Draconequus

by cheezesauce

Sunrise

Ooo Sunrise ooO

Twilight felt nothing but cold. When she opened her eyes, there was nothing more than vast black space that stretched on for eternity. Coldness. Emptiness. With a growing uneasiness, she realized that she couldn’t feel her hooves or her neck or any other part of her body. Her composure snapped away like brittle twigs in a storm.

Help! she yelped suddenly, but even her voice was missing. No, let me out! Let me out!

Twilight couldn’t run or hide or scream. Even the most primal functions had been torn away from her, leaving only her consciousness to float aimlessly in this boundless oblivion. Minutes passed, or maybe even hours. There was no way to keep track of the passing of time, so she could only wait, regardless of whether she wanted to or not.

But then there was something at last! Something, something strange seeping into the blackness. A swirl of lavender it was, spreading and blooming like an ethereal flower. Twilight sparked with delight. Anything was better than the plain darkness. Watching the lavender swirl and diffuse out, she thought it looked a bit like adding those colorful drops of chemicals to flasks of clear water back in the laboratory. Lavender was a nice color, she thought. Actually, she was really fond of lavender; it was so... her! The fact that not many ponies had lavender coats was something that she was secretly happy about.

Twilight smiled inwardly as the lavender continued to spread. How strange it was to be sitting here, thinking to herself and watching color cover her vision.

Then the lavender stopped spreading, and a drop of blue appeared—barely noticeable at first—spiralling and growing like a whirlpool from the deep oceans. A few moments later, a deep red was added, as lush as the roses on Hearts and Hooves Day. Now three colors occupied the space, spreading out like spilled paint. Yet as Twilight watched, still more colors appeared. Bright bursts of sunflower yellow broke through the mix, followed by shades of blues and greens. Twilight wanted to laugh in joy as she watched them dance and swirl around her in a beautiful kaleidoscope. The colors spun around as if turned by a circular wheel, faster, and then faster still. In a breathtaking moment, they combined to form a pure white light, which grew brighter and brighter until it burned into her vision, and then the world fell into darkness once more.

“Twilight Sparkle, do you hear me?” a soothing voice whispered into her ear, as if lulling her out of sleep.

Slowly, Twilight became aware of her body. As her senses returned, she could feel the soft beat of her own heart, and her legs, pained and frozen stiff from the cold. She felt as if she had been forced to run halfway across Equestria until she had collapsed.

“Oh Twilight... I was so afraid for you,” the voice spoke again.

Twilight found herself nestled against a soft, white coat. As her battered lungs worked to sustain her body, the light breaths she exhaled formed puffs of mist in the cool dawn air. A chilly gust of wind blew over her, and Twilight pressed closer like a newborn foal, eager to let the warmth seep into her ice-cold body. A large, feathered wing draped across her side, tucking her closer, its color just as pristinely white as the coat.

“Princess...” Twilight whispered. When her vision became clear, Twilight saw her beloved teacher, face creased in worry. “Princess, I don’t understand. How did you find me?”

For a few moments Princess Celestia remained silent, inclining her head towards the grey dawn breaking through the canopy. “It’s a long story, Twilight Sparkle,” she said at last. “Do you remember what happened?”

Twilight gave a small nod. Shifting uncomfortably in her soft bundle of fur and feathers, she said, “I didn’t know what was happening. I was being attacked by this creature, and I didn’t know where it came from, or even what it was.”

Twilight briefly remembered running through the forest, desperately searching for help as the fear in her heart grew to overwhelm her. The dreadful monster felt as real as ever, with its misshapen pony head and blood-red eyes, and the final moment when its rotting claws sunk into her flesh like knives. Only when the princess’s feathers grazed her coat was she pulled her back to reality, and Twilight realized that she had been lost in her imagination.

“We must head back to Ponyville, to get your wounds treated. Come Twilight, follow me.” Princess Celestia rose to her hooves and began to walk through the forest.

“Do you know what the creature was? Where it came from?” Twilight asked, wincing from the cramps in her legs as she walked beside the princess.

“I knew about the draconequus from a long time ago,” Celestia began. “Ponyville was but a small settlement village at that time, and when I entered it one day I felt a dark, alien presence that had not been there before. That’s where it all began.” The princess slowed down her pace as she spoke. “You see, what the source of evil was, I couldn’t be certain, but I did know that something was happening to the unicorns, and only the unicorns. Some ponies said that the unicorns were cursed, while others spoke of spirits attacking the victims in their sleep. The ponies were afraid, Twilight—afraid of a nameless horror that hunted them one by one, and it was my duty to protect them, as it always has been. So at the break of dawn the next day, I ventured into the Everfree forest, where the evil was at its strongest. Yet searching for it was harder than I imagined. Days were spent tracking it down, until finally a series of imprints on the ground made by no known animal was found, and I knew it must have come from the monster itself, eventually leading me to its lair in the heart of the forest.”

“You fought the monster?” Twilight gasped. “But if it’s been defeated once, how could it appear again?” Twilight felt her coat crawl with ice. “Does this mean it won’t ever truly be dead?”

“No, thank goodness no, Twilight. The reason why it appeared again... Well, it was because of me.”

“You?” Twilight came to an abrupt stop. “What did you do?”

The princess slumped forwards as if a huge weight had been placed upon her. “I... I’m so sorry, Twilight Sparkle,” she said, shaking her head. “I never intended for this to happen. It was all due to a terrible mistake on my part, for instead of destroying the creature completely, I wielded the Elements of Harmony to form a spell prison around it. Foalish!” The princess raised her voice to a shout, her face crumpling into a frown. “Foalish and weak of me! The one spell that was thought to be impenetrable. I was too blind to see that even strongest spells could crack, too arrogant to set in place extra precautions.” Princess Celestia bowed her head as she calmed down, and even then she looked as majestic as a princess should. “I have to accept full responsibility for what I’ve done. It was all my fault.”

They strolled through the woods in silence, and Twilight let the moment pass between them, dropping her gaze to the ground and wondering what she could say to comfort her teacher. She began to realise that the new pieces of information were fitting together like parts of a jigsaw. Things were making sense for once, yet there was always still something else missing. “Princess, could I ask just one more question?”

“Certainly, Twilight,” Princess Celestia said, “I am indebted to you for more than just answers.”

Twilight felt a small wave of heat rise up to her cheeks. She hadn’t thought Princess Celestia would ever have herself be obligated to just an ordinary unicorn like her. “I... I was just wondering why nopony knew about what had happened, if your story is true. There was only this old book I found that helped.”

“Yes, a black book with gold letters, unless I am mistaken.”

Twilight glanced at her in surprise. “How did you know about that? Do you have one as well?”

“Yes, and I know who wrote it.” Celestia said, “That is a book solely on the draconequus, written shortly after the incident in Ponyville. At that time, the town council insisted on keeping the dark truth a secret, and only a small group of scholars were allowed to document the creature into writing. Since then, the books were said to have been passed down. When I found a copy at the Royal Canterlot Archives, I knew it must have been the same one in your letter. Though, I’m not sure why your library seems to have one as well.”

Twilight’s shook her head, her brows creased. “I don’t know why, Princess.” It frustrated her to say that, and she kneaded the soil in distress, crumbling it into powder beneath her hooves.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Twilight,” Celestia said in a gentle voice. “Do not trouble yourself over it.”

As the trees thinned out and gave way to tall grasses, Twilight knew they had reached the edge of the Everfree Forest. A great slope stretched down in front of them, and beyond that the quaint little houses of Ponyville dotted the landscape. I’m back home, Twilight thought as she looked over Ponyville, a light breeze caressing her face. It’s all over. She turned to look at Celestia, who was standing a distance away with her head angled up to the stagnant grey dawn above.

The princess took a deep breath, and exhaled out in a cloud of mist. She flared out her wings, her horn glowing as she reached out for the meridians that linked her to the high heavens.

A golden helix of light shot out from the princess’s horn and stretched far beyond what Twilight could see. Gradually, the sky began to turn from grey to pink and then to gold. The first rays of sunlight streaked across the sky like bright paint on pale blue canvas. A while later, the sun appeared, a huge ball of fire on the horizon.

It was the most beautiful sunrise Twilight had seen in her life.

-The End-

Comments

[Drakin]

An interesting and tense read. However there are two plot points I think that went completely unexplored.

1.) The gray apple Apple Bloom and Sweety Belle found. That plot point went nowhere. I was sure it was going to be something sinister like enchanting the fillies to lure Twilight out into the open. That or it would drain them and they'd have to hurry and defeat the creature before the fillies were drained of life completely.

2.) Officer Steel Heart. Especially his second appearance in the forest. He showed no fanatic nature back in the station and the story was only of mild interest to him. Not to mention there was mention of the blood on his uniform. I was thinking it might be the Draconequus having killed him and was using his skin like a costume to get close to her.

Again, good story, lots of nice tension, and Twilight finally standing up to the monster and refusing to be afraid at the end is always nice. But I just feel there were some unexplained moments that didn't go anywhere. Still worth a thumbs up, I think.

[cheezesauce]

2795101

Hah, you’re right. Those are plot holes that I didn’t manage to fix, and all I have now are pretty much excuses to justify myself, but here they are anyway.

1) The gray apple was used to show the effects of the creature building up and affecting the life around it. Initially, it was inserted there so that things could be seen as becoming more serious, more desperate. It might have helped to build up to the climax. Unfortunately, I went too far in trying to make that scene interesting by allowing them to dare each other to eat the apple. I guess that’s why it became a plot hole, even though Apple Bloom didn’t explicitly take a bite out of it.
I introduced Apple Bloom again later in the story, and I was thinking of creating some effects in her assuming that she had eaten the apple, but even that idea fell apart when I realised it would destroy the plot arc intended for that chapter, and that chapter was already much longer than I intended.

2) Darn, that idea you raised would certainly have been an interesting route for the story to take, even though there would be issues when trying to account for such a power in the Draconequus. The reason why Steel Heart appeared again was... well, it was partly because someone argued that having a character pop in and take up the majority of Chapter 6, only to disappear and never be seen again would be a waste and underdevelopment in the story. So I decided to add him to the forest scene, but then I realised I needed Twilight to be alone for the just of the plot to go smoothly, so I went ahead and got rid of him. Ugh, that was a sloppy move. And I could have done a small side scene on him after at the end, but I didn’t think that would function as a solid end to the story, so I kept to my Sunrise ending instead.

Hmm... I’m pretty sure there are several other plot holes lurking out there, waiting to be caught. I dunno. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to point those out!

[Drakin]

2795716

Well you can always go back and rewrite some of the scenes to make them better. Not saying you have to but it's a possibility at least. I do understand how difficult it is to get stories out the way you want to see them and sometimes if feels great just to be over and done with a story even if it isn't perfect. But the great thing about online work like this is that it is subject to change, unlike a published book where it's done the moment it's sent off and you just have to hope it's good enough for fans to like it.

Still it was a good read and worth following through to the end.

[Shadowstalker]

Awww... A happy ending? Fine. Good enough. Really, it's good enough.

[Feo Takahari]

2795716

Did you outline this story at all? These sound like issues a thorough outline might have allowed you to avoid.

The later parts of the story feel very improvised, like you weren't entirely sure what you were writing until you wrote it. I don't mean to be too harsh--you at least succeeded in maintaining tension--but it didn't feel like it lived up to the beginning.

I don't think I'll give this a like, but I'll follow you. This story had potential, and I think you can do better with a bit more planning.

[cheezesauce]

2799468

I did do a whole lot of plotting, actually. In fact, I had planned out the entire story arc before I had even begun to write. The problem is that these issues didn’t really appear until I started to mess around with the scenes and such, I dunno.

Well, I’m glad that I at least managed to create the horror atmosphere, which I was quite worried about not being able to do so. Maybe that’s even more important than having a solid plot. It’s horror, after all. A strong plot would have more weight in crime and thriller novels.

I hope to earn your thumbs up one day then.

2797075

I’ll probably leave this as it is and move on, because I don’t want to spend so much time mulling over correcting my mistakes. It’s my first fanfic anyway, and it’s been dragging on for a year and a half.

[Richard Delachord]

Holy pony!
I've waited long for this to be finished, and you did a great job with it!

[cheezesauce]

2827611
Yes, finally! I even made a whole blog post about how long it took.

[Ampathy-Engine]

The story is great and all, but I gotta say 1 thing... Tentacle... Rofl.
Nice story.

[cheezesauce]

3415464

Hah, I guess I've made them all apparently lacking common pony sense. I was wondering if everyone would be able to catch the mystery. If some people didn't then... well, let Twilight solve it! At least the scary bits didn't fall flat, and I'm so glad about that. The most horrifying thing about horror fics is reading one that is not even remotely scary.

[Still Wearing Black]

Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy. Reciting their names in her head should have helped a little, but instead it made her feel lonelier than ever.

Just imagine how Spike feels, not being part of a group that consists of his only friends.

Nonetheless, I think you kept the narrative's terror up to par in the previous chapter, and dispersed it nicely with this relieving, sunshiny epilogue. I like that the one misfired magic blast that was thought to be completely useless is the one that saved Twilight by serving a completely different purpose. This equals a win, Officer Steel Heart's unexplained fate notwithstanding.

And on the topic if minor flaws, I would recommend swapping the mane six character tag out for just Rarity, and possibly the Apple sisters. And going on from that subject, I'm also glad you didn't bring "all" six of the ponies together at any point. Then it would have become just another fanfic about all six of Spike's friends involved in something without him (which I am absolutely sick and tired of). It was a wise move to keep him in Canterlot so Twilight would have the teddy-bear comfort of his presence, but it also would have been terrifying if he'd returned to Ponyville and gone to sleep in his evil-occupied home while Twilight was at Carousel Boutique. No one would have known he was in danger. Just a minor missed opportunity, nothing big.

Anyway, terrific story. I wish I'd found a good time to finish it during October.