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Perpetual Motion 1228

Joined June 2012
100 followers

    Perpetual Motion's Stories (1)

    • Over the Edge and Over Again
      Having failed to reach The Locker, how will Captain Barbossa cope with Equestria?

      97,632 words · 5,908 views · 767 likes · 26 dislikes

    Having failed to reach Davy Jones' Locker with the rest of his crew, Captain Hector Barbossa finds himself lost within a world he doesn't understand. But despite the odds not playing in his favour, and having no knowledge of the world around him, he vows to make it back to his own. Somehow.

    First Published
    2nd Jul 2012
    Last Modified
    13th Apr 2013

    Comments ( 692 )

    #1 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Oh my dearest Luna, this cross over idea had me bursting out laughing while at the same time, clicking the chapter as fast as I could. I guess I'll find out if its executed well.

    #2 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Ok. Props for the hilarious picture. :scootangel:

    #3 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Oh, this is going to be good.:scootangel:

    #4 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    You get a thumbs up for that cover art alone.

    #5 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Best crossover ever! And agree with guy above on the pic!

    #6 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    This wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, quite the opposite. The chapter is written very well and I await the next chapter. :twilightsmile:

    #7 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I didn't even read yet, but please: Add Pipsqueak!

    Edit: Read it, very nice. Keep going.

    #8 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Read it through and I must say looks promising.  Your characterization of Barbossa is very well done and the fight with the Manticore is just the right length (let's face it, we all knew Barbossa would win).  I am a little concerned that you won't have anything for Barbossa to DO once he reaches Ponyville proper (except you know, the usual parties and whatnot) which would be a waste.  But I'll keep my eye out for the next chapter and hope for the best.  Nice work.

    #9 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    The plot and Cover art brought me over.

    I'll read later, but have a thumb and a fav.

    #10 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    #11 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Good show! Good show indeed!

    #12 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    "He had next to know experience with them" That's just too silly for me to allow you to leave in an otherwise quite good story. I look forward to reading more of this.

    #14 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Ok, now THAT was funny.

    #15 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    great job. kudos for the picture alone

    #16 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Oh dear God, so many likes and comments :pinkiegasp: I'm surprised actually. Thanks to those who have commented.

    And thanks to the one dis-like. Helps me keep my ego in check :rainbowlaugh:

    >>844969

    If it was Jack going there instead, he might have gotten a party. Maybe.

    But it's Barbossa. And his impression isn't doing so well so far, is it? :applecry:

    >>844979

    That's bloody brilliant :pinkiehappy:

    #17 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Bah, who could dislike this. I sure don't. I approve of your writing style and your characterization of Barbossa. Well-done so far, I'm looking forward to more :D

    #18 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    #19 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Dislike? More like dis-i-like.

    #20 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    saw the pic i just had to read this:moustache:

    #21 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    This story has quite a lot of promise, but your writing style and grammar will kill it if you aren't careful.  The most noticeable flaw is that you don't use apostrophes correctly.  In fact, you seem to have gotten them backwards: possession is indicated by an apostrophe, not the lack of one.  Jack's boat is possessive, not Jacks boat.

    Another thing that struck me was how awkwardly much of this is written.  It seemed that every third or fourth sentence was just this mess of words that didn't make grammatical sense, and there was a lot of breaking of the show, don't tell rule - that is to say, we're just being told what Barbossa is doing instead of seeing him do it.  Like, when the ponies run away, you could actually have them call to one another, instead of just telling us that they do.

    There are other errors - you don't need to have a new paragraph when the same character is talking more than once in a block of text, for instance - but those were the most pressing.

    Like I said.  Lots of potential, but you need to write it properly.

    #22 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    I really liked the thumbnail for this story it just makes me think that Barbossa is telling Twilight: "Ye best start believe in ghost stories Miss Sparkle, cause you're in one!"

    But other than  that the story seems pretty decent while the grammar errors are just... annoyingly bad. Just watch what you write down and use spell check and this story could be pretty good.  

    #23 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Good. Good so far. Tracking.

    #24 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    You know what? I'm sorry, but this gets a thumb up and a fav for the concept alone.

    EDIT: This is good so far! I like where it's going. And the CMC? LOL

    This could go far. Wouldn't be far fetched to bring the whole gang to Equestria either, they'd come looking for Barbosa because he's one of the 9 pirate lords, same reason they went to get Jack.

    #25 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Great job on Barbossa's diction -- he talks in a distinctive fashion, with regards to choice of words and their usage. He also uses a lot of different tones in the one sentence, not just a monotone. You'll have to be careful when he meets the ponies, though -- they speak very differently, more American, whereas Barbossa has a more commonwealth vocabulary. YMMV, I am not a lawyer, etc.

    That said, this is a great idea. He has the right mix of violence to keep it interesting, cunning and gift of the gab to keep it from becoming knee deep in the dead, and betraying to keep it from gettin' too predictable.

    #26 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>845695

    Thanks for the honesty, and I'll try and fix what you've pointed out, especially the apostrophes :twilightoops: Although don't expect my style to suddenly change or become perfect. I will try and work on it though :twilightsmile:

    Although, I'm slightly confused about the show, don't tell rule. Do you mean I should use more speech for actions? Or am I just over describing the events?

    >>846878

    Grammar errors? :twilightangry2: I will FIND THEM! And I was sure I checked too, even spell check gave me all clear. I mean, apart from the piratey talk, I thought it was fine :facehoof: Or do you not just mean spelling?

    >>848409

    It'll be even worse when he meets Applejack. The ye's and y'alls will everywhere :rainbowderp:

    #27 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>849062

    Spelling is an issue that arise but I also something that just irked me a little in the chapter where you put "T'was was definitely...." 'T'was' by itself would be just fine, but putting a 'was' after it makes it sound like you are repeating the word 'T'was'.

    #28 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>849387

    Oh. I can't believe I missed that :facehoof: But I'll try and watch out for these things in the future. Although I'm far from perfect, so if I do this kind of thing again, you'll have to forgive me. Spell check is only as good as the person using it, afterall :twilightsheepish:

    #29 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>849412

    No worries man I for one am not a stickler about spelling and grammar, unless it is blatantly obvious, and more interested in how the plot of this story proceeds in the future. So write on my dear author, write on.  

    #30 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 1d ago · · ·
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    My favorite pirate in the land of ponies? Now where did I put my popcorn....

    #31 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 1d ago · · ·
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    HAHA, time for adventure!

    #32 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 1d ago · · ·
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    #33 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 1d ago · · ·
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    >>849062

    Closer to the second.  You never describe things - environments, etc - so it's just stuff happening, since the reader never has any time to adjust to things before they change.

    Honestly, just google the show, don't tell rule if you're curious.

    #34 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 23h ago · · ·
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    >>853787

    I've googled it, and realised I've been actually trying to do this, just not right :fluttercry: Oh well. Might as well try and implement it a wee bit in the next few chapters. Thanks for the advice :pinkiehappy:

    #35 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 13h ago · · ·
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    >>854845

    No trouble at all.  Well, okay, that's a lie, but it was the enjoyable kind of trouble.  Good luck with the story.

    #36 · Chapter 1 · 50w, 3h ago · · ·
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    This story of Barbossa. It pleases me.

    #37 · Chapter 1 · 49w, 6d ago · · ·
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    YOU!

    YES, YOU!

    MOAR!

    Please?:pinkiehappy:

    #38 · Chapter 1 · 49w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>844979

    All I can say is this is absolutely a perfect picture for this. :rainbowlaugh:

    #39 · Chapter 1 · 49w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Dude, this story is leaving me in stitches so far. in a good way of course. I can't imagine what barbosa is going to do. Write more!! :D

    #40 · Chapter 1 · 49w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I love barbosa

    #41 · Chapter 2 · 49w, 3d ago · · ·
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    I'm surprised this came before a Jack Sparrow story.

    #42 · Chapter 2 · 49w, 3d ago · · ·
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    #43 · Chapter 2 · 49w, 3d ago · · ·
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    That doctor story is more tragic than romance.

    #44 · Chapter 2 · 49w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Quicky becoming my fav HiE fic that I'm tracking, not sure if it's the concept or the engaging writing. Either way this is made of pure awesome :pinkiesmile:

    #45 · Chapter 2 · 49w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Interesting books ya have there Fluttershy

    #46 · Chapter 2 · 49w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Magnificent! Do continue and bring a new chapter soon.

    Smart move Angel.

    #47 · Chapter 2 · 49w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Very nice concept, with an excellent execution. So far. Please continue, I really must have more. :pinkiehappy:

    #48 · Chapter 2 · 49w, 3d ago · · ·
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    Yer off the edge of tha map. Here there be ponies!

    #49 · Chapter 2 · 49w, 3d ago · · ·
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    I saw this and went "hmm it might be good." Then I saw that Barbossa was in it and said "DROP EVERYTHING I have to read this."

    Edit: It was so good.

    #50 · Chapter 2 · 49w, 3d ago · · ·
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    I really like how this is the first Barbarossa in Equestria fic I've read and I've yet to see a Jack Sparrow in Equestria yet!

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