• Member Since 26th Apr, 2016
  • offline last seen 32 minutes ago

Foal Star


Peace for Ukraine!

Sequels1

E

Sunburst is Flurry Heart's royal crystaler and has been charged with keeping Flurry Heart safe, while her parents take a long needed vacation. While they are gone, Flurry accidently transforms Sunburst into a foal and the two accidently get seperated. Now lost in the crystal empire Sunburst will try to get back to Flurry even in his new foalish body. While Flurry Heart goes out on her own to find her friend Sunburst.

Editor: Superpinkbrony12

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 71 )

Looking good so far, but should mention the fact that the author of "Flurry Heart's Newest Victim" gave you permission to redo the story so people don't think you're plagerizing it.

Her mace rattle would be funny.

I hope Flurry Heart will show Sunburst all the fun you can have as a foal, and that Sunburst won't try too hard to be the more mature one. You're only young once, so make the most of it. :rainbowkiss:

ICR who, but somebody had a fic where Alicorns came in 2s, one good, one evil. Celestia & Luna/Nightmare Moon, Cadance & Chrysalis. Now Twilight & Flurry Heart.

Which would you say is the good one? The one that mind controlled an entire town because she was late with a report and murdered the Pinkie clones because they were annoying or the one that broke the Crystal Heart and blew holes in the palace just because?

Well then, it's not every day an AR fic makes it to the feature box(though it has been happening more frequently, I note). *pins to Read Later*
7838216 Of course, according to bullet-point 2 in the submission rules, permission is insufficient for any sort of rewrite. Don't worry, though, I fully expect that the rule will never again be enforced until it is quietly rescinded.

Flurry Heart is the Anti-Christ of Equestria! She can still be destroyed by a set of ceremonial daggers! It is not too late!

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Hey leave Flurry Heart alone. She's just foal after all. Its not like she did anything with intention. Xd.:twilightsmile:

Your editor needs to step up their game.

So far, this is turning out rather interesting. Just a few bits of punctuation and capitalization errors. But other than that, this is becoming a very fun read. Keep up the good work, and God Bless.

Flurry Heart will bring about a thousand years of darkness!

The streets will run red with the blood of innocent ponies when Flurry Heart comes to power! She must be stopped now!

Twilight would make a good mother,no doubt:twilightsmile: had sunburst bleeder Problems when he was a Foal?:rainbowhuh:

This wasn't in my library for some reason.

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What do you guys mean by that? Did you guys add it to your favorites but it wasnt there?

this is SO CUTE!

and For everyponys reading pleasure heres a scenario that just popped to mind.

Cadance and Shining Armor entered their daughters room, and walking over to Flurry's crib peered in it to look at their daughter only to blink as a trio of foals lay asleep in it, one they recognized as their daughter, and the other as Gemstone, Flurry's friend. But it was the third foal that caught their attention the most, they could swear it looked just like Sunburst.

"Oh Cadance, Shining, welcome back!" Twilight greeted the pair as she walked into the nursery and over to the crib. "I will assume by your expressions your wondering about the third foal in the crib, see it's like this somehow someway Sunburst was turned into a foal when he took Flurry to the park and we still have not found a way to fix him yet.

"I..see.." she Cadance reply though she really didn't though she had to admit the way the trio was snuggled up together like they were was very cute so much they she took out a camera and took a few pictures. "They look like sleeping angel" she then commented.

"Angels my foot.." Spike began shaking his head "They pounce on me every chance they get" he pouted cutely earning a snicker from Twilight.

"They are just showing how much they like you!" chirped Twilight with a smile

7854973 Hehe thanks! :twilightsmile:

Though now that I think about it. How WOULD they react if they came home and by that time Starburst still had not been fixed? :rainbowhuh:

7854699 Yes, I at least had this on my favorites list, but it never displayed anything to indicate there was a new chapter. I had to click on favorites and view by date added to find out this had a new chapter. Not sure what happened, must've been a glitch.

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Ok thats good.
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Also I think Shining would freak out but Cadence would love it. Xd

7855145 XD Imagine Shining having to chase after TWO Foals :rainbowlaugh:

Nicely written and well paced. It's neat to read a tale about Sunburst having a misadventure with his responsibility as the Royal Crystaler.

Having Spike involved adds additional fun while Sunstone adds a delightfully additional "Maternal Touch".

Definitely looking forward to reading more as you get to writing it. :)

Wonder what's gonna happen to Sunburst now that he broke that vial? :trixieshiftright:

:rainbowlaugh: The more I read, the more I had to laugh! Sunburst's mother takes care of him again, how sweet! Just like old times, eh, Sunburst?

The only one who stop Flurry Heart is the 2nd coming of Equesrtia's messiah.

I speak of course, of Dinky Hooves.

Chapter 3 is really turning this story into an adorable mystery. The investigation at the park, what was found there, and how it impacts the cliffhanger are all quite awesome.

The visuals are all wonderful in this story. It definitely shows how you've been improving as a writer with each tale you tell. You've made an AR story into something that is full of substance instead of being a token tale for a given theme. I'd go as far as to say that most wouldn't even think of this as an AR story as opposed to a whimsical misadventure brought about by Baby Unicorn Magic and mysterius circumstances that are just waiting to be explained.

Sun Swirl's arrival also helps us to get a fun take on a character we have not yet had the chance to meet in the show. Parents often get let out, aside from Twilight's and Granny Smith. It's nice to go beyond the boundaries of the core cast.

So now we have Sunburst's father showing up? I wonder if he and Sunburst's mother aren't together anymore if he's collaboraitng with this other mare to turn his son into a foal, unless the one he's collaboarating with is indeed Sunswirl? :trixieshiftright:

7871036 the guy might not even be sunbursts dad, but just somepony claiming to be.

If Starlight Glimmer sees Sunburst then...oh this would be funny:rainbowlaugh:

7871036 either optioncis possible. The father might be an ex. If it them working together that a little creepy just get get their little foal back. Or it sunshine I mean she "found sunburst first afterall

Although why she give her daughter a big beother I don't know.

7875703 I can imagine her reaction if she learns about all this after the fact from Twilight. She'll be like "Why didn't anypony think to tell me? I would've loved to see him as a foal."

The only illegal thing the parents did was using enchanted powder without permission first

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Dont worry Sunburst's parents wont be in much trouble. :twilightsmile:

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She could be coming into the story much sooner then you think.

7877889 Well, I'm eager how she reacts to Sunburst

7877582 Yeah figured as much. Twlight just over reacting due to well probably stress XD
I like the flow of the story cause there no idiot stick involved or anything like that. You know author using X excuse just so plot can happen.

OOoh! The plot gets even deeper! Sunspot and Sunswirl are definitely two interesting characters who are exhibiting behavior that is most believable given what had happened when Sunburst was sent to Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns.


Lots of parents fall prey to living vicariously through their children. What is going on, up to Chapter 5, is most believable after making the connection as to what had happened between Sunburst starting at the school to present day.


Definitely very clever. I'm eager to read more as it becomes available. :)

I thought you said age spells could only be performed by powerful unicorns.

Ouch Spike!

Way to kick a stallion while he is down! What is next? You commenting that his horn is puny?

Starlight's never gonna let Sunburst live down the fact that he messed himself in front of her and she changed him. :rainbowlaugh:

Enjoying playing with Starlight again,eh, sunburst? Poor you weting herself infront of your friend and being in pain when you getting your teeth (again)

7889991 He didn't wet himself, he messed himself, and in front of Starlight no less.

Loving the additional characters. It definitely helps build the world within the story to be far beyond just main characters.


Chapter 6 stood out by bringing in Glim-Glim. I wondered if she'd show up. It's one of those things that you'd expect to happen, but know you want to happen.

Looking good, Sunburst's parents got a proper punishment and everypony is satisfied. :twilightsmile:

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