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  • E Up and Automaton

    A friend of Cheerilee from detrot comes to Ponyville with a new invention that unfortunately goes haywire. Lunaverse story
    16,825 words · 1,032 views  ·  81  ·  3
  • E Title Match

    Trouble strikes Ponyville as a Voodoo practising Zebrony (and former friend of Trixie's) comes to town to settle a score. Lunaverse story.
    25,931 words · 677 views  ·  56  ·  3
  • T Make Wubs not War

    The story of how Rarity met Vinyl Scratch for the first time.
    1,684 words · 405 views  ·  34  ·  2

Blog Posts4

  • 34w, 2h
    Story Update and Preview for future story.

    Hi All

    Just to give a project update, I am working on getting the next chapter of "Title Match" finished. Just dealing with a bit of writer's block on getting the chapter to feel right. I will tell you that things are about to get a lot more interesting for Trixie and the rest of Ponyville.

    Whilst dealing with this block I'd thought I'd give preview of my next project once I complete "Title Match".

    Currently I make it a point to do one story at a time so don't worry about "Title Match" getting sidelined. Think of this as a taste of what is to come, as well as an incentive to myself to get through this rut and get Title Match finished.

    Please note that while my other work have all been set in the Lunaverse, this one will be more open to interpretation regard which universe it is set in.

    Mechanical Advantage

    Working Title

    Heavy Roller is stallion that is satisfied with his life. While being a single earth pony father to one of the most energetic pegasus fillies in Ponyville has its challenges and the lose of his wife still hurts, he has managed to create a good home for him and his daughter. That life is threatened when Stonewall, head of a Private security company with dreams of greater things, comes to Heavy's wagon repair shop with a ultimatum. Either Heavy helps falsify evidence that will irrevocably tarnish he's wife's name and reputation or he will deemed an unfit parent and have Scootaloo taken away from him.

    Distraught and feeling the pressure coming down on him, Heavy turns to Cheerilee, Scootaloo's teacher and mare he trusts, for advice. Cheerilee, having some experience as a retrieval expert before she committed to becoming teacher and not about to let one of her students be taken away from their father, offers Heavy a third option.

    Firstly, assemble a team of old friends to help:

    Big Macintosh - Full-time farmer, part-time bounty hunter and combat specialist.

    Filty Rich - Prominent Ponyville business stallion skilled in negotiation and manipulation.

    Notary - Former personal assistant to a corrupt canterlot noble and unparalleled information broker.

    Secondly, head down to Manehatten. Figure out what Stonewall is up to and use that to gain some much needed...

    Leverage

    1 comments · 66 views
  • 64w, 5d
    New Lunaverse Story almost ready to post.

    Hi all. My first submission into the second season of the Lunaverse is almost ready to be posted.

    It is called "Up and Automaton" and will base around Cheerilee, Trixie and Co trying to deal with an inventor with a lot of skill but little common sense and his hair brained invention as both are unleashed upon Ponyville.

    Now I have finished the first chapter but I decided to take a day or so away from just to come back with a fresh mind when I do a last check before submitting it. Hopefully, all going to well, I will submit it sometime Tuesday.

    Anyone interested in having a look and/or giving me your thought before I submit it,  it is or here (the password is Automaton) . All feed back is welcome.

    In any case, see you soon.

    0 comments · 96 views
  • 95w, 3d
    A hard Bargain Revisions posted

    The changes I decided to go with have been.

    Hope every one had an excellent chistmas.

    0 comments · 85 views
  • 98w, 3d
    Potential Revisions and additions to A Hard Bargain

    After talking to some of trhe people at the Lunaverse group. Here are some additions and revisions I'm thinking of doing to "A Hard Bargain". I wanted to get some feedback before finalising it so please let me know what you think..

    Chapter 1

    When he was sure they weren’t paying him any more attention, Big Mac stopped what he was doing again and looked back at the two unicorns that were walking away, Pokey suddenly having developed a bit of a limp. He didn’t react when he joined by Granny Smith.

    “So that’s the Element of Magic?” the Granny asked.

    “Eeyup.” Big Mac replied dryly.

    “And isn’t that Cutie mark she has the same one as...?”

    “Eeyup.”

    “You think there may be a connection?”

    “Maybe.”

    “Still makes ya curious, Don’t it?”

    “Eeyup.”

    Granny Smith raised an eyebrow. “Yer mighty wordy today, aint ya?”

    Big Mac didn’t reply and instead looked at the big clock. “Almost lunch time.”

    Chapter 5

    Big Mac and Caramel, having seen the smoke as well, had instantly changed their route and arrived at the school shortly after Ditzy had. Big Mac scanned the area and found nurse Redheart tending to some students, including Applebloom who came racing towards him when she saw her brother.

    "Big Mac! It was terrible." She wailled. "Ms Cheerilee was teaching us about griffons but then a strange tube flew in to the class and then it filled with smoke and then..." the rest drowned out into incomprehensible sobbing as Big Mac held her close.

    "It's okay." Big Mac stroked Applebloom's mane, trying to console her.

    The two siblings stayed liked this for a couple of minutes before Applebloom forced herself to back away slightly from her brother. "I think Dinky is in trouble."

    "What?"

    "After the smoke started and I was trying to get out, I heard her suddenly scream and then something big and grey ran past me and I haven't seen her since."

    Big Mac and Caramel looked at each other and then quickly rescanned the surroundings and couldn't see the young unicorn filly anywhere either. Caramel cursed under his breath while Big Mac tried to formulate a plan. Every instinct was telling him to stay and take care of his sister but he knew that there was a small window of opportunity to find Dinky that was rapidly closing.

    "Applebloom...I..." He was cut off by Applebloom starring up at him with her big pleading eyes.

    "Please Big Mac, you've got to help her."

    Big Mac scooped Applebloom up into another quick hug. "Love ya sis." He then turned to Caramel. "Home. Now."

    "You got it boss." Caramel replied as he stood beside Applebloom. "I'll catch up after I get her home."

    At that reassurance Big Mac turn to run off, hoping to pick up the trail before it was too late. Instead he ran straight in to Cheerilee.

    “I'm coming with you.” The teacher said firmly. “And don't you dare argue.”

    “No time.” Big Mac replied as he hurried to find a trail. Cheerilee followed only stopping briefly to get some of the parents to watch over the remaining students.


    Plomo watched from the shadows as Ditzy walked away from the motel with Trixie chasing after her. He was about to continue following them and make sure Trixie didn’t interfere but found himself flung against a wall. Before the grey stallion had a chance to retaliate, Big Mac pinned him down and started to twist one of Plomo's fore legs in a way it wasn't supposed to twist.

    "Listen closely.” Cheerilee said to the pinned stallion. “We will ask questions. You will give answers. Understand?"

    "¿Que?"

    Big Mac twisted the foreleg further before he spoke. "Escuche atentamente , voy a hacer preguntas y usted contestara ¿Entiende?"

    Chapter 7

    Author's note. Instead of posting the whole chapter, assume that in the first part, Cheerilee's part was replaced by Raindrops.

    "Don't worry, Big Mac isn't doing it alone," Caramel replied. "Cheerilee with him."

    "Cheerilee?" Silver Script asked in dismay. "You really think a school teacher is gonna make a difference?"


    The midday sun beat down on Plata as he waited in the clearing. Dinky was still in the bag that she had been caught in, struggling and shouting.

    “Quiet you.” Plata hissed. “Kids these days.” He then saw three shadows being cast. Looking up he saw a mail wagon (or at least what was supposed to look like a mail wagon) being pulled by four  Pegasi descending. “You took your sweet time getting here.”

    “It’s not like you gave us a lot of notice.” The driver hoped off the wagon and approached Plata. “Considering that we took a major detour getting here I’d appreciate a little less lip.”

    “Quit your whining. You’re getting paid double for this.” Plata turned attention back to the bag. “Now my friends are going to fly you first class to Manehatten. I suggest you stop struggling otherwise they may drop you.” At that moment Dinky’s horn stabbed through the bag. “What the..?”

    The clearing was suddenly filled with a bright light. As the  adults were blinded, Dinky used her magic to tear the bag open. Once she was free, she ran for it as fast as she could.

    Dinky didn't know where she was but she knew that anywhere was better than here. Despite running as fast as she could, Plata, having recovered, soon caught up with her.

    The filly came to an abrupt stop when Plata stomped down on her tail, preventing her from running any further. "Listen you little bruja, give me one good reason why I shouldn't snap that horn off."

    "Ahem."

    Plata looked up from Dinky and came face to face with an extremely angry Big Macintosh.

    "I got one."

    Any reply Plata was going to give was stopped by a hoof straight to his face.

    At that moment the Pegasi had finally gotten over their temporary blindness and had caught up to the scene. Seeing their current employer laying on the ground in a daze and their meal ticket was currently being blocked by the red new comer, they decided to leap into action.

    The driver and  tried to charge Big Mac at the same time. The red stallion used his front hooves to swat two of them away as if they were flies and head butted the third. After taking what could be compared to a wrecking ball to the face, the third Pegasus went down and stayed there.

    The first of the two remaining flew in and bucked Big Mac in the side of the head. Big Mac, only slightly fazed by the attack, put up his foreleg to block the on coming onslaught. When he saw an  opening, Big Mac struck out at an incoming hoof. The Pegasus fell to ground and held his hoof  in pain, only to be silenced by an upper cut.

    Cheerilee raced up to Dinky. “Are you alright?” She asked the young filly.

    Before Dinky could reply a Pegasus tried to attack the school teacher. As he stood up on his hind legs, Cheerilee raced in, driving her shoulder into the attacker's chest and unleashing a devasting series of gut punches. When she finally relented the stallion took a couple steps back and doubled over in pain. Cheerilee then finished him off with two hooves to the top of the head.

    As she finished that, another stallion flew in, hoping to tackle her. Instead of dodging, Cheerilee stood her ground. When he was close enough, she jumped up, caught him in a reverse headlock and, using the weight change and the stallion's own momentum, drove him head first into the ground.

    When Cheerilee stood back up, dusting herself off, the pegasus remained motionless.

    “Alright!” The two earth ponies turned to see the driver was back up and was holding a crossbow that he had probably recovered from his wagon. “Don't move!”

    “Hey genius, you've got one shot and two angry ponies,” Cheerilee replied. “Do the math.”

    When realisation struck, the driver dropped the crossbow and took flight. As the pegasus tried to fly  straight up and away, the two earth ponies shared a look. After a nod from Cheerilee, Big Mac held out his hooves. The school teacher jumped into them and as she did, the red farmer threw her skywards.

    As she flew through the sky, Cheerilee let out a sharp whistle to get the driver's attention. The pegasus looked down in time to get a magenta hoof straight to the face.

    When gravity finally caught up with Cheerilee and the now unconscious driver, she remaining calm descended, right into the waiting hooves of Big Mac while the pegasus had a destiny with hard ground.

    Cheerilee chuckled as she looked up at Big Mac. “You haven't thrown me like that since that job you had in Hoofington.”

    Big Mac let out a chuckle of his own. “Good times.”

    The red bounty hunter then turned his head and saw the remaining Pegasus trying sneak up on him, wielding a large piece of wood as a club. When the Pegasus saw that he had been caught out and the annoyed looks Big Mac and Cheerilee were giving him, he let out a nervous chuckle. He then promptly used the piece of wood to knock himself out.

    Big Mac rolled his eyes as he put Cheerilee down but then saw that Plata was trying to crawl away. The farmer stopped Plata’s retreat by stepping on the grey stallion’s tail. When the Manehattenite looked up at Big Mac in fear, the farmer offered eight words of explanation for his actions.

    “You attacked a school and foalnapped a filly.”

    Next thing Plata knew, he was being held by the Big Mac. He wondered what the point of this was  until he saw Cheerilee approach, fire burning in her eyes.

    “I'm going to make you regret being anywhere near my students.”

    With no means of escape, Plata could only look on in horror as Cheerilee readied her hooves to deliver harsh justice, repeatedly. She then stopped when both she and Big Mac remembered that Dinky was busy watching this. Though not releasing Plata, the two earth ponies turned to Dinky. For a brief moment the three just looked at each other

    "Violence is bad." Cheerilee said in a weak attempt not to be a bad example for the young filly.

    "Yes, I know." Dinky replied before turning her back to him and covering her ears with her hooves. “Let me know when you’re finished.”

    Chapter 7

    Things were quiet at the representative house as the group waited for Big Mac’s return. They were in the lounge. Trixie on the couch, practising card tricks to calm herself whilst levitating an ice pack against the side of her face. Silver Script and Raindrops were busy finding a good place to leave the gagged and restrained Parley. Caramel was watching the door while Ditzy was pacing back and forth.

    “It’s taking too long.” The grey mare said. “They should have been back by now.”

    “It hasn’t been that long.” Caramel said. “Trust me, Big Mac has everything under control. Most likely he’s already on his way back.”

    “How can you be so sure?” Ditzy demanded.

    “Because I know Big Mac, that stallion is unstoppable even when he’s in good mood but these thugs have managed to get on his bad side.” Caramel said reassuringly. “The only thing we need to worry about is Big Mac leaving enough of those scum bags for questioning.”

    *THACK*

    “HRMP!!”

    Everypony turned to see the restrained Parley dangling from the ceiling like a piñata while Silver Script stood there with the L&T Bat. Realising that he was being watched he quickly hid the bat behind his back and pointed towards Raindrops in an attempt to shift blame.

    Trixie stood up from the couch and went to stand beside Ditzy as a form of comfort. “Wait 10 more minutes and if they’re not here by then we’ll go looking.”

    *THACK*

    “HRMP!!”

    “Enough, Silver!” Trixie scolded.

    Before any more could be said there was a knock at the door. Ditzy bolted straight for it and swung it open in time for a small filly to tackle her which turned into a big hug.

    “Mommy!” Dinky said happily.

    Ditzy responded with the hug and returned it with gusto. “Oh Dinky, are you okay? I was so worried?"

    "I'm alright, Big Mac saved me."

    "I love you so much, Dinky.”

    “I love you too, Mommy.”

    The two stayed like that, just hugging each other and being so happy to be back together. Single tear feel down Ditzy's cheek as tried to recommit every sound, touch and smell to memory. Her daughter was back and most important, safe. No more words needed said, their world had been made whole again.

    Big Mac and Cheerilee then walked through the doorway, smiling at the scene in front of them. Caramel smirked as he went to stand by the crimson stallion.

    “Times like these are what make this job so worthwhile.”

    “Eeyup.”

    Big Mac then got pulled into surprise hug with Ditzy and Cheerilee. “Thank you.”

    The big stallion looked like he might have been blushing under his red as he shrugged off the hug. “No problem.”

    After all the adults present had taken the time shower the returned foal in boat loads of affection. Trixie approached the farmer.

    “Look, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, cause I am really grateful, but as a Night Court Representative I have to ask: What did you do with the thugs that had foalnapped Dinky?”

    Big Mac gestured towards to the door.

    Everypony headed outside and found what appeared to be a mail wagon.

    “A mail wagon?” Trixie asked in disbelief.

    “Not a real one.” Silver Script remarked. “The wagon's an outdated model and the paint job is too shoddy to be government issue.”

    Big Mac open the back to reveal seven restrained and unconscious stallions. Trixie and Ditzy edged closer to examine them.

    “Recognise them?” Trixie asked.

    Ditzy pointed to Plata and Plomo. “Those two were working with Parley. I don’t know about the other five.”

    “Ahem.”

    Trixie turned to see Big Mac holding out a note. The Representative took it and examined it. It was hastily written but still legible and at the top was Big Mac’s name and Bounty Hunting ID number.

    These seven individuals that have been captured and detained were in the process of foal napping a young filly.

    The two earth ponies should be charged for attacking the school and for foal napping.

    The five  pegasi, while not involved in the attack on the school, were intending to transport the foal napped individual, known as Dinky Doo, against her will to Manehattan and as such should be charged for being accessories to a foalnapping as well as impersonating mail carriers and carrying stolen and/or illegal items.

    Though these are the only charges I am aware of, all seven appear to be career criminals and will most likely have other crimes they can be charged with.

    As the one with bounty hunting authority, I take full responsibility for the actions taken to apprehend these criminals.

    Any and all actions I have done in the process of capturing these five ponies were done with the safety of Miss Doo as my chief concern as well as ensuring that she was returned to her mother as soon as possible.

    I request that this be taken into consideration if charges are brought against me for actions not covered under the Bounty Hunting Act or the Civilian Arrest Act.

    Trixie looked up from the note and stared at Big Mac who just shrugged in return.

    “He's a writer.” Caramal replied

    Chapter 8

    Big Mac was manning the stall. It was a slow day so it was just him.

    “Um hi.” Big Mac turned to see Trixie standing there. “Are you free to talk?”

    Big Mac looked left and right to check for potential customers, when he saw none he replied with an “Eeyup.”

    The representative pulled out a cheque. “I wanted to give you this.”

    Big Mac took the cheque and inspected it, it was the usual government approved cheque that Bounty hunters received when they brought in a bounty.

    “Turns out the leader of the pegusi you took down had a bounty on his head over some smuggling charges.” Trixie explained. “The government decided to give a retroactive bounties for Plata and Plomo due the serious nature of their crimes.”

    Big Mac looked down at the figure again. While it wasn't the biggest payout he had received for a hunt, it certainly was more than what he was expecting. When he looked back up he saw Trixie pull out a big bag of bits.

    “There also was a retroactive bounty for Parley,” Trixie explained. “Now I know you didn't catch Parley but civilians can't collect bounties so I sort of told the authorities that you caught him.” Big Mac raised an eyebrow, wondering where she was going with this. “Though that means that this money technically belongs to you I was hoping to give it to Ditzy since she was the one who caught him.”

    Big Mac nodded in understanding. “Sure.”

    Gratefully Trixie put the money away. She was about to say goodbye and walk away when something stopped her. She turned back to the farmer and prepared herself to do something that was never fun to do.

    “Big Macintosh. I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for accusing you.” Trixie in a deep breath. “It wasn't right of me to assume that you were up to something and maybe if I hadn't been so focused on trying to prove that you were trouble I might have been able to stop those mobsters before they took Dinky.”

    Big Mac personally doubted that but didn't know the situation well enough to judge. “Apology accepted.”

    Trixie smiled gratefully, happy that, for once, an apology was enough. Still something

    “Look, I know this might seem like I'm taking a step backwards but I'm still curious, why let Cheerilee know about a job offer that could potentially leave your sister's school in the lurch?

    Big Mac shrugged. “She's my friend.”

    “So that's all it ever was?” Trixie asked. “You letting a friend know about a great career opportunity?”

    “Eeyup.” He then gave a kind smile to the look of disbelief Trixie was giving him. “Not everything's a conspiracy.”

    Trixie sighed. “Guess not, but when you deal with the Night Court as much as I do, it starts to feel that way.”

    “Buck that.” Big Mac said plainly.

    “Hey! we're not all that bad.”

    The stallion shrugged. “Maybe not.” He then smiled again and placed a juicy red apple on the counter in front of Trixie. “On the house.”

    "Thanks." Trixie said gratefully as she took the apple.

    As Trixie turned and start to walk off she ran into Applebloom.

    "Did you pay fer that apple?"

    9 comments · 178 views
  • ...
 295
 2,703

Set in The Lunaverse. Ditzy Doo is a loving mother, a good friend and a dedicated mail mare. She also happens to be the Element of Kindness, something that can lead to a pony getting some unwanted attention. This starts to become a problem when she is approached by some ponies from Manehattan with an offer they doubt she'll refuse. What will happen? How will the Elements react? And what part does Big Macintosh play in all of this?

First Published
1st Jul 2012
Last Modified
11th May 2013

Well finally got around to contributing to this website. Now I wanted to do this story for a few reasons. Firstly I really like this universe  RainbowDoubleDash created and the stories that are already part of it. Secondly I like The Lunaverse group for its quality and for the sheer principle of what it is (an open-ended colaboration of Authors to create a single narritive vision). Lastly it gives me a chance to try a new spin on one of my favourite characters. :eeyup:

chronologically speaking I see this story taking place after the events of Musicians and Dreamers but aside from that I'm keeping it flexible (I would say that episode 13 is looking kinda lonely but that's only because 13 is my favourite number :derpytongue2: )

I'm still getting the hang of this website's set up and I want to make sure that this story fits in with the rest of the universe so all feed back is welcome.

> She also happens to the Element of Kindness,

I think you accidentally a word, lol

I like this story so far keep it up:moustache::moustache::moustache:

Well color me intrigued...

My only complaint: I don't think that Trixie would throw Ditzy out of her window, even if she was interrupted. Among other things, she's pretty close to Ditzy, probably closer to her than any of the other L6 except maybe Lyra.

FUN FACT TIME!

In Longest Night, Longest Day, when Trixie was under the offense of poison joke and trying to keep herself amused, I had her sing a few lines from I Don Quixote. But I originally wanted her to sing a song related to New Orleans, and one of the songs I was considering was the one used here. I also almost used "House of the Rising Sun."

Only criticism I'd give was that it needed some better structuring and scene transitions. Also it kind of lurched to a stop.  Other then that seems solid and I'll definitely be following it.

where this goes i have no idea, but i'm stickin' around to find out:eeyup:

This is pretty interesting, I'll be sure to keep an eye on it :pinkiehappy: And your Pierce is perfect!:trixieshiftright: Need a few more puns but pretty ncie nonetheless!

You should get a proofreader though, there's a few spots where you dropped words (like when Trixie comments 'Did you how big he was', forgetting the 'see' in there ).

>>838415

This wasn't intended to be an act of malice on Trixie's part. It was more of a knee jerk reaction to Ditzy catching her singing in the shower. Kind of like when you slam the door in a friend's face when they catch you do something embarassing. Though at least she remebered to sign the clipboard. :derpytongue2:

Oh, dear. Castor Cut is about to make a big-ass nuisance of himself. Good thing that there are some members of the Apple Trust :eeyup: who are almost respectable.

Well I wasn't expecting to see this when I got up this mourning.  Good potential concept and off to a nice solid start.  Definitely needs some proofing work though.  Anyway, welcome to the club, such as it were.

I do have one personal concern though.  There were a few spots where Big Mac felt far too wordy to me, most notably when introducing himself to Trixie.  It's perfectly okay to have him say more than yup/nope, but his responses should still generally be short and direct.  I'll give you the benefit of the doubt with your interpretation, but you should considered having Big Mac mostly 'speak' through actions or by having others speak for him based on there own perceptions.

Looks interesting, and the character at the train station definitely seems ominous already.

A couple errors I spotted:

Trixie turned to where Pierce was looking and saw what had to be the biggest stallion she had seen in her life. To top it off he was bright red and idly tossing hay bales on to a wagon as if it was nothing. He stopped and turned to the two unicorns, his eyes half lidded and almost looking. “Morning Pierce, Morning Ms Trixie.”

Almost looking what?

The train pulled into Ponyville Station. When the conductor gave the all clear, passengers started to give the all clear. No paid particular attention to three stallions, one slightly below average size flanked by two larger ones, walking out.

I think you mean 'no one'. Unless you're introducing a character named 'No'.

A few errors, but intriguing start!

Hmm. Interesting. I'm intrigued and looking forward to seeing where this is going. A couple of things, though, that I think might be improved:

1. I would agree with Emerald Bookwise that Big Mac is unusually talkative here. I think it'd be better to write him as communicating more with gestures or actions than being chatty.

2. If the short pony (buying the tickets) is the Duke (whose descriptions so far have been along the lines of 'well, he's brown and he's short'), then this doesn't quite mesh with his characterization thus far. Duke Greengrass handles almost everything of this sort through proxies; he wouldn't actually come to Ponyville himself (he'll show up briefly in Carrot Top Season, but as part of an even that was planned long before he'd ever heard of the Elements). His whole plan to grab the Elements is supposed to be a secret (and he doesn't know that Trixie found out about it; he fell for her whole 'I'm going to frame Lyra out of jealousy' scam and thinks that's why Octavia failed), so showing up in person would endanger that. He's also not really the cackling villain sort. He can be funny and enjoys teasing others, but he wouldn't be all 'so, boys, ready to commit some horrible villainy?'

(If it's not the Duke, then just ignore this bullet, heh).

3. On a smaller note, I think it might be best if this story wasn't #13 but was two or three down from Carrot Top Season. It just seems a bit odd to me to cluster all the political episodes together (Musicians and Dreamers, this one, and Carrot Top Season).

>>839510

>>843417

Thats a valid point you two made and I will definitely relook this chapter and work on keeping Big Mac quieter. There may be special occasions that forces Big Mac to use more words than usual but he is still at heart a pony that doesn't like to use words if he can avoid it.

On the second note, not to give too much away, the short pony is not the duke, he's not even involved with the canterlot nobles. From what I've seen this would absolutely not be the Duke's style to come in person and I promise you that this is one scheme he isn't involved in. I will be giving the Manehattenites a formal introduction next chapter.

>>844228: Awesome. Looking forward to the next chapters!

>>844228

And that is perfectly fine.  Episodes like Ponyville Confidential show us that given the right motivations he can speak up a storm.  Much like the character of Silent Bob though, for such scenes to have proper dramatic weight Big Mac needs to keep it short and simple all the rest of the time.

This shall be interesting! :pinkiehappy:

#18 · 120w, 2d ago · · · Carrot ·

Duke Bluegrass...:rainbowlaugh:  I love it.  I'm really liking this one.

#19 · 120w, 2d ago · · · Carrot ·

Ch2 looks pretty good.  Parley is shaping up to be a great villain, I already feel like slapping the sleaze a good one.  Still not quite sure how the two seemingly desperate plot threads you've got going sync up, but I'll give it some time.

Noticed that you also updated Ch1.  Skimmed for anything obvious, but was disappointed that Big Mac still seems overly chatty.

#20 · 120w, 2d ago · · · Carrot ·

Ah, I get it. I was reading the chapter going "but wait, where's Carrot Top?"

For some reason it took me to the end there to realize you meant it as a reference to "carrot and stick."

"No but Applebloom's convinced the rest of the class to join in." Dinky explained. "They've tied Trixie up and Scootaloo said something about 'Water-boarding' her."

Aw, and Trixie's normally so good with kids...

#21 · 120w, 2d ago · · · Carrot ·

>>858810

Yeah I was doing some corrections and cutting back on some of minor Big Mac dialogue but I'm still working through it so that I have Big Mac talking less but that the needed information across. I'll let you know when the revised version is up.

#22 · 120w, 2d ago · · · Carrot ·

'Water-boarding'?

I'm not familiar with this term. Do I want to be?

#23 · 120w, 2d ago · · · Carrot ·

>>859109

To quote wikipedia "Waterboarding is a form of torture in which water is poured over the face of an immobilized captive, thus causing the individual to experience the sensation of drowning". `

So no it's not something you want to be personally familiar with.

#24 · 120w, 2d ago · · · Carrot ·

>>859144

Okay, so incredibly unpleasant but nothing that requires me to break out the brain bleach (like a few other things I've regretted asking about).

#25 · 120w, 2d ago · · · Carrot ·

keep it up

:pinkiehappy:

i laughed when i saw the Princess and the Frog referance. genius.

#27 · 120w, 1d ago · · · Carrot ·

Stonghold Construction & Arcitecture

Should probably be "Stronghold"

#28 · 120w, 1d ago · · · Carrot ·

I like it, and I'm interested to see where this is going. Keep it up!

I am highly amused by Trixie's being captured by the foals. They can be vicious when they want to be. :-)

#29 · 120w, 1d ago · · · Carrot ·

Except Scootaloo might just want to try wakeboarding, or something.

#30 · 120w, 1d ago · · · Carrot ·

Hmm, I sense trouble. I hope Big Mac's not a knowing partner and simply wanted to help a friend.

Also Duke Bluegrass, ally of Fancy Pants?!:moustache:

#31 · 120w, 1d ago · · · Carrot ·

I wonder how Scootaloo would even know what water boarding is in the first place.....

#32 · 119w, 6d ago · · · Consideration ·

And now we start to see a bit of overlap between the story lines. Let’s see what happens next.

Just a few notes.

Bounty Hunting is a legal profession in Equestria, albeit it one that is licensed and regulated (like in real life). Anyone can apply for a Bounty hunting license but they have to pass a background check and a basic competence test. The bounties are government sanctioned and the bounty hunters are required to follow the same laws as everyone else. While you can make a living from it if you are willing to travel across Equestria to hunt the bounties down, most bounty hunters have day jobs and just collect on bounties that come into their area.

The reason that bounty hunting was made legal was as a way to compensate for the lower number of law enforcement in the rural areas because having bounty hunters in an area would make that area undesirable to criminals that already had bounties on their heads and it gave individuals law enforcement could deputise if the extra pony power was needed.

Caballerian is language spoken in Caballeria which is the Lunaverse equivalent of Spain. There is also a Caballerian speaking minoraty that lives with in Equestria. On a side note, I don't personally speak Spanish and have had to use a translater so sorry if the translations are off.

Lastly, I have gone back and revised chapter one because I realised that I had made Big Mac a little too chatty and I had accidently made Pokey Pierce's nickname Pierce when it is in fact Pokey (not sure how I missed that one). It's more or less the same but  any thoughts the revised chapter is welcome.

#33 · 119w, 6d ago · · · Consideration ·

Love Caballeria. I'm adding it to my list of fanon MLP place names.

One of these days I'm going to post the whole thing for the benefit of other writers.

#34 · 119w, 6d ago · · · Consideration ·

>>874535

Personally, I think it'd be more fun if we didn't get a translation for what Plomo was saying, and just had it be in Spanish

(Also, don't feel bad about not speaking Spanish. I myself only speak two languages: English, and Bad English).

#35 · 119w, 6d ago · · · Consideration ·

Oh, goody. Time for Big Red to bust some melons.

#36 · 119w, 5d ago · · · Consideration ·

>>874535  good chapter,  i can help you with the  spanish dialogue

."¿Por qué son nosotros pérdida de tiempo? ¿Por qué no agarramos sólo al monstruo y somos hacemos con ello?"

should be

"¿Por qué estamos  perdiendo  el tiempo? ¿Por qué no simplemente  agarramos al fenómeno  y termimanos con esto?"

"Cobarde débil." never heard   of that one ,

  "maricon" isn't exactly the same but is a good alternative.

"Ah juro que voy a la piel que poco...."  is  "Ah juro que lo  voy a desollar  vivo a ese pequeño ...."

"¡Yo DEBERÍA ROMPER CADA HUESO EN SU CUERPO ESTÚPIDO!"  

"¡ DEBERÍA ROMPERte CADA HUESO de tu CUERPO  , boludo!"

( I am from argentina so  some of my structures are a bit different compared to other spanish speaking countries , but it was mostly in neutral )

#37 · 119w, 5d ago · · · Consideration ·

Buddy Bounties? Okay, now I'm game. :coolphoto:

Though it seems like your doing a bit too much at once, I get that someone is going after Ditzy and/or Cherilee, Mac and C are on the counter, and Trixie is not nearly as drunk as she should be by now. But as for how it all connects, I'm a bit lost.

#38 · 119w, 5d ago · · · Consideration ·

I'm not sure yet exactly how the plotlines will come together, but things are proving to be quite interesting so far. I wish caramel good luck with Wind Whistler!

#39 · 119w, 5d ago · · · Consideration ·

Well Mac seems to be a nice person in this (and a bounty hunter which is sort of cool). I assume either the job offer for Cherilee is legit and coincidntial or its not but Mac isn't aware of it. It could be that after trying to get at the elements one at a time only to be stopped by Trixie the big bad is deciding to try two at once on the grounds that one will distract her from the other.

Alteratively Mac is being an amazing chess player here with the bounty hunter bit being entirely to get trixie's attention to the current bounties which will presumably include on the 'business pony's' working on ditzy thus warning her whats going on.

#40 · 119w, 5d ago · · · Consideration ·

>>874690

Yeah that could be fun. I'll try that out next time I have Plomo dialogue.

>>876068

Thank you so much. :pinkiehappy:

I'm always reluctant about using languages I don't know because translate programs tend to be literal instead of grammatical so I'm really grateful if someone who knows the language looks it over. I've made the changes you suggested, though just to check is "No digas palabrotas." The right thing to say if you're telling someone to watch their language?

#41 · 119w, 5d ago · · · Consideration ·

>>878115 yes ,  "No digas palabrotas."  is okay .

#42 · 119w, 5d ago · · · Consideration ·

>>876962

Buddy Bounties?

For some reason I can't help but think of Scrubs for some reason. :derpytongue2:

Yeah I realise things seem unconnected at the moment but I promise as we keep going, the plot threads will start joining up. The problem was that if I didn't start all these things now stuff that would happen later on would seem to come out of nowhere.

#43 · 119w, 5d ago · · · Consideration ·

Hmm, plot thickens. I liked Big Mac, there, but a bounty hunter?

...

I really love that!:eeyup: As for not speaking Spanish, I speak English, Klingonese and I can conjugate 'Amo' from Latin from high school about 15 years ago...:derpytongue2:

#44 · 119w, 5d ago · 2 · · Consideration ·

I speak English AND French :pinkiehappy: maybe I should include more drunk Trixie in my stories? :trixieshiftright:

another excellent chapter. Between the two of us we can really bring out the 'Servile Snarker' side of Pokey out, he's turning out to be lots of fun isn't he? Basically just have him take jabs at Trixie while still doing his job! :trixieshiftleft:Even when she constantly question why she keeps him around.

Caramel, Big Mac: they fight crime. :rainbowlaugh: that's frickin' amazing! Though Caramel seems a bit too... skilled for a simple farmhand/part time bounty hunter. Think he ran from a bounty on his head?

#45 · 119w, 5d ago · 1 · · Consideration ·

>>879565

Either that or he's ex-military who had been screwed over by some higher ups, or both. With a last name like Chance-A-Lot, it would make sense. (If Lyra and Trixie got their last names from the mysterypack he can too)

Pokey is such fun to write, I'm so glad you brought him into Lunaverse canon. Personally I think Trixie secretly likes having him around, though it would be cold day in Tartarous before she admits it. :derpytongue2:

And we can never have too much drunk Trixie :pinkiehappy:

#46 · 119w, 5d ago · · · Consideration ·

>>879663 Oh god... Caramel is Face to big Mac's BA Barracus, unless big Mac's the van :derpyderp2:

Glad to see someone having fun using Pokey!

#47 · 119w, 5d ago · 1 · · Consideration ·

>>880004

Oh Big Mac would definitely be more than just the Van, maybe with some Hannibal thrown in :eeyup:

Though I can picture it now.

:eeyup: Nnnope, I ain't getting on no air ship fool

Though that would just leave us short a Howling Mad Murdock :pinkiehappy:

Or Caramel could be Sam Axe to Big Mac's Micheal Weston though if that were the case I'd need to introduce mojitos to the Lunaverse as well as another character to be the trigger happy love interest.

#48 · 119w, 5d ago · · · Consideration ·

>>880278 Murdoch? Just throw in Screwloose! What we need then is a proper Hannibal :derpytongue2:

also my next story has Trixie drinking a mojito.

#49 · 119w, 5d ago · 1 · · Consideration ·

What the crap Big Mac........a bounty hunter? Thats a cool idea!:eeyup:

#50 · 119w, 9h ago · · · Deliberation ·

And now things are starting to get interesting. Let’s see where it leads.

In regards to Cheerilee's POV, I can't personally speak for teachers but my dad is a doctor in a small town. His car had been stolen and set on fire by some locals (don't ask me why) and though the people responsible had been caught and prosecuted he had made it a point not to find out who they were. When I asked him why, he explained that chances are that someday he was going to have to treat one or all of the people responsible. That was what came with the territory of being a doctor and frankly it was easier for him not to know.

I think being a teacher is similar in that you can't control who your students or who their parents but you still have responsibility to those students regardless of personal feelings. I'm not saying that Cheerilee shuts her eyes to potential threats but she's not going to start thinking the worst of people at the first suspicion.  

Side note, it was suggested that I leave out the translations for what Plomo says and just have the Spanish, any thoughts?

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