Chapter 1
Why did this happen to me? Why did this have to happen after my sister made that wish for her birthday? Here I am, sitting with a bemused look on my face while my sister and my mother are combing my mane and tail. While my friends are more than likely playing at arcade down at Breckenridge without me. My sister, Sarah had a bright smile upon her face as she combed parts of my body I used to never have. Why did I deserve this? I was just an average teenager who just wanted to sit at home and play video games all day after a long day from school.
"You're so cute, big sis!" my little sister, Sarah, beamed happily as she threw her arms around my neck. I let off a grunt of irritation. In short, my little sister turned me into Princess Celestia. Maybe I should tell you how it all started then, yes? It all started one day ago on my little sister's seventh birthday.
ONE DAY AGO
I was smiling as I was hanging out with my best friends Ryan and Samantha out in front of the local arcade after playing a few games.
"So what next?" Samantha asked, staring into the arcade through the window. "These old bugged out games are getting boring." She said.
"I know, but they're, still, as they say, a blast from the past." I say as Ryan was leaning against the side of the building.
"They were until they became glitchy since they still won't replace their equipment with better stuff..." Ryan grumbled. I chuckle and nods in agreement as I checked my Iphone.
"Want to go grab something to eat? It's almost lunch time." I asked. They nod. I nod as well as i walked.
"So, what are you guys up for lunch?" I asked.
"Not sure..." Ryan said as he rubbed his chin. I thought as I walked, when my phone went off.
"Hmm?" I say as I picked it up, noticing that I got a texted from my mother. "Oh, hey! I got a text from my mother." I say.
"Nice?" Samantha gave Jason a weird look. I read over the text and my eyes widen.
"Crap, I almost forgot that today is my little sister's seventh birthday!" I say.
"Oh, dang it's her birthday?" Ryan asked. I nod as I continue looking at my phone.
"I should get her a little plushie for her birthday." I say.
"Well hop to it, then! Ryan and I will probably go do something else." Samantha said, smiling. I nod and smile.
"Have fun you two." I say. They nod and go off in the other direction. I walk towards a toy store that I have known for a long time and enter the store. I look at rows and rows of different toys, from LEGO construction sets to higher end model railway sets, from trading card games to board games. I look around and notice a plushie of a pony on the self. It was a plushie of Princess Celestia. I remember that my little sister likes this show, My little pony Friendship is magic. I don't know much about it besides the whole cartoon is depicted around ponies. I shrug and pick up the plushie, noticing that it was slightly bigger than my hand.
"Sarah might like this." I said to myself as i walk towards the register and set it down on the counter and see a adult in their late 20's with messed up brown hair.
"Hey Mike, how's work?" I asked.
"Boring." Mike chuckled as he then sees the plushie. "Why are you buying this?" He asked.
"It's for my sister. Today's her birthday. " I say as i take my wallet out.
"Ohhh, I was gonna say..." Mike chuckles as he checks it through. "Anything else?" He asks as he stuff the accurately made plushie into a bag. I shake my head.
"No, that will do it." I say.
"Alright. Ten twenty four please." Mike said. I nod and pull out a twenty.
"Here's a twenty." I said.
"Would you like change?" He asks as he hands the bag to Jason and takes the bill. I nod as i take the bag.
"Yes, please" I say. Mike gives Jason a five, four ones, three quarters and a penny.
"Here you go." He said. I take them and put them in my pocket.
"Thank you. Hope your day goes well, Mike." I say.
"You, too." Mike said, smiling. I smile and walk out of the store and head for home, the snow crunching underneath my boots as I take a deep breath from the cold air of winter. I headed in the direction where my home was, watching everyone play in the snow, throwing snowballs or sledding, or even adults who attach ski's to their cars to head up the the resorts. I smile as I come apon a red two story house as my smile widens as i see my dad shoveling snow out of the driveway.
"Hey dad!" I yell as I come closer. Dad turns his head as he throw out the next batch of snow.
"Hey Jason." He said. I loom over at him.
"Do you need help?" I asked him.
"No, I'm good!" Dad smiles.
"Jason!" Sarah beams as she hops up from the couch and runs over to Jason and hugs his leg. I smile and hug her back.
"I got you a little something." I say.
"What is it?" She asks as she looks up at me with wide eyes. I smile down at her and reveal the bag with the plushie in it.
"Happy birthday." I say.
"Oh my gawd! Thank you!" Sarah squeals happily as she takes the plushie. I chuckle as I smile, watching Sarah hug her new plushie. There suddenly was a ding that came from the kitchen.
"Everybody to the table!" Came my mother's voice, Nicole, from the kitchen. "Cake's ready!" She said.
"Woooo, cake!" I somewhat cheered, smiling as I see Sarah running with her plushie as I walk towards the kitchen. Nicole brought out the cake to the dining room table. A pink cake, decorated with rainbow frosting with little colorful stars sprinkled all over and pony figurines on top. I smile as i stand next to dad as he looks at the cake.
"Looks good mom!" I say.
"Yep. I'll just take my piece." Dad said as he took one of the figurines and lifted it slowly to his mouth, making Sarah scream.
"DADDY! Noooooo!!!" she pleaded, rushing over in an attempt to save the little toy. I chuckle.
"Dad, don't try and tease Sarah like that, you know how she gets." I say.
"Which is exactly why I did it." He chuckled and set it back down on the cake. I laugh a little as mom started to cut the cake. I smiled as Sarah clung to my leg. I chuckled as dad puts the figurine back and mom lights the candles, seven in particular. Nicole turns off the lights and starts to sing.
"Haaaappy birthday to you!" She sang. We sang happy birthday to Sarah as she smiles as she looks at the candles.
"Now make a wish!" Dad said afterwards, picking her up and setting her down in a chair in front of the cake. I chuckle a little bit as I can see Sarah close her eyes and think, holding her plushie close. The horn on the plushie seemed to glow for a second before fading out as Sarah opened her eyes. We cheer and clap as she blows out the candles.
"What did you wish for?" Dad asked. I smile as mom cut and passed the cake out.
"I can't tell you or it won't come true!" Sarah says then gives me a smug grin. I was confused to why she was giving me a smug grin, then shrug as I take a bit of the cake, closing my eyes and savoring the delicious cake. I open my eyes and look over at mom.
"It's delicious mom." I say.
"That's nice!" She smiles. I finish off the last of my cake as dad brought some presents to the table.
"Now, which one do you want to open first?" Dad asked. I smiles as I watch Sarah reach over and grab a big present. She beams as she tears the wrapping to shreds. I check my phone and texted Sarah and Ryan about how the birthday is going. Sarah smiles with joy as she opens her first present. As the wrapper came off inside were two big my little pony play sets. She gasps in surprise and hugged mom's leg.
"Thank you!" She said happily. I smile and take a picture as she goes to open another. As I watched Sarah open her presents, I started to not feel so good.
"Ooof, mom, i don't feel so good. Maybe I had a little too much cake. I'm gonna head up to my room to lay down." I say.
"Oh, okay, sweet heart..." Mom said as she comes over and hugs me. I smile as I hug her back, just as Sarah hugs me as well.
"Bye, brother..." Sarah said sadly. I kneel down and hug her back, noticing that she was holding the plushie, causing it to be squished between us.
"Night, little sister. And happy birthday." I say as I ruffle up her hair. She nods.
"Get better, okay?" She asked. I give her one last hug.
"Of course." I say. I put a hand to my aching head as I head up to my room and lay in my bed. I close my eyes and fall asleep a few minutes later.
THE NEXT DAY
"MMMMOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!" Sarah's voice rang out. I let off a grunt in irritation as the sun was shining through my window, hitting my eyes as I turned over, my body feeling a little, off.
"PRINCESS CELESTIA IS IN JASON'S BED!!!" Sarah yelled. My eyes suddenly shot open as I sat up. Mother then enters the room, and gasps, looking directly at me.
"Look, mommy! It's Princess Celestia!" Sarah beamed, pointing a finger at me. I was confused at what they where talking about as I notice something was wrong. I looked down and see that my hands were hooves as my eyes widen and my breathing quickens.
"Where's Jason?" Mom asks. My eyes roll back as my head slams against the wall as I faint. I could feel myself waking again, but my face was wet and I could here crying.
Where's my son!?" Came dad's voice. I blink as everything was blurry a little.
"D-Dad it's me...Jason." I say, my voice now a females voice.
"Heh...my son a white horse with wings and a horn? What a load of crap now tell me where he is!" He yelled, the slight echo telling me we're in the basement. I notice that I was also tied against a chair.
"D-Dad it is me! I bought a Celestia plushie for Sarah, you pretended that you were going to eat one of the figurines off from the cake." I say.
"Nicole!" Dad yelled upstairs. "We've got a window peeping kidnapping alien!" He yells. I sigh as my ears fall flat against my head.
"What will it take for you to believe me that I am Jason?" I asked.
"That's easy! You're not Jason!" Dad said shakily.
"It is me dad! I went to see my friends Ryan and Samantha and we played at the old arcade yesterday. I came home and asked if you needed help with shoveling with the driveway. I gave Sarah the Celestia plushie and she was very happy. The cake was delicious and colorful. What else do you want me to say dad!" I say as tears appeared in my eyes.
"Window. Peeper." He points an accusing finger at me. "We'll be here for as long as it takes, Celestia." He said.
"Okay, if I was a window peeper, then how come the cake that I ate yesterday, was a strawberry vanilla with rainbow frosting!" I yell as tears appear in my eyes as I look away. "I thought you loved me dad..." I sniff.
"Pfft." Is all he says and looks away.
"I remember the day we went fishing on the lake. I almost fell in while catching a fish, but you saved me and the fish turned out to be a small trout." I sniffed.
"How did you know that?" He hissed a little.
"It's me dad..." I sniffed. "I also remembered when I went to the doctors when I was just nine years old, I had to hold your hand as I had to get a flu shot." I said. Scott looks down and rubs his arm.
"What's Nicole's maiden name?" He asked.
"Mom's maiden name is Mary." I say. I watch as Scott gets up from the chair and puts his hands over his face and tilts his head back before letting his arms go back to his sides.
"N-Nicole...come here for a minute..." He said. I look and see mom come down the stairs.
"yes, dear?" Mom asked.
"Our on is a pony now." Dad said, pointing at me. I look back over at dad.
"how is that possible?' Mom asked. Dad shrugged then goes back to the stairs.
"Sarah, come down here!" Dad said.
"umm... little help here...tied up in the chair and all." I say. Mom calls for Sarah and dad unties me. As soon as dad unties me, I fall forward and slam onto the ground.
"Ow..." I say. As I get up I notice Sarah coming down the steps with tears in her eyes.
"Sarah." Dad said sharply. "I remember the look you gave Jason when you made your wish...what did you wish for?" He asked. As I stood, my legs where wobbling as I tried to stand in this new body.
"I...wished for him to...turn into Celestia..." Sarah said as she looks down. I gasp as I look at Sarah with wide eyes.
"S-Sarah..." I said.
"Don't yell at me, wishes aren't supposed to come true!" Sarah tears up and runs up the stares to avoid dad's glare. I raise a hoof towards where she ran as I lower my head, my ears flat against my head. Mom sighs heavily.
'Well this will take some getting used to..." She said. I sigh as my body seems to move on it's own as it climbs the stairs up to the living room.
"My son is a pony..." I hear dad say as they soon come upstairs. I look up at Sarah's room and hear her crying. I climb the stairs again and poke my head in Sarah's room.
"Sarah?" I asked. Sarah's got herself covered in blankets.
"Go away! I know you hate me!" She yelled. I have a look of sadness and hurt at what she said to me as I stand next to her bed.
"Sarah..." I say. Sarah slowly peeks out at me.
"I didn't mean for it to happen..." She sniffed. Somehow, I climbed up on her bed and layed next to her. She snuggles close to me as she cried. As if my body was moving on it's own, I see a pristine white wing drape over Sarah. Sarah soon calms down as mom and dad enter the room.
"Jason?" Mom asked. I look up at her.
"Yes?" I asked. mom slowly shuffled across the room to me and puts a hand to my cheek, causing me to look up at her.
"Oh...my..." Mom said. "Your mane is a mess, Jason and your fur is still wet...you should go clean up..." She giggles. My eyes widen.
"What, how am i going to clean myself, when i could barely walk." I asked.
"You...uhh...got up here just fine..." Dad chuckled awkwardly.
"Well... it was like my body was moving on it's own." I said.
"Well....um..here..." Mom gently reaches out for me. "Let me try and help my little pony up." She giggles. I frown, while there was a blush on my face as mom picks me up.
"You're......you barely weigh anything...." Nicole said as she carries me on my back in her arms.
"He's part pegasus so, duh!" Sarah giggled. "Pegasai weigh as much as a feather!" She giggles. The blush on my face grows deeper as I continued to frown. Mom smiled at me as she ran her fingers through my pink mane.
"At least you're okay." she said. I let off a snort as i continued to frown.
"And i can't believe that i'm a girl now..." I say.
"A pony, too." said mother as she brought me to the bathroom. As mom turned the light on, i look at myself in the bathroom mirror. Nicole sighs and holds me tight.
"A-at least you're cute?" She asked. I look up at my mom with a deep blush.
"Here...sit." She closes the door and sets me on the counter. I sit on the counter, continuing to look at myself in the mirror. Soon I was met with a towel in the face as mother began to dry my coat and mane.
"Maybe we should build a stable for you in the backyard?" Mom asked. I turn with a glare on my face.
"I'm joking..." she says in defense. "Just...try not to shed all over your sheets..." She said. I sigh and nod as mom continued to dry my mane and tail.
"You gonna be okay sweeties?" she asked as she put a hand to my cheek. I look at her with some sadness.
"T-This is just going to be new to me." I say.
"You know we love you right?" she puts both hands on my cheeks. I nod as i lean my head against her, tears appearing in my eyes.
"I know. I-I'm just scared...." I say.
"It's okay...I'm here." She said softly as she picks me up again and rubs my mane. "I will always love you." She said. I sniff as tears fall from my face.
"I'm going to have to pull you out of school..." Mom sighed. I look up at her.
"What, no! I don't want to be pulled from school." I say.
"They're not going to believe it..and what if the government come into this? I'm sorry but you're staying home till further notice..." She said. I look down and nod, my ears falling flat against my head. She then carries me back out of the bathroom.
"Scott...do you want to hold him?" She asked.
"S-sure..." Dad said. "H-Hey..." he said. I look up at him.
"H-Hey dad." I say. He hugs me tight. I sniff as i lean my head against him.
"What now..." Sarah asked, hugging my tail.
"I-I don't know." I say.
"Maybe you should go rest..." Dad said as he carries me into my room and places me in my bed. " Just know even you're a cartoon princess pony, we still love you okay?" He said as he hugs me. I roll my eyes as i layed my head down on my bed.
"Sleep well, son." Dad said as he leaves the room. I nod and stare out the window, noticing that it was night time out side.
"Must have been out good when i fainted." I muttered. I lay there for several minutes, tossing and turning, wondering what's going to come of my life now. My ears twitch when i heard my door open. I look and notice that it was Sarah.
"C-can I come lay with you, sis?" She asked, holding her new Celestia doll. I warmly smile and nod, scooting over to allow Sarah on. She smiles and lays next to me.
"Can you wrap your wings around me again?" She asked. I nod and drape my wings over Sarah. Sarah smiles.
"Thanks sis" She said, nuzzling me. "Your fur is really soft." She said. I let off a soft chuckle and nod.
"I love you...Jason..." she smiles and falls asleep. I sigh and scoot her closer to me with my wings, closing my eyes and falling asleep a few minutes later.
_________________________________________________
So...now you know how I turned into freaking Princess Celestia! Yay me. Oh how my life will change due to this wish. Can this day get any better?
TO BE CONTINUED
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This has a lot of potential.
Unfortunately, some of the grammar and spelling mistakes in it are atrocious. You should probably get an editor to look over any chapters you make so that it's polished up and readers would appreciate your work more without the distraction of errors that take you away from the story.
If you want, I'm game.
I will follow this.
You have my thumb up, I speak Spanish and English is a bit difficult for me to write, so I use the translator, only details like when I finished speaking sarah and ran running to his room, you understand or one assumes that he did, And I hope the next.
tienes mi pulgar arriba , hablo español y el ingles es un poco dificil de que lo pueda escribir, por lo que uso el traductor ,solo detalles como cuando termino de hablar sarah y salio corriendo a su cuarto ,se entiende o uno asume que hizo, y que espero el siguiente .
up point , cap next
This is a fun idea for a story, but you really need an editor. There are a lot of grammar and spelling errors. There are also several places where the writing just gets kind of sloppy and needs to be tightened up.
A few major points:
Remember that "I" should always be capitalized.
Decide what tense the story is being written in. You shift back and forth between writing in the present tense and the past tense. Personally, I would recommend writing the entire story in past tense. If you prefer present tense (which seems to be mostly what you're using) then it would be good to use past tense for the flashback sequence.
Be mindful of your dialogue tags. There are many, many times when you finish up your dialogue with "I say" or "she asked" or "he said." This is fine some of the time, but when you use it for almost every line it becomes very repetitive.
A couple specific edits I would recommend:
It would probably be good to edit down the scene in which he buys the plushie. It makes no sense for the cashier to ask whether he wants his change (of course he does!), and we really don't need to know which coins and bills he got in change. Also, if the main character doesn't know the show very well he wouldn't be familiar enough to know whether the plushie was accurately made or not.
When the father is questioning his son was "Mary" meant to be the mother's maiden name or her middle name?
There is a lot of potential here, and with a bit more work I think you have a good story. The premise is one I haven't seen before, since most humans-turn-into-ponies stories take place in Equestria instead of our world. I also like that you are including the family members a main characters, since many human-meets-ponies stories tend to have their main characters isolated from other people.
I hope my comments were helpful.
7883256 I am already getting these errors fixed ^^
and it is helpful
Very good also somone tell sarah shes an alicorn.
Cool story, though I guess the dialogue could be a little better...?
Intriguing... A tad rushed in my opinion, but at the same time it does very well feel like a re-telling, rather than a narrated story, so that can be chalked up to memory skips, which everyone is prone to. I'd say try to slow down a little with future chapters, try to... flesh out the character's personalities, and you really could have a nice little gem of a story. Just something to think about while you're writing.
7884412 i will do that, thanks for the tip
7884417 Oh it's no problem! I'm just a lowly reader passing by, like a quiet breeze in a summer field.
really nice, I start reading it tomorrow.
I just hope this isn't turning into some weird he has to protect the world against Discord stuff and then turn back.
While I also hope that he isn't getting to much trouble with some kind of army I for once hope this is going to be a funny and not to complicated story for once, but I would read it anyway.
7886571 oh no don't worry, it's not going to be one of those stories. it's going to be totally different.
1. This is better than some other stories that have the same theme.
To be honest I thought he would wear a costume and because of that his sister would want him to be real, not just hey let's turn my brother into my sister, but hey it is still funny.
that's already funny because everytime it is the father that hates the horse in his house, I say he is trying to kill him next. There is a 70/30 % chance that it might happen.
This is weird, it looks like a not so well placed timeskip.
It is the first time that I really thought about it, but why don't they ever think, that of course they don't just assume that it is their son.
I hope he is just walking perfectly because he is not really thinking about it and because he wish to be there for his sister, not that somethign is controlling him.
I hope I'm only overreacting and this is only you trying to describe that he is bein able to move his body instinctive.
Is he little? I only remember some stories in which Celestia is reaching up to a humans breast.
Yep I pretty much like it, sorry if it looks like I complain a lot, I'm actually only not a fan of any (two souls in ove body), or (the body forcing the Human to act like the pony would), or (a god/wanabe god faust, is forcing a Human turned Cadance or someone else, to act like her and live the same life. That means for a guy to be forced to date Shining Armor and not having a choice in his whole life anymore.)
If I like a story I always try to make sure that there isn't a mistake repeating itself, or happening in the first place.
Of course everything is my personal opinion and no rule, I just wanted you to know that I like it even if I overdo it with my comment again.
7887905 no no, your fine
and he's more a teenage celestia. that's why he is little. and i am going to do a rewrite when i go far enough into the story.
Seems a bit rushed and rusty around the grammar. But otherwise the story is cool, I really like the concept of it.
Kinda reminds me of another -slightly similar- story, also featuring some turning into Celestia or a version of her.
7890413 don't worry, whn i get far enough into the story, i am going to rewrite chapters
7891047 Sounds good enough.
Oh, while I have your attention, how often will you upload chapters (every week, month, year, decades or maybe even centuries)?
7891276
anyway, it depends on how i am feeling. if i am doing good, it may take a couple of days, otherwise it may take a week or two, the longest i have created a chapter, because i haven't felt well during that time, was a month.
MORE!!!!!
7895073 another chapter is coming.
Let me tell you a story, all about ho-
Meh. It's exactly what it said on the tin, but doesn't really have much of a plot or rational, realistic reactions by the family. I guess those aren't really necessary, with this being a comedy/random story.
My prediction:
"It's Sarah's 8th birthday!"
"Make a wish!"
*poof*
"Why hello, little sister Luna/Sarah."
Well it could be worse. He could have turned into an anthro version of princess Celestia which would have been funnier in my opinion.
It keeps switching from first person to third person.
And present tense to past tense...
son, son is the word your looking for
7888398
Just a little tip there a lot of redundancy’s. Line for example that line about getting a text. You say he gets s text but the. Moments laterhave him tell his friends. A better way would be to say he looks at his phone and then say it a text out loud. Otherwise it feels like the same thing twice
Usually when something somewhat like this happens, the victim's will try to keep a shred of normalcy, but the MC here basically says "This is my life now, oh well."
Still an interesting story.
Imagine how you would react if you were in the same situation as Jason. I would make Sarah promise to never wish to become Princess Luna; or maybe I would ask her to wish to become Princess Luna.
"Ooof, mom, (i) don't feel so good.
"Ooof, mom, I don't feel so good.
"And (i) can't believe that (i'm) a girl now..." I say.
"And I can't believe that I’m a girl now..." I say.