My Heart's Content

by Doctor Disco

2 - I Can't Begin To Knowin'

“Melody!”

“No!” I shout, crying at the top of my lungs as I jolt awake. Tears are streaking my new fur-covered cheeks. The memory still burning its way through my mind. “No…” I sob, into my strange new arms. Soft blue fur met contact with my eyes and I wept silently, trying to control my emotion.

I can feel someone embrace me, hugging my now tiny form in a most sincere way. I sob into their body, wrapping my arms around them. How long has it been since I’ve cried this way? Too long. Gratefully long. But now not long enough. I cry for my friends, I cry for myself, I cry and I cry and I cry.

How long have I cried for now? I can’t tell, I know I’m exhausted. Still sobbing into this nice person’s soft fur and coat, I feel the tiredness creeping at the edge of my vision. I still cry a river. It’s all my fault. All of it. My abandonment of them in a time of need. Their screwed up lives, because of me. Their friendships. Even… even their death.

My death.

No, I haven’t died. Not really, but I may as well have. I lost my friends to… to my own insane visions. Insane visions that I now proved to be true, but at a cost. A great cost. No, I have to stop! They might still be alive! They fell through, I did too! They might still be out there. Injured… broken… abandoned... …dead…

Why? Why them? Why not just me? WHY NOT ME?!

My soft crying renews and I shake and sputter, hugging the figure who so graciously accompanied her in her time of need. Why was she here? She didn’t have to do this. She doesn’t owe me anything. I don’t deserve anything. Not even her presence. Yet I don’t push her away. Instead, I take in her warmth and her kindness. No person should be putting up with this, yet here they were.

I feel something even softer and warmer than the person’s embrace hug me. Something I can’t explain. It feels like a cloud has just rested their reassurance on me, a pillow of feathers having landed softly on and around me. Still crying, I can hear myself begin to slow, and I feel the shaking of the very figure hugging me. They are crying too. What for? I don’t know. And I won’t know, as I slowly and restlessly fall into a deep sleep.

---

I can hear voices.

Soft hushes. The soft sniffles of someone trying to hide their crying. I was back on my back, facing up as I lay. Groggily, my world came into sharp focus. No, I didn’t open my eyes, but I now cricked my head just so, so I could hear what they were saying.

“-rpy, it’ll all be alright. She woke up, and that’s still the best news we’ve had yet,” a British voice says.

“B-but she seemed so sad…” another voice whispered. She could hear the emotion dripping from her words. “As if the world had ended and she had lost everything important to her…”

Those words stung me and all my memories and emotion came flooding back. I bit my cheek as a tear rolled down the side of my head but I stayed silent. They remained none the wiser.

“We still don’t know anything about her, Derpy. We can’t say of anything for sure. Maybe if the doctor were in the room at the same time she came to, they might’ve diagnosed something, but for now we are in the blind. Until she wakes up again, we’ll just have to hope she’ll be fine.”

I now hear something in both of their voices. Something I hadn’t before: a sense of tiredness. Are these the people- the ponies that saved my life? That I had seen just before I succumbed to my wounds? Why are they doing this for me? I’ve done so much wrong, I can’t see any way to deserve any of this. I may be grateful, but my own consciousness bears down on me the idea that I shouldn’t have survived. That I should have just died on the spot. I now want to see who they are, but I have sapped the only energy I have by trying to listen in.

“Are you sure?” the other voice asks, naivety resounding through her words. “She’ll be fine?”

“Positively,” the posh voice says. I begin to think to myself.

Either my friends are gone or they’re somewhere here in this equine world, I don’t know. But what I do know? These people saved my life. I owe it to them to keep living now. Even if it’s just for that one voice, that one person who seems to care so much about me. I want to stay alive, for her. Maybe… just maybe… my friends are alive. And unless I have absolute proof they are not, I will search all ends of this world to find them. I promise myself this. For Carrie and Ben. For my two saviours. Now was the time to show gratitude in rough waters and brilliance in a dark world.

I will live. I will sing. I will be as I once was- happy and full of energy. And I will find them. I will find you, my friends. Even if it’s the last thing I do. I feel a new sense of purpose. I feel energy flow through my body and a sense of revitalisation. Re-energised, renewed! I feel like I just had a million cups of hot chocolate! My favourite hot drink. Whose wasn’t? With that, a small sad smile forms on my face, and I fall once more into a now dreamless sleep.

---

I finally wake up feeling full of energy. I don’t have some sort of dullness suppressing my brain anymore. No more needles in my arms, or would they be legs now? Oh, that’s right! I’m a four-legged creature now! I begin to study my new anatomy in detail as my clear mind begins to race through positive thoughts. Nothing can stop my happy mood! I’m on a roll! Hooves? Sure, why not. Might be little hard to grab things now though. Soft soft blue fur? I could live with that! An brilliant turquoise and sunset orange mane? Not bad!

I then smell a heavenly scent coming from beside me. Turning my head, I see a basket of seemingly fresh muffins. There was a small note card, which I leaned over to read since I don’t know how I’m supposed to hold anything in these darned hooves.

Hi!

If you wake up, here’s a batch of Pinkie’s signature never-cooling muffins! Always fresh and warm! Please feel better, I don’t like seeing ponies hurt or sad.

Love,

Derpy

P.S. I kinda took a few muffins myself, they’re just too good. Sorry!

I read and re-read the note before smiling. I was happy now! What could she possibly be talking about? A dark thought tickled the edge of my mind, but I brushed it to the side. I didn’t want to acknowledge anything sad. Right now, I wanted to be happy! I shifted a little in my bed, grunting with some effort, before being able to finally grab a muffin from the basket. Gingerly, I picked one up with my hooves (pony confirmed!) and I licked my lips as I looked at the delicacy. I wonder how it tastes in this new body? With an open mind, I lifted it to my mouth and took a bite.

All I can say is… wow.

Too bad it’s oatmeal raisin. I would’ve loved it even more if it was chocolate chip! Oh well, minor things. Oatmeal raisin isn’t that bad. It tasted so good, better than back when I was… when I was human! In fact, it was Carrie’s-

I stop my thought process there. Not right now. I can’t right now. I feel a heat rising in my chest, but I do my best to push it back. It’s too much to handle right now. I carefully put the muffin to the side and frown at my hooves. What am I doing? Delaying the inevitable? I reason with myself that I’ve already dealt with it. That I’ve made peace with it. But it just isn’t that simple, is it? It never is.

A knock at the door brings me out of my unhealthy thoughts. Who could it be? Was it the doctor? Or could it be ‘Derpy’? I wonder to myself what the ponies who saved me would be like. Would they be anything like my old friends? It hurts too much to think so, and I store that thought away as well. I rest against the head of my bed in an upright position when three ponies walk into the room. They all spot me sitting up and they widened their eyes. I can see a light brighten in their minds and I gave a prim smile back. They were sapient, right? Like humans? I heard them talking, so they must be… Unless there were humans here too. Would I ever see another human again? I silently prayed to whatever god was listening that I might see another human face again. My mother, my little brother, my friends…

Do not dwell on those thoughts, I tell myself.

The ponies approach me cautiously, watching my reaction to them. I smile tiredly and as casually I could before I said, “Hey, thanks for the muffins. They’re good! Only problem is, they’re oatmeal raisin. Not exactly the best, even though it tastes millions of times better now.” I didn't actually say the last two sentences. Just... more of an implication that they weren't the best.

"Aww, thanks!" the light gray pony thanks before I get crushed in a hug by said pony. It felt just like the hug I had when I was- when I wasn't in the right state of mind. Pulling away, she grinned goofily and that was when I notice two things. Firstly, her eyes! One of them wasn't looking at me, which wasn't so much unnerving as it was unusual, but that isn't the main thing I am talking about. Because secondly, she had wings! She's a pegasus! Woah! They actually exist? But I thought-?

Oh. That's right. I'm pretty sure I'm in a different universe altogether and thus there would be differences. While pegasi are myths on earth, they're real here. I wonder if they're rare? But- why did I change if I was just travelling through a dimensional rift? It makes no sense to me.

I don't tell any of them this, however. It's rude to acknowledge others' conditions, is it not? Also, with my powerful skill of deduction via logic and common sense, I assumed this had to be Derpy. I may have seen it coming, but I didn't think she would have any relation to her name in physical traits at all. What kind of person would do that? Name their child something so implicit?

For now, there are more pressing matters to attend to. Such as the disheveled mares standing before me. Mare is the proper term, right? I hope to find out later. Derpy let go of me after having a brief hug and I smile at them again, however tired or revealing it was I don’t know. “We’re… we’re glad you’re finally awake,” the pony with a bowtie says. She has jet black hair that looks a bit frayed at the edges but otherwise beautifully silky.

The googly-eyed samaritan on the other hand (or hoof, now?) has pretty, blonde hair that seems to blow wherever the pegasus wanted and she had bangs that added to her overall care-free attitude. She gives off the most wonderful joyous vibe, and one can’t help but think happy thoughts in her presence.

But I can’t help notice what this darker grey pony said.

“What do you mean awake?” I say, frowning a bit.

I see her glance to Derpy who grimaces ever so slightly. “Well… first, do you remember anything about us saving you?”

I remain silent. My expression is all they need to know.

“When we found you,” she began as she herself seemed tear up at the memory, “You were already half dead. We did everything we could to get you attention right away, but… but me and Derpy thought it may have been too late. The doctors… they worked so long and hard to save you…

“Afterwards, they had successfully healed you, but we were told you may never wake again. I… we came to visit you every single day, hoping you would wake.” By then, tears were streaking my new face and I couldn’t handle it anymore.

“How long,” I whisper. I dreaded the answer. I couldn’t help but wonder how these kind souls fared with a comatose person like me. If I knew anything, it would be that something like that- it does things to people. To ponies.

She hesitated and I turned to her in my own need to know how much they suffered. “How. Long.”

“I… you were…” she stuttered, clearly impacted by my own emotional state. “Six… six weeks…”

A pit drops in my stomach. A whole month and a half. These people suffered through six weeks of emotional trauma. All my fault. All of it.

How am I supposed to confront this? I made a promise. For these two ponies. For my friends. How am I supposed to happy when everything is taking a turn for the worse? Every second in this new environment seems to keep getting worse. I loved being happy. It was why I did all the things I did. Nearly all my decisions were based on happiness and adventure. Now, it seems I sacrificed the former for the latter.

“I’m… I’m sorry.” I choke out, putting my face in my hooves. My new body sure seems more emotional than it should be. Then again, this is the first time I’ve encountered a catastrophe such as this.

They try to comfort me. I am uncomfortable. They continue to speak soothing words to me, yet these fall upon deaf ears as I let out all my bottled up emotions once again. “I’m s-sorry Carrie, I’m sorry Ben… I’m so-sorry…” I sob, my voice breaking and my body racking.

Time has no meaning in this moment. I continue to pour out my soul to these listeners. Nothing matters to me right now. Just the longing for those I’d lost, the self blame I’ve now thrust upon myself.

In that moment… I lose myself in the warmth of two people I would soon realise to be two of the best friends I will ever know.

Author's Note:

With how it goes, there being a first time for everything, I didn't really know how to write this chapter. With how I ended last chapter... I couldn't help but feel this needed to be emotional . Don't worry, things will begin to cheer up next chap! But please... Tell me how I did

Comments

[Mortefleur]

Yay.

Also, you have a random V before an "everything" in the chapter

[Conflicting views]

So is she still at the hospital or have she been moved to Derpy's (or Octavia's) house?

'Cause there is nothing monitoring her, no kind of solute to keep her alive, no nurse or doctor anywhere in sight and the first food she take after many weeks of inconsciousness aren't any kind of hospital food and certainly not appropriate; solid food so fast after waking up... Hello stomach cramp!

Anyway, having a big insigth on the mc's thougths is a plus in my opinion, but be careful to make her more coherant when the panic will pass, otherwise it migth be a very rebutting thing for many peoples.

[Doctor Disco]

So is she still at the hospital or have she been moved to Derpy's (or Octavia's) house? 'Cause there is nothing monitoring her, no kind of solute to keep her alive,

This I can answer with this image from Season 2's "Read It and Weep": i.ytimg.com/vi/REdtORcj66A/maxresdefault.jpg
I would say that yes, there would be equipment needed to monitor her, but that is when she would have been in the human world. With the stallion in the far bed, it can be seen that there is evidently nothing monitoring his vitals, or anything important, really. Now I know I'm not anywhere qualified to say it, but I'm sure that stallion would have needed IV's and stuff in the real world, but we're in Equestria now. And with that, we operate with Equestrian logic.

My headcanon is that magic is all the doctor's really need to supervise and maintain a person, or in this case, a pony's health. TL:DR Equestrian magic is, well, magic. Also, it's Pinkie Pie's baking. What more can one say about it, except that it can defy all logic?

And... her mind is in a broken state right now. Panic and mania is a side-effect of that. She'll be okay in due time.

7749350 Thanks for the edit! I'll try and find it

[Mortefleur]

7749885

You're welcome

[Scarce]

[Conflicting views]

7749885 And yet there is standard electric outlet above his bed
Anyway, he migth've needed some IV, depending on how much fluid he lost in the accident, if there was an operation or not and if he can eat or not. Most likely, he have broken bones, no operation and can "eat" food in liquid form and thus don't need any IV. A friend of mine was in a similar state after a big bicycle crash.

Anyway, your headcanon is acceptable, except that not having any doctor or nurse comming is really stretching the suspension of disbelief. Like: "Oh yeah, comatose foal, almost died, no big deal..."

[Texus]

No, I haven’t died. Not really, but I may as well have. I lost my friends to… to my own insane visions. Insane visions that I now proved to be true, but at a cost. A great cost. No, I have to stop! They might still be alive! They fell through, I did too! They might still be out there. Injured… broken… abandoned... …dead…

I like special characters, but I hope he isn't going to be that special, to nearly count as OP, and because of that maybe boring.

If you wake up, here’s a batch of Pinkie’s signature never-cooling muffins! Always fresh and warm! Please feel better, I don’t like seeing ponies hurt or sad.

To be honest couldn't this have been a batch of Derpy's signature muffins?, I mean since she kind of makes them herself in enough storys.

My new body sure seems more emotional than it should be. Then again, this is the first time I’ve encountered a catastrophe such as this.

Thank you, I didn't really wanted the new body to make him more emotional, I want at least him to keep his usuall emotional state.

if she should be a filly I kind of hope Derpy to be her mother or one of them, instead of just being the fillys friends, I love adoption storys.