- Member Since 25th Jun, 2014
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Dice Warwick
Dislexic tring to wright storys, makes gammer natzie eyes bleed.
Dice Warwick
Joined 25th Jun, 2014 ·
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So a choice of Raiders, Slavers or Enclave refugees?
Yeah, the Enclave would probably be the lesser of evils. Still, not sure I would trust Star exactly in that situation with the children. With a combination of her upbringing and her dark magic infecting her, it could be dangerous. I hope nothing too bad happens while Prism Paint is gone.
Well at the very least, Prism Paint has some help preparing that skywagon she'll need. Going to be interesting getting a huge box and three ponies back there.
Raider Alicorns?
Not to be confused with your typical pony raider. Normal raiders are just cruel for the small pleasures it gives their sick mind it seems, the Alicorn raiders, however, have plans. Big plans.
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big plans, but luckily they have yet to figure out how to put them to work, though not so lucky for their victims.
Seems like Razor isn't looking into the Ability of making new Alicorns to simply continue their species. It's a means to an end of gathering more numbers towards her cause. Somehow it doesn't seem like an idea that would work in the long run.
After all, most Alicorns are cycled through Unity, with the goddess gone, it might mean a pony wouldn't lose themselves in the process like previous goddess made alicorns.
Seems like Micro Fusion doesn't seem to have high hopes for their chances in working out a deal with Winterberry, or at least, he thinks it will be more of a hassle then it would need to be.
Let's hope Mhambi's dirt has a way to cut through on that potential whining we're hearing about.
Well that's an interesting tidbit to learn about Airburst.
I don't think I like the idea of Winterberry wanting a meeting with him. What could she want with a private meeting? It doesn't sound good considering her first offer to Cloud Bouncer.
Well it seems like Air Buster really couldn't have been trusted. Also seems like a good portion of his troops as well. Doesn't really help that he seems to be that he's on the same page as Winterberry even before his meeting with her. That definitely paints a pretty clear picture of just how close those two were.
Now to see how these prisoners and civilians weather this. On one side of it, they have an alicorn that doesn't really know how to fight, a zebra protestor, two ghouls and two raiders, one partially ill-transformed alicorn and one black magic corrupted meat eating filly... Against a fully armed group of Enclave Pegasi.... This is going to be a bit of an uphill kind of fight, isn't it? Not that messing with Star Charter is a good idea consider her previous story, just that it seems like the bad guys have a bit of a head start on the good guys.
That is a misplaced modifier, which easily distracts the reader from the chapter. Something like that at the very beginning is a real buzzkill.
But what is "wasteland?" Is it just gravel and sand... dead grass and soil... possibly desert? I would love to see some geography.
Now that's a cool concept for a settlement.
What is that even supposed to mean?
Oh, you can feel the grief there in those lines!
Honestly, that is a pretty smart reparation for the insult given. Not a bad character establishing moment.
It was a short chapter that definitely could have been extended to include the actual quest given to Prism. But as it stands, the chapter does give us some good characterization of both main characters and the new one leading this raider band. If it was not for some faulty sentence structure and strange word choice, this chapter could have been a great introduction into the world of Rust Red Shores. I like the way morality is shown in this bit of the setting, and it would have worked well to the story's advantage if this dynamic was one of the first qualities readers were introduced to.
Well it should be interesting to see if Air Burst will be able to live up to his threat. I'd imagine that whatever is left of the Enclave probably will be rather busy trying to consolidating whatever is left of them. There's probably quite a bit of splintering between what's left. In fact, I'd imagine that quite a few would side with the NCR. Quite a dangerous stance Air Burst is taking. Whatever group he meets up he meets up with might not be to happy to see him without the civilians.
Well that could have gone better.
Though an agreement has been reached with the Slavers and the Enclave, it also seems like the Raiders got themselves some Alicorn Raider backup to counter that. I wonder if we'll get a closer look at those other two faction - the Stable and the raiders turned road maintenance workers after things settle down?
Wooh, Razor use to be this lots Raider boss?
Certainly seems like she isn't messing around. Though that wink, it seems like she isn't above taunting Prism.
All this talking about what the raiders will do to Star Charter. It's rather odd considering what we know of her backstory. It isn't like she is just a filly afterall and while it could be said that the pirates do have a culture on the sea, they are every bit as dangerous as (if not more) the raiders of the wasteland.
Something tells me if they meet Star under these conditions, they wouldn't like the outcome or see it coming.
7905967 nope, not at all. The raiders are use to dealing with soft targets, so the pirates would be something they try to avoid if they knew about them. The pirates are descendant of the Navy, so part of their culture is military based, making them a bit like if the Steal Rangers whet raider.
Well those are two things that Prism is going to need time and help attaching to herself. Still potentially doable, but still a pain and needing help to do so.
Star certainly did better than expected considering the opponent she faced. Magic certainly has it's advantages over someone you don't want to get to close to in the first place. I'd imagine Star wouldn't hesitate to take a bite out of someone if it would give her the edge in a fight.
Well that fight was brutal. Though... even if they manage to save Razor, it's unlikely she'll be able to try anything for a while and Taint will probably be a limited resource by the time she fully recovers.
Let's hope that's the end of problems here. They still have those Pegasi and reformed raiders coming in. Be kind of bad if they were switching out one large problem for two new ones.
Finished, well it's been done for over a month now, but now it's fully publish! I'm glad to contribute to the overall Fo:E community, thanks for reading.
8004011 thanks, That is an idea I have for something after Dance of the Orthrus, using characters and groups for from my other stories for a sears of smaller stories. that way I don't get overloaded with too much stuff, and slowly tie of loos ends, well at least some of them. and if you've read Chumming Waters, then you know Slowtrot ans Star Charter will be in it.
Good dialogue. Not even necessary for the purpose of the interaction, but the addition gives just that more color to the characters.
Your description of the cargo ship setting feels too long and too devoid of imagery. I mean there seems to be a lack of proportions or texture in your description. How badly has time treated this ship? Was it as big as an oil tanker or as small as a ferry? Was the ship still upright or tilted after being beached? As the reader, I have a hard time imagining how this beached cargo ship looks due to the way your protagonist skimps on detail.
I am a little confused by this reaction. Is that despair at the gravity of these ponies' situation? Or discomfort with the possibility that this conflict will not pan out simply? Prism's question afterward does not clear up her feelings on the matter.
I do like the conflict taking place in this chapter between the raider group and the Enclave. However, it might be in your interest to forgo using the word "faction" in your narration, as it carries the connotation of the faction system so familiar to Fallout. And besides, it is an unusual word to use in context of conflicts of interest.
A little more of that olfactory detail would improve the disease-ridden atmosphere so much.
Just as with the beginning conversation, you had a scene that did not even need to occur, yet you still pursued it. And the story is all the better because you included it. This scene is an excellent example of how to make use of an alicorn character.
That said, why did Star even pick a fight with those kids? And why did the only other adults in the room not say or do a thing about all the bleeding kids? It seems like those important details were forgotten.
Where this story seems to perform best is in the way it uses the circumstances of its characters to give good motivations for their actions. The setting has just enough depth to give both sides of this conflict justification for claiming ownership of the land. Though, the narration falls short in places and the dialogue can be artificial. But that artificiality only really comes up when the inspiration is painfully evident to be the game material. All in all, the story seems to be improving as it goes on!
I thought Fallout Equestria: Dance of the Orthrus was the sequel to Fallout Equestria: Chumming Waters.
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It's more that they both take place after Chumming Waters, with this story happening right after, and Dance of the Orthrus happening ten years after.
it says RUST
Rust is the best game
That chapter ending was really something else; I lost my mom in unexpected and tragic circumstances 10 years ago and scenes like this are great reminders that it's okay to move on and love other people.
I also love how much your writing has improved since Stable Tec R&D.
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thanks, and it's nice to hear that it touched you in such a positive way. But ya, the more you do a thing, the better you get at it, even I'm surprised on how much I've improved, even with my art.
Just finished this one, I loved everything about it! aside from the occasional selling error, but thats fine too :)
Now im gonna start on Dance of the Orthrus and honestly... I cant wait!
Someone with a lot to say without knowing how, LB
The new quest name is a bioshock reference
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I agree completely. This was a fine story and I can't wait to start dances. Thanks again for your story.
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thanks, just be warned, Dance has a lot going on in, After I finished writing it, I've decided to properly plot out what I'm going to wright.
That's a great opener. This should prove enjoyable like the rest
Ah one of those times when your not sure you should take the quest or just kill em all reminds me of nukka world did all the quests then wiped em out
dam a no win situation
hold on the enclave could not deal with some raider's and slaver's ?
?
oh how the mighty have fallen
awesome story well done :D
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thanks for giving it a read.