• Member Since 16th Dec, 2016
  • offline last seen April 13th

Fallen Angel N


I do stuff...and things. Don't judge me...

E

Getting sucked into a land of talking ponies was the last thing Ethan expected...or wanted. Now faced with the task of trying to fit in, difficult questions will arise. Where am I? How can I get home? And did I leave the oven on...

Meanwhile, the mane six are preparing for the Summer Sun Celebration when a mysterious pony appears claiming to be from another world. Is he crazy or is there something big going on? What will happen to the land of Equestria? (Not a crossover)

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 31 )

Pretty good I'll bookmark this series for sure I'm also trying to make my first oc story but it's rather difficult

Comment posted by Fallen Angel N deleted Jan 10th, 2017

The updates just keep making it better an better ;)

This is awesome! Good job :D

Great chapter! It was worth waiting :)

Pfft, I can make a way better chapter . . . oh shit, put down that chainsaw . . .

7913681

Make a better chapter and I will! :pinkiecrazy:

Just wanted to leave a quick comment saying I'm going to download this thing and give it a proper read, since you gave my own little bit of nonsense a look. Considering the length of it, it's taking me a while to read on the site. Offline, I'll be able to give it some actual attention. Once I'm done I'll either leave a comment on here, or try to dig up the facebook thread and give you my thoughts there..!

The timberwolf lunged at Ethan who tried to hold it off with a branch. The branch in his hands cracking as he desperately held it to keep the teeth at bay. With one final snapping sound the branch broke and the wolf swiped at him knocking him back. Ethan quickly picked himself up as the creature ran at him.

Easy for someone new to life as a pony to forget what he has at the end of his limbs if he's running like a human. Should that be "His hand.. er, hooves" -Or is it foreshadowing for a realization later? "Hey, wait! How did I hold that stick like that? I was struggling back at "Sugarcube Corner! How are the others holding things with hooves anyway?"

7947993

Nah it should be changed to hooves. Anyway he spent a long time sweeping all that flour XD and working at Sweet Apple Acres he's gotten a bit better and using his hooves. As for how ponies grab things with them...I honestly don't know. :rainbowlaugh: Maybe their hooves bend slightly at the end or something.

Quick thoughts:
Ponies say 'everypony,' not 'everyone.'
Ey that's about it, other than a few spelling/grammar mistakes

7988180 Wow. Thanks for reading the all of that and pointing out minor grammar problems. Looks like those were some REALLY quick thoughts. God forbid you actually talk about the story huh? :ajsmug:

7988447
Also was on a phone and didn't feel like going through the pain of trying to quote it.
Will do it later (when I get home from work) or tomorrow if I don't get time tonight.

Is this that kind of Crossover I think it is? I just don't remember the character Ethan, can you help me a bit with which game it maybe was?

8226012
Actually the story says not a crossover on the summary. Unless you're just joking around.

8226098
no it's alright, I was probably tired.

This starts nicely, but I hope it doesn't exactly went the same route as some Displaced stories, not sure if this is meant as a human in Equestria storie or as Displaced one. I rarely see any good once, either they are OP and even get attacks that wouldn't fit to their character or have crappy personalitys. The worst once are sex crazed idiots, I have nothing against them going into that direction, but I actually get tired of seeing that kind of character everywhere, along with those that keep blushing in every situation including a Mare and letting themself get manipulated by said girls.

I suddenly remember an applejack that told a character he would have feelings, why he probably hasn't developed feeling for a character at that point and not only did he nothing to clear that mistake, no he was kind of letting himself getting told what he was supposed to do.

I only hope this wasn't Faust and more something like the god or the sould of this world itself. I just don't like to well...I'm not that kind of guy that likes to write a one piece fanstory, making the creator one of the most powerful people in the story just to praise him or something.

I think I said everything, but maybe I forgot some stuff that would actually be important for me too. However I guess you know what I mean, if I don't really like most of the most obvious shippings and prefer some changes in my stories.

Sorry I like this story so far, but that is exactly why I feel like I need to mention it as long as it could still be seen and considered if the author thinks the same or likes what is said.

I actually kind of hope he isn't having some sort of game guide for his adventure in Equestria. which could take away suprises for him.

I kind of hope he is going to say what he thinks if he doesn't like something in the future, but right now I just let his personality....uuhh work on me or how you might say it.

I'm curious what Celestia meant with her final sentence, but I think I take a break for a movie and some food right now.

8227773
Yeah, also not a fan of the HIE stereotypes. Glad you liked it so far, here's hoping it stays that way. :pinkiesmile:

you have an refeshing way to aproach some stuff

8231220
Everything I would normally hate, or where I would start to complain takes a suprising or nice turn and it always feels like you stop with something the moment it would start to get annoying.

I normally hate it if the main char is letting themself get manipulated by the actions from other characters like Twilight for example, I hope he continues calling her just Celestia and stuff like that.

8231220

Which main language do you have?

8231220
Before I read the next chapters, if the entity (Navi), should be important, I just hope that we still don't see it the whole time, or that there are even chapters without it, I don't really like thos invisible almighty guides.

I kind of hope this starts out as a romance between maybe him and Celestia, sorry but I always end up wanting an adoption or romance in stories, I just like the slice of life aspect, I mean I like the adventures too, but I kind of hate it if there is no break between big adventures. Not just one or two chapters.

Well do you know any stories wich includes the main char getting adopted, where the parents try to form a conection but it turns out with the new mother crying about not being able to form a connection with the not so interessted child? It is hard to describe, but I would like to see it not working out just right at the beginning. That and I would love to have the main char not getting forced to accept them, but I want it to be written in a way that looks like they make their own decision without manipulation from others, like when there are some selfrightous ponies which think he is an asshole for not just accepting their love or something else when it is actually legit for him to feel like that.

I have the bad feeling in a few chapters already he is forced to fight in some sort of army till the exact end of the story without carefree moments like this. I actually hope this turns out like some little missions here and there I think.

Nice chapter.

8231790
I'm afraid I don't know of a matching story. :applejackunsure: But a good idea would be to ask some of the groups you're in perhaps in the Shameless Self-Promotion Bureau for example, someone's bound to know.

https://www.fimfiction.net/group/198512/the-shameless-self-promotion-bureau

Glad you're enjoying the story though. :pinkiehappy:

I don't like the last part with Zecora, that she knows about it somehow or that she didn't had a real reason to talk to him.
I thought she wanted to be his friend and here it seems to be about a certain something....

Well shit Navi is really a guide. I still want the interaction to get less at some point.

I partly enjoyed the moment with Luna, but I hate it if they try to control everything. However she completely turned around when she thought he was Eden

Guess this story is dead?

Ooooh! I rather like the mystery you've set up between Eden and Ethan! I'll track this story just in case it updates again ;)

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