• Member Since 10th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

HapHazred


It's called garbage can, not garbage can't.

T

The Canterlot Three Games is an event between the three original Equestrian cities of Canterlot, Manehattan, and Cloudsdale. A long time ago, two ponies entered, and won a series of sporting events.

Applejack wants to follow in the footsteps of her parents and compete. Coached by a grumpy games inspector and shadowed by the Wonderbolts newest member, she begins a series of unorthodox training methods to get her ready to measure up to some of Equestria's most intimidating athletes.

Teen for some somewhat more mature-ish concepts. Oh, and cheers to pre-readers Tchernobog and The Yaoi Mistress!

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 45 )

I'll have to see what you changed in here! :pinkiehappy:

7717074 More like 'added in'.

The gist is the same, but I've tried to cram more appledash in there. Regardless, I hope it works out, and thanks again for giving it a look!

Yay!! I can't wait to read it! Tracking it for the moment until I'll get more time! :pinkiehappy:

7717572 Neato! Here's hoping you enjoy it some.

AJ and Ms. Harshwhinny, eh? Now there's a team I never expected to see. Something tells me this is going to be way more intense than AJ anticipated. Hmm...

Applejack, show me your war face!
:ajbemused:
...Not bad.

7720098 pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8704-raeg.png

I really like Harshwhinny. She's one of my favourite side characters.

I'm not sure why.

7720184 I like her too, mostly for her giving characters unintentional last names. I still think "Mr. The Dragon!" is pretty darn funny. :rainbowlaugh:

Your timeline doesn't make sense. The chapters you have so far infer that each chapter is a day, however, more than one day's activities happen in each chapter. Plus, that kind of improvement rarely happens that quick.

Also, why did Harshwhinny agree to train Applejack? There wasn't any type of payment mentioned for the training and I'm sure that(including the time away from harvest that was brought up in the first chapter) would have been a concern for Applejack.

7727775 Each chapter is not a day: it merely indicates when each chapter begins.

At the beginning of chapter one, there were 33 days to the games. At the beginning of chapter two, there were 32. At the end of chapter two, there were considerably less. There are actually points where the characters will do things like go to sleep at night in chapter two, so unless nights all happen in the span of a day, you can rest easy in the knowledge that they're learning their stuff in more than a single afternoon.

7728397

Each chapter is not a day: it merely indicates when each chapter begins.
At the beginning of chapter one, there were 33 days to the games. At the beginning of chapter two, there were 32.

Ok... So:

"You've been awful distracted today," she said, looking at the poster.

Inferring a good chunk of the day is over. I'm guessing it's mid to late afternoon because Applebloom is out of school, otherwise, most kids don't talk about school at the dinner table on a day off.

Applebloom hadn't said much when Applejack confessed she was thinking of entering the games.

Of course not, It's only been hours at the most since Applebloom noticed Applejack was interested in the poster.

The dinner table was filled with the usual conversation about Applebloom's school, chores, and the harvest. Granny commented that Applejack had finished the harvest early. Applejack nodded. It was true, after all.

Inferring evening meal since Applebloom is is present to talk about school and Applejack is done with the harvest even though she was in town earlier. Winter is mentioned in the previous scene making the season Autumn.

Applejack waited in the fields outside the town, keeping an eye on the sun as time went by. She tapped her hoof, keeping the blood flowing in her limbs. She looked around, wondering when Harshwhinny would arrive.

How is the sun still out? Days in Autumn are shorter; that's how the seasons work. And how did RD convince Hashwhinny to come all the way from the base of Canterlot Mountain on short notice when Applejack was still on the fence about it?

The train station wasn't packed. In fact, Applejack and Harshwhinny were one of perhaps a half-dozen ponies aiming to travel at that time of day, at that time of year. It was around eleven o'clock, and just before the end of Autumn. It was hardly holiday season, and anypony commuting to Canterlot would have already gone.

You jump straight from the end of the meal to meeting Harshwhinny to this. The time frame doesn't make sense.

Confirmation of many things. Autumn. Still somehow day at eleven o'clock even after a full day of running around Ponyville, finishing the harvest and having dinner. There is no way this can be the same day from the beginning of the chapter. Even if you took it to be 11pm, it wouldn't work. Ponies don't do things at night unless it's a special occasion(and something like that would be mentioned, right?).

And you still never answered about how RD convinced Harshwhinny. If it's part of the plot, it is not very well executed because Applejack mentions the fee to enter but never how she would compensate a coach and that's something that usually costs more than a simple entry fee. If she suspects RD had something to do with it, she would bring it up with her, but she hasn't yet.

7728530 You're all good for most of that. Applejack did her chores that day, they discussed the matter over dinner, etc. 33 days away from the Canterlot games.

Then the next day came, (which is where you started to get confused), Applejack met Harshwhinny, and left by train. This is where chapter 1 ends, 32 days away. On the same day, when chapter 2 begins (also 32 days away) they arrive at their destination, grab Harshwhinny's things at her cottage, and begin their training. Days start to fly by pretty quickly by then, although I don't outright specify how many.

As for Harshwhinny helping, Applejack actually wasn't the one to convince her: Rainbow was. She was the one that sent the letter that was convincing enough for her to come down the next day. Harshwhinny does have her own reasons for operating without pay (as far as Applejack knows) although Harshwhinny will explain her motivations later.

I'll ponder making the whole matter of the days clearer, since I'm rather surprised that it's become an issue. I neither thought it was particularly confusing nor did I have any trouble on that end from my pre-readers, but if it's really bothering you, I'll see what I can do.

A Rocky-esque story starring my two favorite mares?

You have my unidivided attention, sir.:pinkiehappy:

7729699 I love undivided attention.

It's wholly pleasant.

pre readers I recognize? *read later*

7733372 They were top helpful. I hope you enjoy the story when you get around to it!

"I'm not much of a wine drinker," Rainbow said. "But hey, if they're that close, I'll give 'em a shot."

“You ought to,” Harshwhinny said. “They’re renowned across the entire world.”

Rainbow held her hooves up. “Hey, there’s no need to wine about it,” she said, then smiled from ear to ear. “Eh?”

I suddenly declare this story great!

7736847 If only it took more than word play to make a story less...

...punderground?

7738938 Well, it's about sports. So you got me there.

I'm afraid I wasn't able to write this in the 80s, though. I'm a 90s kid.

Also, to be quite frank, I've not watched any 80s sports movies, so I honestly don't know all of them, although it should be remembered that Equestria is a very magical place, so it's wise to expect this story to have a few more mystical twists and turns.

“This just you tryin’ to get your hooves all over me?” she asked.

“Might be. What you gonna do about it?”

“I could tell you not to,” Applejack replied.

Managed to catch up on this one now that Thanksgiving is over. Interesting use of the magical water in the cavern for the purpose of training. I find it a bit hard to properly visualize even with the descriptions, though. Still, the characters come through very well.

Now, who the hay is this Victor Valiance? He sounds like someone else's OP OC come to haunt the main cast. :rainbowderp:

7749560

He sounds like someone else's OP OC come to haunt the main cast.

No, just mine.

I mean, I have a bit of a thing for OP OCs. I did write Weatherpony, after all. He should be arriving next chapter, if I've not got my schedule wonky.

I hear that Haywire Hoofit is a real Usain Colt!

... I'm so sorry

7750441 I feel embarrassed I hadn't come up with that pun now.

I really like obvious puns.

Good one.

7753135 Oddly, that reminds me of Soul Music and The Music With Rocks In.

Which is a somewhat more literal interpretation, I suppose.

"Yeah, well... Y'know that memory thing that Harshwhinny mentioned?"
"The thing you used to pass your wonderbolts history exam?"
"Yeah, that. Well, I can't switch it off. Whenever I'm flying, I just remember things. Including all the times I lose."

So basically Dash is Sherlock Holmes?

Makes sense. The fangirls always say those two are gay for each other. I can see A.J being the Watson to Dash's Holmes :rainbowdetermined2:

7753489 Well, I think in the episode in question it's only really when Dash is flying that she seems to have this awesome memory thing going on, but since most of her competitions are pretty flying oriented, I think it makes sense she'll absorb more things to remember when she does stuff up in the sky.

I also kind of see Dash as being very prickly about underperforming. I reckon losing is the sort of thing that'll stick in her mind an awful lot, but that's just my opinion.

So, almost a Holmes, I guess. I do really like her memory thing, though. It was one of my favourite of her abilities, aside from perhaps mimicry.

What can she even do? The Cutie Mark is corrupted

So is he better now? Pony magic is messed up stuff.

7775019 Probably.

I rather like pony magic. Lots of weird stuff can happen with it.

Love how Rainbow gets some of the best face-hoof moments.

7776359 It's the contrast between 'I am the best' and the 'I very evidently am not' that makes her character so compelling.

At least, for little old me.

This has been a really excellent read. Reading both this and The One Week Year at the same time has at least temporarily sold me on Appledash - two stories of "doer" ponies engaging in a very hardworking, high-effort task that somehow manages to become a ship without the usual romantic frivolities. Your Harshwhinny is also very enjoyable, though you don't need to work hard to sell me on Harshwhinny.:rainbowwild:

I thought this was the last chapter at first, and thought "wow, what a sudden, but poignant end." Really looking forward to (what I presume to be) the epilogue. :)

7778815 Just an epilogue, just tying to get some closure.

It frankly isn't even that long, and I don't think it's that difficult to enjoy the ending of chapter six without it, although I do like it enough to want to publish it.

I've always liked AppleDash as a pairing, for a large amount of reasons. Frankly, I can see a lot of ships working out quite well, provided there's some decent storytelling there, but the stories I want to tell and the themes I want to talk (at least these days) about tend to suit both Applejack and Rainbow Dash very well. Rainbow in particular: she's been my favourite pony for a long time, since she's the character that reminds me the most of myself, for some of the good reasons and pretty much all of the bad ones.

Harshwhinny was one of my preferred side-characters, and whilst I feel I took some liberties with her here, I hope they're worthwhile. I really liked the idea that her talent was winning, and wanted to kind of play around with how that would work and affect others. At one brief period, the story was going to centre around her and Victor much more, but for various reasons I didn't think it would work as well.

Overall a good story. The AppleDash seemed a bit tacked on though. The story was fine without that.

7753576
Pretty sure Dash doesn't lose often. Have we see her lose a competition besides the running of the leaves? Now she's not perfect, and might lose on some technical trick based stuff. She's a known athlete, basically for being unbeatable at the pre-games, but that's likely just on the speed factor, maybe weather stuff.

7802103 She still only got second at the Equestria Games relay. She's no stranger to coming second.

Besides, no matter how good of an athlete you are, you can still lose. This is because generally, at big sporting events, you're competing against other good athletes. Not to mention, if you're exhausted or off your game, you're going to be less effective.

I don't think it's that big of a stretch for her to place other than first, given the situation.

7802667
RD carried a team that couldn't otherwise qualify to second place against the next 3 best athletes in a team event. Team sports are more likely to see the best athletes take less than first. I see Rainbow as the likes that almost always takes first in solo events, and if she retires before declining, maintaining that to the end of her career like a few irl athletes.

I haven't read this story yet, it's on my list. So if you're referencing this story specifically I have no comments for that yet lol. <3

I really enjoyed this, it was a very interesting.

That was quite a rush! I enjoyed it tremendously! :yay:

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