Hello everyone. TO anyone that see this please know that I am stuck in a land of colorful ponies. Furthermore I have gone native both figurative and mentally. To make matters worst, I just can not catch a break in this world. I know I never had the best luck in the world, but what happening in this world is ridiculous.
Help me!
P.s. this story is HIE who doesn't know anything about the show.
Special thanks to Georg and everyone else in the comments for helping with an overdo editing for this story.
4/11/21
editing complete
hello I am just starting writing stories any tips would be helpful thank you.
One major tip that every aspiring writer can use - proofread. Proofread, proofread, proofread.
My changes are in bold. In the course of this first paragraph, you changed tenses more times than I could count, you misspelled "horse", "hooves", "thing", and "smartphone" (among other items), and you used no appropriate punctuation. A useful reference would be the classic The Elements of Style (available here: https://faculty.washington.edu/heagerty/Courses/b572/public/StrunkWhite.pdf ), always helpful when writing about the other Elements!
Tip number two - read everything you can get your hands on. Given your established love of FiM, I might recommend Diane Duane's Young Wizards series. ( https://www.goodreads.com/series/40400-young-wizards ) The more you read, the more you'll recognise the steps behind a structured narrative and coherent writing.
Great to see your first attempt - polish things up, and you'll be churning out prose in no time!
7759479 thank you
It's interesting I give it an 8
It's interesting I give it an 8
Well your doing a great job so far
A few missing words but besides that it's great
A few missing words but besides that it's great
Well that sucks for him
I'm scared of Fluttershy now
I say don't end it.
I bet he's gonna purpose
Great chapter
Great chapter I loved it. There's a few words that need to be corrected
thanks you
Hm, lots of typos. Did you use your phone for writing this story?
I think, comb it through once or twice and it will be okay!
At first I thought it was a bit of r63 universe, with Elusive here (It's usually name used for stallion version of Rarity)
Why didn't she used a mirror to look at herself and for you to give us her fuller description?
So much chaos. Discord will be proud.
Okay, finished reading what you wrote so far.
Story is not bad, a bit rushed at times may be. What really ruins it is the grammar - easily solvable by finding an editor! You'll see difference in like/dislike ratio very soon then.
Samellan I don't have a editor.
If you read again you will see that I wrote she had a look over herself in the first chapter. I never did discribe her eye color.
indeed
Yes both they are both in the story.
8026511 Yes, I remember this, but it lacked details.
As for finding an editor - I heard that there is a special group exisits on this site, specifically for finding editors. Try looking it up.
Upd: here is a prepared search request for you)
http://www.fimfiction.net/manage_user/groups?group_name=edit
P.s see a ">>" symbol on the top right corner of each post? It's there for answering messages, attaching a link to a message you answer to.
I might change it later and no I use a laptop.
8026521 There is no end for perfection)
If you use laptop, try using spellchecker, it will at least spot some of the errors.
8026533 then my spell check isn't working correctly then.
Also thanks for the editor idea. hopefully someone can help me.
8026537 I am sure someone will)
You, on the other hoof, continue to grow as an author!)
what fun is there in being "normal?"
nice story so far!!!!
checked.
they
composure
horse
slowing
catch
It wasn't for what? Half a sentence missing there.
choke.
This story's actually kind of cute? I dunno, the main character is sort of adorably clueless.
italics are broken at the beginning. Need to throw a [ /i ] in there somewhere.
flank
ahead
Never saw someone clueless enough to not even realize they're talking ponies. Cute!
Ooh, la la.
(Isn't he usually called Elusive?)
Oh, never mind.
Dude. You go to a dude for duds, not a dud for dudes!
Pegasus
They just get in the way
mushy
noticed
I like this story so far. The characters are cute, without being too in your face, and I like how the ponies interact, like how Rainbow Dash said “Nothing much. I just don’t have any practical use or need for them. But I guess you like them then?” That was a nice way to express her dislike for clothing, while respecting the ponies who like them. You need to be more careful when you write though, because some of these typoes (Like "Pegues") look like you're rushing to type stuff, without caring about what mistakes you make, and not just misspelling the words. It's really hard to read that stuff, and harder to correct.
a
used
last
that's that
FORCAST
happened
WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY
Oh god, yes.
...
Twilight, did you just eat the bouquet of roses that Elusive got specially for Jessica without getting permission or even sharing a single one with her?
Gee I wonder why you can't find a special somepony.
its join us
yes join us rainbow so that you may become one of us one of us one of us
i sense a ship sailing off into the sunset
oh i hope theres a next chapter
8284236
Yes there is, but it's not done yet. Hang in there.
8283989
Thank you.
8285993
your welcome
5 bits says she stays
I tell my friends about those two rules with the 7 and zero but they never believe me.
here we see the wild leroy jenkins emitting its mating call.
this really needs proofreading, the story is good, silly and in the right theme, and it feels just like in a episode...
but the typos and grammar mistakes make me cringe and sap my interest of the fic, preventing me to give you a up vote.
once you finish the story, try to do a reread to your story before publishing.
8333832
Any chance you can point out the miss takes.
I have dyslexia.
Also thank you for your comment.
8333921
well... there is a lot, but I don't remember which chapter it started (I think it was since chapter 3), but...
the site have a neat little tool that can help you with that (it'll only help to spot the mistakes as you hear them)
just click on the first line of the chapter and then click on 'Read', the tool will make your chapter act like an audiobook and then you can see where are the mistake and fix it
I'm being lazy, I know. I may take some of my time to spot some of the mistakes, but I can't promise anything
8334052
Thank you.