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tallon567 201

Joined April 2012
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    tallon567's Stories (2)

    • Flutterdash: The sequel
      Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash thought they're problems were in the past, they were wrong

      4,025 words · 732 views · 8 likes · 0 dislikes
    • Operation: Save my love! a Flutterdash tale
      Rainbow Dash is in love with Fluttershy, How far will she go to keep her safe?
      4,122 words · 1,381 views · 28 likes · 17 dislikes
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    Chapter 1: My Little Cheerleader

    It was a crisp and beautiful morning. Rainbow Dash was already up, preparing for the race later today, it was one of the most important races of the year and Dash has prepared for weeks. Meanwhile Fluttershy was still asleep. It’s been a week since they got married, and things couldn’t have gone better! Rainbow Dash walked into they’re bedroom and nuzzled Fluttershys’ neck. “Wake up sleepy head. The race starts in an hour.” Fluttershy sprung out of bed “OHMYGOODNESSIMSOSORRYRAINBOWDASHIPROMISEDTOBEUPINTIMEILLBEREADYBEFORETHERACE!”

    Rainbow Dash giggled “it’s okay Fluttershy, we still have plenty of time” Rainbow Dash kissed her on the cheek and with that Fluttershy ran into the bathroom to get ready to be the only supporter of Rainbow Dash, the race was in cloudsdale, and Twilight didn’t want to use that spell in fear of what happened last time. So it was only Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash walked over to the picture hanging on the wall, it was of their wedding. They were wearing dresses hoofmade by Rarity, dancing to non-other than Vinyl

    Scratch. It was the perfect night. Not long later Fluttershy came out of the bedroom. “Are we late!?” she said in a loud-for-her-but-still-quiet voice. “Actually, we’re twenty minutes early…” Rainbow Dash said

    Fluttershy blushed in her embarrassing panic “oh… sorry for panicking earlier…” She said, she covered her face with her mane, She typically did this when she was feeling shy… which is usually all the time.

    Rainbow Dash smiled and lifted Fluttershys’ chin up. “Don’t be upset Fluttershy, cmon. We can be the first one there, and you can practice your cheering. I’m counting on you to be my support!” Fluttershy gave a large smile “I’ve been practicing,

    but I want it to be a surprise for the race” She said. They walked outside and took flight to Cloudsdale. The whole fly both were rehearsing they’re routines, Rainbow Dash was memorizing her strategy for flying fast without getting too tired, and Fluttershy was memorizing her cheer finally, they made it to the cloudaseum. “Alright Fluttershy, I have to go to the contestant sign up, wish me luck!” Rainbow Dash said. They exchanged a quick kiss and parted Rainbow Dash trotted confidently away, and Fluttershy walked shyly the opposite direction. Without her friends, Fluttershy is pretty lonely, most ponies took advantage of her shyness and use it against her. As she walked towards the stands, there was only one seat left open “Perfect!” Fluttershy thought to herself. She walked towards the seat to sit down, But to her convenience a mare she didn’t know (she didn’t know many ponies) took the seat before she could sit down “umm, excuse me…I was going to sit there….” The mare looked at her and scoffed “..never mind…you can have it” Fluttershy backed up and stood at the rails of the seats, the race was about to start and she was warming up for her cheer. All of a sudden, a big  booming voice was heard through the loud speaker “Mares and gentle colts! Please welcome Princess Celestia herself!” Everyone stomped and cheered. It was 1:55. The race starts at 12:00, Fluttershy could see Rainbow Dash motioning for her to come down the steps. Fluttershy slowly walked down the steps. “Are you ready Dashie?” She said

    “Yeah…just a little nervous, but im ready to win! Are you ready for your ‘surprise cheer?’”

    “…I hope” Fluttershy squeaked

    “ALL CONTESTENTS TO THE STARTING LINE” Rainbow Dash smiled. “That’s my queue, wish me luck Fluttershy” She leaned in and kissed Fluttershy passionately. Leaving both of them blushing.

    “G…good luck Dashie!” Fluttershy said, and with that, she went back to the stands. Prepared for her cheer

    “RACERS READY?, SET…….”

    Rainbow Dash looked at her opponents and at Fluttershy, “I can do this” she thought

    Fluttershy looked at the crowd, and at Rainbow Dash, “I….I can do this” she thought

    “GO!”

    Rainbow Dash took off at impossible speed quickly leaving everyone in the dust. Fluttershy took a deep breathe. “I can do this…3….2………..1!” Fluttershy let out a soft yay and collapsed “Oh no…. oh no….” She thought She mentally slapped herself and got up. “I’m not quitting this easily!” than, soon after the race started, Rainbow Dash past the finished line “RAINBOWDASH! YOU DID IT! WOOHOO!!”  Fluttershy flew down to Rainbow Dash as fast as she could and half-tackled her in a hug. “You did it Rainbow Dash! I knew you could do it!” Rainbow Dash blushed and hugged her back. “Out of everypony’s chearing, I could hear yours the best Fluttershy, I guess we’re both winners!” Dash pulled Fluttershy in and gave her a long kiss, then, the Mare from before showed up. “My goodness.. I didn’t know there were…..lesbians around these days.” She said with added emphasis on lesbian.

    “Yeah, you got a problem with us?” Rainbow Dash said in her best intimidating tone the Mare laughed

    “No, I just didn’t expect you two to be so….open about it” she said Rainbow Dash started getting mad (which is a bad thing) “well, we love each other, so why should we care who sees?” She said Fluttershy nodded her head in agreement, but backed behind Rainbow Dash, who grabbed her hand in reasurement

    “Sorry, but I don’t deal with snobs like you” Dash said at last

    “and I don’t deal with freaks like you” Then Dash snapped, she tackled the Mare to the ground and pinned her. “Wanna say that again bitch?” Dash said the mare smiled

    “I said you’re a good for nothing freak, so is your girlfriend”

    “She’s not a freak! And she’s MY WIFE” Dash said, she spit in her face and kicked her in the stomache.

    “Cmon Fluttershy lets hurry and get out of here…” Dash said. Fluttershy, walked close beside her,

    “god, people  sometimes, she’s such a…a…”

    Fluttershy nodded as an OK for what she was about to say

    “SHE WAS SUCH A BITCH!” Dash finished

    Fluttershy giggled quietly. Dash shot her a look “what’s so funny?!” She said, not meaning to sound mean to her wife… but she was fired up. Fluttershy smiled

    “Your cute when your mad..” she said, in an almost non-addible whisper Dash smiled again and sighed. “Fluttershy, I can always count on you to put me in a good mood” Dash said with a wink she playfully kissed Fluttershy on the cheek as they trotted back to the cottage. It was 2:30 and Fluttershy had a whole surprise evening planned, equipped with a romantic dinner and adorable cuddle session. After a long walk back home, they finally arrived at the cottage, Fluttershy opened the door, and immediately her jaw fell open at what she saw…

    Comments ( 17 )

    #1 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Quite a lot of grammatical errors here. Apostrophes in the wrong places, capitalization inconsistency, punctuation missing or unneeded, etc.

    You need to work on your sentence structure as well.

    >The whole fly both were rehearsing they’re routines, Rainbow Dash was memorizing her strategy for flying fast without getting too tired, and Fluttershy was memorizing her cheer finally, they made it to the cloudaseum.

    This was especially confusing; I had no idea what you meant.

    Try to formulate your story better next time. And you might want a prereader as well.

    #2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>825941 Thanks for reading and commenting! The grammar im working on, i wrote this chapter kinda fast and didnt look over it, Im still finding someone to be a proofreader though...

    #3 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Well... I enjoyed the first one. You certainly kept up the good work with this new story. Its normal for me to not spot grammer and spelling mistakes... I just enjoyed the story. Fluttershy's so awesome and I loved how she kinda tackled Rd and is so open around her yet still so shy. :yay:

    And the clifhanger ... Now I can't wait for an update on this story.

    #4 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>826291 Thanks a bunch! Im glad you liked the first one and this one will pack a mega punch! :yay:

    #5 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
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    Sweet... I like the sound of that.  I just love a good Flutterdash story. They make the best couple ever.

    #6 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>826790 Indeed they do x3

    #7 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    wow! 24 views already? man, I love this website :rainbowkiss:

    #8 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
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    ANYONE WHO READS THIS READ THIS COMMENT!

    Fans of Flutterdash! I have some bad news...

    As you may have noticed, Flutterdash is going down in popularity and the number of Flutterdash fanfics on this site is low... so I hope that this story inspires

    other writers to write more Flutterdash and together, WE MUST REPOPULATE FLUTTERDASH HUZZAH!!!!!!

    ...thanks for reading, bai! :twilightblush:

    #9 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·
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    new chapter tommorow!

    #10 · 46w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>828440 ME GUSTA:rainbowkiss:

    #11 · 45w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>828318 I also noticed that and whats worse those who do make flutterdash fics often have long periods of time inbetween each chapters as of right now im working on a flutterdash fic and i want to spread the news  its called Friends come and go but family is forever also have another one its called Friendship humanized which i've already finished and plan to sequel it hope more people like flutterdash good luck and stuff

    #12 · 45w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>857344 Thanks for responding, Im on vacation right now, but im trying to get chapter 2 done... :derpytongue2:

    #13 · 45w, 3d ago · · ·
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    >>859088 me im at home just saw some fireworks 20% cooler than last years:rainbowlaugh::rainbowwild:

    #14 · 44w, 4d ago · · ·
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    Please dont hate me for not finishing chapter 2, I have a lot going on, but I promise it'll be out soon :fluttercry:

    #15 · 42w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    you typed 1:55 instead of 11:55 :)

    #16 · 42w, 2d ago · · ·
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    i could imagine them getting married, for a "tolerance" type of lesson :)

    #17 · 42w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Whoops, that was for an earlier episode :facehoof:

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