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You are Pinkie Pie. You are about seven to twelve summers old, you never really kept super strict count of that. You spot a creepy house just outside your farmland and decide to have a little peek.
Readers make the shots, this is a CYOA type story.
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I vote 2, 5 and 7!
2 and 7.
2 seems very popular, but 1 or 5 look interesting as well. I'm just excited that another CYOA is out there! It's an underrated genre.
5 or 1
7836495 Just making sure the vote is 1, 2, 5? Also welcome!
7836505 affirmative.
6 (and that is where she gets her hacksaw
)
7 or 2
Choice six.
Who knows, maybe macguffin muffins are hiding there.
Choice Five... Giggle at the ghosties. If you giggle at them, they know you are friendly, right?
7) Chastise those mean paintings
Seems like Pinkie, simples!
Oh, you still kept reading this comment?
What did Pinky do to those trees in the everfree forest?
7) Chastise those mean paintings
4 and 6
5 and 6 just because that seems like what I (pinkie) would do
Readers make the shots....Here I was thinking Displaced was the worst thing here.
This is YOUR story. We're here because we want to see what YOU can do with the setting and it's characters.
Isn't this RP nonsense banned here anyways? MODS!
7, 5, 6, in that order.
Ok, now we'll get to see how long I can stand to read something written in second person, by an author whose work I usually like. (Because it's second person, but "you" is Pinkie, not the reader, I think it would work just as well if not better as third person omniscient, but it's your fic, and I have an extreme dislike of second person fics.)
1, 2, or 6, not with any particular preference. I despise 2nd person, its low-brow even for amateurs or hobbiest, but I guess a CYOA story is usually written in this style so I'll try and be objective. I checked out "PonyFinder" and found that I liked I, if only I discovered it before Christmas as I know the perfect person to gift it to, oh well. Anyway, I like the story thus far, it has an interesting self-aware style that I admire, when will you start work on the next chapter?
7
1 2 5 7
7836849
ever played Dungeons and Dragons? CYOA is actually pretty popular and I really don't see how it is roleplaying. Yes, this is his story and we are looking at things from Pinkie's perspective, but these kind of fanfics get the audience involved with the story. We chose the path, he writes based on the choice. Don't like it then don't read!
I think I like the conversational writing style, although it's a little limited in its applications.
Look all I know is that Pinkie giggles at ghosties. 5.
7837458 Pinkie Pie knows no limits.
7837302 "Don't Like, Don't Read".
I heard that plenty of times back on ff.net too. Mpreg and slash fans were always hysterical with their writing too.
7836849
"We?" Are you British royalty? How many people ya got in there? Can we talk to Cybil?
7837470 And yet story genres you don't like keep existing... It's almost as if not liking a genre doesn't have any effect on it's existence. But that can't be right. Clearly more research is needed.
7837466
Oh! Unless... unless this is before Pinkie's grandma taught her to giggle at the ghosties?
And maybe she teaches her now?
No, doesn't seem in the cards... but now I wanna read a story about young Pinkie getting scared and taught to laugh her problems away, thanks.
7837470 I'm not sure why you're comparing a tried and true, wildly successful, style of storytelling to... that?
Educate yourself: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choose_Your_Own_Adventure
This is not a second person smut fest. This is an adventure readers can direct.
7837498 We, as in, people who don't know about this author. Anything else you need explained, dunce? Points for the passive-aggressive approach though.
7837918 Can you explain why Applejacks don't taste like apples?
Or why kids love cinamon toast crunch?
Or where these other people you represent are?
It's kinda a jerk move that they picked you to speak for them and then threw you under the bus and left you looking like some pretentious jack-ass who just throws around "we" when he's really just talking about himself. One of these guys should really come forward, because it's not cool the way they're leaving you hanging like this.
7837755
">> Hamster_Master I'm not sure why you're comparing a tried and true, wildly successful, style of storytelling to... that?
Educate yourself: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choose_Your_Own_Adventure
This is not a second person smut fest. This is an adventure readers can direct."
thank you for backing up my initial point against Hamster_Master
Interesting beginnings! I'm happy to see another cyoa experiment so soon after the last!
In an airport at the moment so the typo hunt will have to wait a bit longer.
2,1
We're here in the kitchen so we may as well finish looking around. Maybe there will be ingredients for cake! Then we can go and look at that light.
7837755
It's a 'strawman' argument and is always a logical fallacy. It's countered by doing as you have done, i.e. point out the fallacious analogy and offer supporting evidence to educate.
Good show!
I say 1, 2, & 5. Let's see where this adventurous filly goes.
2
1) Get upstairs to that light.
And Only that.
Most of these corrections assume you are writing in the 2nd person present active tense.
Sorry.
on her, I mean - on her. I mean
What what else could - What what else could
wasn't going to explain itself, or was it - isn't going to explain itself, or is it
You pronked - You pronk
surrounded it and reached - surround it and reach
just fell right - just falls right
hinge as it made - hinge as it makes
Stone you knew - Stone you know
the house was made - the house is made
you were making - you are making
Where we we - Where were we
gate closed and looked - gate is closed and looks
see there's the front - see there's the front
as if it hadn't been - as if it hasn't been
another frame comes loose of its picture - another frame comes loose of its mounting (unless you truly are saying that the frames go flying and the pictures stay on the wall)
Was this a game, or were you - Is this a game, or are you
Whatever it was, you didn't much like it so you started - Whatever it is, you don't much like it so you start
that shattered with - that shatter with
one hit the - one hits the
You heard - You hear
saw one knocked over - see one knock over
grabbed it in your mouth and scurried - grab it in your mouth and scurry
it looked like - it looks like
There was a big - There is a big
Nothing was moving, and that was - Nothing is moving, and that is
set down that lamp - set down the lamp
wandering that kitchen - wandering the kitchen
it made you feel - it makes you feel
frames weren't being - frames aren't being
noises you made, you were alone - noises you make, you are alone
2, 1, 5. It's getting late and you're hungry from working all day. Then let's see if we can find somepony, giggling at any ghosties you may encounter.
Keep going! ;)
7841865 Something to do in the morning, but will the ghosts of these typos go after Pinkie?
2) Thoroughly search this kitchen
There could be food in it or something we might be able to use as a weapon if we're attacked by something.
I vote 3 because I am easily distracted.
Number 5! Make the poor colt smile!
Number 1. If I'm Pinkie Pie, I'm not going to cower and not talk my mouth off. Number 4 too, though, because it's silly.
Also voting 3.
3 and 5
3 4 5
4 & 5
3/2 then 4 , then if he is stell there 5
p.s. Can we have Pinkie find a Lab, with potions: and
a) Pinkie drinks one of the potions and it make her ...
b) finds frankenSTALLION/Frankenstein
c) Finds a Which
d) ...
4 then 1
You began - You begin
There were old - There are old
your moth - your mouth
around as frightened - around as if/though frightened
thrust a hoof - thrusts a hoof
center o the room - center of the room
There was a metal - There is a metal
grab that grate - grab the grate
came the frightened - comes the frightened
knocking thing over - knocking things/something over
5
The colt seems like someone nice and it's not time to confront 'mother' yet. There's a new friend to learn about and have fun with once she's gone!
A little shorter on the typos, but still a fine dinner!
I was tempted to add votes for distractions to allow us to get back to our new friend, but he is the priority so of we need to do anything to make it happen, we still can.
5, 2. We have an ally in that colt, and the mother isn't pleasant. Should proceed with caution. Pinkie doesn't seem like the kind of pony to burst to negative conclusions, so being confrontational to the mother seems a bit much...
Keep going! ;)
I almost want to see three just because Pinkie is Pinkie..... But 5 is probably what she'd do. 2 first of course. That's one ghostie that doesn't get giggled at.