Why, why would I be so cruel to myself? Why would I torture myself so by making me the worst filly in all of Ponyville?

Oh wait, because its fun!!

I would appreciate any suggestions on things to make this chapter better, be it grammar mistakes I missed, or things I could add to the chapter to make it flow better or what not. I am writing this story not just for my enjoyment, but also for yours as well!

I take it this has had heavy inspiration from the recently popularized story "Why am I Pinkie Pie?!"?

....eeyup, this is gonna become a fad now.

I'm heading to the bunker, this is gonna get ugly. Soon, this is gonna be a dead idea, next to MLD and Cupcakes spinnoffs.

*Goes to hide*

>>840356840356

Oh, please tell, what clued you in on that?

I'm curious to where these stories go. speaking of mind possession, I think eventually we might get a female brony in Big Mac's body. Oh, that'd be funny. Please, someone (somepony?), write that story soon!

You have my attention...

Pretty good this far

>>840477840477 room for one more in there?

>>840661840661 Hit it.

*Opens door*

You poor, poor Brony

BEHOLD!

A NEW CLASS OF FIC HAS BEEN BORN!

AND FROM THIS POINT ON BE KNOWN AS,

"Y AM I X STORIES!"

and on another note its your earth friends and family who will have to deal with diamond tiara in your body I feel bad for.

Oh god...why? anybody but diamond tiara! at least derpy or something! Anyways good story

I hope they don't forbid these kind of stories 'cause  it would be interesting to see some of these.

I'm going to be brutally honest.....

I like this more than the original. (Please don't kill me, Hoopy McGee)

I think it would be interesting if a pony were in a human body, but I'm not sure if that would be allowed, since everything has to be all equestrified.

But also I think it would be interesting if someone's mind were put into a pony's body, but instead of them calling the shots, they were completely victim to the will of the pony. So they would be the second voice, making the pony seem crazy of course, but in a different way. It does seem like this could be a fun story to read, though, and I look forward to some updates.

>>840829840829 It's hardly a new idea. I recall seeing My Little Person: The Strange Case of Lyle Hartman. Never actually read it, but it's buried in my Read Later list.

>>840356840356

Please excuse me...I can't help it...this one is really deserving of it. Please forgive me.

Image: http://bearsharkaxe.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/you-dont-say.jpg

>>840477840477

To be honest, i have to wonder if its actually been tried before, and simply wasn't done right to attract enough attention.

>>840483840483

Well, Hoppy McGee's story seems to be going on an "Evil secret within Equestria/Inception" thing. To be honest, I think that what I had Filthy do here is what probably happened after Ponyville Confidential. Also, I'd do that, but I'm a little busy with this and Resident Equestria.

>>840723840723

I should note, I feel honored that you posted on one of my fics, despite some of the disagreements I've had with briefly with you before.

>>840828840828

I tried to think of who it would be worse to be as a pony. DT was the first to come to my mind.

>>840829840829

Twas inevitable. Though, the problem is that it could be hard depending on which character you decide to possess.

Actually, I don't feel sorry for them, because she'd be ending up in a mental institution very quickly. Me? I'm stuck in this little pinkish-purple body.

>>841911841911

Holy Rutting Flying Feathers! I didn't expect a comment like that on the first chapter!

>>843392843392

That thought had briefly crossed my mind, and now that I think about it, why oh why didn't I do that! The opportunity to drive Diamond Tiara insane....

Thanks everyone, I was actually kinda worried that it wasn't as good as I thought it might be. I may have to try and get a second chapter churned out........hmmm...work on Resident Equestria, or work on this...decisions decisions.

>>844025844025 I could probably find a bunch of fics that did the plot beforehand.

For if it is on the internet, someone else already made it.

>>844025844025

Well, when it comes to adventure stories, I prefer the less serious adventures that aren't about stopping a menace that threatens all of Equestria.

>>844103844103

Well then, you should love this story. No mass evils or anything like that. Just exploring the character and history of Diamond Tiara through the eyes of poor...poor me....

>>844110844110

Oh, we do the same to ourselves. Sort of . Maybe you'd like my fic, though? It has a slightly similar premise as yours, and predates it by several months .

>>844025844025 It's because I like the approach. The main character in "Why am I Pinkie Pie" is WAY too random, and does senseless things (granted, being inside Pinkie will do that). Cain (not sure if this is your real name, or just your character's name) is like "cool I'm in Equestria... NO I'M IN DIAMOND TIARA." Plus, your conflict is better imo. Not only do you have to find your way home, but you have to overcome ponies who don't like you (or rather Diamond Tiara).

You're right... maybe I am jumping the gun a little in saying it's better already. But I WILL say this is better than Why am I Pinkie Pie's first chapter.

Keep it up!

A wonderful beginning. :)

my face when I guessed who you turned into...

Image: http://lunachan.net/pony/src/133511563625.jpg

>>841911841911

Why don't you come over here? Pinkie would like to have a word with you

Kidding, of course! I'm not going to get upset because people like someone else's story better than mine. If that were the case, I'd be getting upset all the time

This one is pretty well written, after all. And it's putting a pretty under-utilized pony (Diamond Tiara) front and center, which is (I admit) more interesting than doing the same for one of the Mane 6

>>845858845858

Well, there's also the theme that in Why am I Pinkie Pie!? the human is becoming more like Pinkie, so that can be partially described for some of the randomness. Yes, Cain is my real name. Yeah, but not only that, to keep them from thinking DT has some how either magically turned over a new leaf (which, while such would be possible in FIM, is unlikely, and you can bet the CMC would be suspicious as heck) or has gone insane, I have to act just like her (or close enough anyways)

And don't say that too much, you might overfill me with so much confidence that the next chapter I write sucks in comparison!

>>846470846470

Don't know why, but the first thing that image makes me think of is "Back away slowly" or "Don't make any sudden moves".

>>847749847749

Pinkie Pie? Kidding? What is this you speak of ?

Most people tend to ignore Diamond Tiara, as far as I can tell, and I think thats mostly because she's...well....herself Not only that, but considering how much depth some of the background characters who don't even speak have gotten thanks to the fandom, I think even miss prissy little brat DT needs some attention.

I thought briefly about doing it one of the mane 6, but the only problem is that aside from Pinkie Pie (who can get away with acting strange) they all know each other way too well, not to mention there's the distinct possibility of having to fight some big bad, which if one of the mane 6 is possessed by a human, I'm not sure if they'd be able to use the Elements of Harmony (and boy, would that be a heck of a problem)

Now, this is just a food for thought coming from me, since I expect we'll see more of these, this is mostly directed towards those who would consider doing one with the pony being possessed being one of the CMC: If a different soul is inhabiting one of them, and say they did something while in said filly, and gained a cutie mark, would it be the humans cutie mark, or would it actually be the CMC's cutie mark?

>>847877847877 That question is un-answerable. It's impossible for any of the CMC to gain a Cutie Mark Crusader, because then they'd just become regular fillies with no rhyme, reason, or method to contribute to the plot. I believe if someone were to possess Scootaloo, (who could be an engineer according to end of ponies), Sweetie Belle (singer, of course), or Apple Bloom (something like...oh I don't know...an apple?), they would be too distracted and caught up in shenanigans, forced into silly situations and preferring to mess around over actually achieving that something. Likely their Cutie Marks would require a touch more of maturity, but that's most likely just me rambling on a bit. Beware the rambles, they sometimes get the best of us.

And Rainbow Sparkle, have you set yourself a set time limit within which you will provide the next chapter? A first chapter is all well and good, but how will you live up to all the promises you've made, when the going gets tough, will you get distracted? Don't fail as others (like perhaps myself) have, but rather find inspiration, or let it find you! And I look forward to possibly seeing DT grow and change as a dynamic character, or, failing that, I think it'd be interesting if all of the sudden everyone suddenly noticed her being less of ... her, and she becomes extremely popular because she's nice, but then oh noes! The human mind presence suddenly leaves and she's back to square one. Food for thought is most often delicious when served with gemstones to baby dragons.

Also, if you'd like a pre-reader, I'd be more than happy to at least filter out most of the grammatical or punctuation or spelling or capitalization errors, just so that your story is that much better from the get-go, but of course what you do with your stories is your choice, and maybe I would just want to have the upper-hand in seeing a story as good as this before anyone else, haha. :P

>>848850848850

Its bound to happen at some point. Heck, they might even do a three episode arc that has each of them discovering their super special talent. Also, the Cutie Mark Crusaders could still have a purpose: To help all colts and fillies with blank flanks to get their cutie marks!

I don't set time limits on updates....as I never end up following them. I'll either procastinate or just not get inspired enough to meet them. So, I basically update when I feel like it. I do however, give out time periods when one should expect an update to show up.

don't currently need that, but I wouldn't mind someone being able to make a better cover art. The one I have there is just something I threw together using copy-paste and the gradient tool on Paint.Net.

As I said with the previous chapter, if you have any suggestions or comments as to how I can improve this chapter, please, lend me your ears!

.........not like that

But seriously, if you think there's something I can add, remove, or alter to make this chapter better, please don't be shy. I may be sounding like Rarity here (and hopefully this won't-no, not gonna say it, not this time murphy!) when I say this, but if you enjoy the chapter, than I enjoy the chapter.

Okaay... I think little more interactions and prejustice would be nice. He's Diamond Tiara after all, that filly has reputation and everypony in Ponyville already know her. She has friends - not only Spoon, I think - colts who adore her, acquantances, enemies, just ponies who like\dislike her, teacher knows her too and may say something about Foal Press... something like that.

And try to make her ... real. Not all bad, not all nice - just filly with difficult character. Not exactly good with others, but she does have talents. Like, ordering ponies around. She's good manager?!)

Awesum :3  

How much d'you wanna bet Tiara wished that the punishment would happen to "anypony but" her?

I'm enjoying the story so far, especially the mental checklist. Can't wait to see what shenanigans not-DT gets into next.

>>850140850140

Prejudice is the term I believe your looking for. As for reactions, its currently limited to Filthy Rich and a new maid named Ginger Gold (who happens to be a random background pony I picked randomly from the list of earth ponies list).

I will admit theirs a chance she has other friends besides Spoon, but I think Spoon is her only "true" friend. As for colts/fillies who adore her, that's also questionable.

Also, by any chance, may I make the guess that English is not your first language?

>>850177850177

She probably would wish somepony else would be blamed, which was actually happening to the CMC before they did that last article. Unfortunately, now I have to go thru it. But hey, at least we can all assume DT, if she is stuck in my body, that she is stuck in a straight jacket in a funny farm somewhere.............damnit.

>>850207850207

Tons no doubt. Especially considering I have temper problems, and can be as stubborn as a mule.

It doesn't help that any negative emotion I experience eventually becomes Anger (and if it was already anger, it becomes fury) My ability to control it is good, but it shall without a doubt be put to the test.

btw, if your not, make sure when reading not-DT/my lines, your reading them with DT's voice speaking them. Some of them may be amusing that way :p

>>850239850239

You can, and you will be correct :D Hope I'm not as awful as I think. And she may have more friends...say, remember Apple Family Reunion? Why not Rich's Reunion, where her sisters\brothers and family friends meet each other?

I enjoy the chapter. My only concern is that the story might stall and die if you haven't planned out at least a rough idea of what's going to happen. Apart from that though, I like it. The bit with the maid was clever, making her new allowed you to skip the awkwardness of explaining any differences and the interactions showed us a lot about the difference in character between Tiara and Cain.

>>850239850239 I recently went on a Friendship is Witchcraft watching spree, so I've been imagining not-DT's voice from that. Which is pretty hilarious in its own right. Looking forward to doing the same with Silver Spoon.

Another brilliant story to brighten up my day.

Thank you

Just a thought

If he is in DT body

DT should be in his body

Well. Obviously you have to make it as hard as possible for Cain since he is afterall in DT's body. Let the Pain Train begin.

I look forward to him having to help the Apples.

>>851765851765 DT is not going to be happy doing physical labor.

>>850066850066 No complaints about this story, and it's one I want to see finished.

If this were your typical after school special, the main character would learn her lesson somewhere near the end of the hour.  It sounds like Filthy Rich is expecting his daughter to learn a lesson.  So at some point, if Cain realizes that, he can "learn his lesson" and start being nice.

Then Diamond Tiara will get her body back, and it will look to everyone else that she quickly forgot her lesson.

>>852731852731

Thats assuming she doesn't get dropped off in the nearest psych ward. I like to think of this as similar to the ST TOS episode Mirror, Mirror. Someone who isn't spoiled or an asshole can act like such, while someone who is both of those will have trouble being nice and unspoiled.

>>852741852741

This assumes a few things that shall be answered...in time.

DT could prove to twiligth that she is possessed by snapping her diara in half. Everybody knows it was her most prized possesssion, and doing that with a poker face convinces everypony shes possessed/insane/heartless.

>>854982854982

However, Cain could be, I don't know, so merciful and kind that he can't do that to poor, poor DT.

>>856064856064

Or DTs personality will start to take control in the last possible moment and he will stop, reafirming everypony that DT is just trying to escape her punishment...

>>856362856362

Oh, poor Cain...

  They're Coming To Take Me Away Ha Ha,To Funny Farm,Where is Beautiful all the time And I'll be happy see those  nice young men with clean white coat

Pony grace

I haz idea! Make Diamond Tiara bit by bit nicer to other ponies.

I admit, I kinda had to force myself to read this one. Its nothing against you, its just.... Diamond Tiara.... god i want to hurt her. Good so far though.

>>854982854982

>>856064856064

I had thought of this, and am to an extent considering it. It would actually be very interesting with what I've come up with for DT's backstory. However, first I must find out if there is even possibly a way to get home. Of course, it should also be noted that I might not do such in front of Twilight, but in front of others.

As for being nice...I am nice to nice people, and evil to evil people. However...is DT really evil or more just a jerk, in which case I'd just be a jerk to her. But yes, as glycose pointed out, there is that, in both cases. I haven't YET stated whether or not Diamond Tiara's soul/spirit/mind/personality has been swapped, or if its been simply repressed, mostly because I quite haven't settled on which way I want to go.

>>870160870160

Technically, it be me being nicer while inside DT's body. And while this show is known for heel face turns, I could see many not believing DT's actually changed.

>>870578870578

Hey, I understand that. If it wasn't for the fact that I find this to be highly amusing and enjoyable to write, I would never have put myself thru this horrible, horrible ordeal

Well, I have to admit, I was really looking forward to reading this story! Now that I have, as well as the fact that you've given me the green light for critique, let's begin!

First off, there are some grammatical problems, especially in the first half of the story. Let me give you some examples.

" 'Ugh…' I said as I dropped my bag next to my bed as I fell face first on it, sighing deeply into the comforting embrace of the blanket sitting upon it. It had been a rough night at work, with two food trucks plus the large GM truck…it didn’t help that they had thrown me from one side of the store to the other, and with all the chaos, I still hadn’t managed to get my schedule for the next week fixed."

BOTH of these sentences are huge run-ons. Please split this paragraph into at least 3-4 sentences, as the opening paragraph is critical to the rest of your story.

“Sorry, but until you have your own place, you can’t do the chores just when you want to. While you live here, you help out when I say so.(!)” (s)She replied, and I could hear the smile on her face as she added, “And if you don’t, I’m dropping your cat on your back.”

Please add an exclamation point and lowercase where I put it. To add, hearing a smile is awkward personification in my mind.

To add, you have a tendency to avoid using commas before quotes, when they should definitely be there. I saw two examples of that, so please be careful. Also, dvd's should be capitalized.

Second, Diamond is completely pink. Her mane is purple/white striped, but she definitely has a completely pink body. Please get rid of explaining Diamond as having a pink-purple body, as you do this constantly when it clearly isn't true, sorry.

Third, there is absolutely no reason explaining why you got from your world to Diamond's body. I can understand if you want to hide it now, but please, at least drop a hint here!

Aside from that, you've done a great job with the humor, as well as flushing out my favorite MLP character with a different take on her 1st-person perspective! Great job, and I can't wait to read more!

Hello, it's DarkShockBro again! I'm liking this chapter, but there are a few things that I would just like to bring up, all of them having to do with the actual event structure of the story, as your grammar was pretty spot-on, even though there were a few minor errors in the first half of this chapter.

First off, why was Diamond not injured when she fell on her face? I would imagine that would leave at least a bruise, and as a result, the scene with the maid...didn't exactly hold a lot of weight, and felt...a tad unnecessary.

Second, this may be something that just bothered me, but why is Filthy Rich punishing Diamond so harshly for the gossip column? There was never any real backlash against it until Rarity confronted Sweetie Belle, and considering how much of a business family she lives in, I believe the blackmail was used to maintain her "business" considering nopony else but the CMC got what she wanted. I also believe she didn't buy Sweetie Belle's story about the columns hurting the feelings of other ponies, especially considering the lack of backlash the paper received, and business generally being about ruthlessness. I'm assuming she didn't know some of this but still...it just feels a little out of place, is all. But, then again, I could be wrong, so...just go with what you think would work.

Anyway, another great chapter, and I'm looking forward for more!

>>902985902985

Eh, forget my point that said Diamond wasn't injured. Still, the maid scene felt more like a time-waster than anything, because we pretty much already know Diamond is rich.

>>902998902998

The maid scene was necessary when you remember that I, being stuck in Diamond Tiara's body, have no knowledge of the layout of her house, nor of any of the servants who may work for the family (or, I at least currently don't have access to such memories/knowledge) In other words, I would have spent a good chunk of my time trying to even figure out where the bathroom was, and try to figure out where the kitchen might be. Which, while amusing in its own right, would have led to a much earlier revealing that something is up with DT than I was wanting.

As for the punishment, reputation is probably very important to their family, and with his daughter basically slandering darn near everyone in Ponyville, along with probably a few in Canterlot, you think that won't effect his business?

Regarding their being no backlash, I think there was backlash going on, but it didn't effect them as much as the rejection of their family and close friends did. After all, it wasn't really until the mane six that they really wanted to not be gossip writers. Plus, showing some of the random background ponies being upset at the CMC wouldn't hold as much power as showing the mane six being mad at them.

I greatly appreciate the critiques, and I look forward to your thoughts on the third chapter once I finish it.

Please, if you think this chapter could use improvement in any way shape or form, please tell me. I had trouble writing this chapter due to a combination of Writers block and writers fatigue, so this chapters quality might not be as good as the last two.

Again, any suggestions on how to improve this chapter would be most appreciated.

Hey mr. author person, keep your chin up. I found the chapter perfectly acceptable, and left me wanting more. I guess I agree with honeyhoneyhoney on the vote for more descriptions. I like the plot thickening fact that not-DT isn't the *only* one who can hear the narrator.

>>912525912525

Anywhoooooos, why are you suddenly adding "memories" into a story, despite having a myriad /plenty of stuff to play around with?

Why did the character travel ALL the way to Apple Acres to just go to the library?  Where were the Cutie Mark Crusaders or Silver Spoon?  What happened to helping all of Ponyville?  

The memories bit was something I was intending to throw in at some point anyways, though my original plan involved me getting hit on the head a few more times. I'm not going to be getting many of these little bursts of memory, if your worried about that.

Secondly, you may need to reread that, or maybe rephrase what you typed. I didn't go to Sweet Apple Acres first, I went to the Library with Pinkie Pie first, then discovered the Tiara was missing and had that little episode. After searching for and then finding it, I then noticed that I didn't have time to do much of anything else (remember, the Apples are expecting DT to arrive at 11am) so I headed off to Sweet Apple Acres. As for the CMC, Apple Bloom is likely at SAA's, Sweetie Belle is probably at Rarity's, and Scootaloo is likely hanging out near wherever Rainbow Dash is. And Silver Spoon is...somewhere in Ponyville.

I can understand the choppy feeling, but I'm curious as to how you think I'm making it go ten seconds flat. It was either going to be this chapter or next chapter that would have me heading off towards SAA's, and if it wasn't this chapter, it would have happened in the middle of the next chapter, so I don't really see how I could be rushing it. I suppose the combination of the narrator being heard by others (though not understood) combined with the memory burst thing could be it, but other than that, I can't think of anything else.

I can try and work on descriptions. Anything in particular in any spots you think could use some?

>>913263913263

I was intending to save descriptions primarily for Sweet Apple Acres chapter, which is the next one. It's a long walk from Ponyville to the farm, and with no one around I'm liable to end up talking to myself a bit while looking at the scenery. I suppose part of the reason there's not as much description in this chapter is because for the last portion of it my mind was rather focused.

As I said to Honeyhoneyhoney, if there is any particular spots you think could use more description, I shall see what I can do.

I look forward to more feedback from everyone who is following this. I can't improve my own skills or this chapter without feedback!

Yay~!! Good chappy.

>>913883913883

...zhul? Weren't you criticizing this chapter? what happened to your comment? my response was not meant to say that you were necessarily wrong in anything you said, I was merely asking questions and pointing out something that I was curious about your understanding of...

Seriously, if you think there's something wrong with a chapter, tell me. I can't improve without criticism.

*tilts head*

The chapter looks different.  If not *dun dun dun* I'm must have eaten some strange cupcakes

But yush.  I re-read the chapter.  Much better.

PS - please delete that A/N in the beginning

This chapter is definitely a hop-skip-n'a-jump~!

>>914247914247>>914258914258

But...I haven't done a darn thing to it!! I haven't made any changes to it!? Was all it really took was my comment to change your viewpoint? Or did someone swap minds with you?

I still want to know what happened to the comment that I can no longer see. I have no problems with criticism. I'm confused by the sudden 180 though. Heck, you said the chapter was a tad-unfunny and choppy!

I am confuzzled beyond all belief.

Note to all Readers. If ya make a comment criticizing the story, please for the love of Celestia keep it up and don't remove it.

It seemed perfectly fine to me haha. Good job! I wonder what will happen next?

Honestly, this chapter is definitely 120% cool.  

I'll try to impart some advice though... umm... other than the obvious (i.e. detail, fluidity, etc).  To make your story 20% more awesome, try focusing on the format a tinsy bit more.  

The first sentence (and paragraph) is very, very important.  Unfortunately your first few paragraphs, coupled with that negative A/N, left an awkward tone/cloud that dampened the story.  

Fortunately, when Pinkie Pie popped by... the story really began to pick up.  My evil advice *bwahahahaha*  would be to delete the parts prior to Pinkie Pie's introduction.  Or somehow incorporate that first chunk in a better way.

But was this chapter good??

...eeyup.

Ack... the typos... the grammatical errors... the repeated words... make them stop, please, make them stop!

I'm going to go ahead and go through a little list of just small things that you can easily edit and change.

Just minor suggestions, mind you, so make sure and take it with a grain of salt. I do like the story.

Okay, here goes.

I turned and twisted my head, looking at each part of me to confirm I was indeed a Pony, and not a human. -- I don't understand why you capitalized Pony here. It seems unnecessary and incorrect.

Yelping in pain, I tried to get stand back up on my hind legs, only to fall backwards and smack my head onto the floor. -- to get stand back up. Either get rid of the get, or get rid of the stand, please. And how do you smack your head "onto" the floor? I think you're using the wrong preposition there. "On" should work just fine.

Taking a deep breath, I… steepled my hooves in front of me as I took a moment to look over how I had messed up, asides from the obvious invocation of Murphy’s Law (damn you to hell Murphy!) -- the '...' seems like it's in the wrong place. Perhaps put it after "my" and before "hooves" to illustrate Cain's temporary confusion with his new body. Also, it should be "aside from". "Asides" just sounds silly in that context.

I was doing just fine…until I realized I wasn’t having any trouble…I thought to myself, looking back at the bed which was several feet away; Which meant I had walked nearly all the way across the room before having any trouble. -- Do you not understand the purpose of a semicolon? Either change it to a comma and make the which in lowercase, or delete the "Which meant".

and this time I took a deep breath in --  It seems like you're taking quite a lot of deep breaths. Perhaps try to add some variety, changing one of them to "inhaled deeply" or "attempted to gather my senses" or something along those lines. Not exactly incorrect, but just a possible point of improvement.

Hoof idiot, you have hooves now. -- When you say this aloud, do you pause after the word "Hoof"? If so, you might want to change up the punctuation a bit. Perhaps "Hoof, idiot. You have hooves now." I know it's just a thought, but it's an easy fix.

With a grunt of frustration, I leaned forward with my mouth  grab the doorknob, -- I think you might have accidentally deleted a "to" there, as evidenced by the added space. Easy fix, though, like most of these.

because I really should have known what was happening. In fact, I should have known and jumped out of the way. -- two 'should have known's a bit too close together for comfort. When you read it aloud to yourself, doesn't it sound a little bit awkward? Perhaps change one of them to a variant of "realized" or "understood", to add some variety. Nopony likes to like, read the same word, like over and over again.

“This is getting ridiculous…” I murmured as I slowly got up from behind the door, rubbing a hoof my hoof in small circles as my head pounded from the brutal beating I seemed to be inflicting upon myself. -- 'rubbing a hoof my hoof'. You've got to decide on one or the other, my friend. I'm surprised no one else noticed this one.

I heard a yelp and looked up to see what looked like an amber colored mare with orange curly hair and wearing a maids outfit rushing over to me with a look of concern mixed with fear on her face. -- Why the "and" here? It seems to be completely unnecessary, because it is. Perhaps change it to "with curly hair, wearing a maid outfit". I don't think "maids outfit" is quite correct. Either there needs to be an apostrophe in there somewhere, or it just needs to lose the s.

I closed my eyes and shook my head, lightly this time so as to not make it hurt as much, which seemed to work better before opening my eyes to see that she had stopped talking, and tears were running down her face as she looked up at me expectantly. -- more of an opinion here, but I think this sentence could be comfortably divided into a few smaller ones. But this one would be a stylistic choice.

What the heck is up with her? Heck, who the heck is she-oh. I fully noticed the maids outfit, and my brain reminded me who I looked like to this pony, along with everyone else in Ponyville. -- lot of hecks here, when I see you have no qualms even using the "F word". Couldn't you manage a buck or two, perhaps? Also, not everyone. everypony.

I should probably say something to her before she freaks out anymore, don’t need to be giving the help panic attacks. -- don't need to be giving the help panic attacks. Just...wrong. Perhaps "don't need to be causing panic attacks" or "inducing panic attacks" would work more smoothly.

That fearful look came back to her face, and I could already guess what she was thinking, so I sighed and turned towards the door and replied, -- Quite a lot of 'and's here. Maybe it's just me, but if you could alter a sentence a bit to take one or two out, I think it would help. But this is a bit nitpicky of me. Moving on.

Wonder how big this house is…I thought to myself as I followed the maid, who quickly led me to a spacious bathroom that was a good four or five times bigger than my own houses bathroom. -- house's. Otherwise it is a plural and makes zero sense. And we want to make sense, don't we?

I did however, make sure to memorize what she did so I would know in the future. -- I think you need one more comma before the 'however' here.

Which considering the brief time we had known each other, wasn’t all that much of a surprise. -- comma between which and considering, needed.

I'm going to take a break for now, because I have other things to do, but I will return later to edit the rest. Good luck correcting these only very minor flaws! The story is still intriguing, and I look forward to more chapters!

Second bout of editing!

I guess it was a good thing that having lots of nice stuff didn’t impress me, as otherwise I probably would have been looking at everything in awe a few times, and for me to do that while Diamond Tiara’s body would not be the smartest thing to do. -- while IN Diamond Tiara's body. Or while imprisoned within Diamond Tiara's body. But not just while Diamond Tiara's body.

Ginger nodded and headed thru a nearby door into what I assumed was the kitchen. -- why are you using thru instead of through? There's no need to cut down on the letters in order to save space, and this isn't a matter of very informal writing such as a text message. It would be safer to stick with through.

I noticed that as she left the room, Filthy’s gaze seemed to be following her back before the door blocked her from site. -- Having trouble with homophones, good sir? Site is incorrect here. Site refers to a location, like a dig site, or a web site. What you're looking for is sight, as in vision, or seeing. Simple error, easily fixed as always.

I said nothing, pretending I saw nothing as I sat quietly at the table. -- the double nothings are kind of...well, bad. Any way you could change this up a bit? Such as "I remained silent" rather than "I said nothing", or instead of "pretending I saw nothing" you could say "feigning ignorance of his actions". It's up to you, though. Just watch it with repeated words close to each other.

leaving the room in a (in my mind) uncomfortable silence. -- an uncomfortable. Not a uncomfortable. An when the next word starts with a vowel, unless the vowel is pronounced like a y, such as "usual" or "urinate".

“Oh yes, today you’ll be helping the Apple family today, seeing as you slandered all of them here in Ponyville.” -- I make this mistake sometimes -- you used today twice in the same sentence. One of them needs to be deleted. Your choice whether the former or the latter.

but the me that wanted to find a way to get home as soon as possible forcefully dragged the brony down and tied him to a stump. -- I think the word you might be looking for is "forcibly". I believe it would fit better in this context, but this does not necessarily need to change.

I then repeated what he said to myself and retorted, “But I didn’t put anything about Apple Bloom in the paper, just her kooky family.” -- This is an interesting one. After all, the subject of the sentence is I, but the "myself" doesn't match up with the "he". You don't need myself here. You need "me". As in "I then repeated what he said to me and retorted," . You don't have to be afraid to use the word me. Sometimes it's perfectly acceptable, grammatically. I think the trick here is with the preposition. Actually, you can just delete the entire awkward phrase, and leave it simply as "I then retorted". It would flow a lot better, and lessen my imagined headache, especially since DT/Cain isn't actually repeating anything here. Bah, this sentence just confuses me.

and you’ll do well to remember that.” He said, -- should be    that," he said,

small, simple, and easy to finish tasks -- perhaps hyphenate them? To easy-to-finish tasks.

There was oatmeal raisin, banana but, chocolate chip, apple cinnamon, I think I saw one that looked like someone had decided to cross cherry cobbler with a muffin in there. -- should be banana nut, I believe. Alas, the difference between one key changes the entire meaning rather drastically.

“Ah ah ah, I know your hungry sweetie, -- this one almost made me facehoof. It should be "you're hungry" . The only situation with your would be one which involved possession, rather than a contraction of you and are, such as "Ah ah ah, I know your hunger is always as demanding as you are, sweetie," where it is shown that the hunger belongs to DT. C'mon, man. You should know the differences between your and you're, and their, there, and they're.

so you have until then to do what you wish. But.” He said, putting emphasis on the word -- Wrong wrong wrong! If it ends in a period like this, you have to change it to a comma, and un-capitalize the 'he'. Goodness gracious.

but I laid my head down on the table as resigned expression spread across my face. --- Don't you mean a resigned expression? Fix it, I say!

“Well…I’m going out for a bit then. Maybe I’ll see if I can find Silver Spoon and talk to her for a bit before I go to Sweet Apple Acres.” --- notice the two bits, right next to each other? Bad. Change one of them to "a while" or change the first one to "a stroll" ... or whatever the equivalent would be in Equestria jargon.

Just remember, eleven o’clock is when you need to be at there. --- Seriously? Just get rid of the 'at'. It's unnecessary and incorrect. Oh well.

Oh, and you’ll be there for six hours, so try not to exhaust yourself before then.” Filthy replied,  ---  Please, please change the period to a comma.

and walking out of the dining hall and into the houses main hall. --- There needs to be an apostrophe here, otherwise, as a plural, it makes no sense. So "house's" , not "houses".

It’s a good thing that they're right next to each other, I would have hated to have to try to find the front door by myself.  --- Instead of a comma, you should use a semicolon, because they can both basically stand alone as sentences. You could also insert a conjunction (each other, and I would have hated)

and stepping into the sun filled courtyard. --- should be 'sun-filled'.

I hope you’re not so prim and proper that you can’t run Tiara.” --- Needs a comma in here, to indicate a pause... unless 'Tiara' is a program that you run on a computer, but I rather doubt that.

which was this situation. == which was WHY this situation.

a tad smaller than Pips size == Pip's size.

when something is ridiculous or stupid == when something is SO ridiculous or stupid.

as she had been hopping around as he tried to come up with a song based on the very phrase I had inadvertently taught her. == as SHE tried.

Oh, and you can’t tell the other players if your going the wrong way. == YOU'RE. Is your apostrophe key broken?

Now, your probably thinking == Again, YOU'RE .

“That’s it! Your missing your tiara! == YOU'RE. Notice the second your is correct. But the first one means "You are". That's why it's you're, not your.

I’m normally a jerk-pony whose mean to everyone?” == WHO'S. Because it's short for "who is". In this context, whose implies possession, like a word with an " 's " .

“Oh, that newspaper things == THING'S. Short for "thing is".

She threw confetti into the air, and despite their clearly not being one present, == should be THERE.

to search the libraries magic section == should be LIBRARY'S .

“Oh its hopeless, == IT'S .

I glanced at a too, == at IT too.

Sweet Apple Acre’s. == I believe this apostrophe was misplaced.

Eeenope. == Shouldn't that be 'Nnnope.' ? I think?

Other than that, cool story, brony!

MOAR PLEASE.

*Clears throat*

Well, that sums up how I feel about this fic. I actually came up with the same premise back in March - only I discarded the idea. It's awesome to find that you're now taking up that mantle, and I can't wait to see where you'll take this story.

>>937875937875

I'll try to get to the fixes later today while I'm working on the next chapter.

>>946019946019

I shall take it to places you may not have guessed it could go! Or not, I don't know

Expect another chapter by Tuesday morning at the latest folks.

I like it!

I find myself saying that a lot recently! That's a good thing, right?

But yeah, I really like this, it has the same idea as the 'Why am I Pinkie Pie'(yeah yeah, you stated that in the description, whatever :P), and you've put a nice twist on it. Just don't put Twist on it, I don't think she'd appreciate being put on by anyone

>>946037946037 Wow, you must be incredibly busy! But you should hopefully get around to the fixes eventually, if you don't mind.

>>992588992588

Its more of a case of rediscovering an odd problem I have. I am a horribly inefficient writer while at home during my free time between sleep and work. However, during the two 15 minute breaks at work and the one hour lunch, I am able to write two to three pages of material, provided I'm in a enough of a mood to write and I'm not reading fanfics that I kept in open tabs so I could read while at work.

In other words, I have a terrible work ethic at home, but at work its great, even in regards to my hobbies.

The next chapter SHOULD be finished before this coming Tuesday night. Its currently at 13 pages and nearing 7k words.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get voices out of one’s head? I’d really appreciate it. Please send instructions by divining or by transdimensional mail. The Doctor will happily except muffins as payment.

This chapter was a doozy, both in size and its annoying habit for writers block/fatigue to pop they're ugly heads up. Now, I don't know if this chapter is good or not, but I am at least satisfied with it, so I'll leave it at that for now.

Now, where's my grammar nazi pony? I look forward to his thorough dissecting of this chapter.

A piece of advice that pertains to the decision I made in this fic. If your going to write a fic like this, you should take a moment to consider one very important question. Can you (or whomever your dropping into somepony) actually pull of their character? Can you act like them sufficiently enough to perhaps be able to make others think nothing is wrong?

If the answer is no, don't let that stop you. First off, having yourself/character try and act like someone they aren't adds some struggle to the story, as the character tries to keep hidden that all is not as it seems. Secondly, you can always decide to do what I did, which was decide to just be yourself, with just an attitude change rather than trying to be a completely different person/pony. Thirdly, it can be create some humor as the other characters, friends family and foes, try to figure out why your acting so different, as well as imply reacting to what they're doing.

Now, the reason this chapter took so long is because I asked myself this very question, and was forced to ask myself if I could actually pull something like this off. When I got through thinking about it, I realized I couldn't. I'm just too nice for my own good. Sure, I have a temper problem, can be very stubborn, and highly opinionated, but as much as I laugh evilly and manically at grim-dark fics and some tragedy fics (SUFFER YOU PONIES!! YOUR DESPAIR FUELS ME!! ) I am at heart not an actual bad person. The fact that I have certain aspects of myself that I would have trouble repressing thanks to my being high functioning autism doesn't help.

Thus, after answering the question, I had to ask myself if I wanted to try and continue going down the previous path, and enjoy the suffering of putting myself through that, I decided I would gain more amusement in writing this by having the Ponies of Ponyville reacting to this changed Diamond Tiara.

Now, as always, if you see anything wrong, don't hesitate to point it out, and if you have any suggestions, feel free to drop them in the comments box!

ah iam waithing for the school

I have similar attitudes towards working. I may not be the best at what you give me to do, but I'll try harder than anyone once I get a clue as to how.

This is hilarious in many ways... AND I LIKE IT! It's completely what i would never want to happen to me but at the same time i can't wait to see how he will handle everything

This was a joy to read. Faved and thumbs up. I look forward for the next chapter.

Good chapter. I do have an issue with Cain's adherence to what he thinks is the golden rule, however. What he is doing is pretty much going by the motto "do unto uthers as they do unto me". That's definitely NOT the golden rule, it's more of an eye for an eye philosophy. Golden rule would have you treating everyone well, whether or not they treared you well. Treat others as you want them to treat you.

That being said, it's certainly believable for him to act that way. It's not easy to be kind to that mean ole jerkface who has been giving you grief all day.

>>997942997942

That motto is actually probably more what I do do, since I do believe in the eye for an eye philosophy to an extent. Its the golden rule in the sense that I do not attempt to treat others badly. Those I "leave alone" are people I treat politely and cordially when I interact with them, and if they do the same I leave it at that. If someone decides to meet my politeness with jerkassery, I'm tossing politeness out the window. Those who go a step farther and be more than polite but are genuinely nice and kind I will do the same.

I suppose you could say its a combination of the two. I treat everyone politely until they give me reason to be nicer or become hostile.

I personally enjoy seeing the other ponies reaction to Diamond Tiara being so nice.

I have to agree, all the ponies reacting to a nice Diamond Tiara is entertaining. To bad all that character development is wasted on someone else and not the actual filly.

You know at the end of this you could completely ruin the changeling invasion by exposing the queen. Wouldn't that make for good fun seeing her shocked look when she is prematurely compromised.

Wonderful chapter~!

I enjoyed seeing (not reading...seeing) AppleBloom and Applejack's reactions.  Also, "Thank You" for lessening the whole Cain talking to himself thing.  Reading about Diamond Tiara's expression as she gazed to the sky, or when she walked headfirst into a fence, or having her mane ruffled up by Granny Smith... To me those were the true jewels of this story.

And whoooooo, a long chapter too.  

Thank you for the great chapter...

... Too bad the paragraphs prior to Applejack and BigMac were sorta not-good.

PS

Here is one silly mistake.

"I was getting ready to go into the library, than I’m having a fit about not having DT’s dinky tiara!"

That should be... "then"

Must correct GRAMMAHHR~!!!!

"A piece of advice that pertains to the decision I made in this fic. If your going to write a fic like this, you should take a moment to consider one very important question. Can you (or whomever your dropping into somepony) actually pull of their character? Can you act like them sufficiently enough to perhaps be able to make others think nothing is wrong?"

your -> you're = you are

of -> off

And...oh my...  I never thought I'd hear those words coming from... erghh... you? Pertains. Whomever. Sufficiently.  Ahhh, never mind then, ahahahahaha... I'm ever so sorry, at least you didn't use big words like Egalitarian or Muffi-

Meanwhile, DT is in Cain's body

Why doesn't this have more views???

Also, I think in the song 'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts', the word 'coconuts' isn't repeated, is it?

Aside from that, I'd say the grammar is okay; I didn't notice anything wrong.

Best typo ever: I looked around and noticed that we were no longer outside, but in the Apple Family’s bar.

Sounds like a good idea for a one-shot fic.

Hold on a minute… don’t most of these HiE things have the human waking up in the forest or something?

     Well, it seems like Cain is pretty genre-savvy on this issue.

     Overall, I like the idea, and the character choice is interesting.  I hope that this story turns out to be really good.

   Insincerely,

         Plyxe

Great story this is the second Stuck in your head fic I'v read and the genre is growing on me...

Wow... I can't wait to see someone attempt this kind of story as a crossover fic, I could imagine it now. Kratos from god of war stuck in Fluttershys head ...oh the possible Lols.

In your FACE Applejack!

>>839465839465 well better soup than soap I say

I don't care how mean and intolerable DT can be, she is still one adorable pony.

"no longer outside, but in the Apple Family’s bar"

When I saw this typo, a scene of the two fillies getting blitzed and hi-jinks ensuing flashed in my mind.

>>998189998189

I have plans for the changeling invasion, and I will be having an effect on them, but probably not what your expecting. And that is all I have to say on the matter.

>>998262998262

And here the free online grammar editor I was using said it should be than. Oh well, I have it and grammar things to fix in the two previous chapters as well, which will probably be done tomorrow.

If you have any suggestions for making the paragraph before Big Mac and AJ better, I'll see what I can do, though I should remind myself I can't please everyone. But yeah, I didn't want this chapter to be nothing but me thinking and responding to the ponies, and I actually like this jumping back and forth between 1st and 3rd person perspective. I'll also probably try to cut back on the talking to himself (or do you mean thinking to himself? some of his talking to himself is responding to a voice in his head) more in the next chapters, but I can't guarantee anything.

>>998334998334

I'm less worried about that, but that's because its in my authors comment. And don't be dissing muffins

>>998419998419

Perhaps.

>>998462998462

It was in the last slot in the feature box for about three minutes before it got rotated out.

I always thought it was repeated, but I could be wrong. I don't know if the voice in my head cares though, it seems more content to pester and annoy me. I'm wondering if anyone's got any ideas on who the heck the voice is.

>>998492998492

That is an easy typo to hunt down and find. I shall fix it right now.

>>998674998674

That seems to be one of the preferred methods of waking up in Equestria. That or falling from the sky. Personally, I'd love to see one where someone enters Equestria reverse-Narnia style. (eg. walking in a forest, then finding party supplies, than opening a door to find yourself in Pinkie Pies room)

Mehh, I honestly do not understand why that first section is there, but sureeeeeee.  It's your story.  

You asked for criticism, but I don't wanna sound repetitive.  Here then. I'll quickly retype the first section.  Might as well, since I have the time.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I trotted quietly towards Sweet Apple Acres, my thoughts still sprinting and flipping as recent events seemed to elude me.  I softly jostled my head, making sure my tiara was where it belonged.

An icy chill traveled up my backside.  

Wh-what!?  I took several short breaths, attempting to calm my nerves.  I tried my best to ignore the crown strewn on my mane, and instead brought up my mental checklist-

-that was now covered with illegible ink.

~Ehehehe~hehehehe

“Oh cmon!!!” I yelled.  Luckily nopony was nearby.  “You-uh-Annoying disembodied voice in my head!! Are you serious!? ” I couldn’t have cared less at how stupid I sounded.

Suddenly my front hooves spasm uncontrollably, causing me crash into ground.  

~BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  ~Funnnnn~  I want do that again!!~

I again, slam headfirst into ground.

~GWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

“Listen… whatever you are,” I huffed, pushing myself up.  I gritted my teeth, as the thing’s gleeful cackles continued to mock me. “Stop now.  Before I force you out.” The voice’s cackling grew louder.  “I-I’ll tell Twilight on you.”  I’ve never felt so childish.

~Oh poor itty bitty pony~ Tell Twilight ~ She’ll definitely believe youuuuuuuu… ~ Oh!!   And I know the perfect little song~

The voice suddenly started singing.  I furiously shook my head, but nothing would stop the mocking voice.

…

…

In the distance, I could finally see the growing form of the Apple Family’s barn.  I could smell the fragrant red apples, ready to be harvested.  And small ways, past that was their house.  It was heart stopping.

And just when I thought I could completely ignore the singing in my head, the voice decided to change songs.

~I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts, coconuts, here they all are standing in a row!!~

Sweet Celestia, someone save me!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was a little apprehensive about the switching POV from DT/Cain to 3rd person focusing on the Apple Family, but you did it very well. I was actually surprised at how smooth it really was.

Changling invasion? Oh my Celestia. You have grand plans indeed! I can't wait!

btw >>998262998262 is correct. It's "then" not "than." Your free grammar editor fails.

EDIT: The Doctor will happily except muffins as payment.

You missed one, >>998334998334. It's "accept" not "except."

I just want to say that I think this is a great story and to keep up the good work :D

>>10009771000977

That is actually...dammit, why didn't I write it like that?! Now I am a sad author

I'll go ahead and modify it, I'm going to be going back and making fixes to Chapter 2 and 3 anyways, so I might as well go ahead and do that.

Modification complete, with some expanding to make it more fitting to my style of writing.

>>10034791003479

>>10042021004202

Zhul?

*author ish confused*