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"So, Bruce. This is what's going to happen." Spring Meadows and I were sitting in what she called her 'talking room' on the ground floor of the hospital. Painted to look like a warm spring meadow (yes, Meadows, I see what you did there) with a glorious and gaudy bright green carpet, it was fairly large with pillows scattered across the floor for seating and a few bookcases with titles like 'Dealing with Grief' and 'Mom Mare's Monthly.' A single filing cabinet overstuffed with paper was the only thing that separated this room from a hippy drug den. That and it smelled clean.
Man, I could go for a smoke. NO! Bad brain, we're trying to be good. We're ... still thinking about it, shut up. The mare is talking.
Spring was sitting on one of the smaller pillows, having dragged it over to where I had plopped myself down. Confused as the dickens. I wasn't one for floor pillows - my mother's house had been filled to the brim with them (and drugs and other unmentionables but I got out alive right?) - but I didn't feel right just standing in the middle of the room while this mare talked AT me. Yes, at me. I never realized this but kids get talked AT a lot. Very rarely with. I guess you just don't expect much conversation with someone who still has trouble tying their shoes or something.
Uhm, I think I missed something important.
"Wait, what?" I blinked at her smiling face as she spread a few folders in front of me. "I spaced out a bit, what'd you say?"
"Well, these are the three families currently available as fosters for you. Until we find your parents, I'm afraid we'll have to choose the best fit for now." I don't think my horrified expression was what she was hoping for. "Is, is something wrong Bruce?"
Be nice, be nice, be nice, be ni-
"YES! I'm not a kid, damn it!" I hopped to my feet, my face flushed. "I keep trying to tell you, I'm not a child. I look like one, sure, but I'm really not!" Spring quirked an eyebrow at me.
"You're a very big pony, Bruce, but not big enough to deal with the issues adults have to. A family is supposed to help keep you safe, help you make good decisions, and help you learn how to be a nice pony." Ouch, right in the 'how I've been acting.' I sighed and facehooved.
"I know I've been acting like a jerk, Ms. Meadows. I know my behavior has been really bad. I know it's a really, really, really hard thing to grasp-slash-believe but I assure you, I am an adult human." I did not have to remove my hoof from my face to know she was smiling sweetly, understandingly and - above all else - condescendingly at me. I've been feeling that a lot lately.
"Bruce, that's a really hard pill to swallow. Not only in how you look or how you behave but everything you've been doing points to you not being what you say you are." I removed my hoof and gave Spring a confused look. She sighed, dropping her smile. "The 'humans' are a fantasy creature that have been getting more and more media attention ever since that book series came out. We've actually been dealing with a few cases of ponies really wanting to be human. Or even really thinking they are human 'trapped' in a pony body."
"Wait, what? You've heard of humans too? Wait, books? What books?" Confusion reigned supreme. I think she broke something. Probably my mind. My 'will to live' was also under severe assault.
"Oh, you know. Those 'human' books that are popping up everywhere, the 'Glorious Adventures of the Knights Supreme' or something. We've had an increase in ponies seeking help dealing with their feelings of powerlessness and inadequacy." She smiled knowingly at me. In return, I stood in stunned silence staring at her. Books on humans? Oh bugger. "Mostly those affected are Earth Ponies, Bruce. I think it has to do with how hard it is to be an Earth Pony compared to other types of ponies and that there are really only one type of human with their 'magic hands.' Do you feel that you have it 'rougher' or less 'cool' than other ponies your age?"
"Wha-what?" Oh bugger, she's trying to talk at 'my level.' This is going downhill fast. Brain, we need something to head this problem off at the pass and now! "Uhm, huh?"
Come on brain, you can do better than that. She took my inability to form coherent words as a sign that she was getting to the 'root' of my 'problem.' I think.
"I know it's tough being an Earth Pony but that doesn't make you any less special or wanted. Your parents loved you, even if they didn't know how to show you that. And if they had to move out of Cloudsdale or any of the other Pegasi cities to help you, that was a decision they made very proudly. I know you might feel 'different' or just plain 'less' but you're not, ok?" She reached across the ... floor and put a hoof on my shoulder in what I think was supposed to be a reassuring gesture. I was just too completely weirded out to notice.
"...eep." Oh bugger! As the vocal center of my brain shut down, I realized I made a terrible error somewhere, somehow. I also got the feeling that the growing expression of fear on my face was not lessening her desire to 'get through to me' or some psycho-mumbo-jumbo.
"Now, because of your situation, I think placing you with some other Earth Ponies would be the best idea. The only option we have right now are the, well, the Cakes." She pushed a folder toward me and flipped it open, showing the Cakes holding two slightly older than I remembered twins. Pinkie Pie was waving at the camera in the background, covered in flour. There were various forms and sheets filled out, foster parent paperwork I guess. I felt the ground go out underneath me and sat down rather heavily. Meadows continued as if it was perfectly natural for a pony to drop down from shock in front of her.
"They're a good Earth Pony couple with a multi-tribal family. Twins, actually! They're a bit younger than you but it's a very loving and nice household." Her brow furrowed as she continued, a slight down turn of her ever-present smile showing deep thought. Or gas. I'm pretty sure it was thought though. "Pinkie Pie, uhm, boards with and works for them but I will make sure she doesn't cause you any issues, ok?"
We can salvage this, brain! We need something smart and witty and really, really, really effective but we can do this! Are you with me?
"...k."
Yeah, fuck you too brain.
In Equestria, the grass really was greener on the other side. I took a deep breath, crystal clear air filled my lungs to bursting. The air was fresher than I've ever smelled it. Of course, I lived in Nashville for years so there is that. Birds were flitting about in the trees, squirrels were bouncing along the ground, and I was still in shocked silence as I was led along a dirt road into Ponyille proper by two mares. At least I had stopped hyperventilating in the atrium.
On my right, Pinkie Pie was bouncing along at a merry pace. Her hair had returned to its usual 'cotton candy' style after Counselor Meadows had taken her aside and explained something to her. I guess it had to do with her beliefs about who and what I was. The only bit about that conversation I caught was Pinkie Pinkie-Pie-Promising to never do something or other. I was too busy at the time trying hard not to pass out to listen in very closely. On my left, Counselor Spring Meadows herself, humming a merry little tune and trotting along at a not-very-brisk pace. Probably used to walking little colts and fillies home.
And in front of me was the object of every bronies dream, Ponyville. A dusty dirt road led down to the fairly spread out town of thatched roof cottages and smokey chimneys. Though my mind was still trying to come to grips with the comedy of errors my life had become, I still found myself drinking in details. I could see in the distance the city of Canterlot sitting precariously on the side of white-topped purple mountains, a duo of snaking lines showing roads leading to the heart of Equestria. It was a great deal bigger than the show ever tried to depict. I could see a huge hill of trees beyond the town itself, red dots showing it to be Sweet Apple Acres. The distant whistle of a steam engine made my ears flick. No cars. No air conditioning units buzzing loudly. No airplanes distantly taking off.
Ponyville. It exuded an air of peace and slow life. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad, I thought.
And then I remembered we were going to visit my new 'family.'
"Oh joy," I mumbled under my breath. Not only am I stuck in a child pony's body but I was going to be living with two little hellions. Three, if you counted Pinkie. The 'fun' has been tripled. Suddenly, Pinkie Pie in my face.
"So, Bruce! Are you happy to be getting a new family, huh? Huh?" Yeek, personal space wo-mare. I jerked my head back, one foreleg lifting in instinctual surprise. "And it's so super-duper awesome-tastic you're coming to live with the Cakes! They're so nice-erific and bubbly, they're helpful and nice and fun! They live in a bakery - I'm right above it - so it's always full of yummy goodies. OH! That means we'll be like roommates, almost!" As Pinkie continued to babble on, I glanced nervously at Spring.
"Uhm, is this -" She cut me off with a nod.
"It's fine, we discussed appropriate boundaries while you were sitting excitedly in the waiting room. Everything is fine." 'Excited' is not panting in fear. Spring began to walk again toward Ponyville, motioning me to follow. I skirted the pink party mare and caught up to the counselor. Pinkie, after a moment, began to follow, still letting her mind empty through her mouth. "Pinkie's really a responsible mare, she's just not used to ... unique cases like yours, Bruce."
"-and then we'll make brownies together and maybe you could show me some recipes from where you're from and -"
"One question." Spring's ears perked up in response. "Does she stop talking? Ever?"
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Out of all my alerts, you're the most regular updater. Thank you so much for your hard work.
Oh I hope that this does not end on the same note that that other fanfiction did... what was it called... "The Curious Case of Lyle Hartman" or something? Where it turned out that she really WAS delusional and humans never existed? I'll admit I never saw that twist coming, but that was mainly because it was really, really unsatisfying, left a whole bunch of plotholes open, and was actually, if you think about it, kinda depressing...
I do believe, however, that this story is coming along quite nicely. I'm interested to see what this 'book series' is and just how many other ponies are succumbing to this 'madness.' I wonder how many of them are also fillies and colts...
Image: http://i.imgur.com/YfVW3.jpg
I can see him teaching the CMC some things...
"Alright, fillies, I'm gonna teach you what we call a 'Molotov cocktail'..."
Or, perhaps:
"And you're gonna add an equal amount of ammonia to the bleach, but make sure only to do it when you are near diamond tiara and silver spoon, because the fumes are gonna spread quick..."
Ok, so probably not those... but you get what i mean. 
Sent to the magical land of Equestria after what must have been the most wild party ever, turned into a little colt, everypony thinks he's crazy/emotionally scarred and last but not least sent to live with Pinkie Pie: he sure picked a horrible week to stop smoking. If he hasn't kill something by the end of the week he should get a medal.
[Edit] love this story 
Heh. That sneering mug-in-a-box is how I found this fic an update or three back.
And was pleasantly surprised; I tend to be very, very annoyed by fanfics where fans of a show find themselves in the show. But so far it's worked here because Bruce has had amazingly little agency; he's been dismissed as a troubled, if imaginative, foal. In other words, it's worked because Bruce has been unable to use his knowledge of the show.
We'll see how it goes now that he's out of the hospital, especially since free range children seems the Ponyville standard.
Well i know how a nuclear bomb works (both fission and fusion)
i know how to make a syringe dart and a dart gun
i know how to make gunpowder, smokebombs, solid rocket fuel, thermite, and a type of plastic explosive... (Oh god imma pyro)
i know how a Gatling gun works
i know how solid rocket motors work
And some other interesting stuff that i can't think of right now...
basically i know a lot of shit that is impractical and/or i can't build. as i know how it works in theory, but i don't have the resources/expertise to build it...
She might have been talking with colleagues who know more about science fiction than she does, or have kids who are fans.
I heard there was this case in real life with a mental patient who kept talking in nonsense phrases. Among other things he talked about putting a fish in his ear. Then his doctor mentioned that to someone else, who pointed out he was quoting The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - at least some of his nonsense was quotes which the doctor didn't recognize.
Crap! Nooo, internal consistency, my one true weakness!
But seriously, crap. I write a little bit fast and loose so if it seems kinda humorous, I go with it. And if I'm writing and forget what I mentioned here, or how so-and-so is supposed to be, I usually go back to read but, well ... When I get back Sunday, I'mma pop these chapters open and see if I can fiddle with the wording of things slightly. Nothing major is going to change, just some minor edits to make it less obvious I suck.
EDIT:
OH! Yeah, let's go with that instead of 'Minalkra can't write and is an idiot!' Actually, that might be better, less disruptive to the story as a whole anyway. Thank you very much. Also thank you VelvetHeart because seriously, how'd I forget that?
Since Pinkie Pie seemed to have heard about humans from Lyra, perhaps Spring Meadows has too, recently - the clues are there for her to pick up, after all. Quite possibly Lyra is a complete human fan, has all the books, and probably is quite willing to talk your ears off about how many fans there are, how popular it is with kids, etc, etc. "No-no! It's not just a series for little colts - The writing is really, really good, even for adult mares!"
"O-of course I'm not like one of -those- fans! I don't, don't... you know, to pictures of humans!"
Of course she might also just get a reply regarding her report on the little patient, giving a psychiatrists' perspective on what it might mean if a patient is a fan of the series.
Come to think of it... since Spring Meadows mentioned that in Bruce 'human world image', the gender roles were reversed, does that mean that in Equestria (or Ponyville, at least), stallions are often objectified? Perhaps poor Big Macintosh' job at the Apple apple-stand is less to serve but more to act as eyecandy and lure?
Does that mean prostitution's gender-roles are also reversed? Is 'stud' the pony equivalent of 'whore'?
That... casts the act of a drugged Bruce kissing the councilor and then segueing off into the subject of bills into a rather ominous light, especially if poor Ms. Meadows already suspects sexual abuse of a minor.
Oh dear. That would--
-aaaand now I'm imagining a Diamond Dog covered in bling and wearing a fuzzy purple pimphat. Thank you very much, imagination.
Ehm... I also seem to have lost my train of thought. Or at least, it seems to have been hijacked by Pimpdawg and her minions (or as she calls 'em, her 'bitches'). I had something vaguely important to say, though, I'm pretty sure of it.
Actually, think about it for a moment: Pretty much every pony he'd be likely to mention was involved in something big - the princesses, the 'mane 6', they're all famous. And the ones who are less famous? They're usually fan-named. He might mention one of them... and end up guessing completely wrong.
Pfft. BAH ha ha ha ha ha!But remember this:
Season 2 Episode 9: Sweet and Elite:
Quote, unquote, Canterlot local pony: "Who is Rainbow Dash?"
Famous in that world? ... eh, not so much.
Oh and let's not forget Bon Bon's line in Season 1 Episode 20: Green Isn't Your Color
Rarity: "Why Rarity of course!"
Bon Bon: "Never heard of you."
I'm back and ... so very tired. In-laws, so much tension. ANYWAY: To answer some of your questions. Spring has to know about those books since Lyra is one of her patients. She goes and talks to the Town Counselor about her possible issues due to some friends that don't understand the mystique that humans have. It's strange that Lyra is such a pony as usually it's magic envy that is the cause of body disassociation in ponies.
But Lyra is really just a Skin-ny. Has a thing for skin. A, ah, 'reverse furry' if you will. At least she stopped shaving herself ...
Gender roles are reversed though that is due to the large difference in the male-to-female ratio. The show has been getting better at depicting background male ponies but it's still a little wonky towards females. I KNOW, it's just to cut down on the animation budget and everything but it's still there and I'm running with it. Prostitution is not major issue, ya see, as ... well, I'm still trying to determine just HOW MUCH of that subject I want to touch on. I DON'T want this to become focused on that issue and I don't want to weird people out (Side note: really hilarious scene where Fluttershy is trying to calm Bruce down. A 'hug' can be seen as an extension of holding a child to the breast for suckling. Ponies have teats. Where did she stick Bruce's head? Big laugh, especially his reaction. Cut from Idea Pile because, well, kinda creepy. Still might go in, though changed slightly from initial concept, but still ... eh, creeeeeeepy.). So, it's a balancing act. In this concept, though, prostitution exists, is not frowned on as heartily as in human cultures but it is a job you only do when nothing else presents itself. Also, the sexual abuse idea wasn't abuse by Diamond Dogs (ew, ponies?) but rather by the other slaves or by his parents/caregivers if no evidence of slavery exists.
As to why the Main 6 aren't as famous as they could be ... they are. This isn't 100% show-based Eqeustria. I had to toss out some of what the show has. Rainbow Dash healing a broken bone in a few days (magically accelerated, though, yeah), the relative obscurity of the Main Cast, Twilight getting an anvil on her head and surviving (that was a cheap laugh and a throw back to Looney Tunes, can't fathom how it could work without insta-death). I'm not one someone that tries to fit EVERYTHING in the show into a story. If it's too silly or just plain-old doesn't make sense, I either ignore it or ... well, ignore it. Some I can work around (Ponyville County has an Earth Pony tradition hundreds of years old but Granny Smith help found Ponyville Town and she's only 80) but others I just can't.
Uhm, mid next week maybe? I hope.
'Expert' should be in quotes there.
It's funny, one of the times my wife was in the hospital, she walked out for a smoke. The doctor sent someone to keep an eye on her and make sure she walked back in.
...what's that about other ponies thinking they are "human 'trapped' in a pony body"? Soooo... maybe he's not the only one?
... onwards to the local "humans fan-club" (aka Lyra), and ask for more information.
Although he might have to separate the wheat from the chaff when it comes to ponies that are merely into human fiction, and those that are actually legit.
Interesting story! Do carry on!
>>956888 Yeah, I was thinking about that too. Though I suppose it's even more difficult to convince somepony that you are an adult alien trapped in a child's body AND your people are "observing" them from afar... plus, he has the - questionable, in this case - "benefit" of being associated with Pinkie Pie. It might all be interpreted as "Oh, Pinkie told you. I don't know how Pinkie knew that, but ehh, she's just being Pinkie". Heck, she may have already told him a whole lot of the things he would have used to state his case while Pinkie was rambling and he wasn't listening.
Now, the more interesting question I'd like to ask here is something along the lines of "hey, Pinkie, that one time, in Appleloosa, when Twilight was stealing your lines about 'sharing and caring', who was it that you complained to while the screen was fading to black?"
He might just get an interesting fourth wall breaking response to that, and can build on from there. After all, if anypony knows, it should be Pinkie, even if he has to convince her first.
"Complaining to? I was talking to Twilight, silly-Billy! I don't know what you're talking about with a screen or whatever. OH! 
You know that song?! That's super-de-rific awesome-tastic! The buffalo didn't seem to like it but that's ok if somepony does! Is it sung in a school-house? Maybe it's a recess favorite? OH! Maybe you're from Appleloosa and you've got amnesia! That would explain how you know of it! Is it famous? Ya know, this one time - "
:brucesigh:
...I usually grow incredibly irate of foolishness such as that Meadow's inability to comprehend such an easy explanation.(A small problem with those who do not believe, pay that no heed) Still, the current excellence of this story is...well excellent!
I applaud. *applauds*
This is starting to get annoying. Love the story so far, but the fact that he's doing absolutely nothing to defend himself is getting old. He had several chances here to speak up and defend himself/others, but he's suddenly given the idiot ball and says something either completely unrelated or something that doesn't help him at all. What makes it worse is that it's all played for a laugh and lampshaded, which just turns it into a plot hole. Seriously, there's plenty of stuff he could at least tell Pinkie which would mean he's telling the truth. Afterall, he could tell her about seeing her little "party" she made after thinking her friends had abandoned her. Afterall, there's no possible way he could know that. And there are plenty of times in the show where you see things happening with no one else around, meaning him knowing it would have no possible explanation. It would also disprove their theory of him being held captive because once again, there would have been even less of a chance of him knowing that stuff.
Also, how did they even get to that conclusion? He's obviously too intelligent for that to be the case (I highly doubt they would teach him and everything else while holding him captive), and they would have seen that he has no injuries or scars or anything else. None of it fits when you think about it for more than a second. Basically, the lack of him doing anything to defend himself as well as all the contrived things going on is starting to annoy me.
and just to make things worse.......he is stuck with PINKIE PIE! he's doomed
Pinkie Pie
scientific name: Pinkius Pieikus
tendencies: to never shut up, break the fourth wall and murder ponies so as to sell them at the bakery
dislikes: anything that pi*ponycensor*es her off at the time
overral: completely unpredictable, extremely dangerous, AVOID AT ALL COSTS!
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