It's good, but it's also full of spelling and grammatical errors. If you can make  a copy and send it to me, I can proofread.

First!

Looking good so far. Spacing, pace, and certain grammatical errors could be corrected, style could improve, but otherwise lots of potential.

>>833255833255

I'd really appreciate that! I'll send you a link to the public version I have on google docs. Or, if you'd like a copy of the MS Word doc, just shoot me your e-mail address and I'll send it that way.

>>833321833321

I definitely agree about my pacing. That's always been difficult for me when writing fiction. Any pointers on how to improve that?

This story is a diamond in the rough, get a couple proofreaders and it could really become something

Badass!

Dear sweet Celestia. I have no idea what happened with this chapter, but it just kept going and going. As such, I've decided to release it in two parts. The second part has a lot more action and I'm almost done with it, so it'll be out very soon. Thanks for reading!

Finally done. Yay for late-night productivity! Lemme know what you think!

This'll be another two-parter. (The action's coming in the second part again) I'm not sure if I'll do that with the rest of them, but I do think that I'll give Pinkie Pie another story near to the end. Anywho, hope you enjoy this chapter!

Another pinkie chapter would be awesome.  Lots of potential there.

I hate showing up late to the party, but something tells me I'm going to enjoy this story a lot.

Luna ftw.

>>12522701252270

Thanks! I hope you do! I think I've managed to work out a few kinks since the second chapter so hopefully it only gets better.

So I bet you can guess who my favorite character is by how much page time she got. I plan on making the rest of the chapters a bit shorter, but I'm still pretty happy with how this one turned out, even if it is a bit lengthy. Anywho, hope ya'll enjoy it!

Finally! Jeeze, how long has it been? Two months? Well, it's about time then. I know I say this a lot, but the next chapter shouldn't take so long. Hope you all enjoy!

Okay, I'm not going apologize that this one is late. Instead I will apologize for the fact that I just procrastinate on these things and therefore don't have a very stable schedule for releasing updates. With that said, I hope you enjoy this one and the next update should be uncharacteristically early since I have most of it written already.

That was very good. Can't wait for the next chapter.

awesome. this just keeps getting better.

To be honest, I'm surprised this fic has gotten less attention than the similar one I wrote.

>>23014582301458

I don't mind. The fun part is the writing. Likes and  comments are a bonus. Plus your's totally deserves attention. It's really good

>>23017822301782  Thanks.  I have been somewhat concerned, since it has one more like than yours and four more dislikes.  I've been thinking of getting others to touch it up to improve the level of detail and overall quality.

Rarity coughed on the fowl smoke

That should have been foul, the one you used is actually used to describe birds, particularly ground walking or game birds I believe.

>>23031372303137

Fixed! Thanks for that. I'm sure I've got a few your/you're errors as well. Maybe I shouldn't do my proof reading at 2 in the morning.

I released a chapter in a timely fashion after the one before! I'm so happy! Enjoy!

Very interesting. Whatever happens Twilight may never forgive Celestia.

So Celestia just told her enemy that there is going to be an all out attack on her species, and expected her to just go: Thanks, I'll run away now, rather than: Thanks, now I can invade while your forces are trying to find me.

I weep for the army going to the northern wastes.

>>24802342480234

Technically, Celestia never mentioned that the Equestrian forces would be showing up. But you're right, she made a huge miscalculation. It's never good when your enemy knows what you're afraid of.