Having failed to reach Davy Jones' Locker with the rest of his crew, Captain Hector Barbossa finds himself lost within a world he doesn't understand. But despite the odds not playing in his favour, and having no knowledge of the world around him, he vows to make it back to his own. Somehow.
Perpetual Motion
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Comments ( 692 )
Oh my dearest Luna, this cross over idea had me bursting out laughing while at the same time, clicking the chapter as fast as I could. I guess I'll find out if its executed well.
This wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, quite the opposite. The chapter is written very well and I await the next chapter. ![]()
I didn't even read yet, but please: Add Pipsqueak!
Edit: Read it, very nice. Keep going.
Read it through and I must say looks promising. Your characterization of Barbossa is very well done and the fight with the Manticore is just the right length (let's face it, we all knew Barbossa would win). I am a little concerned that you won't have anything for Barbossa to DO once he reaches Ponyville proper (except you know, the usual parties and whatnot) which would be a waste. But I'll keep my eye out for the next chapter and hope for the best. Nice work.
The plot and Cover art brought me over.
I'll read later, but have a thumb and a fav.
"He had next to know experience with them" That's just too silly for me to allow you to leave in an otherwise quite good story. I look forward to reading more of this.
Oh dear God, so many likes and comments
I'm surprised actually. Thanks to those who have commented.
And thanks to the one dis-like. Helps me keep my ego in check ![]()
If it was Jack going there instead, he might have gotten a party. Maybe.
But it's Barbossa. And his impression isn't doing so well so far, is it?
That's bloody brilliant ![]()
Bah, who could dislike this. I sure don't. I approve of your writing style and your characterization of Barbossa. Well-done so far, I'm looking forward to more :D
A pony and pirates crossover
This story has quite a lot of promise, but your writing style and grammar will kill it if you aren't careful. The most noticeable flaw is that you don't use apostrophes correctly. In fact, you seem to have gotten them backwards: possession is indicated by an apostrophe, not the lack of one. Jack's boat is possessive, not Jacks boat.
Another thing that struck me was how awkwardly much of this is written. It seemed that every third or fourth sentence was just this mess of words that didn't make grammatical sense, and there was a lot of breaking of the show, don't tell rule - that is to say, we're just being told what Barbossa is doing instead of seeing him do it. Like, when the ponies run away, you could actually have them call to one another, instead of just telling us that they do.
There are other errors - you don't need to have a new paragraph when the same character is talking more than once in a block of text, for instance - but those were the most pressing.
Like I said. Lots of potential, but you need to write it properly.
I really liked the thumbnail for this story it just makes me think that Barbossa is telling Twilight: "Ye best start believe in ghost stories Miss Sparkle, cause you're in one!"
But other than that the story seems pretty decent while the grammar errors are just... annoyingly bad. Just watch what you write down and use spell check and this story could be pretty good.
You know what? I'm sorry, but this gets a thumb up and a fav for the concept alone.
EDIT: This is good so far! I like where it's going. And the CMC? LOL
This could go far. Wouldn't be far fetched to bring the whole gang to Equestria either, they'd come looking for Barbosa because he's one of the 9 pirate lords, same reason they went to get Jack.
Great job on Barbossa's diction -- he talks in a distinctive fashion, with regards to choice of words and their usage. He also uses a lot of different tones in the one sentence, not just a monotone. You'll have to be careful when he meets the ponies, though -- they speak very differently, more American, whereas Barbossa has a more commonwealth vocabulary. YMMV, I am not a lawyer, etc.
That said, this is a great idea. He has the right mix of violence to keep it interesting, cunning and gift of the gab to keep it from becoming knee deep in the dead, and betraying to keep it from gettin' too predictable.
Thanks for the honesty, and I'll try and fix what you've pointed out, especially the apostrophes
Although don't expect my style to suddenly change or become perfect. I will try and work on it though ![]()
Although, I'm slightly confused about the show, don't tell rule. Do you mean I should use more speech for actions? Or am I just over describing the events?
Grammar errors?
I will FIND THEM! And I was sure I checked too, even spell check gave me all clear. I mean, apart from the piratey talk, I thought it was fine
Or do you not just mean spelling?
It'll be even worse when he meets Applejack. The ye's and y'alls will everywhere ![]()
Spelling is an issue that arise but I also something that just irked me a little in the chapter where you put "T'was was definitely...." 'T'was' by itself would be just fine, but putting a 'was' after it makes it sound like you are repeating the word 'T'was'.
My favorite pirate in the land of ponies? Now where did I put my popcorn....
Dude, this story is leaving me in stitches so far. in a good way of course. I can't imagine what barbosa is going to do. Write more!! :D
love the story sofar but ![]()
GODDAMNIT ![]()
Quicky becoming my fav HiE fic that I'm tracking, not sure if it's the concept or the engaging writing. Either way this is made of pure awesome ![]()
Magnificent! Do continue and bring a new chapter soon.
Smart move Angel.
Very nice concept, with an excellent execution. So far. Please continue, I really must have more. ![]()
I saw this and went "hmm it might be good." Then I saw that Barbossa was in it and said "DROP EVERYTHING I have to read this."
Edit: It was so good.
I really like how this is the first Barbarossa in Equestria fic I've read and I've yet to see a Jack Sparrow in Equestria yet!







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