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65w, 15hPinkie Pie: Pinkamena Diane Pie
64w, 10hThe Mysterious Mare Do Well
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You're mad. You said you wouldn't be mad.
That's not what I said.
I said it would be okay. But that doesn't mean I can't be mad at you first.
...I guess that makes sense.
I... I guess I have a lot of explaining to do, huh?
Yeah. You do.
I don't know where to start.
Not my problem.
Should, should we get up? It's kind of cold.
Yeah, we probably should.
Okay, start talking.
I'm... I'm not sure where to begin, Dashie.
Don't call me that right now.
R-right. I'm sorry. Rainbow Dash. Right. But... I... I still don't know where to begin.
Where did you get the costume? You said Gummy ripped yours up. Your story was pretty suspicious to begin with, so does this mean you flat-out lied to me?
No! I never lied to you, I promise. Maybe I did bad things, and maybe I kind of misled you a lot, but I never actually lied. I swear. Pinkie Promise, even.
Like that even means anything anymore.
Applejack. I took it from Applejack.
...I knew it would be something like that. I should've asked everypony to double-check that their costumes were where they were supposed to be. I don't know why I didn't.
Me neither. I kept expecting you to. I was kind of mad that you didn't.
I took it a few months ago. Mrs. Cake sent me to Sweet Apple Acres to get an order of apples for Sugarcube Corner, and while I was waiting for Applejack, I got bored and started digging around her room.
I wasn't really looking for anything, but I found the costume in her dresser and tried it on, just for fun. It had been a long time since we'd dressed up as Mare Do Well, and I wanted to see if it felt the way I remembered.
Then she came back. She laughed when she saw me, and told me that she had to get back to work, but to make sure I put her stuff back the way I'd found it.
But I didn't. I took it with me. I didn't even know why at the time, I just did.
But if you'd asked her about her costume, she might have looked for it and noticed it was missing. Then she probably would've known it was me right away.
...What do you mean, "felt the way you remembered?"
It's... kind of weird, but I really liked being Mare Do Well. Nopony knew who I was, so I didn't have to be anypony. I could be anypony I wanted. If I wanted to be dark and mysterious instead of bubbly and happy, I could be, and nopony would think less of me.
Geez. Is it really that hard for you to be happy? Are you just... constantly on the verge of a breakdown, or something?
No, it's... I don't know. I'm not sure how to explain it. I am happy a lot. But not always, y'know? And when you're supposed to be the Element of Laughter, it's kind of hard to know what to do with yourself when you don't feel like laughing. Everypony expects me to be smiling and happy, and sometimes I just don't want to be. But... nopony likes the serious Pinkie.
Okay. Fine. You took it from AJ. But what happened to your costume?
I ripped it myself. I still have the pieces in my room somewhere. I didn't want it to be a lie when I told you I didn't have it anymore. I even tried to get Gummy to help, and he kind of tore it with his claws a little.
Should I keep going?
A-after we dressed up as Mare Do Well that first time, all I could think about was how easy it would be if I could just wear a mask all the time and do what I wanted without worrying about what everypony thought.
And then I found Applejack's costume and took it, because... because I really wanted it all of a sudden. I was stupid and forgot I had my own. It was just on a whim, I guess. And... and I decided to just do it.
It wasn't even about you at first. At first, I just wanted to start again with a new identity; so I pretended to be a superhero, because that was the kind of costume I had. I went on nightly patrols, looking for trouble. I wanted to keep on being Mare Do Well, even though all that was supposed to be over.
Then I realized that this could be my chance to approach you. I'd had a crush on you for a really, really long time, but I knew that you just thought of me as silly Pinkie and wouldn't take me seriously. I wanted to be taken seriously, and I was scared that you'd turn me down because you'd think I was joking. But as Mare Do Well, you wouldn't know anything about me. You wouldn't have had any prejudices.
You're still talking weird.
Mare Do Well... Mare Do Well talked really fancy, with big words and stuff. You're still doing that.
I'm not stupid. I can sound smart if I want to.
So, um, so, I decided that it might be fun if I approached you in disguise, since I'd be able to be honest with you without worrying about what would happen between us afterwards. I followed you around for a while – a few nights, maybe. I'm not sure exactly how long. But I wasn't trying to stalk you or anything creepy like that; I was just trying to build up the courage to actually do it.
Then that stallion tried to rob you, and I jumped in without thinking. When you tried to talk to me, I panicked and ran away, because I didn't know what to say to you. I wasn't ready yet.
After that, I decided that I wouldn't follow you anymore. I was pretty shaken up about almost getting caught. Everything I was doing felt so wrong, like it needed to be kept absolutely secret no matter what, although I guess it kinda was wrong, and it didn't feel worth it, really. So I decided that the Mare Do Well idea had been pretty silly. But then my tail started twitching, and –
Pinkie Sense? Seriously?
I know you don't think it's real, but it works!
Anyway, my tail started twitching, and my Pinkie Sense told me that something bad was gonna happen to you. I didn't warn you because I knew you didn't believe in my Pinkie Sense, and even though I'd told myself to forget about the costume, I think a part of myself really wanted to keep wearing it – because I had the idea to keep you safe that day, and I ended up doing it as Mare Do Well.
I really liked the feeling of watching out for you for once. You always get to be the hero, always saving me and the others and being brave for everypony, and... and I liked how it felt to be on the other side for a little while. It made me feel strong.
I never feel strong.
After that, I ditched the costume in a back street somewhere and went to meet up with the others. I told them that I'd found you, and I led them to the alley where you'd cornered me before I got away. We'd been looking for you, so I didn't have to explain where I was. They thought I'd just split off from the group.
I tried to sound like I'd been in the audience by talking up Mare Do Well's rescue of you. I wanted you to be impressed. But you were mad, not impressed... something I should have expected, I guess, considering how you reacted to the original Mare Do Well thing. I hadn't thought you'd still be upset.
So, the next night, I went to get the costume from the alley I'd hid it in when I saw you walking around, and I figured you were looking for Mare Do Well.
Was that seriously the first thing your mind went to?
Well, yeah. I know you pretty well. And I was right, wasn't I?
It made me kind of uncomfortable, to see you purposely trying to get in trouble. I mean, I know you can take care of yourself and everything, but still, it was risky. So I thought that since you were only doing it to draw out Mare Do Well, you'd cut it out if I just gave you what you wanted – but then I got carried away again. I wanted to have fun with it, since I'd be talking to you as whoever I wanted to be, but it was like I couldn't control myself. You were so close, and I didn't have to be the Pinkie you knew, so it was like I became the exact opposite instead.
That's what it was like, when I wore the mask. I wasn't happy, silly, make-everypony-smile Pinkie anymore, because I was tired of all that. Instead, I was serious, cold, make-everypony-angry Mare Do Well.
I felt bad afterwards and threw that party to try and cheer you up. It was like an apology, almost, but you still seemed upset, so I took you to my room to talk to you. I wanted to try and figure out how upset you actually were, but... then you said that you thought Mare Do Well liked you, and I got upset. It didn't make sense to me. I'd liked you for such a long time, and you'd never noticed how I felt ever, but Mare Do Well talks to you for five minutes and you're already interested?
But then you said that you didn't like her back, and that you just wanted to know who she was. And I was relieved. I was still confused, though, because if you liked her better, it meant you didn't like me as my ordinary Pinkie self – but if I gave up the act, it meant I lost the one outlet I had for my feelings.
Anyway, you probably didn't notice, but when you went outside afterwards, you sat right under my window, right where I could see you. I wanted to keep talking to you, but I knew you were done with Pinkie, so I thought I'd give it a shot as Mare Do Well, and put on the costume. So I snuck out of my window. I had to climb onto the roof and out around back, so it was kind of hard, but then –
What about the flowers?
The carnations. What was the deal with those?
Well, I'd heard Rarity telling Twilight about this book she'd bought about the language of flowers, and she said something about roses being cheesy and how it would be really romantic to get flowers with some kind of deeper meaning. I thought "friendship" was a good one, so I had them delivered, because I thought what you'd said about flowers and moonlight was funny. And the notes were easy to write. I just used a pencil. I get a lot of practice at the bakery, since I have to write up menus and bills and stuff.
So like I said. I snuck out to see you. I wanted to keep talking to you. I was getting kind of desperate. I just kept wanting to see you and talk to you, and I took any chance I got to do that. But while we were talking, I became too honest and told you too much. I confessed a lot that night.
I was afraid that I'd given myself away, but then you brought up the whole game idea, and... I got excited. I mean, I like games, and here was an excuse to keep being Mare Do Well for you.
If you hadn't brought up the game and given me the idea for the challenge, I think I would've stopped that night.
Then Twilight showed up and I got scared and ran.
When I was back in my room, I started to freak out when I realized what I'd done. It was like Mare Do Well was another pony completely. The total opposite of me. When I put on the mask, I became possessed by her, and it scared me, how it was like I couldn't stop myself from acting out like that. She was so different from me. But you seemed interested in her, so I kept it up, just so I could be near you. I knew you hated her, but you also seemed intrigued, and I thought that I could win if I could just get you to like her, too. That way, you wouldn't be mad at me once I revealed who I really was. It would be safe.
I offered to help you investigate because I wanted to find out how much you already knew, so that I could postpone your investigation as much as possible. That's why I was so unhelpful.
Why were you jealous of yourself, though? I mean, that's crazy. Like, seriously crazy. Drag you to an asylum SCREAMING crazy.
...I know. But it was like I told you; Mare Do Well was somepony else. Pinkie didn't understand why you were so interested in Mare Do Well when you'd never noticed her before, and Mare Do Well wanted Pinkie to shut up and stop interfering, because at least this way I got to be close to you.
That was when I really started hating myself. I know it's crazy to be jealous of myself, but I was.
So, you brought me to Rarity's, and then Applejack's, and then you just kind of stopped. What was up with that?
I took you to see Rarity because I wanted to make sure that you wouldn't be able to access those sales files I'd told you about. I wanted you to think that Mare Do Well had bought the costume from Rarity, to throw you off, and I knew that as soon as you actually saw them and saw who'd actually bought it, you'd know I must have gotten mine from somewhere else.
It was around then that I really started to hate having a double life, though. I wanted to be honest with you – but at the same time, I didn't want to lose what I had. Mare Do Well could do whatever Pinkie wanted to do without being afraid, and I didn't want to give that up, but still. I was sick of lying to you.
I started thinking it would be easier if you just found out who I was on your own, and I started sabotaging myself. That's why I brought you to Applejack next. I wanted you to ask her about the costume. I wanted her to notice it was missing and piece it together.
Why did you leave me alone with her, though? Because you couldn't face up to it, or something?
No. Because I had an idea.
...The derby. I'd heard about it, and had this idea to get you the best Hearth's Warming Present ever, because I knew tickets would be hard to get. I went off with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo and Apple Bloom because I wanted to be the one to walk them home, so that I'd have a reason to stop by Rarity's. When I brought Sweetie back to the boutique, I told Rarity that I knew how busy she was and offered to watch Sweetie Belle for her until her work was finished.
She was super grateful and asked how she could repay me, and I asked her if she'd be able to get me a ticket. I paid for it; I just wanted her to secure one, before they sold out, since I knew the shows went quickly. So she got her friend Fancy Pants in Canterlot to figure it out for me.
Also, while I was playing with them, they showed me their zipline. I hadn't intended to show it to you at the time, but after your wings were hurt, I remembered it and asked if I could use it and they lent me their gear.
You said you had connections! What kind of connections are those?
I never said I had connections. I said I called in a few favors.
More like "manipulated Rarity into feeling like she owed you something."
Um... well, after I took Sweetie home, I headed back with Apple Bloom, because I wanted to find out what Applejack had told you. But it was late and I realized that you'd probably be going to find Mare Do Well, and I wouldn't have time to run and change, so I asked you not to go.
I thought you'd stay, for my sake. But you didn't want to, and... and that hurt my feelings. I'd thought that me being a friend would trump Mare Do Well being interesting, but you chose her, and I was mad. Really, really mad. Because Mare Do Well was pretty much my exact opposite, and if you liked her, that meant you didn't like me.
But I still wanted to be near you. Even if it meant being somepony I hated. So I told you not to go to the bakery, because I wouldn't be there. And I went, and I changed, and I slipped into the alley to wait for you. And then you came, and... and I was still so, so mad at you, and it came out in a really weird way. I think... I think I wanted to hurt you, but... I don't know. It was like, "you chose the mysterious stranger over your best friend? Fine, let me show you what she's really like; you'll regret it." So it was like I was being Mare Do Well extra hard that night, and I was really aggressive and mean, even though I knew it made you uncomfortable. I did it on purpose.
Then your wings were broken.
That was the scariest thing that's ever happened to me ever and I never, ever, ever want anything like that to ever happen again. I thought he'd killed you at first, and... and I won't even tell you what I did. But I was so, so scared, and I decided that the Mare Do Well thing had gone on long enough and I put the costume away.
You'd said before that you kind of liked Mare Do Well when she was being normal, and... and I was so relieved. Because I thought you meant that you liked her better when she was acting more like Pinkie. More like me. I thought that meant you liked me. So during the storm, when you came to Sugarcube Corner, I decided to tell you that I liked you. I thought you'd say you liked me too, but...
I don't know.
You didn't, I guess.
I was really upset after that, and I hated myself even more for being so stupid. I didn't want to be me anymore, and I took the costume back out. And then you showed up out of nowhere and tried to make Mare Do Well feel better. That almost made things worse, because... well, why were you trying to comfort her, when you'd run away from Pinkie?
And I know it's crazy, but it just made me more jealous.
That is pretty crazy.
I... I know.
Can I ask you something?
Yeah. Of course.
What about the heights thing? You said you were scared of heights, but you've been up high before and never freaked out.
Um... there's kind of two things about that.
The first is that I'm pretty good at hiding it when I'm upset about something.
And the second is that I sort of misled you again. It's not the heights, exactly. It's falling.
My Pinkie Sense.
I don't get it.
I think that the worst feeling in the world is when you know something bad is going to happen, but you just can't stop it because you don't know when or how. So it's not the heights, exactly. It's when I know somepony's going to fall and I can't do anything about it. Like when you were chasing me before; I was shaking so hard that I almost couldn't run, but I didn't know when it was going to happen or to which one of us, so I couldn't do anything. And sure enough, I fell, and it was scary.
That kind of makes sense, I guess.
Okay. Keep going.
I bribed the servant unicorn to put the note in your bag. I told him to make sure you didn't find out. That's why he was so scared of you.
...I don't even know what to say about that.
When you invited me to the derby, and when we spent the day together, I was so happy. It was like when you told Mare Do Well you liked it when she was normal; it felt like you were rejecting Mare Do Well because you'd decided you liked regular Pinkie more.
And then I found the note in your bed, and I didn't even know what to do. I didn't know if I was supposed to be angry or sad or what. I mean, I'd sent the note, so I couldn't really bring myself to be upset, but I knew that I was supposed to be. I just... I don't know.
But I guess you thought I was upset, because then I got your note about not writing to you anymore. I'd liked the notes, though. Even though I knew you were writing to Mare Do Well and I was answering as her, I could pretend they were for Pinkie.
Then you kissed me, and... wait.
Did you hear that?
No. Hear what?
I thought I heard somepony.
We're crouched in some random alley in Canterlot on Hearth's Warming Morning. Of course you're gonna hear somepony.
Yeah, I guess... anyway, then you kissed me, and I know you were drunk, but I felt like... I think... I really, really wanted it to be real.
Then you said that about Mare Do Well being mad, and I sort of freaked out.
Because you were right and suddenly I realized how completely bonkers it was, that I'd be jealous of myself and that you'd be kissing me to make me angry without even knowing it, and...
That's not why.
I kissed you because I wanted to. The... the thing about Mare Do Well being mad was just me being stupid. Like an afterthought. I didn't mean it. That wasn't why.
I don't really remember what happened, but... but I remember that.
I was kind of spying on you at the ball.
I know, but I was worried about you. Applejack shouldn't have given you anything to drink. But I heard some of what you guys were saying, and –
What did I say?
You said that you thought Mare Do Well had a sexy voice, then that you used to like Fluttershy, then that you thought Applejack was hot, and then that you were going to throw up, so I jumped in.
I did not!
Yes you did!
No! I... oh, geez. Did I really say all that?
...So. So, you kissed me, and I got upset. Twilight came over but I ran away, and later she came to ask if I was all right. I told her that you'd kissed me, and that you only did it to make somepony else mad, and I don't think she really understood why I was so upset, but she said she'd talk to you. But I knew you wouldn't be there.
How the hay did you know that?
I know you. You run away when things get too difficult for you to cope with. You've told me yourself. I knew you'd have probably flown off. And I decided, right then and there, that this was definitely the very last night. That Mare Do Well was going to disappear. It was crazy for me to have this whole other self that I was in a rivalry with, and the thought that you might actually, genuinely like her better was scary. So I was going to get rid of her. But I didn't want you to keep hunting for her, so I put on the costume one last time and went looking for you, to tell you that the game was over, but when I was talking to you, it was like I lost control again, and the anger I felt at myself manifested as hurt directed at you.
I wanted Mare Do Well to disappear. I wanted to kill her. I wanted her to vanish, and then I wanted Pinkie to be able to go and comfort you in her wake.
But then you started chasing her.
And now... here we are.
...I don't even know what to say. I mean... Pinkie, that makes, like, no sense. At all. That is so totally messed up I'm not even sure where to begin. And... and why's your hair like that, anyway? All straight and stuff?
...When I was little, I wasn't very happy.
I used to go by my full name then. Pinkamena. And I was really sad and lonely and serious. Then I saw a rainbow, and it was so, so beautiful. I'd never seen anything that beautiful; I was so happy to see it, and I wanted to be that happy forever. But the thing is, it's hard to be that happy.
Smiles hurt after a while, and sometimes I'm just not up to it. I try to act happy no matter what, but sometimes, it gets so hard. I just need a break. When I get all moody, it's like I've gone back to being that sad little filly I used to be. I call myself Pinkamena when that happens. When I stop being Pinkie Pie.
What I said about Mare Do Well and Pinkie being two different ponies? It's like Pinkamena and Pinkie are two different ponies, too. And for some reason, my hair always goes straight when I'm in my Pinkamena mood. I don't know why.
...I think I'm broken.
You're not broken.
I'm in so many pieces, though. And I don't know how to put them back together again.
I – did you hear that? I thought I heard somepony say your name.
Are you sure?
Yeah, but... never mind.
Want me to go look?
No. Please stay.
I don't know what to say, Pinkie.
But... I mean... I liked you, Pinkie. And I liked Mare Do Well. So... if those are all pieces of you... then once you're put back together, won't we...?
...I don't know how to do that, though.
There's gotta be something. I don't know what, but there's gotta be something we can do. I mean, friends help each other, right? So if you seriously think of yourself as broken, then we gotta fix you up.
...You still want to be my friend?
Duh. This whole thing is pretty messed up, but... I don't want to lose you completely.
...So what happens now?
I'm not sure. But... I guess... we start over. And this time, no hiding. No masks. At all.
If... if you're sad, you need to tell us, okay? We're still going to love you. It's not like we only like you because you make us smile. We like you for more than that. And...
And there's probably more we should do, but I don't know what. I don't think one night is enough to figure this out.
We're probably gonna need, like, a million years. I mean, this got really complicated. And I have a lot of issues, too, so... you're not the only one. I gotta figure stuff out, too.
What about us?
I... I don't know.
You said you liked Pinkie and Mare Do Well. So... so if I find a way to fix myself, do you think... do you think you'd ever...
I don't know if I can answer that right now.
Okay. I understand.
I think... I kind of want to...
Um, want to what?
Can... can we do that again?
Rainbow Dash! There you are!
Oops. I told you I heard somepony.
Um, hi, Twilight.
We've been looking for you every... Pinkie? What are you doing here?
Why are you dressed like that?
Were you two...
Can we just go back to the palace? I'm kind of tired.