A simple german Brony who writes some simple Stories.
Also i do:
-Delphi and Java Programmming
-Basic Website Design
Chrysalis is planning a new Assault but then a Guard shows her another Option. Can Equestria help her to find an alternate food resource an finally find Peace with anypony and the other Creatures?
Well, it seems you've got the story in mind. That I'll leave alone and up to you. My suggestion is to space out your dialogue, and explain who's speaking a bit more. Also, space out the story itself. As it stands, it's a "wall of text." Possibly look into getting a proofreader to help you, if you think that's best.
In any case, keep at it and I'm sure you'll improve. Keep it classy.
I know, the "Wall of Text" is my biggest Problem if i write in English
About the Who tells.. yea i love it if you have to think a bit about the story, so you not let it slip off your mind so easily.
This is also my first Story and my first Clopfic. I wanted to start with the Nastier Parts first originally, but i thought this would´nt be as great as a big-style story.
Thank you for reading and critisize(? is that the right way of writing the Word ?) Hope you liked it.
T.S. - Over and out