• Member Since 14th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen March 28th

JujubeLand


Behold! I bring you the written word! ...That is all.

Comments ( 83 )

The walls had indeed been soundproofed, a rather obvious choice by the architects considering what ponies would be housed in the rooms. If the Maneitoba ponies had been able to hear the sound from the royal couple's suite, however, Ply's suspicion would have been confirmed, and no doubt it would have brought a smile to the faces of the elderly couple.

It was the sound of two ponies snoring.

I'm laughing harder than I should right now. Ouch. That was awesome.

840200 Get ready for fun!

842108 Heh, glad you're enjoying it. Thanks for the read!

I am thoroughly impressed by this one. You made it more than "just a clop-fic". Well done.

842108 Was I the only one that expected it?

843449 Actually, Butterscotchsundae said this as a guest writer in a blog post (link):

"...I hear you ask, what’s the difference between erotica and pornography? It’s a sticky question (ho ho!) - my answer is that both aim to create sexual excitement in the reader, but in different ways. Pornography is more visceral, and aims right at the crotch. Erotica gets to the crotch eventually, but travels there via the brain and the heart first. You’ll never get that ‘melty feeling’ with pornography, but good erotica will give it to you every time. "

This story is more of the latter, for once. Sex is not only for the enjoyment of the reader, but is also a way of showing love between the characters partaking in it. That is a cornerstone of a good story.
I play this during sex scenes, by the way. Just a random thing I felt like sharing.

Lawl at that ending :rainbowlaugh:

905087 Heh, glad you liked it. Thanks for the read!

875524 Lol, now that is an interesting tidbit of personal information.

Wow, Jujube, that was... beautiful, in a primal way. Definitely tracking this one.

I really love how you wiped the floor with Blueblood. Seriously, what a ponce.

I also like how you explain just how much these two really love each other, not only in the way they act, but in the descriptions too.

923774 That Blueblood scene was incredibly satisfying to write. And thanks for the further compliments! Just curious, were there any specific examples you could point out to expand on your second point? If I'm doing something right (write?), I'd like to keep doing that. :twilightsheepish:

923894 I think you got it right as it is, from Cadance's recollection, to the way they communicate without saying anything, from the speed they defend each other, to the actual sex itself, you can really tell, from the words and the way you articulate your descriptions, that they're a couple that's very much in love.

Maybe after a good night's sleep I can explain better, but I say that you're doing a very good job as you are, and it seems that you've found a balance in the descriptions.

What I mean is, I hope you keep it up, and I have complete faith that you can.

Blueblood finally gets what he deserved i honestly didnt see that coming with cadance knocking him out but DAMN that was was satisfying to read keep up the great work you got here :pinkiehappy:

Wonderful story! I was hoping to read a well written piece that had all the innocence, tenderness, and passion of a committed couple's first time, and you did not disappoint. I laughed at young Armour's "sex education" comment: "you did this, twice?!?" and I felt all the heat and unspoken desire in every use of: "Show me". I loved reading this, thank you for sharing!

943739 A most sincere thank you. The best part? It's not over yet. :yay:

Pretty good. However, I suggest you come up with a descriptor for "erection" other than "blood-filled". That's just...wrong on many levels.

997815 I'm glad Pinkie Pie approves lol. Thanks much!

998135 Despite it being an accurate medical statement, I can see the merit in what you say; I'll give it a quick look and see if I can't change that to something a little less...unpleasant. Thank you for the read and comment!

THis is probably your single best story. And that's saying something. The romance within the two couples is fantastic, as well as the parralels you make between then, and of course the sex is very well-written.

[img]C:\Users\Enter Name Here\Pictures\awesome backgrounds\chuck-norris-approves.gif[/img]:heart::heart:

Are you married? Because it sounds like you know what it means to be in love.:heart:

999551 Thank you very much! I appreciate you following the story the entire way through, and your comments and criticism are always welcome, sir. (Also, at that rate, Twilight's legs are going to get worn out in no time flat.)

999707 When I was describing this story to a friend of mine, I used the term "clopfic opus." Then I realized that "clopfic opus" was a phrase I never thought I would utilize in common speech, but there you go. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the praise!

999726 :ajsmug::yay:

999916 Truth be told, I am not, but I know people around me who are, and I draw off their input and my observations, as well as putting my own spin on things. I am truly thankful for that comment, though, as I consider it a high compliment. Thanks for the read!

1000292 It is a compliment :p anyway I loved this story. Its great to read a romance fic when you read and you can sense the love the two characters have.

This could be on EQD, even though its clop! That's how good this is! I wish it could, but yeah. One of my top stories though!

1008213 Oh man, if I could submit this to EQD, you know I would. I'll have to utilize a different strategy to bring this tale to the masses: Tell your friends! :twilightsheepish: Many sincere thanks for the kind comments.

And seriously, tell your friends. :yay:

Blueblood being a stuck-up ass is becoming a bit of a tired trope. Still, you handle it well and the rest of the story flows very smoothly.

I made an account just so I could comment on this. Amazing story! M

1052218 Well thank you, I truly appreciate it. I'm glad you liked it.

Oh, it was Bluebloods room! Originally I was feeling really guilty for whoever that room was meant to be for. But Blueblood is an exception! :pinkiehappy:

Also, what is it with you and the word 'withers'? You used it 5 times!

Ah, return of the trusty 'withers!' Seriously, why do you love that word? It's so...awkward.

1062513 It is the technically correct term for that part of an equine's anatomy; it's not that I love the word, it's just that I'm trying to keep it accurate.

I appreciate the views and the faves very much. Thanks!

That was a great story. Definitely going to be read again in the future. :twilightsmile:

Excellent! A beautiful end to a beautiful story.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!

1285224 I certainly don't plan to stop any time soon. Thanks for the uplifting comment!

I really enjoyed this story. Short and very, very sweet. With naughty couples. Very well done on the interactions between the couples, though, I really enjoyed those moments the most.

1476318 Heh heh..."short"...it's only my longest clop story to date...:twilightsheepish:

Anyway, thanks for the read, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

944389 others have said it, I'll say it as well. Merely reading about Blueblood getting kicked in the face by Cadence makes this chapter 20% cooler than "Awesome!" That plus the way you describe the love between the two couples is very well done. I applaud you :moustache:

1697560 That was one of the most fun things to write as well. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and I appreciate the feedback.

I really, really wanted to like this one. It's got a lot of things that I like (Lovey Cadance and Shiney, some very warm old-school romance, a narrative that is deft at combining a good story with its adult content, some really beautifully sweemy architecture descriptions) and by all rights this should be one of my favorites, but in the end it comes down with a really bad case of Holistic Jackass Antagonist Punching Bag Syndrome, which is to say, because one's antagonist is a holistic jackass, it's okay for your heroes to do anything to him that they want. Unless I have grossly misread, the precipitating event of the primary conflict (the mixup in the reservations) was entirely the fault of either the Post or the hotel booking the reservations. On first pass through this story, I was like, aw, how sweet, the Royals are giving their hotel room to the older couple! But, er, this turned out not to be the case; they stole the room from Blueblood, lock stock and barrel. The justification? Blueblood is a Holistic Jackass and he is rich and somehow on a cosmic level he deserves it.

I'm not saying this isn't the case, per se. It's just that to have your heroes deciding to punish someone who isn't at fault and who really did have every right to the room puts Shiny and Cadence on very poor moral footing, distractingly poor. And the narrative asks us to accept this because Blueblood is a titanic dink, which he is, but for all his sins, he is asked by the heroes to bear the blame of a sin he did not commit. And that this passes uncommented-on by the narrative is very problematic for a story that I would otherwise enjoy; it renders me unable to.

Despite the fact that I personally can't enjoy it, you've written a well-crafted story with lovely descriptions and a beautiful setting. It just feels like your heroes are in the wrong here. And certainly, plenty of stories have heroes making decisions that are morally in the wrong, but I don't think this is the kind of story you are writing here.

875467

No, i am married and i can attest to that one. All my wife and i wanted to do on the night of our wedding was go to sleep.

1706861 in response....

think about it in the terms of Causality,

If the post had gotten the notes at the right time. Blueblood would have never gotten the room.
And as such, Cadence was simply correcting a mistake on the part of the post.
Blueblood likely got a refund. So there was no harm done in that respect.
Also the reason cadence struck him was not because of his attack on plywood and hazel,
It was because of his attack on Shining Armour's honor.
In the terms of many ponies/people before me and most likely after me:
"First come, first serve"
Since blueblood was later, he lost his claim on the room.

1725297
I see your point, but I can't internalize it; Princeykins paid good money and had every right to expect the room. He deals with it, predictably, in a poor fashion, trusting in his station to be able to bully the commoners instead of himself taking it to the party at fault, but while he behaves like a perfect ass in response to the situation, it wasn't his doing. Completely independent of one's own moral feelings is that it is a imperfection in terms of literary morality, which (in a classically well-formed story) suggests that the antagonist plant the seeds of the conflict (and for an added bonus, his own downfall). Blueblood is as much a stranger to the core conflict as the heroes are, which weakens the plot structure. Better if Blueblood had rigged the reservation conflict himself by pulling in favors with the management; then turnabout is fair play rules kick in.

Ain't literary analysis great?

1726300

im responce to that

this is a fanfiction website. it would be nice to have great literature being made, but seeing as this is the INTERNET, i have come not to expect it. i see all your points and they are completely valid when dealing with literature. but i do not hold literature and fanfiction up to the same light.

and as for Blueblood, we are never told what actually happened. if it makes you feel better, assume he did rig the reservations.

Still one of my favorite shipping fics:heart:
Amazing fic :yay:

As much as I find Mindless clop hilarious, you do a great job of showing the opposite. It's clop that is motivated by true love, and resembles a perfect marriage. I can only assume you hold these same values to yourself. well done.

Login or register to comment