• Member Since 20th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Mar 2nd, 2018

Sebbaa


Engeneering student from Germany.

Comments ( 16 )

I suddenly have this urge to have Daring Do tie me up. I wonder why :pinkiehappy:

OH DEAR GOD. You actually decided to go into detail of that night. :twilightoops:
Coming back Saturday mornin'. Then i shall... Go to my death in this.

Who knows if Twilight has this boos in her Daring Do collection... :twilightblush:

849223 That gif made me laugh way harder than it should.
Anyway, this was pretty damn nice.
You should replace some words however, in the beginning you write Expanse instead of Expense and tights instead of thighs.
Near the very end there's a spend instead of spent, but that's all. I think I'm gonna pick up reading the griffons goblet

BWAH HA HA HA HA!!

Evil influence is fun! :trixieshiftright:

The END has SOME clop??? ARE YOU CRAZY???:derpytongue2:

Thanks everypony!

This is my first clopfic, so I'm glad so many readers liked it. :scootangel:

849223 that gif......was similar to my reaction of reading this.....

Okay now got the chance to read it. Despite me me *cough* not really reading these *cough* it was actually really good! Found some mistakes in the grammar but nothing major.

Now, Sebbaa, you're obligated to do Bulwark and the two Zebra twins. :rainbowwild: :twilightblush:

873977 I agree. Also, I kind of want to see if Daring could talk Bulwark into a bit of, let's say "experimenting" after that Poison-Joke-incident... :twilightblush:

849223

At first I was like :rainbowhuh:

But then I was like :rainbowlaugh:

852819

I SHOULDA KNOWN YOU WERE SKULKING AROUND HERE! TIME TO MEET YOUR MAKER! As in, you're roadkill. as in you're dead...

Whatever, Come at meh bro!

Nice story, but there's a fair bit you may want to edit.

Daring looking at him with sultry eyes, her backside turned to him and he grayscale tail swaying enticingly from side to side, a grin spread on his face and he quickly closed the door.

That should be "her".

With a knock of her head she dropped her pith-helmet, caught it in her teeth and threw it to the fare side of the bed.

That should be "her".

Only then did she pull up her hindlegs, rest them at her side and flick her tail over her thight, showing off her shining, wet nethers.

That should be "thigh".

Her wings flapped helplessly against the predators mighty flanks with every thrust.

That should be "predator's".

He was curling himself up on the bed besides her with a satisfied smile and closed his eyes for sleep.

I think that should just be "beside".

Daring slowly walked backwards as she worked her way down the predators chest, all the time keeping contact with his eyes, trailing a long, sloppy path.

"predator's".

She grinned at him with sultry eyes, her teeth barred to an almost feral snarl, and began licking the insides of his tights.

This is a recurring error, you wrote "tights" instead of "thighs".

She bit down on his tight were she was licking him, and her teeth broke his skin.

"thigh".

The mare lowered her head again and rubbed her chin against her lovers, then began to work her way down again, nuzzling and nibbling him.

That should be "lover's".

She then stretched out her tongue to its full length, letting saliva drop onto his tights, as she slowly, so maddening slowly neared his member.

"thighs".

She knew that ,even bound, the griffon was stronger than her and could break free if he really wanted to.

You should move that comma back a space.

Her wings spread wide as she began to ride him, rocking her hips tentatively, circling them, relishing the studded tip of her companions member steering her insides.

That should be "companion's".

She threw her body forward again, and bit down on her lovers chest, which muzzled her voice a bit.

"lover's".

The pain send Daring over the edge again, and she threw her head back, howling a primal scream; her nethers started clenching and quivering, drenching the bed below her in her sexual fluids, as she found herself flying on a mind blowing orgasm.

That should be "sent".

The predator was spend beyond exhaustion; he passed out and fell into a comatose sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

That should be "spent".

As she fell asleep she briefly wondered if the two zebras, she had shoved Bulwark onto, did have just as much fun tonight as she had.

And I suggest deleting the commas and replacing "did have" with "had".

so basically, she's the mlp version of captain kirk

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