Canterlot, Equestria

“Princess Luna,” called one guard as he rushed towards her.

“Yes I know there are spiders in my mane,” she said in a bitter anger.  I am sick of this sister, she thought.  She’d never tell the guards or the staff; that would certainly humor Celestia even more.  Once more, since I slept instead of help repel the changelings; I’ve been subjugated to your incessant pranks!  I thought I was free of them when you let me visit Ponyville for Nightmare Night.  Princess Luna continued to silently fume as she strode through the castle, eager to put a brush to her mane before going to sleep.

Running in a tailored suit isn’t easy.  Oh, hi by the way, my name is Zack and, like I said, I’m running in a tailored suit.  Now what I’m running from is something that might be nice to know.  It’s one of those alphabet soups, I don’t quite know.  They had announced themselves while I was getting dressed for well, let’s just call it work.  It could be about the bonds.  Might just be the passports.  However, my guess is the hard things to fence.  I suppose you could call me a career criminal, ranging from petty theft to forgery.

Anyways, I’ve only been running for a few blocks.  I knew they got my car, any safe house I have is probably compromised, and I really, really don’t want to have any interactions with anyone right now.  I just… I want to vanish!

The spiders themselves weren’t the real problem, but what they were doing to her mane was far more troubling to her.  “At least this isn’t as bad as when she painted me polka dot,” Luna grumbled as she wrestled a brush through her mane.

A week ago Princess Celestia had, much to Luna’s displeasure, painted her sister black with white spots.  How she did it wasn’t the issue, the problem was that she infuriated Luna enough to torment all of Equestria with a glowing red moon the whole time.

Oh, hey again, I think I’m safe for a few minutes so I hope you don’t mind a little grand theft.  See I… umm… I stole a car about five minutes ago from the airport when I managed to elude the cops for a few minutes.  It was pretty simple to pose as a valet and leave without a second thought, granted I had to get a change of clothes but still.

Anyways, I’ve been driving ever since and I know better than stay in one place for too long.  I found out that the initial bust was the police, but I fear the FBI pulling the strings.  The cops don’t bother me much, they can be outwitted when you do as much as I do, but the feds nearly caught me last year before I could get out of the country.

When I can, I escape before I’m noticed too much.  A new passport and a-

“Zachary Raes, pull your car over and come out quietly,” called a state patroller from a few cars behind me.

Crap, if you’ll excuse me I’m about to start a new high-speed chase…

Dreams of a fleeing criminal ran rampant through the lunar princess’ mind as she attempted to get some sleep that day.  It was an odd one, of that she was certain.  Running on two legs struck her nearly as awkward as the clothes it wore.  She would wake in a stir from time to time only to return to sleep seeing them in something different.

By the late afternoon, Princess Luna was sick of seeing this creature running through a city of concrete and very fast machines.  She had been hoping of devising her revenge for the latest pranks inflicted upon her.  As soon as she ran a bath, it struck her.  This creature would be either the perfect cohort or the best instrument of deception she could inflict.

Running was hard, stealing a car while on the run was harder, getting outta the country will be the challenge.  I live for the challenge, the rush, the adrenaline, and sometimes even all the hype.  The point is this is the way to live.

As I watched the sun setting in the distance, I sighed.  I think I lost the feds four cars and two counties ago, but I have that weird feeling as if I’m being watched.

Princess Celestia glared at her denied “Give Princess Celestia Cake” edict, courtesy of Luna, occasionally pausing to observe herself in the mirror.  She worried a little about her appearance, knowing that she had gotten relatively recent flak from a school newspaper about scarfing cake and her semi-bulbous hindquarters.  The issue wasn’t that it was printed as a form of gossip, but that ponies began to take it seriously after her defeat during the attempted changeling invasion.  “That article was months ago, how could they dare to hold it over my head.”

Since then, she had decreased her sugary intake by nearly half by all accounts.  In secret however, she was sneaking cake from a reliable, and unfortunately very hyperactive, source.  Despite all of her late night snacking, a strict exercise regimen was keeping the majority of it at bay.

As she glared at her mirror the wheels began turning in her mind.  “I can’t get a stallion with this kind of figure,” she mumbled.  “Royalty aside, I must look too heavy for any worthy prospect.”  Celestia sighed and looked to one of the many friendship reports she had received since sending her student to Ponyville.

After rereading it however the solar princess moved to her desk and scrounged past several proposals for a quill and parchment.  I can’t believe I’m doing this, she thought as she began to write.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

Though it pains me to ask this of you, I need a serious second opinion.  I know Luna would try to spin her answer in her favor and no pony in Canterlot would tell me in fear of reprisal so I have to ask somepony who-

“No, I simply couldn’t,” she said with a chuckle.  “No doubt Twilight would tell me exactly what I want to hear.”  The solar princess sighed and levitated the letter into her mantle place, happy to be rid of the mere notion that she even thought of it in the fire.

So far, I’ve made good time, but I can only push my luck so far.  I had plans to reach Windsor and head on the first flight off continent.  I’ll book the flight closer to the border, but I think some shuteye’s in order.  I drove just out of town and jumped into the backseat to catch my well-deserved sleep.  I really need to escape, I thought before drifting off to sleep.

The thought reached the lunar princess’ ears as she gazed lazily at the boring nighttime vigil.  “That concludes it,” she said in a profound and dignified tone, causing her night guards to immediately jerk to attention.  “No longer shall he disrupt my slumber or echo in my mind.  I must summon him!”

Plenty of tricks played at her expense had finally made Princess Luna snap.  It was more than any among the Night Guard would tolerate and they fled the chamber, afraid to cross their princess’ ire.  A vibrant midnight blue light filled the entire room and she focused on the singular creature.  As the light subsided the car containing a slumbering con man appeared in the throne room and a wide grin had emerged on the mare of the night's face.  Perfect...