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primalcorn1 1232592

Joined November 2011
535 followers

    primalcorn1's Stories (12)

    • Would it Matter?
      Twilight does some thinking

      4,932 words · 10,200 views · 370 likes · 8 dislikes
    • If You Hear Me, Let Me Know
      As Steel grows older, he begins to question the circumstances of his adoption
      57,631 words · 4,515 views · 367 likes · 8 dislikes
    • A Little Piece of Heaven
      Follow the story of Rainbow Dash and Spitfire (Prequel to Family Mares)
      19,283 words · 4,335 views · 310 likes · 7 dislikes
    • The Older I Get
      Will I get over it?
      1,835 words · 2,025 views · 187 likes · 3 dislikes
    • The Fears of Yesterday
      43,149 words · 5,675 views · 436 likes · 12 dislikes
    • Family Mares
      34,875 words · 10,986 views · 648 likes · 30 dislikes
    • Tick Tock
      2,899 words · 983 views · 80 likes · 1 dislikes
    • I Am Stretched On Your Grave
      1,153 words · 1,337 views · 147 likes · 8 dislikes
    • Nightmare
      11,608 words · 484 views · 44 likes · 1 dislikes
    • The Artifact
      19,559 words · 531 views · 49 likes · 2 dislikes

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    Scootaloo began her long scoot back home. She was NOT eager to see her parents, but that wasn't exactly new. Her parents never wanted her to begin with, and they made that very clear every time she got into trouble. 'If they didn't want me they should have used a condom.' Scootaloo thought. She envied the other Crusaders. Applebloom may not have parents, but she had two older siblings that acted the part, and Sweetie Belle's parents, although maybe a little backward, were always very kind and playful when the Crusaders went over there. After the first Crusader sleepover at Scootaloo's her parents were awful. Scootaloo not only had to feed herself, she also had to feed her friends. And Celestia forbid they get a little too excited. Twilight was more kind to the Crusaders then her parents ever had been just by enchanting the two earth bound fillies so they could walk on clouds. Scootaloo thought she was going to lose her friends after the way her parents yelled at them. She let out a sad chuckle.

    "Parents take care of their children. I take care of myself with some adult supervision." Scootaloo thought aloud. When she got to her home, she sighed, got off her scooter and sat on her haunches. They didn't even have the decency to put this particular cloud home low enough that she could get to it on her own. "Incentive to learn how to fly" her father had said. Jerk.

    Now she had to wait for her parents to get home so they would hopefully fly her up to the front porch before dropping her head first onto the house.

    "Would it really have been so much to ask to add some stairs?" She thought aloud.

    "Yep" She said back to herself. "Stairs would have been at least an hour of extra work in building.

    "I could've done it in ten minutes if I could fly."

    "And manipulate the weather."

    "Shut up."

    "You're doing all the talking. If you don't want me to talk just stop responding to yourself."

    "Sadly, you're the best conversation I have."

    "And that's why we're such good friends."

    Scootaloo sighed. She was talking to herself way too much if she was starting to view herself as a separate entity. But as she said in her conversation, she was the best conversation she had to offer. Her parents sure as hay weren't. She looked up at the sky and watched the weather team prepare tonight's snowstorm. It was definitely going to be a very serious storm. Of course her parents would raise their home tonight so it was above the clouds. Cloud homes aren't exactly known for their ability to survive the winter. If they get exposed to below freezing temperatures, the clouds that make up the home turn to snow. When a cloud home creates snow or rain, it falls apart. That's why her home was constantly changing elevation.

    "If they're not going to put it low enough for me to get into it on my own, they may as well just keep it above where the weather team puts the clouds." She thought aloud. Before she could start talking to herself again, she heard a familiar voice.

    "Hey kiddo. Need a lift?"

    Scootaloo turned her head to see Spitfire standing next to her.

    "Shouldn't you be at work?" She asked

    "Nope. Dash let me off early today."

    "Why's that?"

    "I finished all my jobs and she couldn't think of anything else for me to do."

    "Ah. Yeah, if you wouldn't mind flying me home, that would be...awesome." Scootaloo sighed.

    "What's got you down Scoot? I've never seen you sad before."

    "It's nothing. Just a bad day."

    "Wanna tell me about it?"

    "Not exactly."

    "Alright. Well, let's get you home kid."

    Upon arriving at her cloud home, Scootaloo waved Spitfire off and thanked her, and then went inside. Like clockwork, her stomach rumbled as soon as she walked in the door. She walked in the kitchen and fixed herself a sandwich. She looked at the clock on the wall of the kitchen. 4:55. Her parents would be home soon. As soon as she thought that her father walked in the door.

    "Pack your things Scootaloo. We're moving."

    "W-what!?" Scootaloo screamed. "No, we can't move, I finally made friends here! I like it here, we-"

    "SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU UNGRATEFUL RAT! Your mother and I are moving. Whether you come with or not is up to you."

    "I want to stay." Scootaloo said flatly before running to her room. Her father followed behind her. As she reached the door to her room her father kicked her through it. She rolled across the floor and hit the wall in a daze. When she looked up she was met with a hoof to her face.

    "I give you a roof over your head, food to eat, and THIS IS HOW YOU THANK ME?! Choosing some friends over your family!? If your friends are what you want, FINE! You can have them! I should have done this years ago!" With that he turned around and kicked her through the wall of her bedroom with his hind legs. She was unconscious as soon as she hit the ground.

    Two hours later

    "We don't have all day! Get those clouds into position!" Rainbow Dash shouted. She was starting to regret sending her wife home early, but it was too late to change that now. She had to work with what she had, and what she had was a group of disgruntled slackers.

    "Why don't you send us home if you don't like our work? Or do we have to be married to you to get that privilege?" said a worker with a sarcasm that really pissed off his boss.

    "I sent Spitfire home because in her short time here she did more work than all of you have in the last hour! Now how about you show some diligence and a desire to keep your job by actually doing it!" Rainbow yelled. "If these clouds aren't in place in half an hour, you're all fired!"

    "Y-yes ma'am. We'll have it done in ten minutes." With that the weather team got right down to business. 'That's better.' Rainbow thought. At this rate, I'll be home in no time. She smiled, thinking about her "plans" with Spitfire tonight. Oh did she love when the "Wildfire" spread to the end of the Rainbow. Twenty minutes later, the weather team was done preparing for the snowstorm. Rainbow was only gonna get one more chance to fly in tolerable weather conditions for a while, so she took. As she zipped through town she saw something that was out of place. She went to investigate and realized it was Scootaloo's scooter. Oddly enough, the little squirt wasn't riding it. Or anywhere near it for that matter. Rainbow decided now would be a good time to find that little filly and get her home. Nopony was going to want to be outside when tonight's storm hit. She heard a faint sound of sobbing nearby. She flew in the direction of the sound, and sure enough she found a small orange filly with a purple mane crying under a park bench.

    "Scootaloo?" Rainbow asked.

    "Go away."

    If there was any doubt in her mind about a problem before, it was gone now.

    "Scootaloo, it's me. It's Rainbow Dash." Scootaloo looked up. Upon confirming that it was her idol, she jumped up and wrapped her forelegs around her. Rainbow immediately noticed the cuts and bruises all over her little body.

    "Scootaloo, what happened to you?!" Rainbow rarely felt worry for anypony, but if there ever was something to worry about it was a filly as battered as the little one holding onto her leg with a deathgrip.

    "M-m-my-" Scootaloo couldn't get the words out between sobs.

    "Come on squirt, let's get you back to your parents and-"

    "NO! NOT MY PARENTS!" Scootaloo screamed. "NOT MY DAD! NO NO NO NO NO!"

    "Scootaloo, did your father do this to you?" Rainbow asked, now extremely worried for the little filly.

    Scootaloo nodded, but didn't say anything.

    "Get on my back and hold on tight. You're coming home with me tonight, OK?"

    Scootaloo nodded and climbed up. Rainbow took to the skies and grabbed her scooter. She had a small shed that she could put stuff in for the winter that wasn't enchanted so it could rest on clouds. That's where the scooter was going. But more important than that was the little filly on her back that just needed somewhere to stay. She wondered how Spitfire was going to take this.

    Spitfire heard the door to the cloud home open. She looked up at her wife only to notice a small, battered filly on her back. She instantly recognized the filly as Scootaloo.

    "Hey Spitfire. Looks like we're gonna have a guest for a little while."

    Comments ( 19 )

    #1 · 76w, 18h ago · · ·
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    Hmm. This chapter suffers a bit from the "to much" syndrome. The way Scoot's father acts is definitely to much. The fact that we have seen no reason for his behaviour doesn't help.

    #2 · 76w, 17h ago · · ·
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    /\ i agree, Scoot's dad's reaction is a little "much"

    But i'm liking the story and hope you continue to write it.

    #3 · 76w, 17h ago · · ·
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    The short chapters make me sad cause I'm impatient.:raritydespair:

    #4 · 76w, 17h ago · · ·
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    >>57133

    Yeah, it does

    I wanted to push it along though

    I figured going a little bit too much didn't really hurt

    I was also trying to give the impression that Scoot's parents aren't exactly right in the head

    Going overboard isn't exactly out of character for him

    If I bring him back I'll work on that a little

    #5 · 76w, 17h ago · · ·
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    >>57146

    Hmm. It might hurt the story more then you think. in my opinion it feels like a very forced and cliché plot point, just to have a reason for Scootaloo to be found by Rainbow. It seems very uninspired right now, just a typical abusive father for no rhyme or reason, other then to drive the story along.

    But, that is the main complaint I have so far. I'm still tracking this story, obviously :)

    #6 · 76w, 17h ago · · ·
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    >>57175

    It actually was inspired by a very similar situation in my life

    My family took in a girl who's mother wasn't much different than I made Scootaloo's father

    Not exactly right in the head and tended to take little things WAYYY too far

    Of course she wasn't exactly grateful for us taking her in and decided to go back as soon as my parents implemented rules.

    I don't think she was quite right in the head either...

    #7 · 76w, 17h ago · · ·
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    >>57175

    Plus I did really just need a reason to get Scootaloo into Rainbow's care, and I felt the orphan deal wasn't something I could work with as well given that I don't know any orphans and that wouldn't leave a potential opening for another conflict I'd like to throw in later

    #8 · 76w, 5h ago · · ·
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    Well, I might as well stop by in this chapter and post a comment before I go on.  

    First though, I can say that the story is going well so far, it still feels a little rushed, but it's not a major thing.

    Second: The father situation.  Sure he may have been overly harsh for no known reason, but does the reason have to be stated?  We were told that Scootaloo was seen as an accident and was never really wanted.  That right there starts showing how her parents feel.  Then he comes barging in and declares that they are moving (something must have gone down that caused him to make this decision, most likely bad, and it was causing him serious stress).  So when Scoots mouthed off to him, he finally released all that pent up energy on her.  He never liked or wanted her, and on top of that his stressful mood didn't have him thinking very rationally at the same time. In his enraged state, it probably caused him to think: Why not just be rid of her now?  Quick and easy, he probably should have done this years ago. (oh wait, looking back... he did think that... huh)

    Well, that was my little theory on it, I thought it was okay anyway... on to three!

    Thirdly: A few corrections

    'When a could home creates snow or rain, it falls apart. That's why her home was constantly changing elevation. '  

    could should be 'cloud'

    'Rainbow was only gonna get one more chance to fly in tolerable weather conditions for a while, so she took.'

    I think you forgot to put an 'it' there

    Now I am off to the next chapter ^_^

    #9 · 76w, 2h ago · · ·
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    >>58118 Nice coverage, I would have said the same thing. Thanks for saving me typing time! :twilightsmile:

    Next chapter time! ~~yay~~ :yay:

    #10 · 74w, 5d ago · · ·
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    :rainbowdetermined2: Cool concept, I'll keep reading.

    #11 · 74w, 4d ago · · ·
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    ...You're getting better as you go...:ajsmug:

    #12 · 73w, 4d ago · · ·
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    I'm going to be honest. I don't think Scootaloo's father's reaction was "too much", mostly because I've seen people do worse because of less. Some people (or ponies) just don't take accidents very well, and in their eyes, unfortunately, that's all Scootaloo was. A lingering accident.

    #13 · 69w, 10h ago · · ·
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    Da buck I'm shedding manly tears NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! :raritycry:

    #14 · 60w, 4d ago · · ·
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    :applecry: awww poor scootie :(

    #15 · 45w, 1d ago · · ·
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    I for one don't think that her dad's reaction is to much. I mean, I have known a lot of fathers whose top priority is how well their kids do in baseball or football or whatever. Can you imagine how that kind of dad would react to a kid who couldn't fly? I don't see it as overwritten at all.  

    Knowing only a very general premise of the story, that these two take care of Scootaloo, and then seeing that she's not an orphan, I was afraid they were going to accuse these two of all sorts of awful things. But it looks like her parents are out of the story, and good riddance! :twilightangry2:

    #16 · 42w, 2d ago · 1 · ·
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    Oh, so that's Scoot's father. Well then proper introductions are certainly due.

    Mr. Scootaloo'-dad meet the barrel of the Accuracy International Artic Warfare Super Magnum L115A3

    L115A3's .338 Lapua Magnum round, meet the wall.....directly on the other side of that scuzzy bastards head! :flutterrage:

    #17 · 20w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Okay, when Scootaloo started talking to herself, was anyone else reminded of Gollum and Smeegl(sp)?

    #18 · 12w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>1007111

         Couldn't have said it better myself.

    #19 · 5w, 7h ago · · ·
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    >>1007111 yay we get to see scootaloo's dad's new red mosaic

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