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Za Raapini

Joined June 2012
50 followers

Stories (3)

  • From the Shoulders of Giants
    Special Operators? Ponies? Happiness? How could this go wrong? HiE

    32,574 words · 2,059 views · 153 likes · 11 dislikes
  • The League
    Welcome to the league kid. Whether you stay is up to you.
    10,512 words · 903 views · 37 likes · 1 dislikes
  • Battle for Equestria!
    War has come! Will the friendship surivive?
    1,264 words · 406 views · 17 likes · 1 dislikes

Blog Posts (19)

Source

Ponies playing basketball? In a professional league? On Draft Day Slam Dunk sees his dreams being crushed right in front of him, and he ends up saddled on the laughingstock of the league–The Los Andaluses Kickers. Gritting his teeth against a perceived injustice, he will try to do everything he can to show Equestria he doesn't belong on a team that dwells in the basement year after year. Cover art courtesy of Lamia

First Published
29th Jun 2012
Last Modified
18th Oct 2012

Comments ( 37 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 116w, 2d ago · · ·

You've GOT to be kidding me, Za.

#2 · Chapter 1 · 116w, 1d ago · · ·

* scratches chin * Hm... Cool. :raritywink:

#3 · Chapter 1 · 116w, 1d ago · · ·

I will say, it is certainly a new outlook. I've never really been a basketball fan (or any sports fan, really) but I think I'm gonna keep an eye on this one.

#4 · Chapter 1 · 116w, 1d ago · · ·

Ha! You took some of my advice. We'll see where that gets you. :applejackunsure:

Watching! Wish the best for this one.

#5 · Chapter 2 · 115w, 1d ago · · ·

Starting to feel like Dunk is an actual character.

#6 · Chapter 2 · 113w, 2d ago · · ·

Personally I really like the dialogue between the charachters in this one. Its has quite a bit of voice attached to it.

A few other things I liked included a lot of indirect characterizing, always better to show than to tell I always say.

First chapter Felt quite rushed, and the second chapter doesnt really feel like a chapter much but the first part of something bigger. Adding more details to the first chapter would be epic.

Overall its off to a good start.

#7 · Chapter 2 · 111w, 4d ago · · ·

This fic needs more attention, as it's very nice and unique. But you already know that because we chatted on IRC.

After reading the first and second chapters, the third chapter draft you sent me makes a lot more sense! The characterization is very nice, and I have some idea of where the plot will be going now. Thumbed up and Favorited. :yay:

Oh, in chapter 2 it has an awkward break in this chunk:

"Maybe start hitting the gym even more? I don’t know what to do, apart from that or maybe practice more with ponies. Guess [linebreak?]

I just need to stop having a life if I want to be the best. It’s what Dad did, Dunk thought to himself."

I'd also suggest making internal monologue distinguished from normal prose in some way, especially when it's multiple sentences. Italics are probably the best choice.

#8 · Chapter 2 · 111w, 2d ago · · ·

I don't like this because it isn't pointless

It was still good :3

#9 · Chapter 1 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

This is good , but I have to say you need to flavor your text a lot in some areas. Like this section.

“Ain’t that hard man, you just gotta slither your way in there. You a power forward though dude! Emphasize that ‘power’ and you’ll be fine!” Foul said.

“I do emphasize that ‘power’. When I throw down in a pony’s face after driving the lane that is,” Dunk said.

“That’s just it man! There’s more to basketball than three’s or jams! They’re fun, and it scores points, but you gotta pull in the boards dude! You gotta play hard defense! That’s what makes you a complete player,” Foul said.

“All that comes in time man. ‘Sides, as long as other ponies do their jobs, I can let it slide occasionally, you know?” Dunk said.

“Nah, bro. You don’t know. You gotta figure it out. Other ponies been pulling your weight for way too long,” Foul said.

“Yeah, and it was me pulling their weight on the other end of the court,” Dunk said.

“That can only get you so far man. Yo, commish is heading up. Let’s can it,” Foul said.

Not to be harsh, but it is painful to hear, he saiod she said over and over again.  You can swap charecter dialogue with charecter movements too, such as. (He frowned, he scratched his head) Anything that makes the charecter the focus of the paraghraph will work to tell you they're speaking. It is soooo much better than he\she said.

#10 · Chapter 1 · 109w, 3d ago · · ·

This story is nicely written. Good one Za! :pinkiehappy:

#11 · Chapter 3 · 109w, 3d ago · · ·

I can dig this, I really can.

QS
#12 · Chapter 3 · 108w, 2d ago · · ·

Got up to here. PM me if we don't see each other on chat.

#13 · Chapter 1 · 108w, 2d ago · · ·

Hmmmm... feels lacking. Talk to me in chat later.

#14 · Chapter 3 · 107w, 5d ago · · ·

*nods*

Not bad. Do go on...

#15 · Chapter 3 · 106w, 4d ago · · ·

Faved!

#16 · Chapter 3 · 106w, 4d ago · · ·

I just love,love,love,love basketball:ajsmug:

#17 · Chapter 3 · 106w, 4d ago · · ·

I'm not a sports fan, but you've got my interest. Tracking... (have a thumbs-up and a fave too):raritywink:

#18 · Chapter 3 · 106w, 4d ago · · ·

Ponies and Basketball?  I'm in.  Either way, he can't defend Derp Nowitzki's one-legged step-back Euro Fade.  No one can.

#19 · Chapter 3 · 106w, 4d ago · · ·

LeMane James is best pony. No arguments.

Besides Michoof Jordan (these are terrible pony names for amazing players D:)

#20 · Chapter 3 · 106w, 4d ago · · ·

Someone's obviously has been playing a lot of NBA 2K12. Basketball has always been my thing, I like Magic, Bird, and Bernard King!

BTW best Point Guard is obviously John Stockhoof. (Now that was truly terrible.)

#21 · Chapter 3 · 106w, 4d ago · · ·

I don't know why, but this reminds me of Semi-Pro

#22 · Chapter 3 · 106w, 4d ago · · ·

Congrats on the feature, Za!

#23 · Chapter 3 · 106w, 4d ago · · ·

Jump Man - Buckethead

#24 · Chapter 3 · 105w, 6d ago · · ·

I've never liked basketball, but I love this fic. Consider this favored.

#25 · Chapter 1 · 105w, 4d ago · · ·

Love it. Considering the story it´s great to see how you caption the feelings of an athlete in such a situation. Keep it up.

#26 · Chapter 3 · 105w, 4d ago · · ·

Got to go my game needs to be improved :rainbowdetermined2:

#27 · Chapter 3 · 101w, 21h ago · · ·

Watch, Favorite and Upvote. Cyanide gave this some love. Rightfully.

#28 · Chapter 4 · 100w, 3d ago · · ·

Anyone else notice how it took me four chapters to get to something that was explained in the summary? :facehoof:

#29 · Chapter 4 · 100w, 3d ago · · ·

Is ok if I play the song "Space Jam" in my head?:rainbowderp: because that is what is going in my head:eeyup:

#30 · Chapter 3 · 100w, 3d ago · · ·

Only one thing I noticed:

>Let’s get you inside you can get all the details on the tryout,...

Let’s get you inside so you can get all the details on the tryout

#31 · Chapter 4 · 100w, 2d ago · · ·

Nice update. I'm feeling a late wake-up coming.

#32 · Chapter 4 · 100w, 2d ago · · ·

>>1461918

Nope. You did it quite well, however.

#33 · Chapter 4 · 99w, 6d ago · · ·

Four decent and necessary chapters. :pinkiehappy:

All in all, the writing is good, and I've seen it improve. No specifics, but it could be a smidgemeter better.

Are the Kickers based on the Clippers real life roster? If it is, I sense a Slam Dunk and Pony!Blake Griffin rivalry. Which would be awesome. :rainbowkiss:

#34 · Chapter 4 · 96w, 4d ago · · ·

>>1479754 I think he's supposed to be Blake Griffin, and Soft Touch is an expy of Chris Paul. I'm not the author, but that's my guess.

#35 · Chapter 4 · 93w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1613262

A ponified Lob City?

I'm more than okay with that.

#36 · Chapter 4 · 93w, 6d ago · · ·

Hey guys. Chapter 5 should be done soon. School has been pretty busy lately, and a lot of other IRL stuff has caught up to me. Happy trails, and stay classy.

#37 · Chapter 4 · 37w, 4d ago · · ·

this must be finished!

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