- Member Since 11th Oct, 2013
- offline last seen 11 hours ago
The dragon hunter
I'm Italian, I like Halo, and my favorite pony is Applejack. What else?
The dragon hunter
Joined 11th Oct, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- SumDankPony · 25k words · 16 6 · 1.1k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.464 seconds
Total duration
1,022 users online
2,558,662 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I can't wait for the second chapter. Good work.
7649328 Thank you
Noiceee
Seems good I'll keep it on my watch list dragon.
7651131 Glad to hear it
7654051 Thank you
Me too
It's a pity that they're not as popular as the ones involving Stable Dwellers, Enclave ponies, or Rangers, I personally think that the alicorns from the FOE universe are fascinating creatures, not only for their tragic origin, but also because their minds are like a blank canvas ready to be painted.
The destruction of Maripony happened several months before the prologue, so she had plenty of time to develop her own personality, even if she's still far from being a normal pony (well, as normal a pony can be in the Wasteland).
7654243
they are surprisingly blank in the main like supermutants in the game which is a shame really I liked the "gotcha" moment in zebra town (Oh why couldn't there have been more sassy ones). But this was interesting, an alicorn who didn't think pip was a total asshole. Reaaally wanna read more now.
Side stories that focus on alicorns are not too common, and the ones that do exist do not often utilize the character premise very well. This story at its start seems to be the exception. With an introduction that both highlights the unforgiving way the character's physical appearance affects interactions and the atmosphere of her personal world, this chapter manages to get me interested in what sort of life this protagonist leads. Some good attention to detail in narration certainly helps.
The protagonist's dialogue does tend to be a little on the nose regarding her morales and personal philosophy. It sounds a little stale, especially during the conversation with Grape Juice mare. And there are a lot more digressions than necessary. The reader does not need to exactly learn the story behind each and every tic, attitude, and incident that pops up. These digressions happen with such frequency that it becomes rather easy to lose the flow of the conversation the protagonist is having at present.
But this introductory chapter is a good hook that gives me the expectation of something I have not seen before in these side stories. I look forward to your next chapter!
7658653 I'm glad the story caught your interest and thank you for the criticism
When I wrote the chapter, I originally planned to publish it as a one-shot story, but by the time I reached the end I realized that it would have been interesting to show what happened to her after Maripony was destroyed. I'll probably edit a bit the prologue in the future to make it smoother to read, but first I want to complete the story.
7682855 Don't worry she's not dead. The story is basically a big flashback
7682883 I know but its still sad.
I can't wait for the next chapter! This story is really great so far.
"Thou ungrateful whelp!"
Firstly, this is the first alicorn-centered FoE story I've read, and I thought it was an interesting new perspective on the setting and characters; having someone so large, intimidating, and previously feared serve as the protagonist offers up some fun exchanges with others. I feel that you conveyed Aly's size and power well. Like The Amateur below stated, there is a bit of exposition-dumping in Chapter 1 here; depending on how long you intend on making this story, I would recommend spreading out a lot of her inner and outer dialogue to accommodate for the length. It's more intriguing and fun to learn all of her motivations and quirks over time
Other than that, there are a number of small spelling and grammar mistakes; I noticed enough to mention, but not enough to detract at all. I'd suggest finding a kind person to help you smooth out some of these little bumps.
Again, I did enjoy reading this, and hope there's much more regarding Ms. Aly!
7760266 Thank you for the review
You confirmed a few thoughts that I already had; I'll probably edit a bit the first chapter in the future (I was originally planning to write it as a one-shot story to introduce the character of Aly before writing a story about her adventures in the Wasteland, but then I decided to write about her origins first, so I turned it in a prologue).
If you are interested, there are a few stories on this site where the protagonist is an alicorn; these are my favorites:
Fallout: Equestria: New Beginnings
Fallout: Equestria - Unity
7760580
You're welcome, and good luck! Some cover art will help, too!
I'd actually seen New Beginnings before and heard it was good, but hadn't gotten around to reading it yet. I'll certainly have to do that soon...
I love this!
I really hope it gets an update soon 