14 - PARTY HARDLY
After another rousing session of 'clean the filthy Colt' - again with Mr. Cake, that poor long-suffering stallion - I came back downstairs to find a party in full swing. So many ponies, so many eyes staring at me ... is it a bad sign I'm finding them less creepy? Probably.
And the party. Oh my god, the party. Pinkie's parties were just like I expected them to be and that disappointed me. Fruit punch, piles of snacks (most of which had a bite already out of them but nopony seemed to mind), and, eugh, party games. There was 'Pin the Tail on the Pony' going on in a corner - headed by Cheerilee - with a few board games popped open being used and somewhere I heard music starting and stopping along with the clattering of many hooves. And you know what was really bizarre? ADULTS were playing these things! Adults! I haven't touched a board game since I was, like, six!
"This party sucks," I mumbled under my breath as Spring nudged me into the room, carefully avoiding the mop and bucket at the foot of the stairs. Right next to a freshly clean but damp section of the floor. My cheeks grew red just thinking about it.
"Oh hush. Pinkie went to a lot of trouble to get this set up and this is a perfect way for you to see how healthy, stable ponies interact." She nudged my unwilling body even further into the room, ponies parting to make way. "Though that surprise was a little much ... "
"I'd be able to 'interact' better if you weren't sticking your muzzle up my butt." That earned me a slight glare but it also stopped her from pushing me with her face. Instead, she switched to hooves.
"Go out there and mingle!" With a final shove, I was propelled into the writhing crowd of bodies. Being a kid sucked. Being a kid in a crowd of way-too-tall ponies sucked worse. I kept feeling as though I was going to get trampled as the crowd heaved and waved around me like some type of living ocean. And yet, at the same time, I felt comforted. Safe. Herd instinct I guess. Which means my brain is being affected by my body. So not only was I not in my own body but my whole personality was just different enough that I'd probably classify as someone entirely different. Cue panic attack.
"Well, you must be Bruce." My mental breakdown was interrupted by a voice I knew so well. Not 'best pony' but really close to it. A purple unicorn stepped out from the crowd, smiling at me with bright purple eyes. If that wasn't a dead enough give away as to who she was, the single pink stripe in her hair should have been. Her voice was loud enough to cut above the chatter yet not so loud as to draw attention to us.
"Do I have to be? So far, this life kinda sucks." I was petulant and I didn't care. Waking up early, tumbling down stairs and then peeing myself in front of the entire town was not a good way to start a day. Twilight Sparkle, personal student of Princess Celestia, blinked at me in response.
"Uhm, yes, well, I've heard quite a bit about you from my friends." She gave a nod over to a small cluster of ponies sitting around the snack table. I recognized them, of course. Elements of Harmony and the wet-dream of many a high school brony. And some not-high school I guess. Anyway, they were all here and it was going to be a chore not to let something slip. Wait, why was I trying not to let anything slip anyway? Twilight lifted a hoof to her chest, undoubtedly preparing to give some pre-checklisted speech or something. "My name is Twi-"
"Twilight Sparkle, protege of the Princess and Bearer of the Element of Magic. Yes, yes." I waved a hoof at her dismissively before taking a step forward, a smirk on my face. "How'd your checklist go this morning?" Twilight blinked at me, her face confused for a brief moment. Suddenly she chuckled.
"Ohhh, a fan huh?" She brushed off her a shoulder (screw this horse terminology, I'm sticking with what I know) and broke into the smuggest grin ever. She peeked one eye open after a second and chuckled again. "Yes, well, I don't like to brag or anything. I'm just a really lucky filly. And I hear you're quite the smart colt too."
"Sure, we can call it that." I shrugged. "I'm more inclined to think I'm an average human but, eh, go with what you know I s'ppose." Twilight rolled her eyes.
"Those books aren't even that great." Ok, that came out of left field. I blinked in slight confusion before I remembered what she was talking about. Understanding dawned on my face.
"Oh, well, I wouldn't know, never read them. I li-" Twilight shook her head, interrupting me with a snort of irritation.
"I mean, life without magic? That's not even possible! And don't get me started on that 'hands' thing. Just some ponies can't be happy with what they're given." Okay, I was going to have a nice, calm and adult conversation with her. Was.
"Oh, and I suppose you've got it so rough what with having magic and all. I bet you haven't even tasted a doorknob in years." Seriously, why the hell couldn't I have been a useful pony, like a unicorn or a pegasus or something? With one, I could work as if I had hands! The other, flying is awesome. But no, I have to be some dumb dirt pony drooling on doorknobs and handles all day.
"Excuse me? Unicorns don't use magic for everything! It's not like it's my fault I was born this way!" Twilight stamped a hoof, anger creasing her forehead as she stepped forward slightly. I stepped closer myself, my own anger clear on my face.
"I never said it was but it must be so convenient to have the power to make an entire town go crazy!" Why was I getting so upset?
We were muzzle to muzzle (ok, MOST horse terminology), pressing our noses together as we stared into each others eyes and, well, pretty much growled at each other. The argument had caused the sounds of the party to slowly cease as it got more heated and now we were locked in vicious mental contest in a circle of staring and confused ponies. Behind Twilight, I could barely make out the form of Pinkie Pie, her face a contortion of fear and horror at the train wreck that was unfolding in front of her eyes.
"OK! That's enough you two! Bruce, that way. NOW." Spring Meadows forced herself out from the crowd, physically pushing Twilight and I apart. She pushed me back towards the crowd, keeping hold of Twilight as she did so. "Twilight, dear, we need to talk."
They disappeared into the kitchen, Twilight fuming and shooting looks of pure hate at me. Actually, more like mild irritation but a colt can dream. As they left, every face followed them, on each a mask of pure confusion, but once the pair of mares vanished from view, every head slowly turned to regard me.
"What are y'all staring at?" I growled, stomping off to find a place to be alone. The crowd parted to let me through. I mumbled under my breath as I stalked through the bakery. "I need a drink."
I was sitting dejectedly under a table, the covering hiding my spot from sight, my mind churning. Why had I been so emotional? Sure it was a freaky situation but I should have been able to keep calm. And even if this foal body was affecting my mind to that high a degree, I should have been able to contain myself regardless by the sheer fact that I know I was being affected. The sounds of the party weren't helping me in the slightest, too loud to ignore but not loud enough to complain.
"Bruce?"
Twilight's voice sounded from nearby. I could see her hooves underneath the table cloth. She sounded ... sad. I facehooved. Again. Without speaking, I slid my way out and stood in front of her. She looked ... well, a bit of a wreck. Her hair was mussed and her eyes were a bit red. She had probably been crying or something. Behind her, the other Element Bearers stood in a little half-circle, keeping the part-goers a bit distant and looking just as bad as Twilight. I have no idea what Spring said but this was becoming a nuisance. I really needed to find out what that Counselor thought beyond just 'abused' because, wow. It looked like someone just told them all Princess Celestia was going to die. Twilight opened her mouth to say something.
"No." She blinked at me. I saw her friends look at each other in confusion in the background. "There's nothing to be sorry about Twilight. In fact, I should be sorry. I have no idea what brought that on. It's probably stress. I don't know. I shouldn't have been so ... angry."
We looked at each other for a moment before Twilight smiled gently.
"Well, I'm sorry as well. I shouldn't have been so quick to anger either. Friends?" She held out a hoof. Without even thinking it over, I joined mine to hers with a smile.
"Sure, friends."
"Bruce?" Spring's voice caused the grin to evaporate from my face. She was standing just outside the circle of Bearers with a surprisingly gentle smile. A light yellow male unicorn stood next to her with a matching one. "There's somepony here who wants to speak with you."
Editor: Genjen, he's a pretty cool guy.
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What's this? The Flim-Flam Brothers? Those are the only twin yellow unicorns I know of. And they _want_ to talk to him? Am I just being paranoid and suspicious or what?
Yay! Update!
YES!!!! I love it! Getting under Twilight's skin with just a few sentences.
In a way I wonder why he doesn't try to use Twi's connection with the princess to get him sent back home. But then again, whats the point if they are all convinced that humans are fake and that it's sad if a pony wants to be a human. If I was in his shoes I'd be aggravated to the point of cussing everyone out also. Or crying... Y U NO BELIEVE ME?!
Spring Meadows is gonna be the death of Bruce's sanity isnt she?
1061933 Either a psychologist or probably the author of the books about the humans.
if i was bruce
gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs2/1502624_o.gif
1061933
I think the writer meant that the unicorn's smile matched Meadows, not that there were two yellow unicorns.
Yes, new chapter!
So delicious, om nom nom...
1061933
What 1062055 said. His smile matched hers.
OH OH! Let me guess this stallion is going to say that he is Bruce's father.
I really, really like this chapter. More than bananas. Twilight-licious chapter.
20 percent cooler, than recent chapters. But by no means, Picture Perfect.
Pony be trippin.'
*noms on muffin*
The Words dripped like honey.
Especially, loved Twilight and Bruce's lil' dialog.
You put plenty of effort. And it shines through.
Thank you.
At least he can still apologize like a grownup.
Meadows is pushing him really, really fast. Setting up a party and throwing a colt his way. What do they call a colt that hangs out with fillies instead?
Aww, when you said Cherilee was there, and he was shooed off to play with the other kids, you got my hopes up that he might have the cutie mark blowup with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.... Oh well, pissing off Twi that quickly is still damn funny.
1061952
He's done both, now he's moved into the 'Acceptance' part of the Stages of Grief.
1062090
Eeeenope.
1062107
...colt? Stallion mayhap.
1062118
It'll ... it'll get there.
I really enjoyed this chapter myself, as it stuck the funny image of Bruce using Miss Meadows as a sort of bodyguard against the poor denizens of Ponyville. I can just see her ushering ponies that were yelling at him, after he's conned or pranked them, off to have a 'talk' and then they're crying and he's off the hook. Like a get outa jail free card, only with more crying and hilarity. "Don't mess with me, I have Spring at my back." Ponies would learn to fear the caring smile of a counselor!
Also, the whole adults playing board games and pin the tail on the pony thing was a great mention. So many authors write "Pinkie threw an awesome party!" for their character or what not, but really, those Ponies parties look really lame if you think it over for a bit.
The honorable mention at the bottom there was nice, so thanks for that! Maybe now I'll get some street cred... but probably not.
They'll never believe him at this rate. Getting under Twi's skin is just counter productive at this point.
...
So when does he head off to school and prove just how far ahead of his chronological age he is? That'll be a laugh!
1062157
I think they meant "colt who plays with fillies" like "girl who plays with boys = tomboy" in the real world - what do you call it?
so lemme guess the unicorn is there to tell them that he was actually a human? And without giving spoilers too much can you tell me if he is or actually was a human transported to another universe?
cant wait for the next 
I like.
Bruce, you are a living, breathing social train wreck. And it is glorious. Gloriously awkward, mind you, but glorious all the same...
Oh hey, I was just thinking about how much I wished this would update today!
Oh god. That's his supposed father at the end, isn't it? I'm going with father/other family member. Or another doctor. Or the writer of human books.
Oh lawdy. Here comes the Ministry psychiatrist, I'm guessing.
I can't wait until he finds out what Meadow has been telling them all about his "trauma". He's just gonna be
1062016
XD that icture keeps making me laugh
1062256
Haven't thought of it yet. What's the etymology of tomboy anyway ...
Well, Tom is a shortened version of Thomas and was used in prior centuries as a form of 'general male' name (hence peeping tom, tomcat, et al.). Soooo, 'tomboy' is really 'general male boy.' Hmm, John to Jane. Tom to Tammy. Tammycolt? Tamcolt.
Tamcolt seems nice enough I s'ppose.
1062264
Without giving spoilers ... he has human memories. That's about as non-spoilery as I can be and even then, some people might be able to figure it out.
Wow, he really does know how to get on ponies' good side doesn't he?
All he needs to do now is tell everyone about sweetiebot and Spring will have him locked away.
1062068
I must say the formulation was unclear what was matching. Maybe add smile?
1062006
Sweet Jesus Howard Christ. That will be so awkward!
You know what would be even worse? If that's another human that got teleported to Equestria, and now he thinks he's 'cured' of his delusions.
1062107A kid? If you're a kid, you can hang out with whomever you damn please. Hell, when I was 6, all of MY friends were girls.
1062256Read above^
1062467Sweetiebot?
One last thing though. If you don't like dirty humor, then stop reading this right now. Are you still reading this, or do you not know how to follow directions. Nah, just jokin' on with the dirty humor.
I laughed my ass off when I thought of the implications that statement makes. You can take it one of three ways in my opinion:
1) take away the going on in a corner and expand the quote to include headed by cheerilie
2) don't do number 1
3) Be literal about it and kill the fun.
Poor Bruce.
Can't wait 'til the inevitable happens...
dl.dropbox.com/u/12875849/reactions/SWVjV.png
Need more chapters
So I hope we're going to find out what exactly happened between Spring and the Bearers.
Awaiting truth potions/memory spells. Surely they'll come up eventually...
this story is awesome! looking forward for more
Every chapter makes me laugh
. I can't say there's anything wrong with this story, cause, well, there isn't!
Next chapter is going to be a surprise; I know it.
Keep up the good work.
1062658
Sweetie Bot, from friendship is witchcraft? no? well here is a LINK
that is only the first episode and I don't know when Sweetie Bot was introduced but yeah ...
on an other note fantastic chapter, well worth the wait and I will keep that in mind as I anxiously await the next
..Ugh, I love this story but it annoys me so much that I can't work out if somebody believes him....you're to good at writing.
It looks like Spring Meadows has reached the point that she called in the cavalry. Another psychologist? A former patient?
If it is somepony claiming to be Bruce' father, he's... in for some trouble, perhaps. Especially if Bruce clearly doesn't recognize him. Or... if it seems like he's trying to avoid being reunited with him.
This story is one of my favorites, its just so funny
I cant wait for the next update
Oh Twilight is piiiiiiiissed
You know... That SI has been handed the idiot ball, had one shoved up his arse and one is lodged directly inside his mandula ablongata.
I know I know. Pony colt hormones brain affecting his thinking. But seriously?!
You keep claming to be an adult? Act like one!
The only action I agree is blubering like a little foal in the face of angry flat maned Pinkamena. It's be just bad luck to land into cupcakes universe. Wait. There is no cupcake universe. Pinkie is a Horror film star. XD
Step 1. Talk to your counselor. Act rational. Agree to disagree. Ask if somepony like this Twilight mare might be willing to waste a few resources to double check his impossible story and promise in return to do his best to integrate into pony society and accept the well meaning treatment everypony has been showering him with. And maybe come to terms with possible amnesia. "I man I am not saying I accept at this time I am an abused colt who went nuts but It costs me nothing to examine things you know? As long as you agree not to talk down at me or dismiss me out of hand... Hoof, sorry."
Step 2: I promise not to run away 'unless a dragon is trying to eat me and I'll either come back or find the closest guards pony.' Cross my heart and hope to fly... Etc.
Step 3. Adapt. You're stuck. Deal with it.
Step 4.
Dear Princess Celestia.
Ponyvile has been superkind to me and your social supposrt system is epic. Thanks for working hard for everypony to be happy.
Bruce
P.S. To doublecheck my possible delusions. Feel any dimensional disturbances lately?
Step 5. Science!
Step 6. Live.
I'm still waiting for him to meet the Crusaders.
That will be so much fun.
1063022
1062658
She's the focus of episode 5.
1063329Yea, haven't watched friendship is witchcraft, probly not going to for a couple of days.
I went back and re-read the notes from the counselor after reading this chapter. I'm hoping we can get another in depth view of what she and the other adults are thinking in regards to Bruce as it tends to both be very funny and very interesting to see how they interpret him.
You know, a lot of these human in equestria stories do make me ponder this scenario.
‘Trapped in an unfamiliar body and facing down the one pony likely intelligent enough to help me’
After much pondering I’ve narrowed down what I would say.
"
My dearest, most faithful student Twilight. You know that I value your diligence and that I trust you completely....but you simply must stop reading those dusty old books!
My dear Twilight, there is more to a young pony's life than studying, so I'm sending you to supervise the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration in this year's location: Ponyville. And I have an even more essential task for you to complete: make some friends!
Or how about:
Dear Princess Celestia,
I've learned that one of the joys of friendship is sharing your blessings. But when there's not enough blessings to go around, having more than your friends can make you feel pretty awful.
"
Supose in this scenario though you'd have to hope that Twilight hadn't published her research on the magic of friendship and included her letters in the resulting book.
Then again, if you couldn't remember the friendship reports then perhaps pointing out inside facts would work? Rainbowdash's actual number in the best young flyers contest for instance? Or the fact that she turned her parents into potted plants during her entrance exam.
I wonder what her realistic reaction would be to such mind bending? Honestly I couldn’t say
I am eagerly awaiting the moment when Bruce finally snaps completely and the shit-storm is released.
1063259
Yep. That would be a more sensible thing to do. But it makes kinda ... poor comedy. I'm exaggerating Bruce's negative reactions here to make it funny. Cause I'm not a funny guy.
1063440
Last 'paperwork' is coming up but I'm probably have more Alternate Views here and there. I don't have access to examples at the job right now and I want it to be at least passably real. And I was too young to see my own paperwork.
Hmm...Let us analysis his statement "He has Human memories"
Well the first thing you notice is that he does have the memories of his human life (Might as well put every bit of info I can get)
The second thing we notice is quiet interesting "He has HUMAN MEMORIES", This could mean a few things:
1.He has been living a delusional life and had really always been a pony before something happened.
2.He had lived a human life, Got moved into equestria and took control of the body of a pony who had been in a Serious accident (Which would explain why he was found hurt and not any memory of what happened due to brain damae)
3.He lived a Human life, Got moved to equestria and the story will constanly blur the line of reality and fantasy never giving a straight answer and he ends up living his life there.
4.Got moved to equesria, Finds a way home, da end
What ever this means, There is one thing certian, There is more then meets the eye here.
Anyway, I think I wasted enough of your time, Looking foward to the next Chapter.
Chapters! Y u so short?!