Night Shadow a mare raised by wolves that was abandoned in the everfree at birth finds her true calling as a dreamwalker. This is a secret organisation under the duristiction of the Princess of the night. Her role is to keep the nightmares at bay with other ponies like herself but together they will find and Learn life changing secrets for better or worse.
This story is based off a rp so the other individual who gave me inspiration is called frogmyre please go check him out as well thanks this set before season 6 as well
Chapters (5)
Okay. Let me break this down from the top.
Story Title and Description
Your capitalization is off through it all. The title should read, "The Nightmare Chronicles". And the only things that should be capitalized in the description are the first letters of the first word of a sentence, and proper nouns.
The Story
This was hard to slog through despite being only about 1000 words. There is little in the way of separating the dialogue, indentation. Additionally, there's a number of run-on sentences that need to be rewritten. The one that caught my eye the hardest was:
Now your dialogue. It is...dry. And most every bit of it ends in an exclamation mark. This creates a bit of a "Syndrome Effect".
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It loses its significance the more common it is. There are ways to have a loud argument, while sparingly using the exclamation mark.
Based on the way this reads, I figure you are either rather young, or just starting to make your first steps at writing stories. I say this, because you tell the reader everything, rather than show them. Try to reveal details a bit at a time, and to build your characters up so the reader can get to know them. My advise is read "Twilight Sparkle vs. The Haunted Mailbox". The author captures and practically nails the characters, uses great use of showing, not telling, the reader what is happening, and develops the plot in a way that doesn't feel forced or hamfisted. The only issue I have with it is there's no indentation, but that's a stylistic choice and is relatively minor. Use this story as an example of really good writing. You also might consider looking at Viking ZX's user page. Along the right hand side, if you scroll down a little, he has a vast number of writing guide that have very sound writing tips and advice.
The purpose of this vector check isn't to discourage you from writing and releasing works, but to try and give you a nudge in the right direction. I was pretty horrible when I started out and I will say that it takes a while, but through practice, you will get better. Just stick with it.
7859638
Hey thank you for the advice to answer your query of to my shocking writing habits it's been a while and I am on exam year so I need to get back into shape plus I'm doing all this on a mobile device as my laptop is being fixed... When that happens I will go back and edit it in a more scrutinised manner
7859655 It's all good. Good luck!
7860640
Thanks
this is really intereting
7943252
Thanks
Hello there
Interesting idea you have there, I must admit. I like the details you managed to put there, just like the dragon plushie.
However, I'll be brutally honest with you.
There are some issues with the story, issues that make reading it really hard. However, all of those can be repaired or avoided, leaving only a good unflawed story.
First, the capitalization. Night's name starts with capital letter, words like 'everfree' or 'luna' should too.
Then there are mistakes such as:
Those happen from time to time, usually when you change your mind on certain word and then forget to delete the original. If you read carefully, word by word, you can catch them easily.
Next are some typos.
The place where trees grow is called forest. Your have there 'forrest', that could refer only to Forrest Gump, not wood.
Also, when you want to write about something that belongs to it, it should be its not 'it's' - that's abbreviation of 'it is'.
And now to the biggest problem. Overly long sentences. However, adding 'and' to them as someone here already told you won't really help. As I noticed, you tend to write normally like that, not just in stories. Really common issue, I had that too. It springs from the need to get all those damn ideas out of your head and move on. However, reading this 'stream of consciousness' is really hard and confusing, turning off most readers.
The secret of avoiding this is splitting the sentences.
I'll give you an example of what I have in mind, okay? Let's choose some sentence from this story:
Now here is my rewrite of it:
Not my best work, but I tried to stay as close to your wording as possible.
That's it all. Do you have any questions? If so, don't hesitate to ask, in comment or PM.
Good luck in your writing!
-Ever
8015005
Thanks for the heads up I know I need to work on my story a bit and have thought of looking for an editor who can offer up an oc to help continue the story without making stress of making characters basically to adopt and raise night in the next chapter
8015062 You're welcome. Also, why not create the OC yourself? In the end, the only thing they'd provide you are the name, looks and such. You'd be the one writing it.
8015204
True but I like giving the community imput into the story a chance to share other authors around using their oc's
8015252 I see