Rainbow Dash decides to take Fluttershy to a bar, just for good times sake. But what they get addicted to becomes a huge problem. Can they overcome their addiction or will it just become part of everyday life?
Chapters (6)
- Member Since 18th Nov, 2011
- offline last seen Jul 26th, 2013
Isolation
Meh, My Chemical Romance, Atheist, Sketching, Friends, Fluttershy 'Tis all.
Isolation
Joined 18th Nov, 2011 ·
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Oh dang, Fluttershy puked ):
Haha its less than 1k words and i love this so much already.
so.. MOAR!
Not bad. I would have liked it a bit better if you'd milked the image of drunk Fluttershy a bit more, just becasue that image is too funny to pass up. Maybe use her hangover as an excuse for some entertaining Flutterage.
Anyway, now for the inevitable critique. There are some minor issues with dialogue form (try to keep dialogue to one phrase before giving a dialogue statement). So, instead of "Awesome! We should do that again!" she exclaimed, use "Awesome!" she exclaimed. "We should do that again!"
Just a couple suggestions. I'm holding off on rating this for the moment, just because I can't accurately judge the plot quite yet.
i like the story, it's very original, i wonder how this will turn, i liked how dash was instantly completely calmed by the early signs of tears from Fluttershy, when gilda made Fluttershy cry, i thought: ''prepare to die.
''
autism?
44535
Yeah thanks for the advice
I like this, but the chapters are a bit too short for any real emotional impact. However, I prefer this as opposed to filling it with a lot of useless details. I like what i see, keeping an eye or two on this
pretty good (I see pinkie realizing what happen before dragging fluttershy (With her realizing that breath smell.)
PInkie: GASP FLUTTERSHY A DRUNK!!!
this may be really late but thanks for all the comments everyone...!
Needs another chapter... Ending on a sad note can be depressing...
61941
Yes, thats why its not finished yet.