• Published 11th Jan 2017
  • 3,886 Views, 53 Comments

The Conversion Bureau: Last of My Kind - Jake The Army Guy



As Equestria and Earth merge, leaving the planet uninhabitable to the non-converted, the last human is determined to remain just that to the bitter end. But why?

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The Beginning

After several minutes, Luna slowly stood from the wooden floor of the tiny house, her regal face stained with tears. She did her best to avoid looking at the charred husk that lay on the bed before them.

Celestia helped her to her hooves, still running her wing across her back. “I am so sorry, little sister, but we had to let him make his own choice.” They turned to the door, both eager to escape the smell of death that permeated the room.

Luna sniffled. “I know, sister, I know. Still, the loss of sentient life is ne—”

A muffled groan cut them off. They both jerked to a halt, staring at each other as an odd sound came from behind them. Quickly, they turned back to look, both gasping. The charred body on the bed was writhing and pulsating. It contracted in on itself, no longer resembling a human body as much as a misshapen lump. Loud, disturbing cracks and pops came as it it restructured itself, bones and cartilage rearranging and rebuilding.

Luna took a slow step towards it. “Sister, what...”

Celestia had no answer. As they watched in rote fascination, the burnt remains of the human’s skin began to fall off revealing tan fur, the blob now firmly resembled a pony, four long legs beneath a sturdy trunk and a tail poking out the back end. As the last of the charred remains sloughed off, the nearly formed body fell from the bed, landing on its new legs.

Slowly, the new pony stood to his hooves, shaking his head and ruffling the jet black mane atop its head. It, rather he, stretched like a cat, emitting a loud groan of pleasure at the loud pops from the newly formed bones and flexing his expansive wings. He cracked his neck one last time before opening his icy blue eyes. Upon seeing the gawking faces of the Royal Sisters, he cleared his throat.

“Well... that happened.”

Comments ( 44 )

Really enjoyed this one, although I suppose I'm a little biased... Suppose I really should get back to finishing Project Thesan and Dogs of Winter now, so I can release the other stories in my GDoc inventory... :rainbowlaugh::pinkiecrazy:

Gotta say, I pretty liked it. Especially on how you described the universe as a bitch XD

Oh i hopethere is more to come.

Well I think he Got stupid the end. He may get to continue living but as a pony but I would have flipped the Pegasus off becuase being human rocks.

7858583 what i find interesting is the humans still maintain their nature amd intermarriage with ponies would give an interesting result. The other side is the pony bodies have a different hormonal makeup and you see a bit of that when he mentions his friend being the same yet dialed back. Its pretty interesting.

Also i hit the like button but im not gettin a count on it.

7858597

Until the first ten thumbs are cast it remains hidden.

7858702
Was actually very pleased to see Jake incorporate that into his story too, is a big facet of my collective of TCB works, just haven't gotten around to putting out stories that take an in-depth look at it yet :fluttercry:

Well, that was a thought provoking story I never thought I would come across...

Sound off, everybody else!!

What would you do if something like this were to happen for real?
Me, I would wait for my mom to decide.
Afterwards, I would most likely follow whatever she did.
If I chose to become a pony, then it would be an Pegasi.

This is a very good short story. I would love to a alicorn. So, I could still read , do magic , and fly anywhere in the world.

Always liked conversion bureau where it wasn' t "ponies are evil" stuff. This one was good, I do think incorporating humans into the pony genome but befits the ponies too. Former humans gain temperance, ponies become more bold.

Short and sweet. Very nice. :moustache:

I liked how the chapter titles were inverted. Made sense, too.

Huh.. usually when I see these sorts it tends to be the HUMANZ DA BEZT AT MURDERIN PONIES types.

I honestly wasn't expecting a pretty nice one like this, but this story certainly proved me wrong and it's wonderful.

Though I have to imagine Luna and Celestia are trying to figure out "What the hell" right now.

7860126 you kind of need to understand nature in order to control it

Now, upon the day of Integration, all of mankind has converted.
Except for one man.
Meet David, the last human, and hear his message.

I got David's message right here, folks.

Ponies do not have a better understanding with nature, what are you smoking? They litteraly control the weather, and freak out ant everfree because it works on its own. Their whole society is based on magic manipulation.

I would only convert to avoid said death, but I damn well wouldn't see the Princesses as my leaders. Based on humanities personality, I don't expect them too either and possibly bulkanize in this story.

THANK YOU! you actually written the first conversion bureau fic i enoyed its so rare to see one with a actual benevelant celestia. BRAVO!!

A pleasently HFY take on the "last human in the conversionverse" concept. Along with the non-militant sisters makes for an enjoyable read.

Well, this was pretty nice. For one, humans keep their personality and culture, so this type of conversion is one that I would not be averse to.

Well that's genius. Short, yet working well. I love this.

While I have heard about the Conversion Bureau stories, this was the first one I have actually come across. Have to say I liked it.

It reminded me of a short story I read 20+years ago, no idea of the name or author, where mankind had basically all become cyborgs. One 'Pure Human' was left in a nursing home, and no one could understand why he didn't take the upgrades that would extend his life. One day alien first contact happens and the alien ambassador is being shown around the town. The man makes a scene about how he has the right to meet the alien as he is the last human. Upon their meeting, the man punches the alien in the face. The end.

Neat idea but the ponies are still pretty hypocritical and the end kinda' invalidates the whole point of the gesture, to go through all that pain for nothing when he could have just converted earlier is stupid. Either stay dead or at least get something better out of it, some form of recompense for the pain; if you're going to be bribed make sure it's a damn big bribe!

8084167
I want to read that

8241108
Sadly it was so long ago that I can't recall the author or title. :twilightoops:

Defiantly interesting with the whole avatar/spirit thing... But wouldn't they technically still be intervening? Anyways good read.

8564710
the Collective doesn't give a damn about its subparts. And it's clear they're picking and choosing what species most benefit THEM, not the other way around. (The Pakleds OFFERED to have themselves assimilated, and the Borg, DIDN'T WANT THEM!)

I think that this story forces itself into a pony versus human dichotomy that doesn’t really exist (”Stories about ponies are stories about people,” as Cold in Gardez says) and if you don’t accept that central premise there’s not much left for this story to stand on. I also find it difficult to empathize with David, since we don’t really know anything about him and his worldview is centered on this one issue that I don’t especially identify with.

8974292
Thank you for reading! I'm sorry you didn't like it, but thank you very much for the feedback!

Now I'm imagining an alternate ending in which he says "fuck you, I do what I want" and rejects what he finds to be a false dichotomy and decides to bother the two goddesses for all eternity, which segways into a sequel story in which they have a collective commentary about events that happen, essentially MST3K'ing the FUCK out of this particular TCB universe.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

What the hell. XD

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for any moment where I underestimated this story and what it could be. It was super good.

A fantastic middle ground between the usual takes on the Bureau. No one's holding a proverbial or literal gun to the other side's head. Humanity is neither villified nor deified. We're crazy, reckless, bloody-minded monkeys, for good and for ill. And most of that still carries over post-horsification.

Great work. Thank you for it.

9994355

We're crazy, reckless, bloody-minded monkeys, for good and for ill.

That was actually one of the big things I wanted to communicate with this story and, as you say, it's something that most TCB stories either miss or use poorly. Humanity, for all our ills and missteps, is pretty amazing. When we actually try, we are capable of some great things. Sadly, we oftentimes use such things for bad purposes. But just as good ideas can be used to horrible ends, good things can stem from horrible purposes. Hell, the guy who pioneered nitrogen fixing, which increased worldwide crop yields by an almost incalculable amount, initially developed the technique to make more potent bombs during the first World War.

9994022

That means a lot coming from you. Thanks! :twilightblush:

... Damn I really need to stop footin' around and get to reading these older stories. Loved this piece! Great little introspective into what it means to be human.

10373298

Thank you very much! This was my first attempt at some sort of "deep meaning" or message. As I said in a comment above, humanity is a very mixed bag. When we're good, we're awesome. When we're not, we're monsters. Only time will tell which nature reigns supreme.

so... I am wondering now. if the Project Thesan was a success, couldn't they take the adapted human born form it, and made a serum based on his "magickied" DNA?

if that was impossible, it was never pointed out.

If this happens and I was the last human I would die listening to what a wonderful world with everything in the story happening slightly differently but the end would be the same

10711492
You are welcome it is a great story and one of the storys that were actually finished unlike a story called drive it is a good story but it was canceled kind of sad so this was a great story this is the picture of the story https://cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/g05t-1432507826-135306-full

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