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  • E Once a happy pink pony

    I came from a shimmering pool of crystal clear water. I moved from the dark forest to the cheery village that was built nearby. I was once a happy pink pony, but then things took a turn for the worst.
    2,307 words · 627 views  ·  28  ·  2

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  • 24w, 4d
    Twilight's Pretty Princessy Kingdom

    A single hoof slammed down on the wasteland, kicking up a cloud of fine ash. The air was filled with the acrid tang of burning wood. The world burned around her, huge plumes of smoke blocking out the light of the sun and blackening the sky. Still, the purple alicorn paid no attention to this. She steadied herself, readying herself for the battle of a lifetime.

    A monstrous roar filled the air, and she could hear the signature crackling of magic being charged up.

    Twilight Sparkle closed her eyes, feeling magic of her own coursing through every inch of her body, coursing through her veins and moving to her horn. When she opened her eyes, she could sense hot white light overflowing. She had mastered the combined power of the alicorns.

    With her horn ablaze, she charged ahead.

    ---

    This has to be one of the best episodes in the whole series. Look at how all the superpowers were involved like pieces on a chessboard. Celestia, Luna and Cadance oh-so-boldly moved to channel their magic into Twi, thereby conveniently removing themselves from the game.

    “Twilight, we’ve channelled all our power to you so that if anything goes wrong it’s your fault.” –Celestia.

    “But I haven’t even gotten used to my own magic yet!”

    “Don’t worry Twilight, because from what we’ve noticed, you have talent for taking out mighty evil villains. Whereas I got downed by a one shot from a bug queen.”

    “Well, when you put it that way… the odds seems strangely in my favour.”

    “We have faith in you, Twilight. Now go.”

    Then there was that sneaky-as-a-snake discord weighing his sneaky snaky options. We all know there’s a darker side to him, and that he’s really a monstrous snake trying to be a dragon. Once upon a time somepony did say she’d rather have the old Discord than the reformed one. He was kind enough to grant her that wish.

    And then after all that build up and weight gaining from Tirek, it all came down to Twilight making that final all-too-risky-and-should-totally-not-have-ended-well choice. Not before jumping at the chance to show off her mega laser upgrades though, and pretty princessy wings of course. But not even that could stand up to her smarty princess decision at the end. Bam! Checkmate! Even villains with a better grasp of risk assessment could have not seen that rainbow-coloured poop dropping down from the sky. Yet another great foe that suffered a humiliating defeat by colourful flying rainbows. Tally up the charts, please.

    The drama in this finale was so good. There’s strong character development supported by a complex enough plot, with the box and the keys and the little twists and turns and what not. It’s not too fast paced like that horri-gi-ble MMC season 3 finale. The animation this time was great, with all those flashy effects and lighting, and focussing in and out into ponies’ facial expressions. Really on Twilight’s petrified “we’re all doomed” expression though.

    What a neat episode!

    1 comments · 36 views
  • 61w, 6d
    When descriptions fail. And they do, all the time.

    The sky was a beautiful azure blue, and the clouds were as smooth and round as a mare’s buttocks.

    Writing descriptions isn't easy. And it isn't easy because getting the right similes and metaphors isn't easy. Ever had the problem where you wrote something so awesome that even Shakespeare would rise from the dead to congratulate you, only to realise that it's utter crap a minute later? Ohh, burn in that disappointment. Burn!

    Anyway, how do you know if what you are describing in words sounds like what you're thinking of in your head? It's impossible to have both the perspective of the reader and the writer at the same time, so you've got to get someone else to point it out to you. Then in that case, how do the good and famous writers get around this? Through experience, maybe.

    I thought about this a little while doing a review on this story.

    What are some of the failed descriptions you have come across?

    2 comments · 84 views
  • 68w, 6d
    Vengeance of Dawn

    There are times when I feel utterly floored by another’s writing, and this is one of them.

    Vengeance of Dawn

    Synopsis:

    Twilight grew up and found her destiny, but there is one pony who feels embittered that it should have been her destiny, her glory.  Breaking Dawn, Celestia's former student, is convinced that she is the true Element of Magic and has been robbed of her honours, her fame and most importantly of the love of Princess Celestia without which Dawn is nothing.

    Rallying her old friends, Breaking Dawn sets out to bring Equestria's newest princess down and pass the final test her mentor set her all those years ago. As Dawn begins to wreak her vengeance, and Twilight struggles to protect her precious ponies from her elusive adversary, both these students of Celestia embark upon a dark path, paying no heed to the truth that a quest for revenge can only end one way.

    Standard stuff? Think again.

    These are not the stereotypical villains we see being churned out ever so often, far from it. I love how Breaking Dawn’s friends are so multidimensional, each with unique traits that make them ever so interesting to read about. When all lumped together they complement one another like flesh and bone, and the interaction the follows come naturally and smooth. Twilight Sparkle and friends are not too far off from the line, with their usual sugary sweet friendships and antics, along with those lovebirds Cadence and Shining Armor playing a significant role as well.

    As the story progresses, bittersweet childhood memories of each character resurface through wistful recall scenes, seeming a little reminiscent of Mitch Albom’s recall scenes in ‘For one more day’. From there, we get to understand just how deep things run within the characters, and why they do the things that they do. In short, we find out what makes them tick. As one dilemma piles on top of another, or rather when one dilemma results in another, both protagonists and antagonists are forced to make decisions that would change the entire course of events, sometimes setting off a lighted fuse, and waiting, waiting for the figurative bomb to explode. We see the characters grow along with the story. We see them being forced into choices. And we see their past struggles brought up, the lessons learnt from there transforming into wondrous Chekhov’s guns.

    The strength of this story is undoubtedly its characters. They are rich, realistic, and they are taking charge of the plot (as opposed to just sitting there and reacting to events). Though the prose itself is nothing spectacular, it is enough to shoot across some very powerful moments in the story. Also accompanied by all that drama and emotion! I'll stop now, so that you can go and take a look at it.

    Author, hats off to you. You are a talented writer, and you deserve much more credit for your work.

    2 comments · 117 views
  • 69w, 6d
    OH my GAAAWWD DRACONEQUUS IS FINALLY DONE!

    And when I say finally, I really really mean it! This story has been in progress for about one and a half years, and I wonder how many people out there still have this in their read list. Hmm, probably not a lot. Probably none at all. But it doesn’t matter! What matters is that this story is coompletee! And let me tell you how that feels. It feels GREAT! Never mind that it isn’t an all too amazing story, never mind that there aren’t many people left that are still following it. I still feel that sense of achievement, that I completed a decent-sized fic, and that I got through all those annoying stalling moments while writing that I am ever so prone to. What stalling moments? Well...

    ---


    Scenario 1:

    There I was, sitting down, getting ready to write, but suddenly: Oops! Something distracting happens, and then I have to check it out, because like... it needs to be checked out! And then nothing gets written.

    Scenario 2:

    Argh! Can’t find the right word to describe this! Should I use this word? But I just used it in the previous sentence, so I can’t use it again! That’s called repetition, you know. Maybe I should look up a thesaurus, but then it gives me a bunch of fancy words that don’t fit either! Nonono, this isn’t going to work.

    Scenario 3:

    OMG I finally managed to complete a paragraph! Amazing! I deserve a short break. It won’t take long; I’ll be sure to come back to continue writing!

    ---

    Yes, at times it was a pain to write. It’s like trying to poop out a brick or something. Uh, I’ve never actually experienced that before. Whatever. Anyway, what I’m trying to say, what I really want to say is that... it’s dooooneee!!

    Now, I want to thank all those that have helped me out on this story, including Aquillo, Casca, and Burraku_Pansa for editing help. I know this story would be utter crap if not for you guys (and you all did a good job in showing me exactly why it would be utter crap). And very special thanks to BP, for contributing the most to the editing efforts, including single-handedly taking on my last couple of chapters, which might or might not have been the most harmful parts to read.

    AND NOW...

    I think I’ll probably take a break from writing, or perhaps get down to completing Maretrix Unleashed. Either way, I’m always up for reviewing stories!

    1 comments · 50 views
  • 88w, 5d
    A post in which I think about the lastest episode

    3 comments · 93 views
  • ...
 70
 3,422

Little is known about the creature cast in stone. On the night of an eclipse, an unknown horror is released into the Everfree forest, seeking out the blood of a particular purple pony.

Armed with a mysterious black book and with the help of her friends, Twilight is forced into a terrifying adventure of uncovering secrets and finding a way out of her nightmare. But the problem is that nopony knows what a Draconequus really is.

---

EqD Link: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2012/01/story-draconequus.html

Special thanks to: Burraku_Pansa, Aquillo and Casca for editing help

First Published
11th Dec 2011
Last Modified
29th Jun 2013

Oooh-hoo-hoo-hoo......

I say, that was a chill to read through.

Please, sire/madam, more...

???

soooo...discord was a fossil?


Special thanks to:

-Burraku_Pansa,

-Aquillo

-Casca

For tirelessly working with me on this. I've learnt a great deal from your comments.

Oh my goodness....can't wait for more!  

Haha. thanks.

you guys are gonna love chapter 2 :)

>>68687 Isn't that the truth! x)

Hope you'll have chapter 3 written soon too! :twilightsmile:

for me fear is replaced by anger. My gawd if I was in that situation I'd fucking go into this pure unfiltered rage and gawd I don't fucking destroy the whole place in one glorious explosion.

good story I be tracking yo

Few things are more terrifying than the monster hiding in the closet, than the shapeless form lurking under the bed, than the unknowable creature drifting through the currents of oblivion right outside your door. What I'm trying to say is, things in the dark are freaking scary.

Nice chapter.

>>96098>>96102>>96888>>97230

thanks for all your comments! they really make my day :rainbowkiss:

Eagerly waiting for more.

Hmmmm...

Well, you asked me for a review on this. I am happy to comply, though at the moment, there's really not much for me to say. If you want my opinion though, you're doing very well. Far better than most of the fics I read. You managed to pull off the dark, claustrophobic atmosphere in this chapter that, while I wasn't necessarily scared, it was pretty tense. And that's not easy to do with me, at least not with the written word.

Although, I have to say, there's little in the way of mystery, what with the whole situation with the moon and its effect on stone being placed right before us. Also, while I like to preach the word "detail" a lot, there comes a point where you may want to take a step BACK. In this case, it's not much of a big step, but I remember in the first chapter cocking an eyebrow and saying "I already know that Twilight is meticulous and well organized, why do I have to know the location of every single thing she's set up?" Furthermore, while you do add a lot of detail, at times it feels you opt to tell rather than show, which can sometimes feel like a speed bump in the story.

But in all honesty? I'd say that aside from the occasional quirk here and there, along with the odd spelling or grammar issue, you're doing pretty well for yourself. At least a good 4/5 so far. Still, I'd like to read more before I give anything more in depth.

Second chapter in, and you've already succeeded in creeping me out :D Not so much the monster thingymajig, but the way you wrote the 'coming up the stairs part' and the ssh's. *Tracks.*

I wonder why Discord isn't in the tags...hmm.

...Wait a minute. I get that the genre here is horror, but...heh. Wait. :rainbowhuh: I'm assuming too soon that this is a story about Discord. Of course, it makes way too much sense for it NOT to be Discord, but, you know, I haven't got that far yet. :twilightblush:

Anyway, that just goes to show you how creeped I am. Please continue! :twilightsmile:

>>119573

I thought it would have been misleading to tag Discord. Because the 'Discord' in this story is just based of the idea from the show, but it's a long way off from the original Discord. It doesn't follow the canon characterization or god of chaos type of powers.

>>120175

Glad you enjoed it! :D

Trioxychloromethylbenezoyl Pentoxysillicate. THAT. Is not a safe chemical. :twilightoops:

>>121891 It doesn't even exist in real life. I just lumped a whole bunch of chemistry stuff together to form a ridiculously long name. :pinkiehappy:

How often do you think you can update? I understand it takes a bit of effort, but just so I have a general idea. :pinkiehappy:

>>138815

I think i need about two weeks per chapter. I kind of procrastinate a lot >_<

But im pretty sure that chapter 3 should be done by next week! :twilightsmile:

DAYM discord, you scary!

I agree with the above comment: dayum.

I really liked the line "Little is know about the creature cast in stone."

Mindless praise time!, it was amazing.

>>178332

I was quite happy to stumble upon it :twilightsmile:

>>176716>>178612

Mmm... excellent.

I'm normally not one for horror, but I'm enjoying this one.

Also, Rarity is my favourite pony and it's rare to see her used in a capacity other than 'bitchy' or 'fashion pony without any other features or qualities', so kudos for that!

I love the story so far, its got a good atmosphere, moves at just the right pace, and the descriptions are top notch.

Just one little question.... was the book 'Draconequus' written by NiegH.P. Lovecraft?

???

...this is a side i haven't seen before...plus people how do we know it's discord? thier may be more than one...unlikly but still

Hey there, cheeze. I'm happy this is being so well-received! Question, though; it's listed as incomplete. Is there still more to be added or are you reworking things?

>>460045

yup! there will be more chapters coming up. I tend to procrastinate a lot though, and I'm also concurrently working on another one-shot sadfic along with RavensDagger.

Thanks for helping me out with my story!

>>179712

Thanks! I'm not sure about that though; I didn't read any of his stories.

>>460330

Not a problem at all, and I look forward to editing those new chapters, as well. Keep up the good work.

excited to see more! :D

Please do write more. I was enjoying this hugely.

>>1182645

I am, but I'm an incredibly slow writer, and I procrastinate too. I also became more and more unsatisfied with the current chapters, so I'm reworking things a little. My apologies :twilightsheepish:

>>1250854

Well... If you're unsatisfied, maybe there's something in it - but you may also be seeing flaws that aren't really there. To be 'one's own harshest critic' is hardly an uncommon thing in a writer.

I'm pretty damned picky, as a casual glance through my comment history will show, and I see nothing wrong so far. 'Tis a class act.

In any event, I'm thrilled that wheels are still turning!

Damn it, when this appeared in the first couple pages of Latest Updates I though there was a new chapter.

Whelp, time to go burn down an orphanage for the blind to get my spirits up!

New chapter :pinkiehappy: and I loved it keep it up good sir!

Oh no! Owloysius is watching Rarity!

Aha! I caught you! Twilight doesn't know what a draconequus is, so this must be taking place in the past. And Sweetie can use magic, so this must be taking place in the future. And let us not forget that you gave no sign in the description or in the initial passages of the story that this is not taking place in the present, so by convention it must be.

Also, on a less pedantic note of complaint, your characterization of Sweetie is off. She actually does like her friends.

This story is creepy...continue please. Also im asuming this takes place before Discord or is this an alternate universe or something. Well anyway I'll be watching this story.

>>1780527

Oh yes, this is an alternate universe story. I'm exploring a darker take on discord, and it seems to be going quite well! :twilightsmile:

:pinkiehappy: this is amazing! Please continue!

Great chapter, didn't notice any mistakes. I cant wait for the next one.

This is turning into one of my favorite dark MLP story. It's hard to find a good one that I haven't already finished today. Awesome work! :pinkiehappy:

>>1877105

Dark seems to be a combination of horror and suspense here, and I'm glad that I've managed to create that feeling without having to resort to gore or killing off lots of characters. Thank you so much!

Now this is Dark in the sense of horror and suspense and not depressing. Good job.

>>1896372

Oh, you mean like a combination [Dark] and [Sad]? Yes, quite a number of stories fall into that area, probably because it involves our beloved ponies dying :(

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