Hey guys first fic so advice and constructive critism is appreciated please let me know what you think should be improved upon and what im already doing right (just so i have a little positive reinforcement) and ask plenty of questions if you'd like :) ill try and answer as many as i can

Wow! Very interesting idea. Just remember to start a new paragraph whenver a new pony starts speaking. Other than that, great story!

>>822106822106 Story idea is interesting, but might want to fix some grammar mistakes. And do what fluttershywriter said. If you need a proof-reader/editor, just give me a call. Always willing to help out.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_grin.png

Not bad. Tracking

i have not read it yet but i will the ideas brilliant

If this follows the plot of "Flowers for Algernon" I will be very disappointed. If it doesn't then I'll be perfectly fine to continue reading it as I really like this idea. I can't wait to see how you develop this story.

The description reminds me of 'Flowers for Algernon'. I'mma read it now.

Several grammatical and story-telling errors. I'd suggest getting a pre-reader/editor. A reliable one too, not just a friend.

Yeah, the grammar could use some work, but overall it seems like a good plot. I'm going to track this and see where it ends up.

>>824994824994 thx a lot im not to familiar with the story editor here, and when i copied from Word to the site some mistakes may have arisen, thx a ton for your feed back!

>>825455825455 Yea there are i didn't think to get a proof reader, ill do that now! and thanks so much for your feedback! its greatly appreciated!

>>825009825009 Ill make sure to give you a call thank you so much for your feedback!

>>825495825495 thx!

>>825218825218 I was noticing that myself re-reading the description, but i can assure you it ins't inspired from Algernon, thx so much for your feedback! >>825156825156 thx man!

Thank you all for your positive feedback! Please enjoy the story and have a great summer!

>>825881825881

I would suggest asking Paleo Prints about some of his pre-readers. But if he suggests me, I'll have to refuse. My plate is full dealing with my own stories.

>>825891825891 wow! thx a lot man! i will definately go do that, have a great summer!

>>825905825905

No problem. You too.

Seems like an... interesting idea. You could go far with this one, in theory, grammar mistakes need to be corrected, and, I know this is old news, but you should look into Pre/Proof -Readers. I recommend maybe two, but not more. Too many cooks and all that.

Great idea!

>>827683827683 thx a dozen man :) most of the writing i do is jsut me running with an idea that adds up to certain critical plot points, so a proof reader would be good xD have a great summer!

Hey guys new chapters up! i figured I'd upload this one early, because im going to be away without a web connection for a few months, so if there are any grammar related mistake, which i know there are, its just because I haven't had much time to review it.

Please rate, and comment! ill get back to as many of you as i can before i head out!

HAVE A GREAT SUMMER

>>825881825881

Okay that's a relief! Sorry If the last comment sounded a bit wooden but I was trying to be as non offensive as I could be. I'm quite excited to read more now that I know its not Algernon rewrote with ponies. You see I hated that story with a passion because of it's ending, but loved the first half of the book because of how the main character became a genius and found people who actually cared and not people who had him around for cheap laughs, but then it had to go and slowly reverse the procedure making the protagonist even more disabled and then finally killing him. Hope your summers a great one even without *shudder* an internet connection.

>>831141831141 awesome dude! thx a ton for commenting! I loved that book to, but the ending, i have to say though, when it comes to stories like that, One Who Flew Over the Coocoo's Nest is my personal favorite Have an awesome summer yourself!

>>830824830824

This one was actually really good. I think I'll have to track this. There ARE a few typos and grammar problems, but not really big ones that interupt the flow of the story. You write Derpy really well. I always look at Derpy as not mentally retarded at all, but just a bit "silly" or absentminded. So, really, the way you write this is how I always thought of her, so I like it just that much more. Keep up the good work!

>>831165831165 thx a dozen man! im really glad to hear that your enjoying it! i guess i write sorta well at three in the morning have a great summer!!!

Awwwww This is soo cute

>>831939831939 thanks! have a great summer!

>>831159831159 Yet another book that made me depressed as all get out with the ending, however since the big Indian did get to escape it wasn't a total sob story. I have to admit that is one of my favorite books. And I enjoyed the second chapter of this intriguing tale quite a bit. Here is to you being able to get a good amount of writing in before you leave.

Image: http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u481/VinylScratchGold/Derpy_Hooves_-_Clap_Clop-n12948214434561.gif

brilliant

i read it

bravo

perfect song for chapter!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5G1FmU-ldg

>>897841897841 my god dude... SO TRUE!!!

Hey! I was experimenting a bit with this Chapter. So there may be some incoherent things, and some grammatical mistakes. If someone wants to tidy it up, just let me know, and etc. But yea, enjoy, ive had some writters block, so it took a while. I hope you enjoy ><

pic related

Image: http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/177/f/d/nerdiest_by_darth_franny-d3k0rsp.png

Glad to see this updated :D Good chapter, liked it :3 I cannot spot any imperfections at this time however, so good work

Looking forward to anything more you might throw out

yay updated! loved it. can't wait for more

Hey  guys! little news about the new Chapter, (4) Mind, Spirit, and Body, its an experiment... I wanted to see if i could pull it off, anyways, this is the chapter were the rating "Teen" is borderline stretched. So if you dont like stuff like this, then i apologize, but now you know what demographic im trying to appeal to,. This is not a clopfic, id say, but it is however a mature tale, not one thats all sweet kisses and happy shit. so lol yea, enjoy!

Thx for all your feedback!!!!

Great concept! Will read when i'm not supposed entertaining people at a party XD

I hole you enjoy this Chapter!!!

LOL!! i died a little

>>12123941212394 omg thx man xD fixed now

Problem pony? I don't see a problem pony.

>>12127551212755 well it depends :3 did you read the first chapter?

Well. looks like I forgot to check on this...

Explaining Love... just ask Dr. Spock. If he can tell you about babies, he can tell you about love.

Good chapter.

>>12164131216413 oh wait lol, never mind xD i totally misunderstood you

>>12163951216395 in a good or bad way xD

this isn't going to end well i can feel it

Dun Dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

puting in read later. sounds good but is it a derpy scratch fic???

>>12212191221219

damn and i mean damn

>>12212541221254 it's not actually a DerpyxVinyl fic, Vinyl just shows up in the story (psst, secret here: for the views and favs i added her even though she only appears for a chapter... shhh, it's our secret )

>>12212681221268 i take it you've read the House Call chapter? or perhaps you're on the The Doctors Interlude Chapter... SO CONFUSED

>>12212941221294 that my friend came from the house call chapter

and ditzy doo is best pony

>>12212771221277

Image: https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQHTRl21gAj0AzjLpNQb-3RIH9nY_8B0K8MCqlc9SpxP8t1fCnMPQ

Stories good but I don't agree with the thought of derpy being a filly fooler.

I know this has nothing to do with this and am probably just my imagination, but how come there seems to be some hidden doctor who reference in like any story with a psychologist. Also five mustaches out of five

The raggedy Doctor

>>12929111292911 caught me i made a who reference

Why You robbed Derpy of happiness, showed us she has nerve damage and made her run to more sadness WHY, GODDAMMIT

>>14715061471506

Now that I'm getting around to reading this story...  this chapter reads way too fast.  Emotional high points of entire chapters are just a few sentences...

>>15779591577959 yea, i lost drive to write it, and just... I'll be honest... I bullshited it... i didn't feel the story any longer, and just couldn't bring myself to put the time in to write long extensive chapters... If you're looking for something with much more depth, story, and legitimacy go check out my newest story, Touching Rainbows... i think you'd like that much more. sorry about how awful Derpys Dream got, ii may revise/en-lengthen it in the future.