You have an interesting story so far, but it needs quite a bit of fine-tuning. Improper use of grammar, punctuation, misusage of tenses, Switching between third and first person view, no apostrophes used correctly, etc. I highly suggest you find an editor to proofread your chapters before publishing them, Because this story actually seems to have a decent plot line.

-Black Lightning-

Looks interesting, tracked.

Seems good so far, interesting too, though you might want to read through it again as there are a few minor spelling and grammer mistakes

As >>839775839775 said; this is very interesting so far, but it needs some editing and proofreading.

I do hope that happens, because I love Twixie, and this looks promising.

Your structuring could indeed use some work, but I'm very interested to see how this will pan out. Please keep writing, you've got some great ideas!

>>839775839775

That is not a bad idea. Do you know of any good editor that would be available. I've been meaning to find one.

>>840110840110 For anyone who is in need of a proofreader, try this group of proofreaders

Interesting.

I look forward to reading more.

Hm. From your writing, I would hazard that English is your second language, but you're pretty good at it; there are just minor errors now and then that are noticeable, but not as grating as, well, most native English speakers on this site. Overall, they don't affect much, and I don't even consider them enough to criticize. It's just something I felt I should note.

The story itself looks fantastic, and I really want to read more.

>>842337842337

Actually...English is my first language. I just have this medical condititon that makes me a little weak in that area .

Interesting.  I look forward to more.

Nice chapter.

And sorry, cant help with  the editing, im no good with that stuff.

>>866983866983

It's okay. I'm at least glad that you are enjoying the story so far.

If you need a grammar nazi to proofread your story, pm me.

.

You don’t know how happy I am to here that, Trix.     hear

>>886798886798

Fixed thanks for the heads up.

read all current chapters and i have to say: bravo

also i suggest (and i have seen other authors do this) notes at the end are spaced a few lines below the last text line of story and either have the tag A/N or Author's Note above them

>>886915886915

Thanks for the comment. As for the suggestion, I understand what you are saying; however, I generally use that space for any information that I need to make mention of while I was working on the chapter and it was just something I picked up on Fanfiction. I may try to put in an A/N from now on but it might take a while if I decided to do it.

>>886960886960

okay just wanted to be sure you knew of that kinda thing, i just been reading a lot of fanfics and i see what a lot of authors do with their notes, thought there was a author's code or something when it came to that sorta stuff, guess not, probably should learn this stuff if i ever decide to wrtie a fanfic myself

>>886985886985

One tip I can offer if you do decided to write a fic is to just find a style that works for you. It may take some time and your first one may not turn out as well as you thought it might but keep at it and you will eventually figure out what writing style works for you.

It's nice to see a good Twixie fic sprout up. Haven't seen a new one in a while, a good one anyway. Looking forward to more chapters.

I HOOKED!!

I really like this series so far and I will favor it.

chapters Y U NO LONGER?!

>>888428888428

Because I enjoy making you all wait on cliffhangers.

>>888678888678 you sir are evil

>>887079887079

i will keep that in mind, now i just need to decide on an idea for one then find the time to write it

Good too see you found a editor.

Keep up the good work.

Pinkie Pie why are you stalking Trixie

You stop that

You stop it right now

Go get Twilight, get HER to stalk Trixie

I really like how this series is coming along.  I look forward to the next chapter.

while EqD might be biased towards twixie stories because of seth, unless you made these chapters longer starting with the first, this story wouldn't be allowed on there because it requires a certain word count

>>894739894739

Yeah I had a feeling that it was something like that. It really is not much of an issue to me if this story ends up on EQD  or not. It was more of a passing thought.

>>894758894758 Mmm twixie is my favorite, but i think there might be just a tad too many

My only suggestion at this point would be to maybe add a blank line between each paragraph to kinda break the "wall o' text" effect.

I'll admit that twixie has been growing on me lately and I'm looking forward to see where this goes.

>>895577895577

Well I do admit I had a little bit of a problem importing the chapter from Google Docs and ended up having to copy and paste the whole thing. However, when I do that; it doesn't save any kinds of font changes like bold or first paragraph indents so I end up having to do those manually which could be the reason for the 'wall o' text' effect you saw.

Also, I am glad that you are enjoying the story and if you wanted to look at a rather good Twixie comic, then check out Dekomaru on Devianart.

Maibe you should leave more space between paragraphs, it kinda looks like a wall of text like this. Aside from that, good chapter.

>>896334896334

See my reply comment to Royal Brisk for my explanation to the 'wall of text' please.

Hi, have to complain about the last few sentences.

She wanted to have some kind of hope, no matter how small, that the dream she just had would become reality. So, that night, without her assistant knowing and the only witnesses being the moon and stars, she made a wish. A wish that she would no longer have these dreams…because she wanted them to become reality.

Sorry, but this isn't a case where repetition strengthens the idea. Since the second time you're trying to use it to invert the meaning of the sentence, the first one makes it weaker.

>>898031898031

Oh...okay then thanks for bringing that to my attention. I'll try a little harder to not do that again.

Looks like Trixie is going to get help from a certain Princess of the Night.

Don't worry about taking too long.  I wasn't like you took six months or something like that.

Ups, I hope Trixie is not in trouble.

I guess Spike forgot that breaking a promise is the fatest way to lose a friend's trust FOREVER!

I hope he at least remembered to mention that he promised Twilight he won't say nothing and why he chose her.  If not...oh boy.

As for story length, it doesn't matter the length of the series as long as 1) you are still able to finish it without going on hiatus and 2) if still has the same quality as it does now.  That being said, I anxiously await the next chapter.

Im sure Rarity will notice the Canterlot silk, she the best at her job after all .

Cant wait for the next chapter.

great story. Can't wait for mroe :D

you touch that layer and die

rarity YOU FUCKED UP NOW!

As Rainbow Dash would say: "DUN DUN DUUUNNN"

And so the truth is revealed, (in suitable dramatic fashion)

Twilight handled that a lot better than i would have...

>>10039741003974

Indeed, if I were Twilight I would have bucked Rarity in the face, or drop her out the window. Not hard enough to break anything, but hard enough to hurt for a few weeks.