EDIT: cancelled due to me being a shitt writer.
Vinyl Scratch is just an ordinary pony living her life with the one person she loves,Octavia.
As she sits in a seat at Octavia's Cello opening she thinks 'how did i meet such a talented and beautiful pony'
soon to find out she go's back through her memory and recollects the information on how she met somepony like this.
NOTE: Teen for slight sexual themes, This is my first fic EVER! so dont be afraid to criticize , hate, like what ever floats ya boat.Just don’t stab me with constant harsh words please.and if you could leave advice, that would be very appreciated.
Chapters (3)
I'm not going to candy coat anything.
This needs some work. I'm just going to write you a text wall here.
To start off, doing anything like *Bam* <=that, looks absolutely terrible in word form. You want to write it out, not just give the sound. Also, generally, the story relies too much around dialogue and there needs to be much more juicyness in the middlel If the charecters talk, it's fair. If the charecters talk and move, it really draws you into the story.
Quotations! Any time you have text that modifes dialogue, such as. "he/she said." you end the diaogue before with a comma, and continue on. Just a quick poke there.
There's a lot mroe I could pont out but I don't have that much time on my hooves. But I'll say this. For a first fic, this is pretty good. I've seen a whole lot wores, and I mean A LOT worse first fics. You have done well. Maybe for future 'stuff.' you would want to secure the help of an editor, they can usually sort things out for you.
AVAST! EXPERIENCED EDITOR TO THE RESCUE!
Worry not, kind citizen, for it is I, EDITOR PONY, who will deliver justice to first fics everywhere!
Now if you could only- What? You, Oh, oh, you already have an editor, okay
.
I really like the idea and plot of your story so fat but you might want to add more detail. Like what 'Sorren' said; When you write dialoge also write what they are doing as well
Example:
"Man i'm pretty hungry," Vinyl said placing her left hoof gently on her stomach as another loud growl came from it, "Think we can stop at that sugarcup place?"
And about the *souunnddss*, write them out in a scentence.
So instead of:
*Rumble*
You write:
A loud growl came from the obviously starving white mare.
Hope that helped :D (i basicaly just wrote what 'Sorren' did but shorter and with example tehe)
P.S. check over your spelling and grammer! And when Vinyl says "omg" write it "O.M.G." or else it sounds like she is saying 'ohmmmmgaaah'
Work needed. You should probably get a better grip on English grammar before you write the next chapter. The story and premise was good and I would like to read more, but you do need to improve. I'm far from an experienced writer, but my suggestion to you would be to read some highly rated FICA and note the style in which they are written.
*highly rated fics
thanks for all the good comments guyz i really appreciate it.
i will take your advice and maybe edit this later.
as you see im new to the fic writing and hope to make good progress within my writing.
oh yeah should i continue this?
835634 if you are talking to me which i dont know if you are, um. i dont have an editor tbh
ok well I edited it, Myself (sadly) if there is still some mistakes i will go back and fix it.
i really need an editor and proof reader
Yes! It's not too late! Listen, Mush Room, I'm an editor! And a proofreader! And I'm partially available!
Did I mention I'm an editor?
882146 lol
luckily i have just finished my second chapter and is willing to hand it to you for a proof read and edit my good sir
882173
*Brohoof*
LIKE A SIR
882183 (\ indeed
very, very, very, very good
928956 really!? wow THANKS!
Its good, but at some points i don't know if vinyl is narrating the flash back or if that's part of the flash back. Also at some points i just don't understand whats going on at all, but overall its decent.
939147 well the edited version SHOULD be here soon, but my editor hasnt fineshed it after almost two week or more, for some reason!!??
939397Well if you need any help, I would be more than glad to lend a hand (or hoof) if you want.
939894 sweet, ill see what my editor is doing first.
Love it :D I'm sure it will be even better when the editor has edited it!
962574 thanks misty!, and i dont think my editor will so ill see if my new one has time?
1173508 it's ok, i have gotten that allot......
I suggest joining the school for new writers. helped me out a lot.
1233655 i might not continue writing
i might just finish this and my other story, then end it.
or just cancel both and give up...
it is up to you my friend.
1234759 but first, i won't to atleast finish these, and a one shot i made up, that sounded pretty cool...
1236848
Eeyup.