Pinkie Tales

by Unicop

Chapter 1

“Pinkamina Diane Pie, that has got to be the stupidest name of all time!” I said to no one in particular as I poured myself a bowl of Cherry-O’s.

“Hey, try being named Limestone, it’s five times worse!”

“Maybe, but yours does fit your salty personality.” I jibe, sticking my tongue out at my younger sister as she joined us at the table. Limestone replied by giving me a rather rude hand gesture, which unfortunately for her was seen by Maude.

“Now, now, would it kill you three to get along!” Maude chided in her usual monotone voice. “What would mom and dad have to say if they were still with us?”

“…I really miss Mommy and Daddy” my youngest sibling Marble gloomily stared at her own bowl of cereal.

“Me too.” Limestone agreed.

“Yea, but I bet they don’t miss you.” I add offhandedly “I know I wouldn’t!”

Limestone jumped out of her chair prepared to tackle me, Marble burst into tears, I jumped out of my own seat prepared to take on Limestone, and Maude got in between us. Her expression and monotone voice stayed the same, but there was venom in her voice as she addressed us. “That’s enough! Don’t you both have school in an hour? Now go to your rooms and finish getting ready!”

“Yes MUM!” I slouched to my room as Maude shot me a look. After marching upstairs I slammed my door shut with a bang. Jumping onto my bed I lay sprawled on my back staring vacantly at the ceiling above me. My entire room was painted a dull grey, cracks and cobwebs adorned the walls and crevasses. I glanced out of the window by my desk, the sky was cloudy and a light fog limited visibility by five feet. A loud knock on my door jarred me out of my doldrums, as I busied myself with grabbing my school things. “I’m almost ready, sheesh!” I say as Maude opens the door.

“That wasn’t very nice what you said to your sisters!” Maude lectured as I tried to get past her.

“Limestone was asking for it!” I shot back “And it’s not my fault Marble’s such a cry baby!”

“Still I wish you and Limestone would get along more often, both with each other and your classmates as well. I’m tired of being called to your schools because you pushed someone off the bleachers or something.”

“If you are talking about that incident with Twilight she was literally asking me to shove her off the bleachers.”

“Somehow I highly doubt that!” Maude gave me disapproving look.

“Well she was talking about fancy mathematics or something, but my brain translated it as please push me off the bleachers, I deserve it for being such an annoying dork!” I admitted with a smirk “Now if you will excuse me I am going to be late for my first day at school.” With that I marched past Maude and made my way downstairs grabbing my lunch.

“I’m glad to see you are excited about starting High School.” Maude joined us in the kitchen.

“Of course, I don’t have to go to the same school as twiddle dumb and twiddle dee this year.” I remark as Limestone gave me a dark look of deep hatred.

“Just try not to get in detention on the first day.”

“I’ll try, but I give no promises.” I say exiting the house.

“Miss Pie!!”

I’m immediately pulled out of my slumber as I find myself looking up at my sixth period Math teacher.

“Can I help you?” I ask halfheartedly.

“You can help by taking my class more seriously, and not sleeping in the middle of my lecture!” she snapped.

“It’s kind of hard to be serious while staring up your nose” I reply seriously “You have more hair in there then my uncle’s armpits!”

The entire class erupted in laughter. The teacher was about to reply, but whatever she was about to say was abruptly cut off by the bell ringing. I quickly grabbed my bags and made my exit before the teacher could regain her wits, supposing she even had any. I grabbed my stuff out of my locker, stuffed it in my bag, and was about to turn around and leave when I found my way blocked by a Purple and White haired girl wearing a frilly dress and a sneer.

“Leaving so soon Pie?”

“Class ended five minutes ago, or have you not learned how to tell time yet?” I tried to walk around her but she moved to block me again.

“So word is your new around here, is that right?”

“Yes, and I’ve also heard word your dimmer then a one-watt lightbulb” I rolled my eyes in annoyance “Were you not paying attention in homeroom when our teacher introduced me?”

The girl growled in annoyance. “Watch it newbie” she poked me with her index finger “I’ll have you know I’m actually quite a big deal around here, I can make your life here a living hell if you don’t treat me with respect!”

“I’ll keep that in mind!” I finally manage to push past her and make my way toward the exit, all the way there I can feel her glare burning a hole into my skull.

Later that evening I find myself having a somewhat quite dinner with my siblings, Maude inquiring each of us about our first day in our new schools. “And then we spent most of the day getting our books and stuff.” Limestone finished moodily.

“Did you remind your teacher you need all your books from the For Dummies section?” I tease earning a glare from Limestone.

“Pinkamena!” Maude warned giving me a dark look. “So how was your first day at high school?”

“Fine” I reply “We spent most the day signing forms and getting lectured. Though it really made me hate how long my name is, when I’m old enough I’m totally changing it to something shorter!”

“Great, how about Big Bertha?” Limestone suggested seriously “It would fit your abnormally large melons.”

I decked Limestone and Maude sent me to my room.

“I really don’t understand why you and your sisters can’t get along?” Maude scolded me later that evening.

“Limestone started it!” I shot back grumpily.

“Well you’re sure as hell finished it, you’re lucky you didn’t knock any of her teeth out this time!”

“Hey I did her a favor when I knocked her buck teeth out, nobody’s called her beaver face ever since!”

“YOU were the only one calling her beaver face!” Maude reminded me raising an eyebrow.

“Yea, but I stopped after I knocked her teeth out didn’t I?”

Maude rolled her eyes again, then she brought her arms from behind her back and handed me a small box.

“What’s this?” I ask taking the box in question and examining it.

“A gift for getting through the first day of school.” Maude replied. “I probably shouldn’t be giving it too you after tonight, but I already gave Limestone her’s, so call me a sucker I guess.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek and turned to leave. “Don’t stay up too late, you got another busy day of school in the morning!” With that she left closing the door behind her. Unwrapping the box in find myself face to face with a My Little Pony figuring, Pinkie Pie to be specific. My love of My Little Pony was one of my deepest darkest secrets, one that Limestone mercilessly mocked me for even though she secretly still loved it as well.

Walking over to my desk I open the box removing the figurine and placed it with the other ones in my collection. Taking off my school cloth’s I decided to just go to bed with a long T-shirt and under shorts. I crawled into bed and no sooner had my head touched the pillow I found myself whisked away dreaming about pastel colored ponies, and Pinkie turning my annoying family into rainbow colored cupcakes.