11 - I Fought the Law and You Know the Rest
We walked - or in Pinkie's case bounced - back to Sugarcube Corner in silence. Pinkie seemed chipper since I assured her that it wasn't her I was running from but the situation itself. And yeah, that's not a good way of dealing with any situation but I had an excuse! Uhm, let me think of one.
Crap. I ... am a ... coward? I guess that works. ANYWAY.
As we moved into the main streets of Ponyville, I began to notice how deserted everything seemed. Where before the streets were full of ponies, now it seemed as though the entire town were deserted. I almost asked my guide if something was happening but a quick glance up shattered my question. With a high-pitched 'eep' I stopped and sat heavily down. Pinkie bounced to a stop a few hops away.
"Bruce?" She turned to look at me, tilting her head quizzically.
"Oh my god, it's gorgeous," I whispered, my eyes caught in the glory everything. I usually try to avoid waxing poetic but bear with me on this one. It was an almost religious experience.
The sky was lit with the colors of a rainbow, the baby blue darkening to the east to the deepest of purples and lightening to the burnt red of a mid-summers sunset to the west. The orange light of the setting sun shining on the thatch of the buildings around us, themselves almost a burnished gold. The warm stones of one of the straight cobble streets cooled in the evening air as I sat, the gray of the road contrasting so wonderfully with the bright and almost pristine shine of the buildings.
Doors still opened, to let the fresh and cool evening air blow away the hot day, emitted sounds of laughter or soft conversation. Flickering candle light dimly glowed in windows and spilled out of doorways as ponies settled into what must seem to them an average night. A few street lamps - lit by gas or through some more arcane means - created pools of yellow leading down the street towards the distant yet still cherry Town Hall. The filth and darkness of the alley was forgotten. Here, there was only the soft glow of sunset and silence.
Silence! There were almost no sounds. That, that was so magical! I've lived in large cities my whole life, places where nothing ever just stops, where there is always the sound of traffic or construction or something! Here ... here there was peace. There was the sound of a light breeze, of my own breathing. Laughter from an opened doorway, muted with distance and almost musical in tone. The distant sound of someone calling a foal in for supper. A clattering of hooves as Pinkie walked over to me. Peace, blessed peace for once in my life.
"Hey, it's getting late Bruce." Pinkie nudged me with her muzzle, a faint and glowing smile on it. "We have to get back home or everpony will be worried."
"I know, I know. This, I might be able to manage this." I gave her a weak smile and closed my eyes, drinking in the near-silence and the slowly darkening night. "It's not as bad as all that, is it?"
Pinkie shook her head, still smiling, as she led me with joyful hops back toward Sugarcube Corner.
"Wow, you'd think someone died." As we got nearer and nearer to the bakery that I was slowly accepting as my new home, I heard things that disrupted the spell the night had placed on me. Rushing and clattering hooves, whispered conversations barely perceivable through the streets. When we turned the final corner, it was evident why there was so much commotion.
Armored guards everywhere. At least a dozen made up of all types of ponies. Two white pegasus mares in the gold armor of Celestia talking to Mrs. Cake and Ms. Meadows as a gray unicorn stallion in silver took diction and another comforted a crying Mr. Cake and two twins, sniffling beside their father. A trio of red earth pony guards in burnished copper listening to two of those bat-winged ponies in their purple and black that rushed off into the sky as another group sped in to deliver their own report.
It was like someone kicked a pony-anthill. With the part of the crying woman and her children played beautifully by Mr. Cake and his twins.
"Great, now I feel just awful." With a groan, I lowered my head and began to trod wearily to my certain doom. I was hoping to grab their attention gently and with little fuss. Pinkie, on the other hoof, had other ideas.
"I found him!" I stopped in my tracks, one hoof lifted to take another step. My grimace of stoic acceptance easily - and almost by habit at this point - changing into one of shocked horror. What power have I insulted to deserve a happy and extrovert Pinkie Pie?
"Oh gods." At her shout, the entire ensemble whipped their heads around to stare at us. Pinkie was enthusiastically waving one 'arm' in an attem- what? No, they are arms now! 'Fore hooves' and 'hind hooves' is just ridiculous! I don't care if it's not anatomically-you know what, FINE! Ruin my story why don't you...
Ahem, Pinkie was enthusiastically waving one fore hoof in an attempt to gain even more attention for our arrival. I've never liked being the center of attention and here it was made worse because I was the cause of all this unnecessary activity. Silence reigned again, disturbed only by the sounds of the bat-guards wings in the air and the blood in my now burning ears.
"Ah heh heh." Nervous laugh and far-too-wide smile, always a great start to any conversation. "Uhm, hi everypony! I'm, uhm, I'm back?" Yeah, smooth move there, Ghandi. Wonderful diplomacy. Peace has been restored throughout the lands due to your suave talking. After a bare minute of surprised blinking - and Pinkie's wildly waving fore hooves - the two pegasus guards trotted over to us, Ms. Meadows and Mrs. Cake in tow.
"Oh my, well dear, you gave us all quite a fright," one of the mares in armor piped out. I have no idea what exactly I was expecting but that very soft and melodic voice was not it. Something to note: all guards have the same coloration. I didn't know if it was a weird genetic quirk or some kind of bleach or enchantment or what but that sounded ... just like ...
"Fluttershy?!" My jaw dislocated. It was! It was fucking Fluttershy in guard armor! "Buh-buh-how?! Why? What? But this doesn't make any sense!"
She blinked at me for a brief second before taking off her helmet. As she did so, the white and blue colors of a guard drained slowly away to be replaced with her soft yellow coat and long pink hair. Her face was creased with worry and confusion, looking at me as if trying to place a face.
"Uhm, yes. Actually, uhm, I'm Officer Fluttershy of Her Majesties Royal Home Guard, Auxiliary. Uhm, do - do I know you from somewhere?"
"HOW?!" Assaulting an Officer of the Peace is probably an offense but I couldn't help myself. Sweet, innocent Fluttershy as a cop? That was just all kinds of disturbing and messed up! It took me a second to realize I had grabbed her armor and was staring at her from not even an inch away, braced against her breastplate with my hind hooves. The shock of everypony there was probably why I wasn't being beaten into a coma. Or maybe that's just humanity.
"Uhm, please let go?" She squeaked, obviously distressed. I swear, if I make Fluttershy cry I'm killing myself.
"OH! Oh, sorry. Sorry, uhm, Officer?" I gingerly lowered myself back to the ground, even more red than I was before. Before my hoof even touched the ground, however, I was swept up in a crushing hug by none other than Mr. Cake.
"Oh my goodness, you silly little colt, you had us all worried sick! Don't you ever run off like that again!" Ok, this was just plain weird. Fluttershy a guard, Carrot (I remembered his name! I'm such a nerd) sniffling into my filthy coat, and creepy ponies staring at me with their gigantic eyes! When did my life get so complicated? The entire guard force had gathered around, just as confused as I was though probably for different reasons, and even some nearby homes/stores had let loose a small gathering of onlookers. Rubberneckers, all of them. I know why I was damned confused, getting a definitive creepy-uncle vibe from Mr. Cake. The guards were probably astonished I wasn't bleeding on the ground for grabbing Fluttershy like that.
"You know this colt, Flutters?" ... please don't be who you sound like. Fluttershy shook her head almost meekly, which looked really odd from a mare dressed in battle-gear. Scowling, the other pegasus guard shook off her helmet. The guard colors of white and blue melting into cyan and the shockingly real rainbow mane of the Fastest Flyer in Equestria.
If I could breathe from the hug, I think I would have yelled out something about the world gone mad. As it was, my blue coat was getting even bluer if that was possible. A light tapping from Mrs. Cake disengaged her husband and I slumped to the ground, gasping for air.
"How," I weakly sputtered, "how is this even possible? You," I pointed at Fluttershy, "are an animal caretaker! And you!" I shifted over to Rainbow Dash. "You are a weather mare!" They both raised their eyebrows at my accusations, delivered as theatrically as they were.
"Uhm, we-well yes, I am," Fluttershy looked around at the moderately sized crowd nervously, "but there are more qualified vets in Ponyville than me and while I love taking care of animals that, uhm, that really doesn't pay the bills very well."
"Yeah, Flutters took some cajoling to get her on as an Auxiliary but it fits her really nice." Rainbow nudged her yellow friend with a grin. "And me, I'm kinda an on-call Guard. Delivering messages, Search and Rescue, even some hoof-to-hoof combat if the situation needs it." Rainbow reared on her hind hooves, giving a few jabs into the air to emphasize her point.
I don't think my confused look was what they were hoping for. My brain be done broke now, mouth free.
"What in the hell is an Auxiliary?!" That ... was a halfway decent question, mouth. Why don't you have those more often? The two mares looked at each other, perplexed. Even Ms. Meadows and the Cakes were a bit confused. Fluttershy was the one to break the silence, lowering herself onto the now chilly cobbled street like a schoolmarm getting ready to tell a story.
"Well, 'Bruce,' the guard is set up like this. We have the Royal Guard which helps protect Equestria from bad things that want to hurt us. They're very brave mares who," Spring nudged her slightly and, with a blush, Fluttershy squeaked. "Uhm, very brave mares and stallions who work really hard on the edges of the Princess' domain. Then you have the Home Guard which protects ponies inside Equestria from bad and sometimes sick ponies that want to hurt others." She smiled sweetly at me.
"An Auxiliary is a mare," nudge, "er a mare or stallion that works behind the rest of the members of the Home Guard. We do paperwork, make sure the prison-" nudge, "suspects are well cared for and talk to victims to help them deal with the bad things they've seen. We also help coordinate Search and Rescue and Lost Foal Searches."
I felt like this was going to be a theme. 'Class time for confused Bruce.' My mind had gotten a fiercer hold on my mouth thankfully so I waited until Fluttershy was finished. Time to be an adult about this!
"I'm in deep shit now, aren't I?"
Yeah, you saw that coming.
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...omg...
...OMG...
Edit: I... I made first... I'v never done that before, I will treasure this moment and this story forever...
Yes Bruce, you probably are in for some alternative punishment.
994234
Wait no longer! I write fast when Missus Muse isn't on the ra-uhm, sorry! No, wait, come back!
........ Fluttershy is an officer....... somehow that makes sense. I dont know how or why, but it does.
This when Bruce learns everything he knows from the show is practically useless.
Mr. Cake...is he fulfilling the stallion stereotype here?
Oh gods, I'm starting to feel that pain caused by alternate universeness
First off, Triple post? Soooo awesome!
Crap. I ... am a ... coward? I guess that works. ANYWAY. Single best disillusioned excuse ever. Of all time. I loved the whole Spring nudging Fluttershy to correct her speech to be politically correct. Also, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash as Axillary guards? Nice twist! It'll be interesting to see how this ends up tying into everything ahead.
994297
Not entirely alternate. This is set two years after what we know of the show, so growth and change are inevitable. Also, Fluttercop ... yeah. I was fighting with how/if I was going to do that tonight. My initial concept was a soft-spoken mare that doesn't fit the stereotypical American concept of a police office (like Police Academy) but after I wrote a bit, making that cop Fluttershy was, uhm, it was funny to me. I thought about it and I couldn't envision Fluttershy as a 'cop-cop' buuuuuuuuuuut, this concept of Auxiliary fits better. An Auxiliary is less 'cop' and more office worker/grief counselor. Fluttershy deals more with victims of crimes and taking statements than chasing badguys down. Also, foals that lost parents, stallions that lost loved ones in fights or such, these are the things Fluttershy joined to do. Now, if really pressed into service in the 'chase-capture' capacity she would try but that's not what she joined for and not what her duties normally entail. I was really hoping the description following Bruce's question would make this more clear but, obviously, it really wasn't all that clear. I'll try to solidify the differences between what we as humans know as a cop and the various types of Guard.
994291
Yes. Yes he is.
994326
Knowing Bruce he's going to say something crude and rude about that. Bruce's behavior really is an enigma to these ponies huh?
It looks like he's just said a few things that he, as 'a 32 year old human alien', has no reason to know. Of course, when he explains Friendship is Magic, it'll be seen as repressed memories of being a pony. Even things that he couldn't possibly know will be discredited with LOGIC and REASONABLE ARGUMENTS!
994291
Worse, it's counterproductive. He's informed enough to inspire awkward questions that he can't answer without seeming more nuts than he already does... and refusing to answer isn't likely to help things, either.
Edit: 994354
Dangit. Ninja'd by 61 seconds.
Haha my lungs
994305
Yeeeaah. Hi, my name is Brian. I was tossed around the foster system for a year or two, my mother worked three jobs at once often to try to get us fed and we still had to pawn things to make electrical payments. I've lived in the ghetto (Blood 4 lyfe) two trailer parks of which gravel was an integral part of the road system, at least one efficiency hotel with four women (two sisters, mother, mother's lover), a homeless shelter and actually moved ten times in three years once. I've lived only due to food stamps, child support and free medical given to the poor.
My concept of Equestria relies on the thought that it's an older US. The 20's, the 10's even. A period of roughly 1895-1925 or so when the old systems of Europe were still around for the most part (and even the old system of the US in an electoral fraud sense) but the new technology was becoming a more important aspect of life. Electricity was new, medical technology was making leaps and bounds with an understanding of vitamins and chemistry and we were first turning our eyes to the stars in a very real way. We weren't a massive consumerist society yet, though well on our way to it. We weren't devouring the world be damned the consequences. We were one of a series of nations that were beginning to do so but had not yet gotten to that point.
I want to make this clear: I am not upset. I value your input very much because it is input that I can use to become a better writer and because you obviously put some deep thought into it. I just wanted you to know that I am not coming at this as some spoiled westerner that looks with pity at the rest of the world, having seen no hardship myself (I had one well-known user almost directly accuse me of that in another story of mine and that got me upset. Your post? Nope, but it did lead into an interesting conversational path so I am going ahead with it). Perhaps, perhaps this Equestria is a bit of a utopic ideal. I've tried to make it less ideal than the show but not so dark as to depress. Maybe I failed. That's a high probability, actually.
Now, as to your liking of this, THANK YOU. I, I was immensely surprised that it is as popular as it has become. It was supposed to be a light comedy as I struggled through Sins of Our Sisters but it's become more my main project. As to a plan ... pffftHAHA! I don't plan too much. I have a series of scenes I want to incorporate and I string them together as best I can but I get sidetracked so readily that planning goes out the window the minute I sit down to type. Uhm, no thoughts on how many chapters you can expect except he will be going to more families as the days wear on and the curious case of his appearance will, eventually, be solved. You can thank my wife for giving me the idea for that one, by the way. I had some ideas but she really helped me fill in some blanks. Thanks Rayven! You're TEH BEST!
994323
Flutters is Auxiliary, Rainbow is just a part-timer. But yeah, read above for more info on that choice and the differences therein.
994344
Maybe. Bruce still hasn't quite 'gotten' the gender inversion he's working with here. When he does, well, I'm thinking Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara are going to be involved.
994354
Bingo.
I'm guessing that gender roles are reversed here and that sexism might be directed at males. That'll be worth a good laugh or two later on.
Also, I'm not sure if this qualifies as an alternate universe scenario, but this isn't as 'mind-rape'ish as some of the alternate universe fics I've seen. (Try reading 'Luna's Student'. Seriously, lots of mind rape going on in that story.)
Hmmm. I don't buy the gender inversion thing -- it always strikes me as something of a dodge to avoid the question of how gender roles in Equestria work. Just saying "Oh, it's the other way around!" is a bit simplistic, to my mind.
Also, you're starting to run 'Bruce is a head-for-the-hills idiot' into the ground, a bit. Around now he should be starting to pull his head in, and starting to quietly observe, since he's undoubtedly found that trying to do things His Way is not working.
994326
I thought it was pretty clear. I just called them both axillary instead of two separate things cause I was being lazy.
Also, I'd say to just remind readers about the obvious where it comes to them being "cops," and that is: "Bruce is an unreliable narrator" As in, his misconceptions in the story aren't necessarily what's actually happening, just what he THINKS is going on/how things are. Just cause he decides to think of them as cops doesn't mean that's exactly what they are. Then, as he's confused down the road and they correct him, that would be an excellent time to "clear the air" for both him and the readers alike.
fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/229/d/e/righteous_fury_by_spaceponies-d46ysfw.png
I see it.
994245
"write write write!"
*the chanting of the fans*
YES! Yes, yes, mother bucking yes! Love how he's been reacting the whole story, and I hope to see more chapters as soon as they come out. Keep up the great work
I'm actually liking this, I really am.
994245
Please please please grant enough inspiration to put out the next chapter, which will include everyponies' reactions to his cussing at Fluttershy! 
Please Minalkra's Muse!
994500
It is exactly that. Lazy and simplistic. My original concept of the gender roles was that, in ponies, the nurturing in females was seen as 'better' than the aggressiveness of the males. So the 'roles' weren't reversed, the opinion and ideals behind those roles were. A mother was honored more than a war veteran, to take an extreme and not entirely accurate example. A more accurate one would be a school teacher was more honored and seen as more necessary than a footballer or such. Not entirely, but it gets the gist across.
But that's a BITCH. That is a bitch to write and to keep in mind as you write. You need to almost force yourself INTO that mindset in order to accurately portray it and, frankly, I wasn't really willing to invest that much effort into what I always thought of as a secondary story to my more main project(s). So I took an easy and lazy way out in this plain-old reversal. It's not supported by the show whatsoever, it's not accurate to my own mind's eye, it's not really all that good an idea, it's not .. it's just not. But it does open the door for future hilarity and shenanigans as well as giving an 'almost alien but not quite' feel to the pony culture that a proper treatment might lose thus losing some of the 'funny-horror' that I was initially going for.
And yeah, Bruce's panicky nature and idiocy are getting a bit stale, perhaps. But that's where my muse is taking me ... I think I got a bit away from that here, what with that flowery description of 'Ponyville At Sunset' and with him actually owning up so to speak to the fact that, well, maybe it's not so bad and maybe this is a home for him. For a while. We'll see. I don't know if I can do 'not panicky snark.' I blame Douglas Adams and my mother's dog, somehow. Also, 13(+, we're not even to bedtime yet) chapters = ONE DAY. I have GOT to speed this up!
994449
I was hoping to avoid the AU tag altogether by setting it a few years ahead of the show. That allows me a bit of wiggle room to, well, retcon some of the more ridiculous things I'd have to deal with. How does a 'wild animal caretaker' even get her money? I guess it could be a government position but ... well, I didn't want to say that to be honest. This 'Fluttercop' that's really more of a counselor like Meadows I think fits her personality better. I suppose a government that paid for the wild animals to be cared for would work, given the weather control, but ... nah.
994536
...I thought that's what I did here. I'll have to see if it causes confusion further on down the line given that Fluttershy is going to fit in his family list at some point in time if only to use momomojito's line.
...Bring out the soap.
994769
The story is written as a 'steam of consciousness' almost, but looking back on things. These are kinda the thoughts of his 'future' self looking back at how things went. It's not very clear, I will admit. Later on, you'll find things like 'Ruin my story, why don't you' and even an argument with an unwritten/unknown 'audience.'
I was stumbling about like a drunken idiot - well, more of a drunken idiot than usual - while trying to just calmly walk <-- That would be another way of writing that line but the than usual can be seen as 'understood' rather than having to write it out.
'Que' should be spelled 'cue' instead. I'll fix it eventually, I hate mistakes like that.
A simile is a phrase describing something like something else. 'You are like a midsummer night's dream' is a simile. 'The bowl was as empty as the depths of space' is a metaphor, another way in English to compare something to something else.
994855
An eatery is any place where you can sit down and eat. It's just a colloquial way of saying 'cafe' or 'restaurant' without having to remember how to spell 'restaurant.'
God damnit man i want moar! And not just of the story, i want more swearing, more awkward moments, more rage, and when are you going to bring up his knowledge of the horizontal monster mash.
And then the entire town pounced on him with a bar of soap!
cant wait for the next chapter dude
Well, the one thing that catches my interest is that you've given Bruce very realistic reactions.
He's already missing his family and friends. If the ponies all continue talking down to him as nothing he says matters, and if he continues to have no power at all in his own life, and as his old life continues to drift away, I can see the guy easily having a severe breakdown in the not too distant future. Really severe, as in psychotic break, suicidally depressed, I'm not quite sane anymore severe.
Really, it's hard not to see a dark tag being needed in the future of this fic if he doesn't get at least one pony who believes him and truly supports him.
(Flutterguard is really hard to picture. The way you put her in works, but it's pretty much the only possible way I'd accept it.)
"I'm in deep shit now, aren't I?".....
i prolly would have said the exact same thing
"I'm in deep shit now, aren't I?"
Tune in next time when Bruce is interrogated by Rainbow Dash! Same pony time, same pony website!
The way Fluttershy talks about stallions in the guard, you'd almost think that the show is inaccurate in displaying the male-to-female ratio in Celestia's royal guard.
...either that, or the position of Royal Eyecand- ehr, I mean, Royal Guard is a mostly-ceremonial one.
I heart this story!
And I love how things aren't all beer and skittles for poor Bruce.
(how long will he have to suffer before finding a smoke and a beer? God knows at this point I could really use a drink if I were him)
To be honest, his reactions seem more realistic given the whole 'waking up someplace else'.
I mean really, who wouldn't let the curse words fly? Especially at the thought of going through puberty again!
Keep up the awesome work!
....
Please go on.
I gave nothing further intelligent to say other than
THIS IS JUST EPPIIIIC... Wait that wasn't really intelligent. ok let us try this again
This is a masterpiece of truly fantastic proportions... Yeah that sounds intelligent and classy
well i love this but (Clears throat) MOAR MOAR MOAR DAMN IT I NEED MOAR
Fluttercop.......Wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat wat!!!!!!!!!!
Great chapter.
ed his display of fan knowledge.
Nice to see Bruce finnaly meet more of the Mane 6, and
I'm my opinoun 36+ guards seems a bit overkill , but then what do i know.
This is one of those stories that is so good that i can't help but expand upon it in my head. I like to imagine that Brue has a friend come through with him who is a streat fighter, with a missing eye and false teeth. It's THAT GOOD, you have me thinking hard about it when i'm not even reading it. Bravo good sir
And you, my friend, have far more life experience then i gave you credit for. Sorry to hear you had such a rough life, hope things are going good for ya now.
As always can't wait for more.
See, while I love the approach of the story, it's a moment like this that makes me wonder how this is going to end.
994707
Please don't speed this up. While I have been whin... complaining about Bruce's explicit descriptions of how much the ponies creep him out, all those details only add to the story. The whole scene in the backstreet alley in Ch. 12 was great because you put all that environment in. Not that I particularly like descriptions of trash and waste, but all those things add to the ... for lack of a better word, flavor of the story.
Same goes for the sight of a peaceful evening setting in Ponyville. That alone made the chapter worthwile for me.
Ok brain, can we please go back to "grumpy" now, thank you? All that mushy honesty makes my head spin.
Such a wonderful read. I really can't wait for more!
I wonder if it ends with him going home or him finding out he never really was a human.
996794
...36+? I said a dozen, right? OH! I meant a dozen TOTAL, of all types. Not a dozen EACH. I see, I see. Might change that, sorry about the confusion.
996317
Yeah, I was going along those lines. The Canterlot Royal Guard is more a tradition due to ... well, I might not go into that. But it's the only male-only guard unit. The majority of the guard is female-only though they've been integrating in more recent years. Flutters here, she's just not used to it.
996776
Nope, not so cliched as that. The idea that's rattling around in the old bone-cage is a bit cliched but it's different enough that I think it'll fly.
Man is it different ...
996938
Don't forget the imagery eluding to Bruce's feeling of currently being a 'waste' and 'trash.' A 'throw away colt' so to speak. Not only is no one believing him or trusting him but he's also alone with no real friends or family to speak of and while he yearns for the freedom of being seen as an adult, he has even less support network than the little he had as a human.
I'd like to pretend I was going for that all along but really, it was just a chance to make condom jokes.
I love this story! It's fresh, clever, a great blend of fun and serious, and it has to do with one of my favorite ideas of all time: adult being turned into a child. I don't know why I like that `story idea` (what is the right word for that!?), but I do. However, I also hate, despise, loathe it when they're trapped by people who don't understand them, when they don't have the ability to get away/survive on their own in their new body! When I started reading this, I loved it, but then I began to get more and more annoyed that he was trapped and couldn't get away. I wanted to punch those doctors SO BADLY!
So I left for half a day, calmed down, then came back and read the next chapter. Even if his situation hasn't really changed, I'm more calm and I can enjoy this story again!
Good job!
One last thing: when I read in the summary of this story that you weren't going to type much cursing, but that it was going to be implied, I was ecstatic! I hate cursing, but I understand that people do it. You can't write a story about sailors and not have them curse. However, you can write a story about sailors without ever writing out the curse words, and so many people don't understand this! I think you do, though.
That leads me to a request: I'd really appreciate it if you toned down on the `written cursing` and wrote more `implied cursing`. That being said, I still chuckle at certain lines (like the end of this chapter). I know I'm just one voice, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd at least think about this request.
Thanks for the great work!
-Silver
997750
That would be evil and ingenious! If the author slowly stretched it out so that we lose track of the fact that he's supposed to be human, and then at the end reveal the other ponies were right all along ...
Cutie mark in imagination ...?
997895
Ok, yeah. I've been slipping in too much I suppose. An occasional is fine, especially if it 'makes the joke' but I can see where you're coming from. My goal was to have 'spoken' cursing only and only when it was necessary but I've had a few that need not have been said. I wanted this to remain mostly family-friendly. I'll be trying to tone it down. That was my plan all along so thank you for the reminder!
And he'll be believed eventually but it might only be towards the end of everything. And even then, just because he has the memories of an adult, is he really an adult? And even if you think so, he still has the body/needs of a little colt so even when everything is said and done, he might still end up needing a caretaker. Just one with a light hand. More of a roommate ...
Oh, and the word you might be looking for is concept?
Also, have a quote that fits Bruce in the first/second chapter:
"You don't want me. I'm filled with Scotch, bitterness and impure thoughts!"
~ Peter MacCready in confronting a lip-smacking lion (from the movie "We Bought A Zoo"
997933
Yay~
`Concept` ... yeah, I suppose that works. Whatever I was looking for would have the word `literary` in front of it (pretty much a fancier term for an idea/concept seen in fiction).
And the moment you said `light hand` I got the image of Bruce actually doing something stupid and childish and getting spanked for it ...
... I do not know how to react.
Not sure if you know but the front hooves are called arms of a horse and the back hooves are called legs. If you did just ignore me.
p.s.
MOAR 
I wanna moooaaar 
please?
"Cup felt a twinge of anger begin to rise but fought it down as quickly. She wasn't that mare anymore."
I now see mrs. cake as a retired grizzled cop after what you said about the near all mare military.
I'd be interested to hear about her past as a way of showing the differences from our society to theirs.
Great story!
997880
If I had to rule for uncounted centuries, I'd want something pretty to look at too!
Princess Cadence isn't quite as old as Celestia, but she started her collection off with a bang - or rather, with the Captain of the Royal Eyecandy.
And that, I suspect, is why Celestia sends the Wonderbolts to save a town from a rampaging dragon, not her Royal Hare- ehr, Eyecand- wait, I mean Guard!
Mr. Cake has a massive heart; he hasn't even seen Bruce yet (unless I misremember?) and already he treats the colt's disappearance as if it were one of his own.
Either that or he's so big-hearted to foals that he does that with every single missing child.
lol, I don't know why I have never come across this story before, its just my type!
well... one of several "types" but you get the idea.
as far as what the ponies would actually look like I have indeed tried to make "virtual renderings" in my mind as it were..... most of them are rather creepy, most of all pinkie due to her teeth exposing smiles.
I have indeed rendered some that I think are worthy of the cuteness that mlp is but...
still many end up looking like this:
[youtube=turycXIxRiw]
also you better avoid ever causing fluttershy to ever use "the stare" on you... you have only narrowly avoided voiding yourself of any excess weight a couple of times which would be a strong primal response given your:
A. An equine, which is an animal not only a digestive system designed for a high bulk diet, but also with very pronounced "fight or flight" response.
and
B. A young foal, nuff said
and given her tendency to love and care is so strong she was chosen by the cosmos to be the vessel of the element of kindness she is not likely to let you get away still in an unhygienic state, you thought it was awkward before....
994354 I dunno... There shouldn't be a reason why he would recognize FS or RD, would there? If, for example, he could start listing all the denizens of Ponyville, despite there being no record of him ever being in Ponyville (or none of the said denizens recognizing him), it would logically indicate that something is up.
Especially if he explained his knowledge of Equestria as being akin to the ponies' knowledge of humans. That would be an interesting thought experiment to see conducted by the ponies.