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Thebomb 4029

Joined June 2012
11 followers

    Thebomb's Stories (4)

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        John goes in bed and falls asleep instantly. He wakes up several hours later to a strange cry. He opens his door he looks to the door to see his brother, Jonny.

    "Jonny?" said Zake very confused. Jonny ran outside.

    "Jonny were are you going?" asked Zake running after him. Jonny ran to the Evergrane forest. He noticed it was raining then thunderstorming. He heard trees falling then a large branch caught his leg he was in intensive pain.

    "Jonny come back!" yelled Zake he heard something big. Then a manticore came and clawed him in the face.

    "Ah!" yelled Zake as he woke up fromghe nightmare. He noticed it was sunrise so he got up and got ready for Apple bucking.

    "Zake are you ready?" asked Spike.

    "Uh yeah." said Zake. Zake walked out to see Spike and Twilight ready. Zake was taller than any pony in Ponyville.

    "Ok let's go." said Zake. They left the library. They headed out of town to sweat apple acres. When they got there they were greeted by four ponies.

    "Where's Rainbow Dash?" asked Twilight.

    "Flying somewhere." said Apple Jack.

    "Howdy Zake." said Apple Jack.

    "Hi." said Zake. He noticed all the other ponies were staring at him.

    "I'm Zake." He said waving a hand.

    "Oh hi I'm Rarity, your outfit is just awfull we need to make you a nice outfit." said Rarity.

    "Ok." replied Zake he noticed a shy pony in the back round.

    "Hi are you Futtershy?" asked Zake.

    "Oh yes." said Futtershy.

    "You don't have to be scared im not going to hurt." said Zake. The shy pony came out of the shadow.

    Then out of nowhere he was tackled by Rainbow Dash.

    "Hey watch it." said Rainbow Dash. Zake's shirt was torn off cause of Rainbow Dash.

    "My shirt, damn it!" yelled Zake. All he noticed was six ponies eye balling him.

    "Ok let's get started." said Zake. They snapped out of it and started bucking. He noticed every now and then they look at him. Then Spike came over to we're Zake was.

    "Hey whats up?" asked Zake.

    "You know they are all looking at you." said Spike.

    "I know, I been here one day and six beautiful ponies like me, oh I will let you have Rarity." said Zake. Spike looked at him funny.

    "How do you know I like her?" asked Spike.

    "Twilight told me last night." said Zake. They were quite the entire time. When they finished they headed back to the barn. They were greeted by six ponies.

    "Ok here you go Apple Jack." said Spike as they pulled the carts over. Zake noticed they were still eye balling him.

    "Hey Rarity can we go make my new outfit, I can't walk around town without a shirt." asked Zake.

    "Ok darling." Zake was confused but he went with her. He turned back to the barn then back he didn't see Rarity or the town all he saw was a bloody boy far away

    "Jonny....." said Zake waiting for a repliy.

    "Die........" said the small boy.

    Comments ( 1 )

    #1 · 46w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I had no idea what was going on. One minute your character gets home and is all happy and then nuke?! What? And then he's waking his brother and then he's in Equestria?

    .....What? I'm sorry I couldn't EVEN COMPREHEND your writing much less interpret the story. And also, here're a couple reasons why your story doesn't work.

    FIRST OFF! The heat from a nuclear explosion vaporizes everything it touches within (if I'm correct here) an at LEAST a 100 mile radius. Do you  realize how hot a nuke would have to be to vaporize buildings, cars, and people? Not only that but the reason you see that massive mushroom cloud plume is because of a massive vacuum that sucks up dirt, dust, debris, and anything left standing into one massive inferno.

    And that's not all, there's also the plasma blowback (shockwave) from a nuke detonation. This is basically a wave of super-heated matter rushing at any and all surrounding landscape whipping out anything left standing.

    One more thing:

    During the cold war, when Russian Nukes were sitting at the U.S's back door. Do you want to know why nobody fled? Why nobody up and left for Oklahoma, Montana, Wyoming, and all the midwestern states that the nukes couldn't reach?

    Its because they wouldn't have had time. Literally after maybe the first five minutes of broadcasting the nuke would hit.

    Onto story, there are a tremendous amount of spelling, punctuational, and grammatical errors. I would suggest checking this group out first before either continuing or starting a new story.

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