You seem to have javascript disabled, or your browser is failing to execute it properly. Much of Fimfiction's functionality requires javascript so we suggest you turn it on! If this message goes away after a few seconds, ignore it, javascript support sometimes takes a few seconds to detect.

Featured In9

More Stories6

  • E The Old Stories

    There are stories which define us. Stories that inspire us. And there are stories that damn us.
    9,277 words · 3,085 views  ·  362  ·  2
  • E Yours Truly

    Distance can drive us apart. It can also bring us closer together.
    18,646 words · 24,998 views  ·  1,801  ·  27
  • E A Study In Rainbows

    Mystery, humour, fashion and crime!
    18,629 words · 1,389 views  ·  176  ·  1
  • E Easy As Lying

    I am going to lie to you.
    8,498 words · 2,984 views  ·  191  ·  5
  • E The Zecorax

    "Unless somepony like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not."
    3,237 words · 975 views  ·  71  ·  1
  • E The Hound of Ponyville

    Mystery, humour, fashion and crime!
    20,113 words · 541 views  ·  60  ·  1

Blog Posts3

  • 71w, 5d
    Yours Truly Audiobook

    Why did nopony tell me this was a thing? Because it's a thing.

    The VAs nailed it and it's great, give it a listen.

    4 comments · 309 views
  • 80w, 7h
    Commission Information

    I wasn't planning on doing a post like this, but it came up and I may as well deal with it properly. For information and examples of my drawskills, roll by my Deviantart account.

    So you've decided to pay Thanqol to do stuff! Congratulations! As far as business decisions go, you could not have made a more inadvisable decision to opt out of not doing! So let's go through the questions that are no doubt filling your overwrought biological brain-sack and spawning their curiously squirming larvae!

    ONE: PRICE

    I value my creative time at about $15 an hour. For that I'll do pretty much whatever you want! All prices are in Australian dollars and handled via PayPal.

    As far as drawing goes, that means I'll put in an hour long sketch jam, work towards a finished portrait, colour lineart, whatever. Something like this will cost you about $30. Usual payment system of half down, half later applies. I am relatively new to the game, so I guarantee only that I do my absolute best!

    As far as writing goes, I charge $10 per 1000 words. There is also a non-negotiable, non-refundable $50 deposit before I even pick up the pen, and an additional $50 payment due at each 5000 word interval. I will, however, spend as much time as necessary to plan, revise, edit and generally make sure that the finished product is a quality story!

    TWO: FIRST IMPRESSIONS

    When sending your request, you must include the full details of ~*everything*~ that you want from me in the first email. Everything! I get to work quickly and I don't like surprise revisions mid-way through a project, and I *will* fill in any blank or ambiguous spots in your description with whatever I think works best. While I'm happy to make edits or changes on the basis of quality or mistakes I am not happy to make them based on hidden priorities or forgotten details.

    Be clear. Take as much time and space as you need. I'll treat all your criteria as gospel, but only if they're all articulated up-front and without ambiguity.

    THREE: CONTENT

    I am open minded! A surcharge may apply for some topics, though, and I reserve the right to reject anything for any/no reason. Ask me.


    As a minor note, I am more than happy to do trades! Send me a note and we'll hammer something out!

    These are the ancient secrets of entering into a business transaction with Thanqol. Guard them with your life.

    - Thanqol.

    0 comments · 210 views
  • 84w, 5d
    Why Did I End Rarity's Story So Unsatisfyingly in Yours Truly?

    I get asked this question more than anything else. What happened to Rarity? Why didn't anypony talk about her or wonder what happened to her?

    The answer is because some friendships don't get satisfying resolutions. Some friendships don't last forever. Sometimes you don't get a goodbye - just a long, attenuating silence.

    There's a guy on my Steam contact list who I haven't spoken to since High School. He's there every day, online, and I never reach out to him. I don't have anything to say to him. I've got even less to say to him with each passing day. He used to be one of my best friends and nowadays I've got no idea what he's up to, or what he's doing, or even who he is. He's not the only one - MSN contact lists, email address books, old mailing lists, people who I used to know and just don't talk to any more. They're still there. They're still, in theory, my friends. They're just not part of my life any more. Their stories don't matter to me like they used to.

    I will bet that every single one of you have people like that. People on contact lists who you don't speak to, and haven't for years.

    Yours Truly was about friendships I held through the internet, friendships that could vanish the day one party became too busy to pick up the other end of the line. Rarity's story was a touch on one of the worst endings to those friendships.

    It was the story of a friend forgotten.

    And if that made you sad, upset, or resentful then I advise you to reach out to one of those lost friends, today. Before it's too late.

    6 comments · 371 views
  • ...
 311
 7,018

Lyra knows the truth. Lyra knows that a shadowy conspiracy dating back to the very dawn of Equestria is responsible for manipulating every major event for the past two thousand years. And Lyra does not care how many museums she has to destroy or how many transdimensional rifts she has to open in her quest to inform the public.

Now with cover image by Madmax! http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/3595/theyaretheworst.png

First Published
1st Jul 2012
Last Modified
25th Jul 2012

Woohoo! New story to nom on! :rainbowkiss:

Also first!

I just had to do it. Refreshing the thread page every minute and a half has its advantages. :twilightsheepish:

Why do I feel like this would be exactly the sort of thing Lyra would do? :facehoof:

I have a terrible feeling about this one. *Tracked*

Go, humans!

There's no heron in the moon! It's a shrew, a five-legged shrew, with a voice like whispering thunder!

........ CRAZY PILLS! SHE MUST BE TAKING CRAZY PILLS.:moustache:

>I started a fire

Of all the days...

Dammit!  Stop writing better than I do.  It's very rude.

Ah, here it is! This is Variation 37, where everypony has an IQ over 200. Unfortunately, it also happens to be the starting point for extinction realities; every Variation beyond this is either in crisis or post-extinction.:moustache:

Lyra and her madness! This is so awesome. Poor bonbon though xD:heart::yay:

This is going to be a catastrophe. Anyone else want popcorn?

Your work never ceases to amaze me. I'm used to you bringing me tears, not laughter. Love this so far. It has some "Doctor Who" aura to it that's totally hilarious. Bon Bon gets all my pity and laughs though.

Btw in chapter one, think there's a missing '?' the couple times Bon Bon asks "What did you do?"

Can't wait to see where this goes.

It's the end of Equestria as we know it... And I feel fine.

"The accursed window-opener was springing closed and shut"

Should probably be opened.


Other than that, I see nothing wrong with this, it's awesome.

A masterpiece of cringeworthy hilarity!

First real Pony fic to make me laugh out loud multiple times throughout the chapter.  The house is on fire bit was awesome! Really excellent work and highly funny.  Hope the level of quality within the first chapter keeps up!

Ponyville was like: WTF did I just see?

And Twilight was like: :twilightangry2:I MUST RAGE!!!:twilightangry2:

And Bon-Bon was like: I'm too old for this shit.

Very nice.  Telescopes for stealing magic is clever.  It's a little implausible that the lewd photographs would still be there.  Knowing that it's possible to steal somepony's magic has implications that we probably shouldn't think about because they might break the poniverse.  "incredibly smart and unutterably lazy" is nice.  The meteor show conversation doesn't make much sense, because flying around in the air doesn't make a meteor shower any more dangerous than if you were standing still on the ground.  The line “Woo! Rainbow Dash!” would have been hilarious if spoken by a clueless comic-relief pony, but when said by Cloud Kicker, it's grim and dark and knocked me out of the story.

At some point it would be nice to see why Bon-Bon puts up with Lyra.

Well this story is just the best thing ever.

This was exquisite. Crazy, pyromantically incompetent Lyra is among the best Lyras. I'm definitely looking forward to more. And Rainbow Dash being forced to wear the Cone of Shame™.

This fic is utterly fantastic.  The humor is awesome, the writing is solid.  Simply superb all the way around.  Added to my favorites and email alert list and definitely checking out your author profile.

Mother of God, a new Thanqol story.

>>855804

At some point it would be nice to see why Bon-Bon puts up with Lyra.
Answer 1: Because Bon-Bon can't help but love her snuggy-wuggy schmoopy-punkin. (Also, dat flank.)

Answer 2: Lyra is heir to the Harpsichord family fortune, and Bon-Bon is her undercover bodyguard.

Answer 3: Lyra has the negatives.

Take your pick!

This is awesome it's hilarious and it makes  a lot of sense:pinkiehappy: i'm gonna add this to faves can't wait for the next chapter.

"I just forgot I left my house on fire."

Pure. Brilliance. The rest of the fic is pure brilliance as well, but this particular bit of pure brilliance caught my attention.

I love the tag picture! :pinkiehappy:

I just really hope you keep up the pretense of the humans being space-faring if you are actually plan on Lyra's version of history being true. Otherwise if the humans turn out to be the humans of today's level of technology it would be rather boring. Fantastic start to a story though!

I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I say that this story is one of the single most hilarious pieces of literature I have ever read, on this site or otherwise. (Douglas Adams included.)

All of my neighbors are now looking at me strangely because I have been laughing so loudly for so long.

And if you'll excuse me, I have to go change my clothes, and maybe my keyboard as well. It seems that I have gotten the lulz everywhere, and it is quite messy.


            ~Signed, InfiniteBrony

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!

Love it! Must see more... But poor Twily!!! :twilightoops:

I lost it at "All the colors are oppression." God damn.

This is funny shit man. But then I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, given that it comes from the writer of "You take the hundred miles on the left, I'll take the hundred miles on the right!".

the infamous tar pits of Reichenbach Falls

If I were you, after meticulously making sure to mention this landmark in every one of my stories... one day, I would write a Fetlock Holmes story.

And in it, nothing would happen there. At all. There would be no mention of tar, pits, or any falls, especially not the Reichenbach.

:trollestia:

>>856284 I dunno, Two's Company, Three's A Crowd sorta rivals it! I mean, it does have the line "See? Not only was she born with a stick up her rump, sometimes, she takes it out and hits me with it!"

Twilight stared at the ruin in horror.

And then, almost as an afterthought, everything caught fire. All at once. Like somepony had thrown a switch and now her house was on fire.

:rainbowlaugh:

OH GOD

:rainbowlaugh:

THIS IS HOW I DIE

:rainbowlaugh:

Too much lolz

:rainbowlaugh:

Words cannot describe the hilarity and awsomeness of this!:heart::eeyup:

>>855913

One of these is eerily close to the truth, and it's not the one you think.

>>858685

:rainbowhuh: Well damn, there goes my evening. But a) you fucked it up- I can see the falls right there in a chapter title! And b) why is this not on FiMFiction? Now I'm going to have to Google your ass or something, just to make sure I haven't missed anything else.

(I swear when I'm excited. Shit balls damn, this is a lot of new and interesting fic. Sorry. Kind of.)

>>858709

I'm sorry, past year me wasn't planning on having to win this argument!

I should really have FIM'd this by now. I'll get to the transferrin' today.

Huh. So Twilight Sparkle is... Mycroft? Interesting.

Or... perhaps... not?

... God damn. Now I'm going to have to design "I believe in Rarity the Unicorn" posters.

:rainbowlaugh:Excellent, just excellent. It's like you took the original MLP: FIM universe and turned the zaniness level up to 11. Everypony is insane in some way and there are even more random eldritch horrors and random comedy sequences. Keep up the good work.

>>858695

Aw man. On one hand, one of my wild guesses turned out to accidentally be correct! But on another, now I'm gonna stay up all night wondering which one.

yo dawg i heard you like rainbow dashes skeleton... i got nothing :facehoof:

>>860146 Based on a true story.

>>860150 meanwhile in new Vegas :3

I'd like this story, but I left all my green thumbs in my favorite house that's on fire.

Seriously, though, I like the smooth and fast paced humor :rainbowlaugh:.

Login or register to comment