp_flip.png

Those two aren't the only ones. I'm pretty sure we hosted a Portuguese troll (or if he wasn't a troll, his mother certainly was), for example...

[danabler42]

985211 and you'll need either greasemonkey (firefox) or tampermonkey (chrome) to run that script the other guy linked you to dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Vinyl_Scratch_lolface.png

[Heavy Weapons Guy]

4.bp.blogspot.com/_AJRqfXUaHAo/TA-z87Dfk0I/AAAAAAAAAIU/UcGXJyVMJK8/s1600/spongebob%5B1%5D.gif

[taco234]

Why...
You got my hopes up...
This is what went on in my brain when i read the chapter name...
THIS
CURSE YOU!!
good chapter though.

[shadowabsol]

Is there a second fave button, and about 19 more like buttons? Oh, and while I'm dreaming, a few love buttons would be nice!

[CGPH]

Marevlous...Bravo! Is it bad I knew the lyrics to FUN?

[Cookays]

985211dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Vinyl_Scratch_lolface.png

[Shpoople96]

Vampire Luna? Sounds hot. Just add socks

[Vates Despero]

"Team Fairy"?! What the hell? How does a pony get turned into a fairy?! EXPLAIN THIS!!!

[city street]

"The DJ stuck his hoof out in a gesture. It wasn't a nice one."
Now I really want to know how flip someone off with hooves.

[EddWar]

Excelent chapter, realy FUN!!, and the Fairypony = Forever Alone

[Kail]

I wanna be on team sea pony. Who's with me? Also nice chapter.

[Sb129]

This was very Lulzy

[Aramadon]

I have only one thing to say.

[jar'o'mayo]

Hell yeah.
Classical music in a nightclub.

[KJOokami]

>My ears perked. "What was I doing? Why am I like this?"

"'Cause you like it doggy style."

i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/192/262/Oh%20you.png

[fatmanspencer]

The Lulz... where brought. Heavily. Like.... When you listen to the song this is why I clop... it was that level of LULZ!!!!!

[TJAW]

So I decided to go to one of these meetings...
>Goes to Inner Circle meeting in my Nanosuit 2 (pictured)
Me: Hi, my name's Alcatraz, and I'm a-
All: Hi, TJbrena
Randompony1: So, vampire, werewolf, or what?
Randompony2: Fairy?
Me: Uh, no, no and fuck no.
Randompony3: Then why are you here?
Me: Because I'm a guy who was given this armor, which has grown into my wounds. Without it, I'd die; I've essentially achieved symbiosis with it.
Randompony4: Sooo... Cyborg?
Me: Yeah.
>Booing
Randompony5: Get off the stage!
Randompony6: We don't take kindly to yer type 'round here!
Randompony2: Now Skeeter, he ain't hurtin nopony!
>Stuff being thrown at me
Me: Seriously guys, stop that.
>Literal shit being thrown at me
Me: I'm warning you guys!
>Still being pelted
Me:Fuck this.
>Draw AY69 and shoot everypony in the room

>tl:dr I accidentally the Inner Circle

[cunning_linguist]

... WHY DID THEY BREAK UP?!

[Vedavyasa]

Lols were had, and it was amazing.

[Munkustrap]

985266
Given that fairy is a homophobic slur, and Caramel Apple (in certain circles) is perceived to be gay, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say Caramel Apple.

[MetaLucario]

nice bro. next chapter's gonna be good i can already tell.

[Kaidrin]

Best chapter yet XD

Also, we're gonna need a fire extinguisher if you keep updating like this, I mean, HOLY SHIT!

[Lurker Pony]

I have a feeling the relationship is going to be switched back to on after this. Vinyl, you sly devil~

[Wing Zero 032]

985451 ...Lyra?

With so many inuendos, the F.U.N. song and offenseive hoof gestures... THIS IS WIN!

...On an unrelated note, Pease somebody tell me that Octavia ate Angel Bunny, the little bastard desserved to die for abusing Fluttershy

[TheGreatSako]

Gah! The emotional whiplash!

[Blazinblade7]

'Cause you like it doggy style.
Fell off my chair there

[RainbowShy1241]

Oh my celestia! Opalescence hates Rarity! Yet another reason for her to be a Lycan (Or werewolf idk)