1. Member Since 22nd Aug, 2013
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I am a young man from Massachusetts with Autism who enjoys MLP, Disney and writing!

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In 1939, at the beginning of World War II, Princess Celestia closes the German Embassy and exiles the German ambassador and his staff back to the human world after a group of ponies are found murdered at the edge of the Everfree Forest.

Author's note: This is my first attempt at writing a World War II fanfic involving "My Little Pony."  Helpful feedback is greatly appreciated.

First Published
11th Jan 2017
Last Modified
11th Jan 2017
#1 · 6w, 5d ago · 1 · 1 ·

I don't care what other people say

This was pretty cool

And well done imo

#2 · 6w, 5d ago · 1 · 3 ·

How about gassing the Nazis instead? The best and only good thing about the Nazis after all is that they make great disposable fodder to gas chambers and machine guns.

Sweet lord, my great great grandfather's talking through me again.

#3 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

Seems like it should keep going to me.  That Nazis would try to spears to Equestrian makes sense, as does Celestial ejecting them and declaring Hitler a monster. she'd seem him as worse than even Terik. Though Equestrian might be a haen forthe people the Nazis sought to exterminate (it wasn't just Jews)

#4 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

>>7859656 Just look at Stalin...

#5 · 6w, 5d ago · · 2 ·

>>7859645 And Hitler Advocated Anti-Smoking

#6 · 6w, 5d ago · 1 · 1 ·

>>7859645 Highways, jet engines, and scheduled television programming be damned.

#7 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

>>7859718 Just remember even evil has standards. Though I have feeling if Equestrian joined the allies Celestial would have bigggg problems with Stalin.

#8 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

Well done. :heart::pinkiehappy:

#9 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

And Luna enjoys herself some Wolfenstein.

#10 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

Yay. My home country :pinkiehappy: and I still live there :twilightsmile:

#11 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

>>7859810 I assume you are from Germany.

#12 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

This is a very good one-shot.

#13 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

I'd like to point out that Finland really wasn't much of an ally of Nazi Germany: they just got involved on the Eastern front to strike back at the Soviets after the Winter War, and in fact they wound up fighting a few skirmishes with the Nazis at the tail end of World War Two after they made peace overtures with Stalin.  They weren't taken over by a fascist government like Hungary and Romania were.

#14 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

>>7859745

>>7859719

To the person who downvoted my comment - Hello, Nazi Supporter.

I'll be visiting you later...  

:)

#16 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

Not the best attempt at political commentary, assuming that's what the author was going for. There's nothing about Celestia's portrayal here that makes any ironic comparison between her and Hitler work. If foreign dignitaries are trying to spread immoral ideologies to your country, you're more or less required to deport them as any good leader would.

Regardless, it's a cute one shot.

#17 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

Frighteningly enough, I spotted this *while* working on the outline for "Equestria : 1940" where there's a neutral Equestria in the middle of the Atlantic ocean (much like the Azores, but on the other side of the trench) being torn between German/European/American alliance.

#18 · 6w, 5d ago · 2 · 2 ·

>>7859645 And yet Obama's tenure as president has brought our country closer to the Nazi system of Government than any of our previous leaders.

#19 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

>>7860258 (scratches chin in deep thought)

Huh...

That's actually a pretty good point.

I'm British though so i would not have really noticed that.

#20 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

>>7860135 My mother's side came from South America, you dumbfuck. Nice try with the identity politics though.

#21 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

>>7860336 AH HA! I KNEW MY TRAP WOULD DRAW YOU OUT!

AND NOW TO DO WHAT I WANTED TO DO ALL THIS TIME WAITING!

...

I'm gonna give you a follow for calling me a dumbfuck. Be safe, be well, and stay healthy for all of this year, my wonderful friend. And remember; you're perfect just the way you are. It's what makes you...'unique'. Get it? Cause' it's in my name and I'm not even remotely funny.

#22 · 6w, 5d ago · 2 · ·

This is not very well written. It feels like about a third of the dialogue is simply repeating itself as filler. Herr Spickzettel weirdly suffers for lack of pronouns. It's weird that he would be calling Celestia fraulein, and it's obvious that you're using it simply to create a German "feel" to the dialogue, even though it's not a particularly appropriate form of address for her. imagine talking to the Queen of England and calling her "Miss Elizabeth." You have a peculiar habit of repeating word sequences in odd, distracting, and occasionally incorrect ways.

For example:

Do you think I am going to allow murderers to remain in Equestria?" asked Celestia as the guards surrounded Herr Spickzettel. "I think not. As of this moment, Herr Spickzettel, you and your staff are to be returned to Germany, never to return to Equestria again for as long as you live, is that understood?"

Why are you repeating word patterns like this? "Be returned never to return." "Do you think? i think not."  You do this regularly throughout the story.  At the same time there re a lot of places where you're using words incorrectly. Just a few of the many examples:

The sounds of Celestia's voice did little to deter Herr Spickzettel's motivations.

No, her voice did little to deter Herr Spickzettel. "Motivations" doesn't belong in this sentence.

It seems to me you are trying to cover for those who committed these heinous acts, isn't it?"

isn't what? That sentence is not correct. There are lots of mistakes like these. Sentences that read strangely, are outright incorrect, and a few  that don't even finish.

Technical flaws aside, The premise is unclear and the general flow of the story doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  What's going on here? What are the beliefs that "these ponies" have that Germany has decided justifies killing them? Ponies from the German diplomatic office were seen beating up ponies at the edge of the Everfree Forest and then a bloodied doll was found in Canterlot? And these two events are related how? Spickzettel is implied to be involved in all of this, but if his office is in Canterlot...umm, is he dispatching ponies to the Everfree Forest to go beat up ponies? Where are those ponies now? apparently they weren't killed, they were only beat up. Why were they only beaten up? apparently there were orders to exterminate ponies "of a certain belief" and yet bloodied dolls are turning up Canterlot...so they're killing fillies in the capitol, but only beating up ponies in nice, secluded ares where they could easily get away with it? Why exactly? For that matter, why is any of this happening at all? You've made it clear that Germany has a diplomatic office in Equestria, so why are they murdering civilians in Equestria at all? Do you think Hitler was telling his diplomats in the US to kill american jews in the streets rather than maintain a good public face for Germany? i don't think so. What is Germany's plan here? And what is this unstated "specific belief" that some ponies have that they're being killed for? Clearly it's not any kind of racial factor and Germany obviously has nothing against ponies, since you have a German pony officer as your lead villain. So what is it that "some ponies" believe that gets them killed on an entirely different planet, and by members of their own species?

There are so many weird things going on here.

#23 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

>>7860135 Are you talking about gassing the Actual Nazi's or their soldiers? Or everyone involved during that time? That is the reason I did what I did.

And If you think I'm a Nazi Supporter, I'm not. I'm just saying some the good things that they did. Not excluding all the horrible things they have done.

#24 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

>>7860896 Well, this was an experiment story and I did ask for feedback.   Thanks for your time in critiquing.

#25 · 6w, 5d ago · · ·

>>7861047 The bad Nazis. Like, the Nazi's that everyone thinks of when you bring them up.

The murdering Nazis.

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