This amuses me.

This does not amuse me.

Ah, controversial fiction...brings out either the best or the worst in others, no? Please, hesitate not in any criticisms or praises for this cobbled-together piece of work. If it amuses you, all the better. If it does not, then you needn't fret. There are many other stories out there that may well be your cup of tea, and I only hope you find enjoyment in all that you seek.

John Doe?

Image: http://doulifee.com//Storage/aceatt/GyakutenSaiban2/4-4ani-koroshiya-suit.gif

>>851706851706 then I am glad to have brought you the lols.

>>851759851759 Aww. That's too bad. But I hope you find enjoyment elsewhere! Love and tolerance everypony!

>>851793851793 I have no idea what you are referencing, but thank you for the comment nonetheless.

dangit you took my story idea although my would have been twi

Damn it, that's another 1,400  on the the already 745,000 words on my 'to be read list'... damn. I'm not even joking, I did the math. This will come first though, expect a review to replace this soon.

>>851897851897 I have more in mine.

>>851895851895 Don't allow my writing to discourage you from your own! I've no doubt your work will be excellent, and I would look forward to reading it if you wrote it anyways.

>>851897851897 A respectable to be read list, to be sure! And I am honored to be high up on your priority list...though I worry about a review to replace your comment. But please be harsh if necessary. If I'm to survive this oft-cruel world, I'll need to grow a callused and thick skin, in order to act as a natural barrier against trolls and demons!

>>851949851949 Well then congratulations on winning the "I never have time to get around to reading what I set aside for myself" competition! All joking aside though...wait, joking should never be put aside. Perhaps according to you everything is a game, a competition. And so in response to your comment I therefore say, in the most sincere and heartfelt of ways, thank you for your time.

>>851976851976

Hmm... I'd recommend. I would highly recommend this. But from what I've read so far, it's a little tricky to follow. Maybe you should improve on that? Otherwise, it's good. I'll give you some more to go on when I'm done.

Wow, 6 dislikes already versus only 9 likes. A new record for me when it comes to haters! But you know what I do?

I...

Deal with it.

>>851993851993 Glad to hear it. Sorry if it's tough to follow, but perhaps that's just the shape of the literary monstrosities that my brain spews forth. Rather than just suggesting I "improve on that", some more specific advice would be very appreciated.

>>852080852080 Mainly, it's the Time-Space continuum idea. I think it was poorly executed, then badly explained. Or, at least, explained in a way I can't understand. And I watch Doctor Who and things like that.

The character's name is John Doe. I believe you just punched the internet in the face.

I don't think I have anything else other than this. I could Discord easily making an appearance in this story.

>>852239852239 Well, then let's just say that space has gone all wibbly wobbly spacey wacey and call it a day, because for some unexplained reason a lot of ponies and humans seem to be popping into the land of fiction at random nowadays, with little if any explanation as to the how.

Huh. I'll admit, the idea is pretty great. Sure, "Why am I Pinkie Pie?!" is an interesting and original fic, but that one seems to go a different direction (what with full control and all).

It's also 100% better than this fic. I've got to ask, is this a parody of terrible HiE fics? The reason I ask is that your writing isn't actually terrible like most of those fics. The story is terrible, but not the writing. Is this a joke fic?

First, the name of the character. That name only makes me think this is a parody or something. Second, you're going way over-the-top with how the guy is acting, and-

Never mind. I'm just going to assume the whole story is a parody of some kind.

ok first off unless this is a parody change it to somethign else. i mean there is more then BILLIANS of diffrent types of names out there in the world.

like for example richard is a common enough name among american/english males.

or you could even troll the name by making it somethign liek johnathen doecolf

(john doe is visable in there :P)

also the storie is so-so.

it has hope as all stories have at the start.

>>852534852534 Uhh...sure...let's go with that. If it makes you happy, then yeah, this is a parody fic. Good writing, terrible story, got it.

>>852605852605 Sure, I could name him Johnathan Doemaneson or something else ridiculous, or I could just remain with the ridiculousness with which I started off. As it is, it seems feelings are very mixed about this story, about half positive, half negative. But I'll probably just do my own thing, write for the sake of writing, in hopes of more positive than negative eventually. Working on a second chapter now, actually. I make no excuses for my complete lack of sanity, and the way this story will progress. Other than perhaps that I'm just very new at writing. But practice makes perfect eh? Tell ya what, if ya like it, great. If not, all the better. There are many stories out there, and I'm sure you'll be able to find one that fits your liking if this one doesn't. So have a nice day!

gud, but everything is good in my eyes

>>852679852679 I'm not sure how to respond to this. So I'll just do this.

Thank you for your time in posting a comment. Also, your profile pic looks quite impressive. If everything is good in your eyes, then I'm glad your eyes have graced my work and left it with positive feedback even so.

Have a superterrponyrriffictapdancingfabulous day!

>>852688852688 well, i once gave a few stories a dislike, but it was because those where a huge pile of s***, yours is not s***

>>852816852816 Good to know. I'd be terribly worried if my words transformed into excrement.

Though no one has asked so far for MOAAAR! I have provided it anyways. Hope you enjoy this Celestia-dominated chapter. I never liked John Doe much anyways.

not bad Ill see were this goes and hopefuly this guy does not get pulled out of Celestia mind at the end and then the story goes really wacky

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png

>>852898852898 We shall see, alphex2357...we shall see. And thank you for ze moustache.

ahem. Moar?

>>853102853102 Maybe...but you should definitely consider using the word "Please".

Not much, but still good my dear friend! i am trying to write a story but i dont got any good thoughts

I refuse to beg. I don't need you! I'm the one in control of this relationship!

*turns around and crosses arms*

hmm!

*Turns back around*

I'm sorry, I didn't mean it! Please moar!

>>853135853135 Everyone has good thoughts, you just have to tap into them as a resource! If you're having a bit of writer's block, then no one can blame you. But don't force it; that's almost always just a recipe for disaster. You might even pull from other stories as inspiration. Take a little bit from others, and then use your mind to create something new from the confusing amalgamation. Plagiarism is a definite no-no, but nothing is ever completely new or original. So take your favorites, and make them better! That's all the advice I have.

>>853152853152 Well, since you asked so nicely...maybe.

There he go, that's John Doe

Balling on you bitches like I'm Rondo

MOAR PLESE THX BYE

huh. I can honestly say I've never seen a story with such a close ratio of likes to dislikes. According to the people who run Fimfiction, 90% of all votes are thumbs-up so I normally make it my policy never to read a story with a significant number of dislikes. This normally serves me well as the only stories that get a large number of dislikes are terrible. But I want to see just what caused such an odd reaction from the community.

>>853155853155 thanks pal i hope that will help me

Ack. A few simple pointers that will make your story much more well received. Going meta in the first paragraph is a no-no. Seriously, you never want to go self-referential in the very beginning of the story, unless it is an off the wall random one-shot, like the story about Twilight uploading a fanfic and complaining about people misusing tracks and faves. If you want a deconstructive metafic, you need to set the reader up by playing it perfectly straight at the beginning, THEN going weird. When I saw the first paragraph I was about to hit the back button, and would have if I hadn't promised myself to read the whole first chapter before judging.

PS: Grammar and formatting is the second most important trait of a fic, don't forget that. Yours isn't atrocious, but your first-order optimal strategy for improving reader reactions for minimal effort would be to clean it up.

Chapter 2 was a lot, and I mean a LOT better than your first chapter. A whole lot. As in "I just went to see if the first chapter has been posted a month ago and you took writing classes in the meantime." My honest recommendation is that you keep the story strictly from Celestias point of view only, your story reads and works much better that way.

I think the reason why it's disliked so much is because John here has decided to go the route of "I'm going to take over all of Equestria!" rather than "Help me, Celestia!"

However, so far, it's written well, so we'll see if it's actually earned its dislikes in time.

If he succeeds in taking over her mind, he's gonna be fucked unless he can figure out how to raise the sun in a few hours.

I fail to see why it has so many dislikes, well other than the guy being called John Doe.

What ruined it for me is him talking about how cool it would be to be transported to Equestria. It's almost like having characters in the story TALK about the story you're reading, not amusing like Pinkie.

And John Doe, really? I mean, I get the joke and all but couldn't you have given him perhaps a less distracting name? I'm probably judging it too early though, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and read the rest.

>>853339853339

Yeah, pretty much.

John became such an unlikable douchebag, and that was probably intentional, but it's just unpleasant how cruel he's being.

This story is pretty good.  I don't understand why it has so many down votes except that some people don't like the guy's name is John Doe or something lol.

It would have been much better if there was actual story to it. In the beggining it moves WAY too  quickly. Your story is a good idea but needs much more, how should I put it, meat on the bones. In other words, NEEDS MOAR TEXT. (I mean no offense by this comment. I am just stating my opinion.)

Please, kind sir, may I have some moar?

Also, my comment on the first chapter is only ment for the FIRST chapter. Your writing has improved greatly. I wasn't sure whether to thumb up or down but now it is defenitly a thumb up!

Good luck and have fun working on the next chapter! :D

I have made a promise to myself to answer every comment so long as it remains plausible. Here goes!

>>853220853220 Nice rhyme, good sir. Would you like to compose poetry for the story in the future? I'm sure I could squeeze it in.

>>853221853221 A request for more? All right then. When the inspiration arrives, I hope to fulfill your request. And hopefully I don't disappoint you as I have disappointed so many others!

>>853253853253 You're very welcome! I'm always glad to help others out.

>>853334853334 Please point out any errors in the spelling or grammar in punctuation that you see, and I'll make sure to get on my way to editing them when I have time. As for the "entirely from Celestia's point of view", sounds like a pretty good idea. And I confess that my stories are always bound to be very...rough, before they go through a trial by fire of the commenters. I may fix up the first paragraph a bit, to improve first impressions.

>>853339853339 Eek! Apparently I'm no good at fulfilling expectations, so I have a small fear that you will be disappointed. And since when is putting a villain into a story reason for disliking it? Who knows, John might change. And I'm thinking about changing his name as it is apparently so controversial. Maybe to something cool like Raphael Lucas. Just random I just came up with.

>>853375853375 If it were really an emergency, maybe he'd ask Luna for help, as I'm sure she wouldn't want everypony to die from John's incompetence. But I believe a conscious takeover is a bit of a ways off.

>>853526853526 I know, right? It's incredible how much a simple name can turn people away. Tell me what you think of Raphael Lucas.

>>853550853550 Thank you for the benefit of the doubt, but I beg you not to push your expectations up too high. I'm still rather new to writing for fimfiction.net, so any criticism is appreciated. And if it's really that big of a deal, John Doe will be quickly edited into Raphael Lucas.

>>853955853955 Thank you! "Pretty good" is a positive compliment, so I'll take it! As for the whole John Doe thing, I figured "Buck it, I'll give him a random name. What's the worst that could happen?" Apparently the worst was a whole lot of dislikes for the first impressions given. But oh well, such is the lot of my trial by fire method, putting my art out there and then waiting for the critical reception.

>>854023854023 I'm pretty sure that most of these comments, if not all of them, are just other members of this site stating their opinion. I certainly take no offense by your comment. It's a legitimate concern. Unfortunately, I'm just, as of now, incapable of bouts of inspiration long enough to write 5,000 word chapters, or more. But again, thank you for your comment, and I will try to take your advice to improve myself in the long run.

>>854099854099 Incredible! It's like...perhaps we shouldn't judge a book by its cover! Perhaps beneath the rough beginning, there's a bit of improvement as time goes on, and if you have faith, who knows, you might just stumble upon a diamond in the rough? (This is no diamond in the rough, of course. Maybe a moderately shiny rock that might intrigue a few people, but not most.) Thank you for the wishes of good luck, and I fully expect to have fun writing what I enjoy writing.

>>851810851810

DeiStar was referencing to Shelly De Killer from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. John Doe was a fake name that De Killer used. That gif is of Shelly De Killer/John Doe.

>>854114854114

I'm not disappointed... yet. But I've seen quite a few bad stories where the main character gives no fucks and just messes with everyone without reserve. So long as you do it decently, you'll be fine.

And I don't think you need to change the name. John Doe is fine, and I am disappoint with people who dislike a story just because of the main character's name.

>>854134854134 Moderately shiny rock? Fmgh . . . FMGH . . . BWAHAHAHAHA!!! I cracked up at that. Nice work, dude. Nice work.

>>854153854153 I have never seen that cartoon/anime, so it makes sense that I wouldn't get the reference. Thank you for explaining it to me, as I would otherwise have no clue, haha.

>>854175854175 Well, I suppose a large degree of writing is catering to the masses...the difference between my rigid stubbornness in sticking to my first name, or changing it just because that's what people demand. I hope to not disappoint you, but I can make no solemn promises. What I write is what I write, and I can make no guarantee that it will tickle your fancy, regardless of how hard I try. I can only hope.

>>854196854196 I live to serve, and aim to please. Glad to have injected some humor into your day

>>854207854207

Dun worry abouddit. I'm not some godless critic that's going to be all "SHAMEFUR DISPRAY, COMMIT SEPPUKU". I'm sure it'll be fine.

>>854220854220 THE LAUGHS HAVE BEEN DOUBLED!!! In other words,  BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

>>854253854253 Oh, thank goodness. I was totally believing you were going to ask me to commit suicide through disembowelment. I'm not sure it will be fine, but I'm ... optimistic about it I suppose.

>>854294854294 Careful...too much laughter like that and you may get hiccups. Still, laughter is good for the soul. I'm sure your soul is positively pink.

After reading" Why am I pinkie?", I just happened to see this.

>>854378854378 Awesome! But beware...the words here contained have created controversy among many bronies, and I only ask that you not judge it too harshly.

>>854327854327

Image: http://www.google.ca/search?tbm=isch&source=mog&hl=en&gl=ca&client=safari&tab=wi&q=oh%20stop%20it%20you%20meme&sa=N&biw=320&bih=356#i=0

This is my reaction to all 3 of your funny comments.

>>854327854327     ohstopityou.jpg

>>854449854449 I refuse to "Oh, stop it" me! Steadfastly and resolutely! That is, until I succumb to sleep. It happens even to the best of us eventually. By the way, fabulous profile pic. Looks positively dashing. And though in all honesty I didn't realize how funny my comments were, all the better for the unexpected mirth they produced. Have a wonderful day!

>>854470854470 And to all a good night!

(It's 1:45 here. Just for you, just4imagemails. Just for you.)

>>854521854521 Where I currently am, it's 4 am right now. Still awake. I win. Just sayin'.

I couldn't stop thinking "Black ass night and sweet ass pie"

Also,

Write.

Moar.

Nao.

please

>>851976851976 >>851949851949 Yes, I'm prioritising my time to clear it, and I'm prioritising my clearing time to reading this. Let's read... *Readingface**Readingface*

>>854997854997 Soon as new ideas pop into my brain, I get enough free time on my hands, and a bit of silence for the calm tranquility which I require in order to write, sure.

>>855562855562 I eagerly await your finishing of the reading.

is his name n any way influenced by the fic Mindjack as the human that took tia's body happens to be JANE DOE...........didn't even go to sleep....mostly because it be n over 100 degrees the whole week........

>>856448856448 Not intentionally, no. Someone else just had an idea that was somewhat similar to mine and did it far more skillfully. I concede defeat to Mindjack.

Take over the world?

You're going to have to do a lot of work if you want to make the "evil" protagonist not sound like a rip-off of several other works. (Death Note, Invader Zim, etc.)

>>856799856799 Nothing is entirely new, I don't think. All ideas have been done before to some degree, when you look at archetypes and whatnot, right?

Honestly, in a way I'm pretty certain that this IS a rip-off of several other works. But I tried to throw in at least a spark of originality to sort of meld everything together. Plus, I doubt he'd be able to take over the world very easily. Even with Celestia's significant power, he'd have to have the support of his kingdom, plus a kind of wisdom for ruling which I'm fairly certain is a bit out of his reach at this point. Right now he's struggling just to take control of the body in which he resides. A bit of a ways off from "taking over the world".

1) Grammar is near perfect, I spotted two mistakes:

But beware...you would do well to heed my words with solemnity. I ask only this, that you remain calm and...quit doing that!

is

But beware..._you would do well to heed my words with solemnity. I ask only this, that you remain calm and..._quit doing that!

(I put underscores where there should be spaces.)

2)Good concept, but the protagonist seemed... cheesy. In many senses. More than 5 (see what I did there? I doubt it ._.) It annoys me that someone of an age to think tactically actually thought he could go to Equestria. Not that the rest of MLP is realistic, but I still personally think that the humans should be logical, inside the human world, at least.

*Edit* This has been my finishing of the reading. Goodnight.

>>856871856871 You doubt that I could see what you did there? Sight, taste, feeling, sound, smell. Then others. Yes, I understood the pun.

Bah, spacing issues. Oh well.

Of course he's cheesy! He descends from a long line of cheese factory workers. In fact, work in the cheese factory brought about his depression, his antagonistic attitude, and caused his mind to wander so much that he started to lose his grasp on reality. Or I'm just bad at creating a character from scratch through something spur-of-the-moment. You decide!

But honestly? The humans I know are rarely logical.

*Edit* Hm. Somehow, I feel as if I have put you into the mindset of "Author, I am disappoint." Terribly sorry to have seemingly fallen short of your expectations, but such is the lot of myself, I suppose. I shall deal with my inadequacy by staring at a computer screen and writing and responding to comments and....oh wait.

>>852853852853 MOOOAAR!

There you go!

But seriously. More.

>>857721857721 Glad to see you're enjoying it and wanting more, teehee! But right now I'm trying to get a little work done on my second chapter of my other story, "Flights and Feelings". Otherwise I fear it'll never progress past where it currently is. It's a significant contrast from this story though, to be sure.

>>857833857833 I like this chapter better than the first one, and I see I've brought alphex2357.

I wish he'd stop changing his name.

>>858278858278 Well you're one to talk about changing names, aren't you? Only to eventually revert back to the original one after confusing everypony.

>>860685860685 It was only for the 4th of July. And it royally buggered my FimFiction.

ME.WANT.MOOOOOOAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I saw nothing bad about this really.  I can agree that the "inter-dimensional" thing was a bit funny, but not nearly enough to garner a dislike.

I must say, The comments you are leaving on your stories seem to be almost as, if not more, interesting than the story itself.

Getting a very serious "I dont care what you think" vibe from you.  Which is great

>>861638861638 Ah. That makes a tiny bit more sense.

>>862282862282 Now now, demanding like that is no way to get the things you want. You should at least say please

>>863680863680 Eeyup. Also, I think it's your turn in the RP. Me and Scarlet started a the fight.

>>863622863622 Alas, but the truth is, I DO care about what people think, it's just so much fun to reply in the manner which I prefer. To be perfectly honest, I get a little excited every time I see a notification that a comment has been posted on my page, an opportunity to insert wit and humor, or to defend the positions I took a stand on in my writing. Of course, replying to comments is far less difficult than actually writing a story, and thus for every moment I delay from getting out the next chapter, I feel a slight sense of guilt at delaying that which the "MOOAAAAAR"ers demand. But today I was rather busy vacationing at Universal Studios, and spending time with my family always takes precedence over writing fimfiction.

Besides that, I'm glad you're enjoying the story and the comments. Always glad to bring some entertainment to you readers.

>>863680863680 ...Please?

>>863758863758 Much better! Rest assured, I am currently working on the next chapter in which Luna will watch over Celestia's sleeping form, but be patient. You can't rush perfection, Squidward--I mean Kablex.

>>863751863751

I was not implying that you did not care, but that you acted as if.   What should have been added was that you don't care what the haters think.  I know that guilt feel, I suggest you ignore it (to a point).

>>863776863776 And I will take that suggestion into consideration. I'm as eager to see the story progress as all my readers, but the time and effort required to write it... well, let's just say they aren't commodities that are in abundance in my current situation. But I try. Really, I do.

Prepare yourselves to hate the ever-living guts of the once-good-now-evil John Doe.

For within this chapter...well, let's just say that contained within it, there lies a marked scarcity of joy and kindness.

>>881580881580

New chapter.

>>881622881622 Indeed. The fruit produced from the tree of insomnia and companionable silence.

This John Doe sounds like quite the swell fellow!

>>881728881728 Oh, but doesn't he just? As a matter of fact, he's so swell that he earned me nearly all of those dislikes! Swell, just absolutely, swell! Swell in every way! So... swell...

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa a brony tormenting the princess my image of this fanfic went down a little still good thou :D...................

>>881747881747 Well, perhaps he's not actually a brony. Perhaps he's a brony-impostor. One who may label themselves a brony, but in reality does not practice love and tolerance, who acts as a jerk to their friends, who hates and discriminates. A non-brony, to be despised for the deplorable being which they are. Sure, they know all the episodes and the songs. And sure, they may wear some interesting clothes or have some interesting accessories. But deep down, rather than taking to heart the lessons to be gained from the show, they only take what entertains them, they only give off that which serves them. They are not bronies. I do not know what they are, other than fakes. Phonies. Impostors. Liars. Cheats. Evil ones.

Oh, sorry, did I type that in actuality rather than just thinking it to myself? Oh well.

>>881738881738 :l Uh, you ok dude? Kinda worrying me here.

>>881804881804 Oh, terribly sorry for worrying you. I was just being silly in my own rather creepy, somewhat scary way. I do hope you don't mind if I mess with you just a little bit. It would be impractical to ask that every single person who may or may not consider themselves a brony comport themselves as one. For the world in which we live is far from perfect, and to demand and expect perfection is to succumb to insanity, is it not?

On a lighter note, it's fun being the only one awake, in the companionable silence of only you and your thoughts, uninterrupted. Oh, the bliss-free environment in which distractions and interruptions are eliminated! If only it could be perpetual, then I'd have so much more time to do what I want to do. Granted, I'd be a worse person because of it, though, so I'm kind of mixed about forced interruptions. A love-hate relationship.

>>881842881842 Ah, it's ok. I suspected that, but then the seed of doubt of you being serious about that came, and it grew so big as to really concern me.

As for you being the only one awake, I can relate to those wonderous feelings. And I personnally value the silence greatly that comes with this late hour since where I live many people come into the home I stay at. (Mostly relatives whom live in the same city.)

John Doe is my hero!

Seriously though he is an asshat, but it is nice to see a brony being a bastard for once in Equestria.

>>881876881876 Eeyup.

>>881919881919 Hm, interesting how you worded that. Bronies are not supposed to be bastards by nature. To be perfectly honest, I think it eventually became a lot easier to write for him if he was the bad guy. I'm still wondering whether I should try and redeem him in the end, or just give him what's coming to him. But I agree that sometimes it's nice to see some contrast while reading.  

I love it when a character is just being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk, knows he's a jerk, and smiles proudly when it is pointed out.

John Doe is best pony