The Battle of the Century
There it was.
On the counter, in the kitchen, and sitting motionless, was a small, reddish-brown insect with an oval shaped body. Two large antenna extended from its small head.
A cockroach. The single most loathed insect to ever disgrace the face of Equus.
Celestia stood, petrified. She couldn't believe what was mere inches from her bagel. Her eyes were as wide as the plate that her meal rested on. The mere sight of such a horrid pest was indescribable. They weren't meant to be in the royal castle! They were meant to be in third rate butcher shops and the slums of Manehattan!
Yet, here one was. It had emerged from behind a stack of microwavable dinners, and now it defiled the beautiful, pearl colored counter. All the while it stared at the bagel of the princess of the sun, its compound eyes no doubt filled with gluttony.
Celestia backed away from the ghastly insect, and up against the wall as her breathing continued to increase. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out.
It's hard to say anything when one's thoughts are centered on the stuff of nightmares. Not to mention when one's eyes are glued to the single most horrifying thing since a millipede crawled across their favorite pillow.
Nonetheless, Celestia continued to stare.
And stare.
Until she finally snapped out of her stupor.
Not because she wasn't scared. No, she was still piss-her-pants terrified.
Rather, the cockroach did the unthinkable. The single most horrible thing imaginable.
It crawled into her bagel.
The audacity of this action was too much! Celestia's eyes burned with anger (and from tears of absolute terror) as her horn lit up. “No… insect defiles my breakfast!” she cried as she fired off a magical bolt at the rancid creature. “Noinsect!”
The bolt struck the bagel, causing it to explode into dozens of small, no longer edible pieces of roach-tainted bread, butter, and mayonnaise.
But, the cockroach was still alive. Nary a scratch on its glorious reddish-brown body or thorax.
“How are you not a pile of ash!?” Celestia screamed, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open. “Are you some sort of mutated being from another land!?”
The cockroach stood motionless for a few seconds before it crawled towards the nearby cookie jar, uninterested in the deranged Alicorn's ramblings about being anything other than a lonesome insect from the outside world.
“You shall answer me!” Celestia said as she enveloped the insect her magic and it levitated over, only to realize what she'd just done. Like a little foal, she dropped it and let out a high-pitched shriek before running to the other side of the room.
The roach spread its glorious wings and flew towards the counter again before it quickly made haste to the cookie jar again.
“You shall not defile my sister's snacks!” Celestia proclaimed as she prepared to fire off a magic bolt so powerful, it once made Luna wince with pain.
This was truly a spell worthy of the princess of the sun and nopony else.
The bolt flew towards the roach, who by now was mere inches from the cookie jar. It struck the insect and destroyed a portion of the counter, causing pieces of it to fly in all directions and strike the wall, denting it.
Alas, the cockroach didn't die; its hardy shell being too resilient for even the magic of Celestia to penetrate, and continued its epic quest for a cookie or twenty.
Celestia couldn't believe her eyes. This abomination had survived two magic bolts, each filled with enough power to drain a fair amount of energy from her. “What is the meaning of this you disgusting, six legged freak!?” she growled.
The cockroach didn't answer and simply made its way up the cookie jar, only to discover the top to the jar was on it.
This was truly a dark day for all of cockroach kind.
Celestia, however, beamed. For once, Luna remembered to put the lid back on it! she thought.
Her joy was short lived, however, as the cockroach made its way towards an exposed bowl of salad that was labeled as belonging to Luna.
Celestia was in awe at the sight. Partly because it wasn't damaged from her two attacks on the insect, and partly because Luna ate salad without dressing.
She made a mental note to ask her how she was capable of such a monumental feat.
However, during the time it took her to register her sister's choices when it came to salad, the cockroach had begun to help itself to a piece of lettuce.
Celestia gasped at the sight and, with the type of response expected from the pony that can control a giant ball of plasma, fired off a beam of magic, which destroyed the bowl of salad and a large portion of the counter.
But not the cockroach.
Celestia's right eye twitched violently. Her mental state was now on par with a pony who was about to be audited.
So, she did the only thing that seemed reasonable.
She levitated over a rolling pin and trotted over to the cockroach. Without a word, she slammed the rolling pin down onto the roach, which resulted in a sickening crunch.
Celestia threw aside the rolling pin and let out a heavy sigh. She fell to her haunches and looked around the kitchen. Bits of bagel and burnt salad littered the floor, and the once beautiful, teal colored wall was now dented. “Reminds me of when Twilight first tried to cook,” she mused to herself.
After a few minutes, Celestia stood up and walked towards the refrigerator. She levitated out a package of cheese and rested it on an undamaged section of the counter. “I hope Luna understands what happened here,” she said as she made herself a simple cheese sandwich.
---
However, from a small crack in the wall, and with gluttony filled eyes, a cockroach watched as Celestia made her breakfast.
Tell me what you thought of this story! If you'd like I'll write a sequel featuring Luna and a House Centipede! 
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B R I L L I A N T
7747966 Very happy you enjoyed this!
Thank you for reading!
Cockroaches man...
Wow. Equestrian roaches are really tough if they can withstand the magic of even Celestia. At least their physical resistances is nowhere near as powerful.
A few typos, but otherwise pretty good!
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7748027 That picture is absolutely brilliant!
I love it!
Imagine the reaction when a chef walks into that room, picks up the rolling pin, and notices the strange, cockroach-shaped dent in it.
Very funny
Where have I seen a cockroach like this before?
img.gawkerassets.com/img/17koufxr0b18qjpg/original.jpg
Just can't lay my thoughts on it...
I found a house centipede in my bathtub. Twice. Creepy damn things, I swear you don't want to ever find one in your house. Especially when you're half-asleep and half-naked. 'Cause y'know. Bathtub.
I wanna see Lulu deal with one. So, do it. Make that sequel.
Where there one cockroach there more.
Luna would probably make friends with it.
This reminds me of something...
But seriously; this thing rocks. It cracked me up. The blunt yet hilarious statement of "This was a truly dark day for all of cockroach kind". And that comment about Luna's salad. What a terrible thing it is, to eat salad without dressing. At least use some vinaigrette Luna.
Also:
Wut?
7748170 I threw back and forth between using "No insect" and "Noinsect".
Either way, it's supposed to be like "No one" and "Nopony".
7748172
Ahh. That's understandable. I didn't mean it as a complaint, it just looked a little weird.
For a minute, I thought it was going to end with Discord having a bag of roaches.
Sequel!
The last scene.
"Joji... "
i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/017/583/Screenshot_55.png
Cool.
PC VS C.
7747966 A R E Y O U A F E L L O W M E M B E R O F S O F T H A N D S ?
Cause you type like one.
love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it..........
Love it!
The princess of the night trotted across her sisters room, an excited smile on her muzzle. "Sister! Behold this beautiful creature we have discovered!" Celestia groggily opened her eyes as Luna floated something over to 'well within my personal space thank you very much'.
7748254
You'll want to check out The Seamstress and the Arachnid by Mr101 in that case.
I would argue that microwavable dinners defile a castle almost as much as the roaches.
A fun story here. A sequel, showing maybe some contrast from another pony, could be good.
YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE IT!
At least it wasn't a centipede.
Yep, this everybody's reaction to a cockroach in a nutshell.
Luna would definitely be the kid sister who liked bringing home bugs in jars.
7748292 That... I actually want to use that, but worded a bit differently.
I'll give you full credit for it.
7748366 I'm honored! Feel free to use, abuse and/or flagrantly plagiarize as you see fit.
I was laughing before the top disappeared.
*claps*
Brilliant on so many levels. I can imagine Equestrian roaches are this hardy due to having to live for thousands of years along side races that can use magic, feed on love, be made of wood, or consist of multiple species in one body.
The tragedy is, Celestia's victory will clearly be short lived.
Please tell me it'll be short lived due to there being a follow up! :D
You've merely won the battle, Celestia.
But this war will wage on for eternity.
This reminds me of this
Hold on a minute. Not that the story isn't nice, but why would a society that consists almost completely of vegetarians need butcher shops for? Well, besides carnivorous pets anyway.
7748418 Hmmm.. twas an oversight.
That said, perhaps for trade with Gryphons and Minotaurs?
7748388 You'd be right.
I have something really goofy planned for this. I hope you'll all enjoy it.
7748409 Curse you for beating me to it! This means WAR!!
Alondro summons Daleks and Borgs and Cylons and Shadows and Thanos and Uchiha Madara and Souseke Aizen and Blackbeard and Emperor Palpatine and the most evil villain of all... Dan*.
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/villains/images/0/0c/Dan_Vs._Dan.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130726134847
7748418 They have to slice the cow people up every now and then for visiting griffons.
Awesone, love it, sequel noa
Reminds me of any number of recent insurance ads.
"And if you got cut-rate insurance, you could be paying for all this yourself. So get AllEquis ... and protect yourself from mayhem, like me."
7748517
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7748418
Because in some writers' worlds and preferences, Equestrians can eat meat in low quantities and just choose not to. Some individuals choose a more omnivorous diet than the others.
This story was really funny. I liked it a lot.
And on that day, Celestia met a foe like no other....