- Member Since 26th Jan, 2017
- online
Jumping Jack
A single guy who loves to play video games, reads and writes stories about colorful ponies. I have returned with new ideas.
Jumping Jack
Joined 26th Jan, 2017 ·
Online
Sequels2
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Jumping Jack · 26k words · 75 views
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Jumping Jack · 18k words · 129 views
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I'm loving this story!
If the main characters in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
7917714
Courier would sound like someone who knew what they were doing, albeit partially gung-ho.
The others I won't say until I've introduced them.
7917714
If you are still interested in knowing what the cast would sound like, I have finally introduced the main cast. I will be happy to answer any questions.
Well, shitttt
Okay? WOW courier way to be a dick.
Good story though
This story is sooooo good.
7934786 I'm glad you enjoy it. There is still more to come.
She found her virtue, made me smile :)
Love this story!
7942626
I'm glad you enjoy it. But her journey is far from over.
Good chapter :)
You spelled sergeant wrong
Holy crud, your protagonist is phantom lancer. I should hate them on principle, but so far I don't. Illusion magic is fun to be sure, and I like that the other illusions seem to have a mind of their own. The way I see it playing down in my head involves almost three-stooge-ian antics, frequent towers of comedy, and just a general sense that between the x-factors of these extra illusions and Courier, they equal out into maybe 1 functional pony between the lot of them. I like the idea that her illusions my look at her as they get shot and die. I imagine them being really dramatic about it, like they just have an array of flamboyant and soap opera-y acts that are on the same level of attention seeking as the guy who invented the "Prawn bend" dying technique. There is just a lot of three man antics I could imagine, and even if you don't write it in, I will imagine it.
The character is fun, but I do have to say that conflict resolution feels a bit quick. Like the rapey guys at the bar just kind of noticed she didn't know anything about sex and just proclaimed that nobody would want to sleep with her and galavanted out. Like he went from "I'm gonna shoot you" to "I'm sorry, prudish one, but my homeplanet of douchatopia needs me." Its a little bit hammy. You're 300,000+ words in, so its not like I expect you to change stuff, but hey, it struck me as a bit weird. Then again, I'm the type that lingers with a scene for a bit too long.
Courier narrates things sometimes in a way that leaves me a bit jarred. For example, there is a lot of tense switching in the start, thought it seems to even its way out as the chapter goes on. The other thing that the protagonist does is that she gives full disclosure about a lot of things in a way that seems to take me out of it. Take this part for example:
I feel like this would be something where the character pausing to hear about it could raise lots of questions, but the character just talks a lot establishing "I know this one, they are not like the ponies say they are, and I am looking for them." Like that is stuff that is so juicy for subtext. Not to say that there isn't any subtext in any of this, but rather that a lot of things seem really overt and loud in this story's narration. It flows into your banter a little bit too, characters are very upfront in this. I complain about this only because you seem to have a character that would thrive on being bantery.
The story has a nice little bit of attitude, and that is probably the biggest compliment I can give to an FOE fic, so I'll probably keep reading a bit. I like your protagonist, they seem fun so far. I like illusions. That is fun stuff.
8093509 You are a legend.
....Max level? Like, 1/3rd of the way through the story!?
Wow, the DLC must be epic...
bucky you motherfucker
YOUR A DAMN CHANGELING
I finished reading this story, like, about 3 or 4 or maybe even 5 months ago, but I never went around the corner to post a comment. So here we go:
There's something about this fiction, even though I don't what exactly, that makes this the best of all Fallout: Equestria sidefics I've read so far, maybe it's Curry's character and personality, or it's the twist with the angry spirits fucking shit up in their vessels, But there's one thing I'm sure of, Courier is absolutely epic, AND realistic, feeling betrayed so you unleash the fire spirit inside you to wreck havoc? That's exactly what I would have done if I was here, heck I'd probably go even further for smaller things, oh and the fact that the main character isn't the ONLY realistic one neither? Absolutely fan-fucking-tastic, the part where she blows the casino up and her friends are scared shitless? I would have shit myself if I was in Comp or whoever was here's situation and had one of my friends in a casino that blew up higher than the Eiffel Tower.
Long story short, this is my favorite sidefic and I'm sure no other sidefic is gonna top this, also the fact that this fic has considerably lower views than most fics around this one's quality is sad.
11/10 kappa
Edit: really wish there was a sequel.
Wait, that's it? But there are so many unresolved plot points! What happened to Sombra? What happened to Chip? What happened to courier!?!
We'll never know!?!
...
Is that really your answer?
There are very few things that truly make me depressed on this site, and a forever unfinished story is one of them. And this story is not complete, no matter what the tag says. It doesn't have an ending, it has a non-ending, and for that reason I am going to keep tracking it until the last chapter is posted.
Forever, if I have to.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go be sad for a while.
Just read through the story pretty good that ending was a gut punch for me because it resolved nothing
Loved this fic.
Wished there was a sequel because of that ending!