1. Member Since 25th Oct, 2011
  2. offline for 3d, 11h

AestheticB


I have no idea what I'm doing.


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One beautiful morning, Twilight Sparkle decides she wants a free salad. After a small amount of theft, assault, battery, and arson, she sits down to enjoy what is sure to be the best tasting salad ever.

...Or she would have, if it weren’t for the Equestrian Intelligence Service locking her up as a potential threat to national security. Now, Twilight must escape a maximum security holding facility hidden deep underneath Canterlot. And to do it, she’ll need a paperclip, a spymare catsuit, an escape plan, and an alliance with the dastardly Drakbog, King of Frogs.

First Published
29th Jul 2012
Last Modified
29th Jul 2012
#1 · 125w, 1d ago · 1 · 2 ·

Should have added a random tag.

none the reasoning for why'd she do this follows.

#2 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

I hate salad. But I still liked your story.

#3 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

I like the concept, good job :scootangel:

#4 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

I laughed so much just from reading the description. :pinkiehappy:

#5 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

This exceeds Dash's 20-percent cooler standard by a good, oh, 80 percent.  And she's not even in it.  Thumb way, way up.

#6 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

da fuq did I just read?

Anyways, I loved this, quite a random story. There are a few spots that you misspelled Twilight as Twilite. But other than that, great story.

#7 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

Very funny.  I thuroughly enjoyed the story.:twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

And the end :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

#8 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

>>989662

That's the joke.

Now I want a two bit salad. With croutons.

Ah, good old insane in the membrane Twilight. Is there any better way for her to act? Maybe there's a Dummies book for acting like that! I'm sure it has a checklist to help.

Very humorous and enjoyable! I think the "Salad?" line would have been perfect for the ending line, but this works too. Favorited!

#9 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

This is hilarious!! One of the best Comedy stories I've ever read, fantastic English... This is now one of my favorite stories on the site! :twilightsmile:

#10 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

This is hilarious :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

#11 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

Continue to amaze us all.

#12 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

You just made my day! Hilarous!

But...

“I am the sovereign ruler of Equestria, the sole controller of the very sun, Twilight Sparkle. And do you know what I do when someone asks me for two bits to pay for a salad? I don’t put on a spymare catsuit and embarrass an entire government organization. I pay for the salad, Twilight.

...you missed the closing "!

#13 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

I'm assuming this is what Twilight was mentally experiencing just before she was incinerated in your last fic.

#14 · 125w, 1d ago · 5 · ·

Spymare catsuit is the best phrase ever.

#15 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

Have to say this is excellent.

I have to agree with Twilight on this, but I would have ordered the burger with lots of stuff put in a box then eaten it as a salad.

Still math always beats philosophy.

#16 · 125w, 1d ago · 4 · 1 ·

TwiBog is the best ship.

#17 · 125w, 1d ago · · 1 ·

...

My head hurts.

*likes*

#18 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

Exactly the kind of madness I love to read. There aren't enough stories like this (both in mlp fanfiction and in general).

#19 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

I was sold at the description, and the story didn't fail to deliver. Glorious. Simply glorious.

#20 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

Haven't read a random story in a while.

This is just priceless, priceless!

#21 · 125w, 1d ago · · ·

Just from reading the title, some of the description and how many words there were, I laughed my ass off. When I say how many words, I mean that you wrote a 9000 word fic about Twilight wanting a free salad. I wish I possessed the writing skills you do.

#22 · 125w, 1d ago · · 1 ·

Noce!

#23 · 125w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

>Specialist Generic

I immediately starting reading this as an episode of Sheep in the Big City. Best decision of my life?

I think "I've read two guides on being an action hero." is the best one liner I've seen. From Twilight, if nothing else.

Man I think I loved everything about this. Comedy was on point, pacing flowed perfectly, characterization was brilliant (aside from Twi being taken to her logical extreme for premise), even the action, which I'll admit I'm not the biggest fan of in writing, managed to give me a cool, followable mental image. Of course this is all first read raving, but still, I'm confident this is your best work yet.

#24 · 125w, 22h ago · · ·

This fic is is filled with majestic power and I humbly request another steaming hot bowl of epic from this author.

#25 · 125w, 21h ago · · ·

I loved every minute of if...but Celestia ruined EVERYTHING :raritydespair:

#26 · 125w, 20h ago · · ·

Wait...is celestia.....nawwwwww...:trollestia: :twilightoops:

#27 · 125w, 18h ago · · ·

:pinkiehappy: Take it. Take it all. :pinkiehappy:

#28 · 125w, 17h ago · · ·

this is brilliant. probably the best use of Twilight's personality  in a humor fic since that Cold in Gardez story where  twilight writes an erotic novel.

#29 · 125w, 16h ago · · ·

DAFUQ DID I JUST READ.

But it was good, all the same.

#30 · 125w, 13h ago · · ·

I have to say that the best part was Drakbog's "I am Terror."

The rest was pretty awesome too.

Well done. Very Well done.

#31 · 125w, 9h ago · · ·

Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

I approve.

#32 · 124w, 6d ago · · ·

Genius! Seriously, I had to take a break halfway through to control my laughter :rainbowlaugh:

#33 · 124w, 6d ago · · ·

Excellent! Very funny, and you made wondrous use of references to the show.

Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!

#34 · 124w, 6d ago · 5 · ·

>Drakbog, King of Frogs.

I hate you so, so much.

#35 · 124w, 6d ago · · ·

This deserves a sequel. :applecry: Maybe not a direct sequel, but some kind of sequel.

This is brilliantly and humorously written. :ajsmug:

Great job. :twilightsmile:

#36 · 124w, 6d ago · · ·

Where do you get these wonderful ideas? :rainbowlaugh:

#37 · 124w, 6d ago · 14 · ·

I am Drakbog, King of Frogs. I approve of this story.

#38 · 124w, 6d ago · · ·

Exactly my brand of insanity. Flawless!

Have all my Favs.

#39 · 124w, 6d ago · · ·

This story is paramount to the ages, the true culmination of all literary striving and human expression. Until the salads are free, none of us are. :twilightangry2:

#40 · 124w, 6d ago · · ·

Marvelous. Simply Marvelous.

#41 · 124w, 6d ago · · ·

Bravo good sir, bravo.

#43 · 124w, 5d ago · · ·

You know I have to say with a character like draknog king of frogs I'm surprised noones posted a hypnotoad or something in foments would do it myself but I have no idea how

#44 · 124w, 3d ago · · ·

Oh god i dont think i've laughed so hard, its certainly helped with tonights "situation" xD thank you, you have taken me from the edge of crying to wetting my self laughing x)

#45 · 124w, 42m ago · · ·

Wait... Drakbog isn't going to destroy Equestria?

#46 · 123w, 6d ago · · ·

I now see the connection between The Manager and Titan *slow clap*

#47 · 123w, 6d ago · · ·

That was... Beautiful. Truly beautiful.

Have your moustaches, Arcainum and AestheticB, and know that they are deserved: :moustache: :moustache:

/HadronPony

#48 · 123w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1008047

Hypnotoad? He's been posted in every post so far. do not resist ... What do you mean you can't see him? all glory to the hypnotoad He's right there.

become one with the toadmind

Anyway, Aesthetic, possibly one of my favorite authors ever, did not fail to deliver. Also, Arcainum, I read your story and I rather enjoyed it!

#49 · 123w, 6d ago · · ·

So wait... who wrote this story? I'm confused. Meh, liking it either way :twilightblush:

#50 · 123w, 6d ago · · ·

Great story. Thanks for the proof that economics is not only not a science, but inherently irrational. :raritywink:

Oh, and all glory unto Drakbog, who is terror.

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