You are a stranger to those around you. You decide to go and drink your problems away, but instead of buying alcohol, you end up buying something way more useful. It started off just trying anything to forget, now you came to learn more... from different ponies each time.
In this story, you will be listing to stories from different ponies about their past that will (hopefully) convenience you to rethink your decision. Hope you like it!
This story will be switching from a 2nd person view to a narrator then back to 2nd person. So brace yourselves. (I'm reconsidering the prospective switching)
Rated teen for alcohol usage.
(Character tags will be added when relevant)
Chapters (2)
I'm guessing you meant "from different".
Beyond that, this story's pretty interesting. However, I noticed some grammatical errors, but one in particular stood out.
You put a period in your dialogue sentences.
"There should be a comma when doing that," the commenter said. "Unless you're going to have an action, or that's you're going to another paragraph." The commenter hopped off his couch and summoned a jetpack with his supremely awesome magical powers and then flew to Mars because he could totally breathe in space.
Anyways, moving on, I like the premise, and the dialogue itself isn't bad. The pacing's also solid.
If you'd like, though, I could be editor for this story. I could happily offer some advice!
7773110
Hold up, did you just say that the pacing is solid? All this time I thought I wasn't doing good on pacing!
I'll take your offer under consideration. Still though, thanks!
7773110
And I'll also get working on those errors.
...Huh. You know, this story has some potential. Great start, aside from the occasional grammer error every now and then.
And, as the person before has stated, great pacing! It flowed really well, the internal humor was short, but was enough to give the character personality. It had a purpose, but also enjoyed the journey to fufill said purpose!
That's a problem I have with a TON of my work, I focus way too hard on where it's supposed to be going and end up rushing it and making a giant mess out of it. You, on the other hoof, know where it's supposed to be going, but are not afraid of taking your time with it. I like that.
I'd say that so far this is a solid 7-8/10 story! Keep up the great work!
P.S. Sorry for the incoming chunk of notifications. I like my shelves organized, and unique.
P.P.S. Happy Belated Birthday!
7778848
Nearly gave me a heart attack! Thanks so much for the kind words!
7778862 Oh not a problem. Just the ramblings of an avid reader to budding potential. I make it a point to not let potential go unnoticed, whenever I can.
Nice intro. You gonna keep going with it?
7843984 yeah. But progress is slow going.
First paragraph, third sentence, you misspelled wrong as worng.
That aside, this looks interesting! Please keep writing.
Yay! I was wonderin
g what happened to this story!
8135269
Nothing. Just helping with a daycare.
8134639
Fixed!