My name is Eric and this is my wife, Saskia. How to Train Your Dragon has always had a special place in our hearts and after the second movie came out, we decided to go a convention together, dressed as Night Furies. What could possibly go wrong?
Apparently, an awful lot.
We bought this Night Fury egg from this guy dressed as the Merchant and we ended up in an alternate Equestria as Night Furies. Well on the bright side, we always wanted to be parents.
A\N The cover is a picture by Choedan-Kal.
Chapters (2)
Alright another HTTYD story! There aren't enough of these
7663945 Indeed.
A very nice start, looking forward to the rest. I have only one nitpick. You always wrote "head cannon", but it's "head canon".
Nice start, keeping an eye on this one.
FYI, equines can eat meat, no magic needed. Admittedly, that's in our world, where they can be trained to eat it, especially in higher elevations where vegetation is scarce...
This was my idea! Haven't read it yet, but in my version hes a mute that has to prove himself to a frightened populous.
more
66.media.tumblr.com/ae0bb48ad56c4044cba3cd94ad032252/tumblr_mqo5oqBDfP1rokwrho1_500.jpg
65.media.tumblr.com/1f83319d434194f53bb009e955cb91d7/tumblr_noq6qhoRAg1rokwrho1_500.jpg
if you ever need a proofreader, PM me.
This sounds like a displaced story, go check out their group.
thumbs up and add story to tracking.
night furies!!!!! yay crossover!!!!!!
Well this is new....
Welp, I'm hooked! Activating tracking beacon!
awesome story detected adding to everything (also made a new library for it)
7664351 Oh boy. The look of that mare's gryphon butler. Based on pure speculation, I'm guessing he isn't use to seeing ponies eat that much meat. Probably isn't use to see a gryphon eat that much as well. That is alot of food regardless of where it originated.
HTTYX crossover?
Instant favorite.
Please please please Random, let it be GOOD displaced story, with only "displaced" element as a convenient starting point.
And without crossovers with this whole universe. That will be golden.
\added to "read it later". Will read in a couple of days/
;)
7664720 Well, then there's also
7664155 I have a large gun sticking out of the middle of my forehead, sir. Head cannon.
7664842 Not all writers are going to write the same.
As for the writer: The story is fine, though an editor is needed. You have several mistakes that can be easily corrected.
For example:
This suggests Anvil will in fact mind if Applebloom takes a day off from her apprenticeship.
Replace with 'won't'.
Good story to this point, just needs some polish and refinement in your character development.
Will there be a romance tag?
I thought it will be much more liberal crossover.
Kinda sad, that he has the same fate as his original counterpart. And I can shoot a guess that Ab will ride him. Or Scoots for a plot twist, because of her mark situation.
Still - its fine, enjoyable even. And as it was already mentioned - you should invest in an editor.
Killed my 20 minutes already. Keep it up.
7665073 Where would I find an editor?
There's a cannon in my head
I didn't think I'd see another one of them displaced fics
thought everyone got sick of the plethora of that stuff
I enjoy reading these from time to time, though
doesn't mean this won't get a lot of leers and glares though
This is Equestria
This is Equestria
eh, magical healing
7665105 don't be so uncultured!! Displaced is still going strong. :P
Well to be honest the idea is good, the harsh winter and torn tailfin not so much.
The reason? Is its overused and it clearly says your trying way to hard to follow HTTYD in the MLP universe and making ''toothless'' the same like in the movie, flightless and cant speak OR your not creative and we cannot expect too much from you (sorry but its true if this is the case)
The idea as i said would have worked if lets say he and his wife woke up together and ended up with a REAL nightfury egg.
And being that the male nightfury watched maybe a few episodes or vaguely knew MLP would have been a good starting point. That would maybe open up a route how to tackle the situation as he and his wife could still communicate.
trying to find a shelter for the night ect and basics for survival.
Then maybe try and interact with Fluttershy as shes the only with the animal sense to speak to for help and maybe a translation spell later on from Twilight to speak to others other than Fluttershy.
and move on from here as this ''intro'' could be 4-5 chapters if well executed with sneaking around, foraging/hunting fish, maybe a fight with the timberwolves and having to use the plasma bolt to survive and learning maybe of nightfury saliva having regenerative properties.
The ideas are endless you just have to pick....
what do the asterisks mean? they seem too long to be cuss words, so...
7665385 Yeah, pretty much. I don't write swear words, but this seemed like a situation where someone might want to let out a few cuss words. So I chose to indicate that he was cussing and let you use your imagination.
7665385 just checking!
It's featured!
So, I saw this story in the featured box, thought "huh, that's an interesting concept." and moved on. Displaced are very hard to do correctly since most of the fandom has something against it in one way or another, they've really just earned a bad reputation. That's not to say there aren't good ones, I recently read a story called A Moon in a Box, where Luna was Displaced in the human world. Not necessarily original, but very well executed.
Anyway, I come here, to the acutal story because it was brought to my attention again from my friend General Skullcoat, who also threw a review on here. And I want to branch off something he said, really the general execution and how it usually is the bane of Displaced fics (in my opinion, at least). Here's something I said on a thread about a particularly bad Displaced fic.
I'm interested in the idea, but then most of the story is plaqued with unnescesary info. I don't need to know about the character's sexual life unless this is going to be lemon, it's acting as a filler instead of character development and therefore ruining a concept that should be focused on and exploited because it is original. I shouldn't be continuing to see "moving on" and stuff like that because even the character himself knows that he's rambling.
Tl;dr (again)
Interesting concept, execution is meh.
How is this featured? Idk...
Anyway, it was okay I guess? Displaced fics just aren't my cup of tea I guess, they seem too cut and dry for my tastes.
7665083 Make an author note asking for help.
Here's a few group that could help you:
School for New Writers
The Proofreader Group
Authors helping Authors
Looking for Editors
add more chapters. Has potential to be amazing, but avoid too much cliche. tread lightly but tread my dude
is this displaced or is this a crossover of the actually elements of httyd?
7666074 Maybe a combination of the two.
Any schedule or update plan?
7666267 No actually I don't have a formal plan or schedule. Right now though I'm looking into getting an editor as a number of people have made it abundantly clear that I need one.
Congratulations on the feature!!
7666357 Thank you. I honestly didn't expect it to be featured, especially since I just published it last night.
Nice story!
If you need an editor, I'm available. PM me.
7666338 your mistakes aren't that bad, maybe a 'Hiccup' here and there.
7666427 You are welcome!
So, I saw this in the featured box, and I haven't even read it yet, but the synopsis was too perfect to pass up. First on the list for tomorrow! (It's bedtime, toodles)
7666451 BUDAM TSS
If Applebloom, not "I", is suggesting things, then who's doing the narration?
It's a little odd to see the speech and narration in a Point-of-View bit be quite so jarringly different; you write AB's lines pretty well, but she seems to have a wholly different vocabulary in the narration.
Also, not too sure how you'll get the night fury out of that situation. Hiccup was at least born into a setting where dragons were not just heard of but practically commonplace (albeit very violent); in this MLP AU, it sounds like dragons are pretty rare, which would make it even harder for AB to recognize the injury and design a replacement tailfin, even if the dragon can get precise enough motor control to help.
Plus, there's a handful of minor errors (their/they're, using \ instead of the more common /, and missing a few commas, off the top of my head) which aren't particularly harmful, but are all the more noticeable in combination with the other points.
I dunno, maybe I've just set my expectations too high; I rarely read "human+gift in Equestria" stories.
7666556 Ah but remember that this world has one thing that the Vikings in the movie didn't. Pegasi. I'd be very surprised if a pegasus like Scootaloo didn't at least know the basics of flight.
Where... Where's Saskia?