You Girls Are Just the Best
"H-hello? Are you alright?" Rarity gently prodded the motionless body of the mare she had been yelling at for the past two minutes. The prod triggered no movement, leaving Rarity with a growing feeling of unease in the pit of her stomach. "Are you alright? Do you need...?"
Rarity gulped and shook the body gently. No, she was just unconscious. Briefly stunned, if one wanted to put it that way. Rarity hadn't meant to push her that hard, but to be fair, the mare did push her first. Not into a brick wall, of course, but tiny details didn't matter.
Of course, Rarity considered, if what she had feared had just happened, then tiny details might be more important now then ever. She scratched the back of her neck before leaning over the mare. No, she couldn't hear any breathing. Rarity straightened up and cleared her throat. Not to worry. There were other ways to determine life. She illuminated her horn and opened up her nearby purse, taking out a small mirror she used to check her makeup. She moved it in front of the mare's nose, hoping to whoever would listen that the glass would fog up, indicating breathing, therefore life. When no such fogging appeared, Rarity decided that she might just need to wait a little. She moved the mirror closer to the mare's nose and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Nope. Still no fogging.
"Ah... hmm." Rarity closed the mirror and gently returned it to its proper place in her purse. She quickly checked to make sure that nopony was coming down the alleyway she and the mare had chosen to have their argument in. The coast seemed to be clear. No witnesses. Rarity shuddered at the phrasing. Witnesses seemed to indicate some crime. This was merely an accident. Nothing more or less. Yes, just an accident. The mare would wake up soon.
Yes. Very soon.
Or not.
Rarity gulped and nervously patted one of her perfect curls. As much as she hated to admit it, she began to realize that she needed to confront the possibility, only the possibility, mind you, that this mare was... deceased.
Once again: only the possibility.
But that carried with it some nasty implications. What would become of her if she had indeed killed this mare? Accidentally. Accidentally pushed the mare a little too hard. After being pushed herself. Those were very important details. If the law discovered that she had accidentally killed this mare, they would likely not be too pleased by it. Not pleased at all. They would probably arrest her and throw her in prison for the rest of her life. Or at least long enough that she would have a few too many wrinkles and gray hairs before she saw the outside of prison walls again. Then who would take care of Sweetie Belle? Who would come to her defense against mares who had hit her precious sister?
Of course, that hypothetical chain of events is what led to her current situation. The nagging thought appeared in the back of Rarity's mind that she should have contacted some authority instead of rushing off to her sister's defense immediately. Yes, a good thing to remember for next time. Or not next time. There would be no next time.
Rarity felt something wet on her hoof, and looked down and saw a the pool of blood that had formed around the mare's head had spread to the point where it was touching her hoof. Rarity grimaced and wiped her hoof on the mare's jacket before backing up so that no more blood stained her white hoof. She didn't like the symbolism anyway.
Yes, the mare seemed to be dead. It didn't appear to be a mere possibility anymore. Between the blood and general lack of movement or breathing, things had definitely gotten out of control. Fatally so. That left Rarity wondering exactly what to do next. She couldn't just leave the body here. There would be a Ponyville-wide hunt for her killer. The wound on the back of her head and her position in an alley certainly ruled out a mere accident. That meant getting rid of the evidence. Rarity had read enough Shadow Spade novels to have a general idea of how to do it.
However, those were fiction, and the devious villain was always caught in the end. Certainly that made for a poor ending to Rarity's current predicament. No, she needed help if she was going to do this. That meant her friends.
Or she could convince her sister and her friends to try out "Cutie Mark Crusaders Corpse Disposal Unit."
No, that wouldn't work. They already had their cutie marks. Curses.
Yes, that left getting help from her friends.
* * * *
Half an hour later, Rarity knocked on the door of Twilight's castle. When the door didn't immediately open, she waited a few more moments, then knocked again.
"Oh come on, Twilight, please be home," Rarity muttered to herself.
Just as she raised her hoof to knock a third time, the door opened up, revealing Twilight standing on the other end. Twilight smiled at her friend and shut the book that floated beside her.
"Hey, Rarity! It's always nice to see you!" Twilight opened the door further and stepped aside. "Come in!"
"Yes, thank you, Twilight." Rarity rushed through the door, pausing only to make sure that she hadn't been followed.
"So, what can I do for you?" Twilight asked. "Is there anything specific you need or is this just a friendly visit?"
"I am sorry to say that it is the former, Twilight," Rarity said as she followed her friend into the castle's library. "Something rather troublesome has happened, and I need your assistance posthaste."
Twilight's eyes widened, and she set her book down on a nearby table. "Well why didn't you say so?" Twilight put her hoof on Rarity's shoulder and gently led her to one of the comfy chairs that littered the library. "Do you want some tea or anything?"
"In a moment, Twilight," Rarity said. She waited for Twilight to sit down before taking a deep breath and patting her curls again. "I, ah, I have a problem that requires a great deal of discretion. You see, Sweetie Belle came home this afternoon crying. She had a bruise on her cheek. As you can imagine, that horrified me, so I asked what had happened. Apparently Sweetie Belle was out playing with her friends when she ran into a mare carrying her groceries home. The mare lost her temper and struck my sister."
Twilight gasped and put her hooves over her mouth. "Rarity... Rarity, that's terrible! Do you need me to have her arrested, or something like that? I can do that!"
"Yes it is terrible, and I'm certain that you suggestion would have been the wiser one. Unfortunately I wasn't thinking and instead went out to confront this mare alone. I ran into her and we went into a nearby alley so as to not disturb anypony with our... heated conversation." Rarity rubbed the back of her neck as she continued. "Words were exchanged that I would regret under any other circumstances. 'You heartless bitch, how could you do that to my sister, I'm going to have you put in jail for the rest of your life.' Things like that."
"Yeah, so what happened next, then?" Twilight asked curiously.
"Well... things got heated enough that she lost her temper with me just as she did with Sweetie Belle. As a result, she pushed me. In one of my less wise and more emotional moments, I... pushed her back."
"Oh my goodness!" Twilight shot to her hooves, her wings flared. "I'm going to go find this mare, Rarity. She can't do stuff like this!"
"Oh, she won't."
Twilight frowned and tilted her head. "How can you be sure? If she's willing to hit Sweetie Belle of all ponies then she can't be allowed to keep doing what she's doing! That's assault on a minor! Plus if she pushed you first then that's assault on you. Pushing her back is just self-defense at that point."
"Yes, well, about that..." Rarity's gaze turned to the floor and she gently cleared her throat. "I might have pushed her a little... forcefully, if you understand my meaning. She hit the brick wall behind her. With her head."
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "So, is she alright? Did..." Twilight's eyes widened. "Oh. I think I get what you're saying."
"I'm so glad," Rarity muttered.
"Uh..." Twilight folded her wings and sat back down on her chair, her head in her hooves. "Right. Are you sure?"
"Completely."
"Well there's that, I guess." Twilight paused. "Completely completely?"
"Completely completely. She wasn't breathing and there was a lot of blood."
"Darn. Okay. Okay. We'll figure this out." Twilight straightened up and cleared her throat. "So where is she now?"
"In that same alley. I hid her behind some trash cans and strategically placed some trash bags over the blood. Of course that hiding place will not hold up to any scrutiny, so I imagine that time is of the essence."
"Probably," Twilight agreed. "So I guess our best option is to..." Twilight groaned and rubbed her temples. "To what, exactly?"
"I am unsure," Rarity admitted. "Having never done this sort of thing before."
"Maybe some kind of confession?"
"To whom?" A wry smile crossed Rarity's face. "To a member of royalty, perhaps?"
Twilight managed a humorless chuckle before continuing on. "Fair enough. And before you ask, no, I can't just pardon you here and just let it end there. We have to do something else." Twilight tilted her head thoughtfully. "Are you sure they can trace the body back to you?"
"I would rather not take the risk," Rarity insisted. "I cannot be certain that somepony didn't see her and I arguing. If she ends up missing then I'll be the first suspect. No, I think we have to handle this..." Rarity spun her hoof while thinking of the word. "Er... quietly."
"Yes. Right. Quietly. That's probably a good idea." Twilight sighed and ran a hoof through her mane, her wings fluttering uneasily. "So I think we need to go get her body, right? Or at least go see it. You're right: time is not something we have a lot of right now, so we can't just leave her behind some trashcans."
"No, I don't suppose that we can." Rarity took a deep breath and got to her hooves. "I suppose I should show you the damage."
* * * *
After leaving a note for Spike telling him that they'd be gone for a short time, Twilight and Rarity made their way to the alley where Rarity had stashed the body. Upon seeing the alley again, Rarity had to admit that she had done a rather poor job of hiding her mess. The trash bag covering up the blood sat in a noticeable, awkward position in the middle of the alley, and the trash cans themselves had been obviously maneuvered to hide something. Rarity grimace and looked around to make sure nopony saw them.
"She's behind those trash cans, Twilight," Rarity said, motioning to the back of the alley.
"Okay. Good. Let's see, then..." Twilight entered the alley and, with a quick burst of her horn, cast some sort of spell on the entrance. Upon noticing Rarity's confused look, Twilight shot her a comforting smile. "It's just a spell to make sure we're not bothered. Nopony will be able to see us in here."
"Well that's good." Rarity ran a hoof down her face as she walked up to the trash bag covering the blood. She felt rather tired all of a sudden. "I don't suppose it's going to be dark soon? I'd rather do this then."
Twilight shook her head. "No, not for another hour or two at least. It's probably best we don't wait until then to figure all of this out."
"Very well."
With another burst from her horn, Twilight gingerly lifted up the trash bag. She flinched back and instantly set the bag down again when she saw the blood underneath. "Right. There's blood there. You told me that."
"Indeed. I don't imagine that the actual body is much better."
"No," Twilight mumbled. "Let's just get this over with."
Without another word, Rarity and Twilight moved behind the trash cans to see Rarity's handiwork. As expected, the body still lay there at an awkward angle, right where Rarity had dragged it. Twilight grimaced and illuminated her horn, casting a blanket of magic over the mare. After a few seconds, Twilight de-powered her horn and nodded.
"Yep. Dead."
"I suppose it was too much to hope," Rarity muttered. "So what do we do now?"
"I'm thinking." Twilight leaned her head against the nearest wall and groaned. "So just leaving her here is out, obviously. Same with an anonymous tip. They'd just find her and trace her back to you anyway. So to me our options are either confess to everything or... get rid of the body somehow."
"If we did confess, perhaps we could state that she was the one who pushed me first?" Rarity suggested.
Twilight shook her head. "No, I don't think that would work. You and her were the only ponies involved. Now that she's dead you can't prove a thing."
"I could bring up the incident with Sweetie Belle."
"No, I don't think that would work for this situation either. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom would be witnesses to her assault on Sweetie Belle, but at this point that's separate from our situation here. If you bring that up, you have motive. Sure, the mare would be arrested for assaulting a minor if she was still alive, but..." Twilight motioned to the body.
"Right, I suppose that does make sense." Rarity considered it for another moment. "And your word would count for nothing?"
"It might, but not enough to make it all go away. I wasn't actually there, I just heard your side of the story. I'd make a good character witness, but at the same time you confessed to me that you actually did this. I can't get involved without bringing that up. If I lie for you and the courts find that out, I'd be in hot water too and then we're both in trouble. Princesses aren't above the law, after all."
"Oh." Rarity sighed and sat down with her back to the wall. "I am terribly sorry if I've made you an accomplice in all of this. I just... panicked."
"No, no, it's fine. We're friends, after all. You should come to me with your problems."
Rarity grimaced and looked back to the body. "I'm not quite sure that Princess Celestia had this in mind when she made you the Princess of Friendship."
Twilight scoffed and waved her hoof. "Well even she doesn't know everything. Which, for our purposes here, is probably a good thing. At any rate, I think that all we can really do is..." Twilight took a deep breath. "Get rid of the body. Somepony might ask you about it, but without any concrete evidence to connect you to her disappearance, there's not too much they can do. We just have to be really careful." Twilight nodded. "Yes. Really very careful."
"I see." Rarity stood up, new resolve in her heart. "So what's our first step, then?"
"I think we have to move the body. We can't do anything to it here."
"Shrewd. And the rest of the... evidence?"
Twilight paused for a moment as she examined the alleyway. She finally nodded and ignited her horn. "Right. First things first. We have to get rid of every single piece of evidence that either of you were here. No blood, no hoofprints, no loose hairs, nothing." Twilight lifted up the body and encased it in a shield to ensure that it would not bleed any further on the ground. After that, she began using her magic to scrub every conceivable surface of the alleyway for even a single piece of damning evidence against Rarity. She evaporated the bloodstains on the ground and cleaned every inch of the ground to get rid of any hoofprints and hairs. Once that was settled, she tore open a nearby black trash bag and stuffed the body of the mare inside before closing it up again with her magic.
"Okay, I think that should settle it. Now we should just go back to my castle and we can get this, uh, started."
"Your castle?" Rarity asked, tilting her head. "Are you sure that's the wisest place to take her?"
"Maybe not, but it's private and I have enough rooms so that we won't be disturbed. Besides, it's not like any police officers are going to do a thorough investigation of my large palace looking for a single hair from the mare. It should be the safest place."
Rarity shrugged. "Very well, then, Twilight. I shall trust your judgement on the matter."
"Alright." Twilight used a spell to strengthen the trash bag, then draped it over her back. "Let's go. I'll teleport us there."
With a quick flash of light, the two of them disappeared.
* * * *
"Okay, I think we're fine."
Rarity frowned and looked around the brightly lit basement of the castle. "Are you certain, Twilight? This doesn't seem very inconspicuous, if I may say so."
"It's not a problem," Twilight said, waving her hoof as she deposited the trash bag on the large table in the middle of the room. "Nopony ever comes down here anyway. Spike is off reading his comic books, so we should have all night here."
"If you're certain," Rarity muttered, gently prodding the trash bag. "So, shall we begin?"
Twilight gave Rarity a strained smile and nodded. "Yes. Start. We should start now." She lit her horn and tore open the top of the trash bag, causing the mare's body to spill out over the table. Rarity pointedly looked away from her handiwork. "So I think the first thing we should discuss is how to actually get rid of this thing." Twilight bit her lip and began circling the table. "Do we dig a hole somewhere or...?"
"I'm not certain that would be the best option for us," Rarity said. "Digging a hole would take some time."
"True, and it wouldn't be very hidden unless we wanted to go all the way out into the Everfree Forest." Twilight grimaced at the thought. "At night."
"Despite us having done so before, I don't think it would be very wise, no." Rarity tapped her jaw thoughtfully. "Perhaps we could... dismember the body before disposal?"
Twilight frowned and stopped her pacing. "Dismember? Like cut it up?" Twilight coughed once and pointedly looked away from the body. "Oh, yeah, I guess we could do that. Seems kinda messy, though."
"It would, but it would also help us get away with it, right? Smaller pieces are easier to hide."
"True." Twilight looked back up at Rarity with a raised eyebrow. "Where did you get the idea, though?"
"I may have read some of the more, shall I say, adult Shadow Spade novels. The ones where the author felt the need to branch out, as it were."
"Right. And in your novels, how did the killer get rid of the bodies? I mean, how exactly did he hack them up?"
"Saws, mostly." Twilight flinched back at that. "I think one did feed the corpse to dogs, but I rather doubt Winona would go along with the idea."
"And even if she did, it's best that animals don't get the taste of pony flesh. Otherwise they'd want it again," Twilight said. "That's why I'm wary of just tossing her into the Everfree Forest for the timberwolves."
"A good point. So then shall we gather the necessary supplies?"
"Which are?"
"I believe a copious amount of plastic wrap and hacksaws. Some work gloves and aprons would likely not go amiss either."
Twilight went a little green. "Yeah. Okay. Plastic wrap and hacksaws. I think we can use a few of Spike's aprons. I'll get him new ones if we ruin those."
"Which we are certain to do." Rarity took a deep breath and patted her mane to make sure that no hairs had come out of place. "So, I suppose we should get started."
"Yes, we should."
Neither mare moved. Both of them just alternated between staring at each other, then the floor or walls. Neither of their gazes went anywhere near the body on the table.
"So you get the hacksaws and plastic wrap and I'll get everything else, is that okay?" Twilight asked.
"That sounds like a reasonable plan."
"Good. Let's do that, then."
"Let's."
Once again, neither mare moved.
"Plastic wrap and hacksaws. That should be simple," Rarity said. "All of the stores should still be open."
"That's good. That means we shouldn't have any problems getting started."
"Excellent."
Very slowly, Rarity made her way to the door of the basement. The movement seemed to snap Twilight out of her awkwardness, and she followed her friend out of the room.
* * * *
A half an hour later, both mares were back in the basement with their recently acquired supplies. They had laid them in a pile on the floor and hadn't touched them.
"So, I bought four hacksaws just in case we needed any extras," Rarity said, pointing to the saws. "I bought five kinds of plastic wrap and a lot of each kind. I didn't know which one would work best, and I wanted to make sure we didn't run out."
"Did the cashier think that was weird, you buying so much plastic wrap?" Twilight asked, lighting her horn and picking up one of the rolls.
"I don't know," Rarity said thoughtfully. "I hope not. I told her it was for painting. I don't know if she believed me, because she asked what I was painting. I said my whole house, and she seemed to accept that." Rarity picked up a second roll of plastic wrap. "What if she didn't believe me? She could inform the law when she hears that the mare is missing!"
"I doubt that she'd immediately suspect you. You bought the hacksaws at a different store, right?" Rarity nodded. "Good, so maybe she thinks it's weird, but she doesn't have any reason to suspect anything." Twilight nervously chuckled. "I mean, who just buys a bunch of plastic wrap because they're going to hack up a pony for disposal?"
"Apparently we do, Twilight."
Twilight groaned and put the roll down. "Right. I guess so. So do we cover the whole basement or just the area around the table?"
"I think the whole basement. I don't know how bloody things are going to be, so it's best if we just cover all of our bases."
"That makes sense to me."
Twilight picked the roll back up, as well as a roll of painter's tape, and the two of them got to work. They covered every inch of the basement, from the walls to the ceiling to the table and even the various boxes Twilight had stored down there were completely wrapped up. By the end they had used up all of the plastic wrap Rarity had bought and three total rolls of painter's tape.
"Okay, I think we're ready," Rarity said, putting down the empty box of plastic wrap. "I purchased the right amount, it seems."
"Thank Celestia," Twilight muttered. "Though this feels like some kind of quarantine zone."
"I think that might be the idea." Rarity ignited her horn and picked up one of the aprons. She tossed it to Twilight before picking up the second one and examining it.
Privately, Rarity thought that wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron that was decorated with hearts might be a little off for a task like this. As it stood, however, she possessed no better ideas. She shrugged and tied the apron on before grabbing her gloves.
"Oh, I just thought of something." Rarity looked over to Twilight curiously. "We should have goggles and hairnets, for this, right?"
Rarity's eyes widened, and she nodded. "Oh, yes that does sound shrewd. Do I need to go out again?"
Twilight shook her head and finished pulling on her gloves. "No, I should have what we need. I bought some more of that kind of thing for my experiments down here." Twilight tightened her "Let's Get Baking!" apron--complete with cartoonish drawings of a whisk and mixing bowl--and exited the basement.
"Spike! Do you know where I put the safety goggles?"
"Bring some trash bags down while you're up there!" Rarity shouted up the stairs.
"Ooh, good idea!"
Rarity nodded and shut the basement door. With little else to do, she checked that the plastic wrap wouldn't fall off of any of the walls. Just as she made her third trip around the basement, the door opened up. Rarity gasped and wheeled around, ready to run past whomever had entered the room. It took a moment to realize that it was only Twilight.
"Oh, Twilight, of course." Rarity took a few deep breaths and put her hoof over her chest to steady her rapid heartbeats. "I thought it might be somepony else."
"Nope, just me. Sorry if I scared you." Twilight closed the door behind her and set the container of trash bags down next to the door. "So I found some safety goggles, but I must have forgotten to get any hairnets." Twilight motioned to a pair of shower caps floating beside her. "Do you think these would work?"
"I think those would be sufficient." Rarity took another deep breath to fully calm herself, then took one of the shower caps and pairs of safety goggles. She quickly secured them to their proper places.
"I think we are ready now," she said. "So..." Rarity lit her horn and picked up one of the hacksaws. "How do you want to go about doing this? You've studied pony anatomy before, correct?"
Twilight nodded and picked up her own hacksaw. "Yeah, I think I remember where all of the major blood vessels are. We should probably avoid hitting any of those, if we can."
"Should we perhaps get a bucket and drain the blood first?"
Twilight paused as she considered the idea. "Should we? I don't know, I think that would take a long time. Maybe. Besides, what would we do with the bucket of blood once we were done?"
"A fair point." Rarity lifted up her hacksaw and pressed the blade against the mare's right foreleg at the knee. "We'd better get on with it, then."
"I agree." Twilight put her hacksaw blade against the mare's left hind leg where it met the torso. "Let's get going."
"Yes. Lets."
Once again, neither mare moved. They spared a quick glance at each other before looking away just as quickly.
"We should start. The sooner we start, the sooner we're done," Rarity pointed out.
"Right." Twilight gently cleared her throat. "So should we, I dunno, count to three?"
"I think so. Should we go on three or should it be 'one, two, three, go'?"
"'One, two, three, go' is probably going to work the best." Twilight raised a hoof to wipe a bead of sweat off of her brow before adjusting the hacksaw. "Okay. On three."
"On go."
"Right. On go after three. One... two... th--"
Knock, knock, knock, knock.
Both Twilight and Rarity yelped in shock and dropped their hacksaws. Twilight tried to make her way to the door, but she slipped on the plastic wrap and had to spread her wings to stop herself from falling. Rarity lit her horn to pick up her fallen hacksaw just as they heard more knocking.
"Hey, are you two alright?" Rainbow Dash's voice said from the other side of the door. "Spike said you'd be down here."
"Uh, just a second!" Twilight said, putting a hoof on the table to fully steady herself.
"I'm here with the rest of the girls. Some mare went missing today and we were wondering if you wanted to join us for the search party." Rainbow Dash paused for a second. "What are you even doing in there anyway? Is this some weird science-y thing?"
Both mares heard the doorknob begin to turn, and they both shouted for Rainbow Dash to stop. Unfortunately their pleas came too late, and the basement door swung open, revealing Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Applejack. All four of them were smiling, but those smiles instantly faded the moment they saw the scene in the basement before them. Each one quietly filed into the basement and stood next to the door, merely staring at Twilight and Rarity.
"Uh, Twilight?" Rainbow Dash chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of her neck. "What's going on? Is this some kind of, I dunno, haunted house thing you're doing for Nightmare Night? Bit early for that, isn't it?"
"Ah don't think that's what this is, Dash," Applejack said as she stared at the body laying on the table. "Seems ta me like..." She shook her head. "That can't be it, though."
"Hi, girls," Twilight said lamely. "Rarity and I were just, uh..."
"Getting ready to cut up a body?" Rainbow Dash flew over to it for a quick examination. "This isn't the mare that went missing earlier, is it?"
"It might be," Rarity allowed. "You see, ah, how do I put this?" Rarity cleared her throat. "This mare and I had a bit of a disagreement. She hit Sweetie Belle earlier, and so I had some words with her. Tempers were lost, she shoved me, and I shoved her back. Right into a brick wall. Purely an accident. It could have happened to anypony, if you think about it. In response I seemed to have panicked a little."
"Yep, this totally looks like panicking to me."
"So now yer just gonna cut her up into little pieces and bury 'em somewhere?" Applejack asked.
"We only planned up to the actual cutting up part," Rarity admitted. "We are open to ideas of what to do after that."
Rarity glanced over at Fluttershy, who was sitting on the ground and shivering with her wings over her face. She'd need to talk to her a little once this had ended. She turned her gaze to Pinkie Pie, who, to Rarity's surprise, appeared to be smiling. Though it wasn't a full smile and it didn't seem to reach her eyes. Pinkie noticed Rarity looking at her and her smile widened a little. Then she looked to Twilight, to the body, back to Rarity, then to Twilight again before shaking her head her smile never leaving her face.
"Nope!"
Pinkie turned around and tried to leave the basement, but Rarity caught her tail with her magic and pulled her back.
"Pinkie, let us explain the situation!" Rarity insisted.
"Pretty sure I got it, Rarity," Pinkie said, turning back to her friends. "This mare hurt Sweetie Belle, you pushed her too hard, and you don't want to get in trouble so you're cutting her up to get rid of all of the evidence. Yep. Totally got all of that."
"So why don't you just tell the cops, or something like that?" Applejack asked. "You can't get in too much trouble if it's just an accident, right?"
"I think this would fall under involuntary mareslaughter, which is technically a felony," Twilight explained. "That's at least a year in prison right there."
"But you've saved Equestria a bunch of times now!" Rainbow Dash pointed out. "So that should count for something, right?"
Twilight shook her head. "I doubt it. Maybe it would count for a little something, but definitely not enough to completely get her off for it. I'm a princess, and if I killed somepony then I'd have to go to prison."
"Or if ya brought home the corpse of a dead mare and cut it up?" Applejack said dryly. "Yeah, that'll get ya outta trouble fer sure."
"Only if they catch us, Applejack," Rarity said. "If we do this right then they won't catch us."
"I don't wanna be an accomplice to murder!" Fluttershy whimpered.
"Well unfortunately your options are either that or turn us in," Rarity said. "I think walking away and not telling anypony makes you accomplices." She turned to Twilight. "Right?" Twilight merely shrugged. How helpful. "At any rate, you're not going to turn us in, are you?"
"Ah have half a mind to," Applejack grumbled. "Ah know it was just an accident, but cuttin' her up ain't right!"
"Oh, you will get no arguments from me, daring," Rarity said, looking uneasily down at the hacksaw still floating in her magic. "But unfortunately it's either this or spend a year or two in prison."
"Yeah, and how long are ya gonna get if ponies find out about this?"
"Oh, I imagine quite a lot longer than that." Rarity tilted her head at Applejack. "So what are you suggesting here? We can't just move her back to where it happened. If I tell the law about all of this then they'll ask why exactly the mare is in Twilight's plastic wrap covered basement. I think we might have passed the point where I could merely confess and take the year of prison time."
"She's got a point," Rainbow Dash said. "Looks to me like it's all or nothing at this point."
Applejack grumbled something under her breath that Rarity doubted was very pleasant. She shook her head and rubbed her temple. "Fine. Fine. So we're either gonna help Rarity and Twilight hide a body or just walk away and pretend like it never happened."
"Sounds like a plan." Rainbow Dash landed and picked up one of the hacksaws. "After all, this mare did hit Sweetie Belle. That's gotta count for something against her, right? I mean, what would you do if Apple Bloom was the one who got attacked by this mare?"
"Ah'd..." Applejack closed her mouth and glared at Rainbow Dash. "Right. Ah get it. Ah'd be right angry, too. Give that mare a piece of mah mind."
Rainbow Dash smirked and Applejack and nudged the final hacksaw over to her. "And if you accidentally killed the mare when you were giving her a piece of your mind, would you want us to help you hide the body, or would you take the jail time and major hit to your reputation?"
"Ah said Ah get it," Applejack grumbled, snatching the hacksaw off of the ground before turning to Pinkie and Fluttershy. "What about you two?"
Fluttershy gulped and poked her muzzle out from between a few of her feathers. "Um... I don't really want to actually... cut her up or anything, but I guess I could hide one of the pieces."
"Fair 'nuff. How about you, Pinks?"
Pinkie Pie sighed and stared at the scene before her for a few moments before responding. "I'll go get more goggles, shower curtains and aprons. And industrial-strength black trash bags." Pinkie nudged the box of trash bags next to the door. "Sorry, Twilight, but these aren't going to work. We used these in Sugarcube Corner when I first started working there and if you overfilled them even a bit then they started leaking and breaking."
"Excellent. That all sounds like a plan." Rarity smiled fondly at her friends and put a hoof to her heart. "I cannot tell you how much this means to me. You girls really are the best friends a mare could ask for. I'll find some way to make it up to you, I promise!"
"You'd better," Applejack grumbled.
"Yeah, it's no problem," Rainbow Dash said, flying over to the mare and poking one of her forelegs. "So are we just each taking a leg or something?"
"I think that's the best place to start," Twilight agreed. "Although we should probably wait for Pinkie to come back with the rest of the stuff."
"I'm already back, Twilight."
Twilight turned to Pinkie and nodded when she saw that Pinkie had four more shower caps, goggles and aprons, as well as a big box of black trash bags at her hooves. "Good. So are you going to help us cut her up?"
Pinkie shook her head. "No, I don't think so." She nudged Fluttershy to her hooves. "Say Fluttershy, how about we get you some tea? Ooh, I can also make us some cookies, would you like that?" Fluttershy nodded glumly, and the two mares exited the basement, leaving the other four to do their work.
"Alright, so are we ready to get started?" Rainbow Dash asked, adjusting the hacksaw in her hooves.
"I think so," Twilight replied. "We were talking about 'one, two, three, go' before you showed up."
"So start on 'go'?" Applejack asked.
"Yes, not three. That's important. We start on go," Rarity said. "So... who wants to count?"
"Uh, you can do it, right, Rarity?" Rainbow Dash said. "She is your victim, after all."
"Oh, 'victim' is a strong choice of words, don't you think?" Rarity said, grinning uneasily. "I told you it was merely an accident. Nothing more."
"Right, whatever, but you still did this, so you should count."
"Well Twilight was counting before you showed up, so--"
"Rarity, start countin'," Applejack growled.
"Ah, yes, very well. one... two... three... go."
* * * *
"Okay, is that everything? We have to be absolutely sure that we're set before we go."
Rarity sighed and looked down at the pile of trash bags at their hooves. The mare had been completely cut up and stuffed into the bags along with the bloody plastic wrap and ruined aprons, goggles and shower caps. Rarity gave the basement one more cursory glance before slowly nodding.
"I think so. We should probably find something to wash the rest of the blood off of our faces, though."
Twilight groaned and nodded. "Yeah, I should have gotten face shields instead. I wasn't thinking."
"Yeah, well, a bit late for that now," Rainbow said, wiping her face with the back of her hoof. "Maybe we can get Pinkie to bring us down some buckets with soap and water?"
Rarity shrugged. "I suppose that's a good idea." Rarity walked over to the basement door and opened it up to call up the stairs. "Oh Pinkie Pie! Can you possibly get us some buckets with hot, soapy water and some dish towels, or something?"
"Sure, I'll be right down!"
"Excellent." Rarity closed the door and gave the basement a quick look for the tenth time. Just to make sure that they hadn't missed a tiny spot of blood.
"I'll be washing this place pretty thoroughly once we've gotten rid of all of this, Rarity," Twilight said, motioning to the trash bags.
"Yeah, about that, what are we going to do with these?" Rainbow Dash asked. "We can't just burn them, right? We gotta put them somewhere?"
"Well, I have been thinking about that, and I have a few potential spots in mind," Twilight said. "I think we each need to take a few and put them in different spots outside of Ponyville. Somewhere nopony will be looking for them."
"Like where?" Pinkie asked as she entered the room with a pair of buckets balanced on her back.
"I was thinking maybe Ghastly Gorge and deeper into the Everfree Forest." Twilight nodded to Rainbow Dash. "Maybe you could fly over it for a while and dump a few of them there? Any predators who would get them aren't likely to come all the way over to the edge of the forest to hunt."
"Okay, so are we doing that to all of them?" Rainbow asked, taking one of the buckets off of Pinkie's back and dipping the washcloth draped over the side into the bucket fully. "I don't know if we can all go to Ghastly Gorge or fly over the Everfree Forest, right? Fluttershy and I could take the forest, I guess."
"No, I think we might need a few more spots," Rarity said before wiping her face off with one of the washcloths. "I doubt anypony will find her in the Everfree Forest or Ghastly Gorge, but our options are either to go out together with a bunch of trash bags and risk being spotted, or we all take one or two and dump them in specific places." Rarity used her magic and divided the trash bags into six groups. "So Rainbow Dash can take hers into the Everfree Forest. I can take a few to Ghastly Gorge. Applejack, do you have any holes at Sweet Apple Acres where you are about to plant a tree? Somewhere you can put this and cover it up?"
"Yeah, we have one or two," Applejack said. "Ah guess Ah could put a couple of 'em in there." Applejack grimaced as an implication hit her. "That's gonna be our most fruitful tree, ain't it?"
"It's quite likely," Rarity admitted. "Decomposing things do tend to lend themselves to helping growth. Just, uh, just don't think about it too much."
"So that's three. What about the rest?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Hmm. You're good at hiding things, right, Pinkie? So if I just gave you your share you could easily just... hide them somewhere never to be seen again?"
Pinkie tapped her jaw thoughtfully and nodded. "Yeah, I guess I do have a few places that would be perfect for this kind of thing."
"Good. So that leaves Twilight and Fluttershy."
"Are you sure we want to have Fluttershy hide any of the pieces?" Twilight asked. "She might not be able to handle it."
"She's stronger than a lot of us give her credit for, right?" Rarity pointed out. "So we could have her fly over the Ponyville dump and drop her share off in separate places.
"I suppose that might work." Twilight frowned thoughtfully. "That just leaves me. I could burn or dissolve them, but that's going to take quite a while and smell quite a lot. We need quick solutions. So how about I just throw them into the lake?"
Rarity shook her head. "I think that both the rotting body and the trash bags could have a negative impact on the lake. Why don't you take your share and try and see if you can burn or dissolve it somehow. It's not too hard to do that to two trash bags, correct?"
Twilight shrugged. "Probably not, but it's going to take a while and a lot of energy, too, especially if I'm also maintaining a spell to block the smell. But I should be done with two in a few hours or so."
"Good, then I think we have a plan. Once you have all disposed of your portion, merely go home and get some rest. Meet me back at my boutique in the morning."
* * * *
The next morning the six mares all sat around Rarity's main room, doing their best to avoid eye contact. A plate of cookies and a pot of tea sitting on a coffee table remained untouched. Rarity finally broke the silence after a nearly ten minutes of this.
"So... that went well enough, right?"
Rainbow Dash groaned and rubbed her eyes. "I didn't sleep all night."
"Neither did I," Twilight said with a yawn. "I think I might take a nap later, though. Using all of that energy drained me more than I thought."
"You do that, then." Rarity looked over to the rest of her friends. "And how about you three? Any problems on your end?" Applejack, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie all shook their heads.
"Ah don't think I'm gonna name that tree Ah just planted, though," Applejack muttered.
"It went fine," Fluttershy whispered.
"No problems here either," Pinkie said.
"Good. I suppose the only problem left is getting our stories straight," Rarity said. "It's best if we don't over-complicate things."
"Any more than we already have?" Rainbow Dash grumbled.
"Exactly. So ponies likely saw me arguing with the mare. We argued, we left, and that was it. I didn't see her anymore as I was spending time with all of you yesterday for a simple get-together. None of us know a thing about what might have happened to the poor dear." Rarity looked around the circle. "And all of you are capable of sticking to that story?" The group all nodded. "Even you, Applejack?"
Applejack glared at Rarity and crossed her forelegs. "I'm perfectly capable of stickin' to a story, Rarity."
"Applejack, darling, I've seen you lie. You're horrible at it. Why do you think we all stopped playing 'two truths and a lie' with you?"
"Ah can lie if Ah need to!"
"Right. I see." Rarity turned back to the group. "Alright, new story: none of us have seen Applejack in a few days."
"Hey! Ah can--"
Applejack's protestations were cut off when the group heard a series of loud knocks on the door. Fluttershy, being the closest one, stood up and looked through the peephole. She squeaked and flinched back before turning her head to the group and mouthing "police!" Rarity shot to her hooves and lit her horn, levitating a few scraps of fabric and some long strings of ribbon over to her. Before anypony could say anything, she stuffed the fabric into Applejack's mouth and wrapped her legs in the ribbon before shoving her into a nearby closet and placing Twilight's chair, on which Twilight was still sitting, in front of the door.
"Who is it?" Rarity called out.
"It's the police, ma'am. Can we talk to you for a few moments?"
"Oh, of course!" Rarity trotted over to the door and opened up the top half, flashing the officers on the other side her best smile. "What can I do for you two gentlecolts today?"
"We're sorry to disturb you, ma'am, but a mare went missing yesterday, and there were some reports that she was seen arguing with you about something."
Rarity's smile faded and she flattened her ears. "Yes, I did hear that the poor dear had gone missing. It's truly tragic, and I hope you find her with all speed."
"Did you argue with her?"
Rarity nodded. "I'm afraid I did. She had a bit of a run-in with my younger sister. She said some things to her that she shouldn't have, so in response I said some things I shouldn't have to her. We parted on nasty terms, I must admit, but I went from that unpleasant meeting to a get-together with a few of my dear friends." Rarity stepped to the side and motioned to the group sitting around her coffee table. "They can vouch for me, of course."
"Right, that sounds fine," the officer said. "So you weren't part of the search party last night?"
Rarity shook her head. "No. In truth I wasn't even aware that there was one. We'd been planning last night for a few days."
The officer exchanged a glance with his partner, both of whom nodded before turning their attention back to Rarity. "Alright, then, thank you for your time. We're sorry if we bothered you, but we have to track down every lead."
"Oh of course, officers. It was no trouble at all." Rarity's smile returned and she tilted her heads to them. "I do hope you find her soon. Let me know if there's anything else I can do."
"Will do. Have a good day."
"And you as well."
Rarity watched the police officers leave for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and closing the door. "I think we're home free, girls."
"I hope so, Rarity," Twilight said, moving away from the closet door. "I really hope so."
Rarity lit her horn and opened up the closet door, causing Applejack to come tumbling out. She rolled to face Rarity and hit her with the nastiest glare she could before spitting the fabric out of her mouth.
"Rarity. Don't you ever do that ta me again."
"I won't, Applejack, and I do apologize." Rarity quickly untied her friend before sitting down on her chair and taking a quick sip of cold tea. "So, I think this goes without saying, girls... let us never speak of this again."
The rest of them nodded in agreement.
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*Jump in to new BW story
Am I...am I that early that there are no comments? Not even a vote? wow...just...wow.
It was...huh. I found it a bit silly at times but the characters were- It was such a ridiculous situation I couldn't tell who was OOC and who was just reacting to a situation they couldn't possibly have prepared for. I mean, if something really, really weird happens to me, I just tend to cruise along with it, so I can't dismiss that...
7881145 I was going more for the latter, obviously. We can't know for sure how the girls would react to "oh, Rarity needs help hiding a body." I did try to make things a bit absurd, too.
Does that mean you have hidden a body?
Pretty cool story, btw.
7881158 No comment.
media.giphy.com/media/w6MNHOoLEzBVm/giphy.gif
So Twilight is willing to arrest a mare who, if anything, should be sued for battery, but not somebody who committed manslaughter? And just because she's her best friend?
So do boys and girls on the playground.
If she wasn't threatening Sweetie Belle, I'm still sticking with my battery statement.
Hun. I'm only 13, and I don't really know that much about our world just yet. But even I can tell that this mare doesn't deserve be arrested.
Maybe fined, but arrested?
Besides that: this mare was just some pony Rarity heard was buying groceries. How do you know she wasn't mentally ill, and has fits of rage from time to time? That she didn't have a family, kids? You aren't even gonna alert them of this!? And why the fudgemeatball are the rest of the Main Six cool with this!?
Look, I'm not saying that I don't like this story. But to be perfectly honest, I didn't love it either. Reading a story about Yandere Sim— umm, I mean Rarity and Twilight getting away with murder could potentially be very interesting. But I really don't know about this. I'm just stuck in the middle. I will leave a like though.
Reads bio.* never heard of that saying... but it's probably true
I am reminded of one of our GURPS games where an assassin ambushed the party while they were in a bar, sitting quietly at the table. He walks up, pulls out a magical crossbow with a particularly nasty bolt loaded, makes the unfortunate mistake of announcing his attack, and--
One of the nicest guys in our group, wouldn't harm a fly in real life, was running an absent-minded stonemage by the name of Father Dismas with much the same characteristics. The Stone college is mana-heavy, so you don't normally cast more than one or two spells before having to recharge. With that in mind, he had bought Flesh to Stone at skill 21, so he could cast it *without* words or motions in a single action (the higher the skill, the less time it takes to cast). Flesh to stone. Earth to Air. Assassin? What assassin?
Yeah, we took great care not to startle Father Dismas.
7881179
1. Um, yeah, you get arrested for battery. http://criminal-law.freeadvice.com/criminal-law/violent_crimes/battery-penalties-and-punishment.htm
2. Yeah, Twilight is playing favorites here and helping Rarity out. They discuss the obscene illegality of what they're doing in the story. The platitude in the description is what the story is about. A good friend will help you hide a body.
Your point?
Child battery isn't something that the law will just shrug off either. http://criminal-law.freeadvice.com/criminal-law/violent_crimes/child-battery.htm
See above links. Yeah, she'd totally be arrested.
Who the mare is is irrelevant. It's why I never give her a name. She's more of a story device than anything else. The story being: would Rarity's friends help her hide a body?
They're not. Remember what Pinkie did the second she saw this? She said "nope" and tried to leave. Fluttershy just about froze. Applejack didn't seem too happy with it either. They're all panicking in their own ways, but they help her out of loyalty to their friend. I portrayed Rainbow Dash as the most cool with it because she's the Element of Loyalty and Rarity needed her help. But even she can't sleep that night. None of them are okay with it, but they're helping their friend.
7881211
I know they aren't just gonna shrug this off. I'm just saying it seems rather odd Twilight and Rarity feel this mare should spend her life in jail for hitting two ponies out of pure rage.
And well, self-defense? Even that has it limits, and Rarity passed it when she killed that poor pony.
And this is from your link. Not even more than one year is the worst most get. And this seems to be a first offense.
Maybe cool wasn't the best weird, admittedly. Yet still, you'd think one of them would think reporting about this would be a good choice. I mean, shouldn't Twilight realize that if someone were to find any evidence pointing to them, they could get in even worse trouble?
I'm not saying they shouldn't have solved this together. But hiding the body?
Woah.
That was written so well. Spoopy.
7881215 1. Life in jail? When did they ever say that?
2. Yeah, no duh Rarity went too far. That's one of the points.
3. you still get arrested for the actual incident, even if you don't get incarcerated. You don't get a court fine in the mail, a judge tends to handle those.
7881231
Sure. But I'm almost postitive that isn't the kind of arrested you're talking about in the story— with the multiple mentions of prison and all.
I'm referring to the part where Twilight–and the others who did— state that the moment Rarity hit her back it was self-defense.
...Why not just burn the corpse and scatter the ashes in the Everfree Forest or Ghastly Gorge or something? I'm sure Twilight is perfectly capable of pyromancy, and the Everfree is certainly unpredictable enough that the ashes would almost certainly never get traced back to the victim...
Even so, as a guy who appreciates dark humor, I enjoyed this.
7881275 Twilight does burn her portion in the story, but as stated, it takes a lot of energy and effort to burn just the portion she's given. Since they want this to be over soon, they don't spend a long time burning the body.
Also, the Mane Six are not criminal masterminds. They spent the whole story panicking and overthinking everything.
7881259 1. The quote you give me also references jail time.
2.
I actually talked to an attorney during writing this. He said, and I quote,
Besides, throughout the whole story the actual legal technicalities don't matter as much as what the Mane Six think is going on/what would happen. At the end of the day whether or not Rarity did something in self-defense is irrelevant. They didn't actually go to court with this. They got rid of the body.
7881283 Oh. I must have missed it; I was in a bit of a rush when I read and commented. Makes sense. Thanks for clarifying.
Wow, this was pretty dark for something rated teen, I guess the lack of explicit gore is the line between that and mature.
I was hoping for trollestia to show up and help
7881391 Eh, would have ruined the tone a bit.
7881379 I did read once that the difference between teen and mature is detail.
I see a tangent or alternate ending where Starlight comes in and goes, "No no, this is how you dispose of a body. How do you think I dealt with dissenters in my town?"
Well done in balancing the grim and comedic tones~
Chapter 2
"Hey Twilight..."
"Yes Rainbow how are you... Oh god dammit!"
"Yeah it kinda happened again..."
" *sigh*... I'll get the saws
7881215
I find it rather sad users aren't able to discuss without some people getting mad that the author of the story is getting a negative review.
We don't all have to love the story, dangit. It's getting quite annoying that some people don't realize that.
I was sort of hoping we'd get this.
7881450 *shrug* I don't mind if people don't like some of my stuff. I'm not Shakespeare or anything like that. I merely answered some concerns that I don't mind that he had.
7881462 Now I wish we were collabing on this...
What's up with you and making Rarity kill people? Also, I personally thought this would work better with Rainbow Dash being the one to accidentally kill someone, with her being much more confrontational than Rarity, but that's just me.
7881437
Given Rainbow's record of crashing through buildings, it's a miracle she hasn't needed a body disposed of yet.
7881499 Eh, maybe. I used Rarity because of the Sweetie Belle angle.
7881487
Maybe there's a Ponies Dispose Of Bodies multi-author anthology in this.
Things like this happen. Like 'accidentally' smashing a rock into a filly's head.
Inb4 bronywriter is actually the zodiac killer.
I did a double take the first time I read this. My mind drew connections between those last two sentences that I believe were unintended.
7881683 Oh, you might not have been completely wrong...
Oh, I mean... yes, ha, ha, how silly of you.
So Twilight, why didn't you just turn her into an orange, or teleport the corpse to Froggy Bottom Bog and let Mr. Hydra have a snack? Wouldn't that have been son much easier?
You sure do like it when Rarity kills ponies, don't ya?
7881755 It wasn't a murder. It was an accident. A total, unfortunate accident.
Plus she was the best character for this, so...
7881450
It has less to do with somebody having a negative opinion of a story and more to do with how they reached it. The saying goes, “A good friend will help you move, but a true friend will help you move a body.” The entire premise of the story is centred around this infamous quote being true, for the sake of dark comedy. The legality — which he was wrong about — and the reality of how this would be treated in the real world — about which his borderline‐infuriating‐in‐its‐own‐right naïveté was on full display — are irrelevant. It’s not hard to see why one would down‐vote his comment.
7881529
7881499
I partially agree but Rainbow would have done something stupid before she could have asked her friends for help.
Rarity has that acting flair and, as mentioned in the story has read alot of mystery books that would be relevant here.
Honestly after the hesitation to cut her up and the distraction of her friends showing up I would have sworn there was going to be a twist that she wasn't dead.
7881849 she's not dead, she's in a coma
7881670
Balderdash.
Really, why would you accuse me of that?
Only a rapscallion would say such a thing.
Now you'd better apologize.
You hurt my feelings.
What kind of a man would sling around such accusations?
Rude. That's what that is.
It isn't very nice.
Theory of relativity.
Extraordinarily insulting
Rapacious! Probably!
Indecent, almost.
See, now don't you feel bad?
That'll teach you.
Hear here!
Extremely unpleasant accusations all around!
Zipper fangs.
Only those.
Did you ever play cards in high school?
I did. I loved it.
Always had a pack of cards on me.
Can't imagine why it irritated my teachers.
Kinda disruptive, I guess.
In any case, your comment insulted me!
Liar, that's what you are.
Liar, liar, liar.
Eh, whatever.
Right along.
7881536 Let's do it.
In that case, the bunch in Higurashi should be simply the greatest of friends.
I absolutely adore how natural the dialogue is in this story, with the various subtleties inferred at certain times.
7881910 I'm glad you think so. I was worried the dialogue would sound OOC and unnatural. I worked at preventing that.
7881179 I'm ignoring the feelings you have about the story and addressing this statement
Yes if Rarity kept a cool head and went to the police rather than confront her the mare would have been arrested. Assault is one crime, assault of a minor is another and it's a rather bigger one. Accidentally getting run into and then hitting the kid who's apologizing to you Would get you sentenced to jail time hands down if Rarity pressed charges.
Add on the argument Rarity had with her and that she started shoving first, had she survived the push she'd be getting a bit of jail time and Rarity would be getting a slap on the hoof or possibly a fine.
It is still mostly a moot point, considering she wouldn't have gotten the death sentence that Rarity ended up accidentally giving her. But I just thought I would try to clarify that misconception.
7881916 Well, I suppose it is relatively OoC, but given the fact that the situation itself is as well, it's forgivable. I suppose I meant that the flow and the syntax are about what you would expect from British humor, which is one of my favorite kinds.
7881923 Don't forget that she's an Element, one of the shining symbols of the kingdom. Not exactly the greatest idea to bring doubt onto the protectors that give your people hope. Tack on implicating royalty, and now you have a recipe for allegations of corruption and a lack of rule of law. No matter how moral a ruler may be, they would recognize how important it would be to cover this up. Which of course leads to a slippery slope, and things start getting fun.
Good arguments, sir. I believe you have thoroughly rekt this 13 year old child.
I saw the comedy tag and spent the entire time I was reading waiting for some big twist punchline to pop up. It hadn't even occurred to me that it was being used in an overhanging 'grim humor' sense. I guess that one's on me though
Grr, time stamp doesn't work. At 34 seconds Rich Hall delivers this gem-
"They say a friend is someone who'll come over your house and help you move; a good friend will help you move a body. So, I have two good friends."
I guess Twilight has him beaten.