Princess and Queen: Mother and Daughter
written by Prismfire Productions
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Shortly after I read "Long Live the Queen" I found out you made an sequel.
I would have read it sooner but I was busy so I had to add it to my reading list. Now finally I got time to read it.
I will be honest (but fair) with you:
This story is very rushed.
Especially this current chapter. I would have expected to see a few szenes with the council; especially after you hinted it would probably be in Chrysalis' favor. Also the "relationship" between Flurry and Chrysalis seemingly comes out of nowhere (at least for me).
You writing-style isn't the best, but definetly on the better side. You can keep going with that.
What you really have to improve is spelling, punctuation and stuff. I recommend an proofreader.
Completely different suggestion: Don't only write the name of the original story in the description but also provide an link. That would make it far easier for future readers to find this reference and simply looks better.
And did you ask the author of the original story to mention your story somewhere? Maybe in his description or at the end of his last chapter. At the very least you can make an comment referring to your story there.
I hope that helps.
7951307 Yes, Sandstorm asked my permission to use the concept from Long Live the Queen and I was quite happy to give them permission seeing as I had no intention of going further with the story from my end. I'm fine with them not having a link, particularly as I tend to write a fair bit of nsfw stuff.
But thank you for reading "Long Live the Queen". The first chapter was me just goofing around with a silly idea. The second chapter was me actually working at trying to make a decent story.
Hmm, yeah, feels rushed, but still amusing.
Stop bugging Chryssie, Thorax.
I have to agree; skipping over the council scenes after hitting it would be difficult? Very dissapointing.
7951744 Your story was entertaining and this is a faithful follow up.
7951307 Flurry Heart's feeling towards Chrysalis were subtly mentioned in the previous chapter.
The analogy, death by chocolate comes to mind here