28 - Eyes Wide Shut
Six pairs of eyes stared at my seventh as the facts - the truth - sunk in. I prepared for ... well, anything really. Screams of indignation, cries of voyeurism and breach of privacy, attempts to cover past blunders. I didn't get any one those.
I got all of them! Between Rarity trying to excuse some kind of weird 'dalliance' she had that I knew nothing about and Fluttershy curling into a quivering ball of nerves because someone could be watching her right now, I also had a now-flying Rainbow Dash yelling about how she was 'feeling way ill that day, it didn't count' and Applejack just staring at me with massively big eyes stuttering about her parents and some 'other side.' That one was ... kinda creepy, looking back at it. The noise had gotten unbearable and Twilight, Pinkie and I were the only three not trying to scream above the others. I could tell because our lips weren't moving and I've been in a few arguments in my time.
"QUIET!" Twilight yelled at the top of somepony else's lungs - somepony standing on the shoulders of five other ponies. She must have taken lessons on the Royal Canterlot Voice because god damn! That was louder than any living thing ought to have the right to be. Having gotten our attention - as well as three nurses poking their wide-eyed faces in from the hallway - Twilight rounded on her previously yelling friends. "What is wrong with you ponies?! We are all world freaking famous and this colt is obviously an enamored fan of ours! We do not need some mystical fakery about humans to explain how he knows so much about us!"
"Twilight, he knew my exact number! I didn't even tell you gals that! I don't even think Cloudsdale has a record of who exactly had what number!" Rainbow motioned wildly with her hooves. She looked outright panicked and it was really hard to watch. Better than some of the other reactions though, as the fetally-curled Fluttershy laying on the floor next to the bed indicated.
"Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my-" Did I mention the poor girl's 'mantra of mental breakdown?' The cadence of it matched her back-and-forth rocking really well. Twilight glanced at her with a concerned and yet confused look on her face but any empathy seemed to have been left at Sane Station when the Twilight Express took the last trip to Crazy Town. Have I made enough 'train' metaphors yet? I like trains. Much more than the panicky ponies precariously - nooo, no alliteration - situated on the precipi-edge of pande-utter madness! Seriously, this rhyming-slash-alliteration thing needs to stop.
"Fluttershy, calm down." Twilight spared one glance - one - for poor Fluttershy before rounding on Rainbow with a grimace. Everypony's hair had grown these little curls somehow. "Rainbow Dash, there are, like, four different possible reasons why and how he can know things like that! One is guessing, of cou-" And then Pinkie jumped into the conversation. Literally. Her hooves left the ground and she landed not a few inches forward but I guess it was the thought that counts.
"Twilight! Stop being a Disbelieving McDisbliever! Not everything can be explained through weird-o science yet!" Wow, I was being supported by an anti-science gypsy witch. Where did my life go so very wrong, yes? The fact that Rainbow and Rarity were both in between the pink and the purple ponies didn't stop them from attempting to get into each others faces. That just meant they were leaning towards each other more severely than they had been earlier but, again, thought counts etc.
"Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my-" And of course, Fluttershy had to interject her opinion.
"Fluttershy, calm down!" I think Twilight's pegasus friend was getting to her. Not that Twilight's annoyed tone had any effect on the quaking bundle of nerves. To be honest, I don't think very much would have an effect on her at this precise moment in time. With a groan, Twilight turned back to her pink par-NO, no more alliteration. Twilight turned back to Pinkie Pie with a nervous grimace. "Pinkie, is this about your Pinkie Sense? Are you still upset with me about that?"
"No, this isn't about you and me - it's about Bruce and-" Yup, Fluttershy was officially on everypony's nerves. Pinkie bit her lip in irritation and - after a deep breath - gave her whiter and less argumentative unicorn friend a smile. "Rarity, can you do something about Fluttershy?"
Rarity stopped in her attempt to get me to promise her - something about 'first time' and 'stallions' honor' or something, I was too distracted to pay much attention to her - and regarded Pinkie with a wild eyed expression of utter madness. Seriously, her pupils were pinpricks! "Uh, well, I shall as soon as I get a promise from Bruce that he will not be sharing anything that would paint me in a poor light, of course."
"Uh, scouts honor?" I held up one hoof over my heart and the other straight in the air. And tried to scoot away from her. It was less than effective.
"Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my-" Ok, yes. Fluttershy, I love you like a sister but please, for the love of god, shut up.
Rarity took one look at my attempt-at-serious face and where my hooves were before grabbing me roughly by the shoulders, pulling me so close to her face I could have licked her wide and bloodshot eyes. "What does that mean?"
"I-it means I Pinkie-Pie-Promise to try my utmost not to spread vicious lies and slander about your character." Oh god, she's gonna eat me ... no, you cannot have my stereo!
With a calm huff of barely contained fear, Rarity looked me directly in my own now-pinprick of a pupil and very slowly explained herself. "Bruce, I am not worried about lies and slander, I am worried about certain things that are private."
"Pfft, of course you'd have 'private things' to worry about - perv." Of course, Rainbow Dash had her own opinions on that. Because she hadn't spoken in two minutes and just had to put her two bits into the ring. I guess.
This led to Rarity letting me go - good thing - and turning to her very prismatic friend with a look that might have to be registered as a dangerous weapon - Very Bad Thing. "What is that supposed to mean, Miss Dash?"
Her voice was like icy fingers trailing down my spine. Rainbow narrowed her eyes and brought up her hooves as the kung-fu fashionista subtly adjusted her stance into one of the most dangerous katas known to ponyki-
"Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my-" Really Fluttershy? With the two more dangerous ponies squaring off on one side of my bed - and Twilight and Pinkie trying to keep them separate - Applejack walked close to my bedside. One look into those green eyes filled with ancient hopes and tears and I knew this wasn't going to end well. I think I mumbled that to myself.
"Bruce, can you tell me where mah parents are?" The way my jaw gaped at her didn't seem to dissuade her from this line of inquiry. This weird, weird line of inquiry. Ju-I-what?
"What?" I managed to squeak out with just enough force that it could be heard above the growing cacophony of madness. From the time I had told the big-T Truth, I had lost all control of the situation. I was still trying to come to grips with the implications of Rarity's request much less anything else. Brain not work now, am dumbening start kay.
"Fillies, don't encourage him!" I think Twilight finally snapped. With one hoof on Rarity's chest to keep her from getting close to the taunting Rainbow Dash - herself being held ground-side by a very concerned Pinkie Pie - Twilight waved the other towards Applejack. Who had smartly positioned the bed in between herself and her nominal 'leader' figure. Admittedly, this meant that Applejack was now straddling the near-comatose Fluttershy but I don't think the latter had any real objections - lost as she was in her own hidden world of misery and voyeur-pain.
Actually, that sounds a bit better than where I was at that time. I seriously considered joining her.
"Twi, if this colt knows things from the other side, maybe he can help me find mah parents." Applejack's heart-felt honesty was a searing pain, a lance directly across my heart. It burned itself into my-
"Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my-" Ok, I take that back about wanting to join Fluttershy. She seemed to be in a really bad spot. Why was nopony helping her, seriously? Is the fact that there exists the possibility that everypony is potentially a fictional character really that bad? Or was it something else? Trapped between choosing 'coma' or 'words,' I picked the one I had the least amount of luck with thus far.
"I don't know things from any other side!" Again, my voice came out as a squeak. The entire room was poised to launch itself into violence. Which it did. From the doorway.
"What in Tartaurus is going on in here!?" Counselor Spring Meadows - channeling the spirit of the goddess of war - was standing in the door way with wings flared to their full length. She was fuming, her face flushed with indignant anger. "Why in Tartaurus are you six in this hospital room with an underage and potentially very hurt little colt?"
Silence. Well, except for the shuddering 'Oh my's from Fluttershy.
"Uhm, I asked them to talk?" My voice sounded a lot louder than it had just a little while ago. I'm guessing the lack of six yelling mares does tend to make single voices seem louder. Unfortunately, now I had seven mares staring directly at me. Pinkie's face being notable. It was a mixture of surprise, fear and ... gratefulness. Yes, Pinkie, I am taking this for the team. Shut your face, I got this! I got ... uhm, was it really too late to choose the coma route though? "The shouting came extra!"
Ok, I was going to take most of this for the team. I wasn't entirely suicidal. Judging by Spring's face, though, I may as well have been.
"Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my-" That wasn't Fluttershy that time - the counselor's expression just helped me make my decision. Annnd I wet myself.
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And for better or worse, here it is. Happy birthday me - tomorrow anyway.
EDIT: Saturday - hello
my only friendone of my friends, actually.2588667
Happy birthday (whenever is ends up being)!
2588667 I hope you have a very happy birthday. Also yay a new chapter.
omgfdasfgargfscfesvgcwrE
aan uppdateeee!!!
woooooo new update.... who need sleep anyways
XD You broke Fluttershy! What the hell? XD
Dibs on the stereo! :D
And now ya broke Applejack. XD
Haha, definitely a nice chapter of fallout. I'm glad to see Fluttershy losing it over the idea of being watched 24/7, nice line with the "hidden world of misery and voyeur-pain" comment. I didn't mention it in the messages, but I happen to have liked Applejack's splash of superstition. Adds more cultural depth to her outside of just being a farmer.
Also, Happy Birthday tomorrow man!
Wow, that was relatively quick!
2588667 Merry birthmas to you!
HOW THE BUCK DID YOU DO THAT! aN UPDATE THIS SOON!?!?!? WHUTTT!!!
*BANGS HEAD* nOW RAINBOW SPARKLE IS GUNNA BE LIEK, RAWRBLE RAWBLE. aND AH'LL BE LIEK GRAWBLE GRABLE MINALKRA RAWLBE. Then ah...ah *takes deep steady breaths*
...
...
I think . . . I'm all better. *sigh* Thank you for this amazingly awesome treat. I'll take this as a sign and start working on mah co-story thingie. You inspire mah so. Sheesh.
Great chapter btw. If only Rainbow was as super awesome as uuuuu. *shhhhh* don't tell him/her ah said that. Hahahaha.
Happy Birthday! Scary counselors.. Are scary!
Not quite the reaction I expected from Rarity, but it works. Applejack and Rainbow work for me too, though I think Fluttershy needing help would normally have triggered the protective reactions. Ah Bruce.. the amazing psychic colt whose gifts are strange as Pinkie's! I still think they would have marshaled the friendship reserves in a short while, but yeah, yelling, screaming, fighting, and looming over a colt to the point he has an accident would get even a hero tossed out of the building. Does this mean no group therapy session with the mane 6?
Considering the amount of weird crap that goes on in Equestria on weekly basis, I am surprised they aren't more blase about things. Any odd stuff occurs just blame it on magic going wrong or Discord.
Best way to end a chapter
2588744
Welllll, I don't wanna spoiler anything but I won't because I'm like that. The fact there is a secret is enough to get people talking.
2588667
2588667
Happy Birthday to the both of us then! (Well, Saturday for me actually.....but that liqueur looks worth trying)
I did like the way you did AJ this chapter. Being stoic kinda takes the fun out of this situation and being a little superstitious fits her very well.
And that ending....what a way to relieve stress... 
lololololollolollolololololololololololololololololololol
i loved it man good to have you back can't wait to see more
Happy birthday
(Semper Fidelis)
I wonder if in this world the filly scouts sell popcorn and the colt scouts sell cookies. Keep it up this great!
2588769
Yeah, it's not the 'share' thing on YouTube, it's the actual address. I did that, like, four times ... but I was a jerk and never fixed them.
Aww heck, sucks I gotta go to work tomorrow or I'd start in early this morning. Or late tonight.
Goddammit... AGAIN!?!?!
I love pony madness it's more colorful... and funny.
2588781
. . . yay
2588787
He's young! Stuff is scary! HE HAS A WEAK BLADDER! I do not actually have a weak bladder IRL.
I think the responses worked. I mean, if he'd just said, "you're all fictional - You're from a cartoon in my world," I think they would have just said that obviously it was the other way around and that they were real first, but if he commands their attention by sharing things he somehow knows about them, without any explanation or context, they're all free to jump to whatever conclusion suits them - I liked AJ's, especially.
At least now he's irrevocably convinced them all he's much more than he seems - Not just a little colt with a bizarre set of skills and gruff behaviors, but something at least close to what he claims he is.
Well, happy birthday in that case. Although, you shouldn't be giving other people presents for your birthday, it's supposed to go the other way around!
I didn't find anything too wrong with the main-6's reactions. After all, if someone claimed to know things from an outsider perspective, and knew.... disturbing/personal facts about your life, wouldn't you react a bit strongly?
Not sure about Applejack and the whole parents thing, but that makes at least some sense also.
Overall, good chapter.
Looks good to me. THough the only things I'd changes is to skip the repeated oh my goes from fluttershy. I mean we get it, just mention her still in that state would have been enough.
Applejack was defiantly the strongest in this chapter, I never considered she would bring up her parents, but it makes complete sense. Although it's pretty sad that she actually thinks they would be alive.
2588667
yay happy birthday!
....now get back to work
At least we're finally getting somewhere with the Mane 5... even if its not exactly in the right direction lol, when I heard AJ speak I was like *face hoof*
2588799 i just hope that you don´t go the "you are all fictional!" way, there are better ways.
Lets take the mutliverse (string theorie) for once, everyting exist in it, so you can´t miss the target everyting that someone coud write already exist! Funny if you think about it...Brucy
2588799
Do you recall the "Bruce is Tough!" "Wait, Bruce is Tough?" conversation back in the "Cut Content: 'Spring'time for Brucey and Equestria!" chapter where I pointed out how he wasn't painting a very tough picture?
Well, looks like another piece of evidence has been added to my case.
“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”
― Gloria Steinem
or...
"The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable."
- James A. Garfield
Decide what you like.
Twilights reaction to hard facts that were actually imposible to have been known without actually being there was actually forcing me to hit my face with a brick, I get what she's going through and after a while she will notice herself, but in the way it doesn't mean I'll feel irritated.
2588667
Happy birthday!
2588787
I'm with you on that, I get that you have a weak colt body but KEEP IT TOGETHER MAN!!
I don't care what anybody else says. At 2:49 in the morning, this made my entire day. Glad to see this on track, and obviously I can't wait for the next chapter.
Preemptive happy birthday and goodnight!
I love Rarity's response to all this going on. Although I feel bad for AJ
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7420317952/hD8375461/
Bruce...really isnt ready for big boy pants yet is he....Does Equestria have pull-ups? Could add that to the list of humiliating things that's happened to him during his tour of Equestria.
I'm surprised nobody drew these connections...
Friendship is Witchcraft
Mentally Advanced Series
Both of which are parodies of MLP:FIM.
The references to these parodies all reference the Pinkie character in the respective series.
3 things I have a problem with this chapter. And not the same as you.
First, Twilight is just too harsh. She almost comes across as a bitter nag, easily vexed and cynical as fuck. And she's been like this almost the whole story. I'm just not sure that's the right way to portray the embodiment of the magic of friendship. Yes she panics and is stubborn, but she's not that insensitive.
Twond: Bruce just told them they are a cartoon show for little girls where he comes from. Why exactly does Rarity think her sex life and AJ think her dead parents have anything to do with that.
See the way it would play better is if at the end of the last chapter Bruce had finished with what he knew and said something like "I am from a world where we watch you for entertainment" and then this kerfuffle. And then at the end of this chapter he specifies the cartoon.
Because really, it's like they didn't hear about the part with the cartoon.
3: Despite Bruce's current situation and issues, these are characters that, to the extent he knows them from the show, he loves. He should be a bit less freaking out and a bit more trying to help them not have a nervous breakdown.
As for AJ I would have her less stricken, but otherwise nice angle.
As for Shy, the best way to remedy that hiccup would be to have her hiding under Bruce's bed.
2588858
Or the Discworld variant of that phrase: The Truth shall make ye fret.
2588843 plz come join the multiverse headcannoneers!
2588847
He's had a hard life ...
2588858
"I-I'm trying but for some reason, all I want to do is curl up against a mare and cry. I-I-I-I WANT MY MOMMA-A-A!"
"That'd be stallion here, Bruce."
"What?! Ew - gay. Never mind."
2588889
YAY! Someone got it!
2588894
One: Twilight - ehhh, I can see where you're coming from but I really don't see her as a hateful nag - just an annoyed scientist being asked to believe something with no solid evidence. I think it's tonal. I might be reading her with a slightly different tone in my mind. I'll try to work on her but, well, maybe my head canon just doesn't sync very well with the actual canon.
Two: It's not the 'show for little girls' thing that is really getting to them (though I might have implied it in my AN - whoops). It's the thought that maybe Bruce can somehow or is otherwise made to scry into their lives. Maybe while they're on the toilet. Maybe if they're ... indisposed. The one pony that says she believes him was showing distress not over his revelation but over the fact her friends still refuse to accept him. Eveypony else had more of a 'worried about secrets' vibe. At least, that was my intent.
Three: I wanted Bruce to feel pressured into saying this. I wanted to imply (last chapter) that he felt this was almost his one chance left. I guess I failed.
After an amazing game of League this only makes the day better! Love your story man, keep 'em comin'!
-Hotwingsrule
Well, while you have great editors, I'd like to offer my services. Least, to help with multiple responses or conversations.
As for the chapter, give yourself a pat on the back. It went well, and you're growing as an author. All that's left is expanding and practice.
2588894 DEAR GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU USING AS YOUR AVATAR
2588933
Two redux: what I was saying is that the second Bruce explained the show to them AJ and Rarity's issues seem odd. Twilight could still believe he's full of it, Shy can freak out, Dash can get defensive, and Pinkie already believed. But neither "the other side" nor "my sex life" really makes any sense with "cartoon for little girls".
3: I don't mean what he said. Causing the nervous breakdowns made perfect sense. But he should be running damage control, not just ducking and covering.
2588954
Your face!
[youtube=m0efX3B51dU]
Truthfully, I think you nailed their reactions perfectly.
I love it how Twilight is obviously in denial.
She'll just deny, deny, deny.
2588963
Agreed, but it did seem a bit off you know? The other believed in him some way or another, but Applejack just remained quiet in the manner. I'm not saying she should shout it out or anything, but I think all the mares could've chipped in if they believed him or not.
Poor Fluttershy.
I wonder if AJ was asking for a Geographical location, "They dun got themselves lost!", or a spiritually location, "WELL?! They make it to heaven or dey in hellz?!!"?