"Incredible! A land governed by peace, love, and kindness, rather than the broken planet governed mostly by corruption and greed in which my fellow human beings live today!" said an excitable, yet boring, new-to-the-herd teenage brony named only Jason Doe, seated in front of a computer screen. "Wow, what if I were to cross the barrier between fiction and reality, the "fourth wall", as it were, like Pinkie Pie? That would probably be so cool! I'd get to be an Equestrian and meet all the main characters and everything would be delightful! Then there could be angst as I miss home, but I'd have to get over it, and then all sorts of chaos and discord would unfold! And I would save the day with my amazing skills! But how...? And besides that, why am I talking to myself?"
His soliloquy was interrupted, however, by his horrid older brother, John Doe. Ever since childhood, John had always found a reason to pick on, tease, mock, or generally just be a horrible sibling, in every way imaginable. Everything from swirlies to noogies to full nelsons, or any other obscure form of familial torture.
After bursting into the room, John Doe punched his brother on the arm a few times, a bit too hard to just be friendly. After a typical bout of ridiculous insults such as "gay little moron" and "girly dweeb dorkface", Jason was more bemused than offended. His brother had absolutely no creativity.
Tiredly, Jason only ignored his brother's jabs, returning to the interesting fanfiction which he was reading.
Suddenly, lightning flashed and an enormous thud seemed to echo throughout the horrid older brother's entire being, as if his heart had just been hooked directly up to a high-quality sub woofer blaring out heavy bass riffs. John Doe gasped in surprise, but nothing happened. Angrily, he shouted at his brother, as usual. "What the heck are you doing to me, horse banger? Stop it right now!" A quizzical look now crossed Jason's face. Just what was going on? He decided to mess around with his brother a bit. Just a tiny bit.
"Well, all you have to do is look into a mirror. That always solves everything. Sometimes they're portals to parallel universes, but in your case I'm sure it will fix whatever problem you're having," he said, the tiniest hint of a smirk crossing Jason's face.
But in the reflection of his mirror, young John Doe saw only his own acme-dotted, gaunt, pale, sleep-deprived face, in all its completely credible regularity. A bit disappointed, the young terror hopped onto his brother's fluffy bed, with the custom-made quilt featuring virtually every pony in the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic universe, and promptly attempted to stomp on the faces and bodies of the peaceful depictions within. However, he eventually grew bored at Jason's unresponsiveness, and decided that maybe he should sleep on his strange condition of echoing existence thuds.
And although that night he slept soundly, dreamlessly, and woke up just as solidly human as ever, by now the strange, thudding sound was growing in intensity, rather than abating. Grunting in frustration, he began to walk back to Jason's room, hoping that maybe his strange pony knowledge would help him out. But then he felt a sneeze coming on. His nose tingled, his eyes scrunched up, and an explosive sneeze suddenly tore apart a hole into the fabric of the universe itself, and John Doe finally gained entrance to Equestria. But when he arrived... just how much havoc would this villain wreak?
"Ah-choo!" Princess Celestia delicately sneezed. "Excuse me," she apologized to her younger sister, Princess Luna.
"WE SHALL ALWAYS EXCUSE THEE, BIG SISTER!" shouted Luna accidentally in the Royal Canterlot Voice. "HOWEVER, WE FEAR THAT THOU MIGHT HAVE A COLD. PLEASE, DO GET SOME REST. AFTER ALL, WE KNOW THAT THY PRESENCE WILL BE NEEDED IN ATTENDING TO MANY AFFAIRS OF CRUCIAL IMPORTANCE!"
Celestia, even as accustomed as she was to the Royal Canterlot Voice, couldn't help but wince just a little bit at her sister's slip up. "Now, Luna, remember what I said about trying to keep your voice low enough that it doesn't cause the same repercussions as a sonic rainboom in terms of violent vibrations which may or may not disrupt the integrity of the palace in which we live? Please, do keep your voice down, sister."
Luna could only blush in embarrassment as she realized her mistake, but she continued to voice her concerns. "We've never seen you sneeze before, Tia. Are you sure you're okay? Maybe we could make you some tea to help soothe you. It would not trouble us at all."
The alicorn of the sun gratefully accepted the offer, and soon levitated the tea and began sipping ever so politely. The tea was of course top notch, harvested by the finest of Earth pony labor, in exchange for only the most reasonable price. Everything from the tea leaves to the set in which the tea was served screamed of royalty and wealth, but all Celestia really noticed was how pleasant the warm brew felt going down her throat, alleviating her fears that she might be getting a cold. It just wouldn't do to succumb to illness. She never allowed herself to entrust her responsibilities to others, and it wouldn't be fair to pile more work upon Luna. Still, being immortal normally meant immunity to most standard diseases. What could be causing this?
No, she mustn't over think it. Only a simple sneeze. What's there to worry about?
"Is this an out of body experience?" said John Doe to himself while somehow breaking laws of physics and traversing into an alternate universe, but his words were lost to an uncaring void. Disappointingly, all he witnessed was his own regular body, slowly floating forward towards a faint light, while everything else was mere darkness. Then inexplicably, he sneezed yet again. What could possibly cause a sneeze while in transit to Equestria, nopony could say, but all thoughts were put to an end as suddenly the light at the end of the tunnel seemed to grow only fainter and fainter, and soon had dimmed to nothing.
All was blackness. Night eternal. Void, empty, vacuum-packed space with not even a hint of a photon. John Doe blinked his eyes several times but nothing happened, and his confused panic began to grow like a malignant tumor. The non-light remained absolute, immutable, impenetrable. Growing panicked, John Doe the Evil screamed out concentrated anguish, and he was glad somewhere that at least sound still worked in this god-forsaken black hole of a transit system. And suddenly there came upon him a voice, soft and gentle, yet wise and firm, evoking feelings of shock and awe instantaneously. It was the voice of none other than Princess Celestia. Or was it? He, being a non-brony, had no idea what the hell was going on. And rather than understanding, his mind only produced fury.
Please remain calm, my little brony. The voice you are currently hearing is merely Celestia's subconscious mind responding to your intrusion. However, if you intend ill, then you would be wise only to fear for yourself, because that would not make me a happy alicorn.
Dumbfounded, John Doe tried to search out the origin of the voice, but it seemed to emanate from everywhere all at once. And what the heck did it mean, with minds and intrusion? All he had done was sneeze a rift in the space-time continuum, and completely accidentally at that. Was that really all so bad?
Yes, it is bad. If you had entered into the mind of a weaker-willed pony, no doubt you would wreak havoc across the land, controlling their actions and only arousing suspicion around you. But as it seems that whenever a person somehow becomes a pony, there is an element of randomness to it, we are fortunate for the way things have turned out. Princess Celestia's mere subconscious mind is enough to shut you out completely. You will do no rabble-rousing here! I'll do my best to keep you from interfering with her ever-important duties. Do you understand?
"No I don't understand!" John exclaimed. "And how are you reading my thoughts? Actually, that doesn't even matter. Just shut up and... I don't know... quit being all insubstantial and crap! Wait a minute... how do you even... what are you talking about? Bah! My head hurts."
Nonsense. You don't even have a head. All that you are currently experiencing is intangible. An extension of your consciousness trying to make sense of everything and failing to do so. Not everything can be summed up logically, I'm sure you know. Wait a minute, what are you doing?
"I'm trying to break your control you meanie! Honestly, couldn't you at least pretend to care about my well-being? Some Princess you are!" spouted out an impetuous teenager, going through a sudden rebellious phase.
No, stop! You're going to cause problems for the Princess's conscious mind if you struggle too hard! There's only so much I can do against your concentrated efforts to break free of my grip. But beware... you would do well to heed my words with solemnity. I ask only this, that you remain calm and... quit doing that!
The brony known as John Doe was too far gone at this point, disgruntled, angry, confused. He tried to twiddle his thumbs but noticed no feeling. Two senses down, sight and feeling. Only three more were left. He began to grow hysterical. He screamed for all his worth, but the only tastes and scents he could detect were from his own body. How strange it was to be there, but not there, real, but not real. However, even in whatever strange state he was in, he eventually grew tired even of his own ramblings, his wailing and screams against the unfairness of it all. But from that moment, he made a terrible mistake. He mistook the care and sympathy of Celestia's subconscious mind as suppression and antipathy.
From that moment on, he began plotting ways to overthrow the control that Celestia now had on his entire being, and the first idea he stumbled upon was to hit her while her defenses were down. And he predicted that her conscious mind would of course be most vulnerable while she was sleeping. An evil grin beginning to grow on his imagined face, he plotted destruction for only the most benevolent of beings. John Doe the brony was becoming John Doe the nuisance... or would things escalate until he was John Doe, chaos incarnate? Only time would tell.