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The Rarispy
Joined June 2012
583 followers
876
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The Rarispy
3
70
118
Joined June 2012
583 followers
Groups
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45w, 6dSisterhooves
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33w, 2dSweetie Belle
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10w, 4dVallett's Private Library
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8w, 4dSpikeBelle
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2w, 4dStraight Shipping
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You finally posted this story on Fimfiction!
When I saw it on recent stories I was like *Gasp* No way!
Then I favorited it because I read the story on FanFiction.net.
Also I would love to hear when the next chapter is coming.
Oh one more thing...
Thx for finally posting the story on FimFiction.
WHO?
they forced me to post it PLEASE HELP ME! 
Image: http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/336/9/f/spin_cutie_mark_crusaders_spin_by_tomdantherock-d4hzpzu.gif
Nowhere, really. I kind of just made up the title myself, and then later I linked it to the diamond that she gives Spike.
You're welcome, and funny that you ask. The next chapter is actually almost finished and if all goes up, it'll be up tomorrow or Wednesday.
Well, you'll just have to stick around and find out later...
Huh? Post what?
...They're trying their hooves at music...
...Sweetie Belle isn't going with them...
I see what you did there, author... And I hope you know that you are a terrible person for ruining Sweetie's chances like that... 
(I jest, no worries)
Anyhoof, this story is pretty good... Makes me want to write my own Spike/Sweetie Belle shipfic...
Plot and characterizations feel a bit weak. I could give constructive crit if you want, or I could just go away if you'd prefer.
sweet celestia.....this is beautiful: it's the perfect blend of romance, sad, humor, tragedy, and better yet; it's got a spike/sweetiebell/rarity paring.
i've never even heard of one of those!
NOTE TO SELF: dont listen to santuary (kingdom hearts 2 theme song) while reading this; you wil tear up.
all in all, you did a pretty good job on this fanfic, much better than anything i've ever thought up or written. damn you, immagination.
I think Sweetie Belle lacks a clear character in this story. She's got nothing going in this story apart from her crush on Spike, which has bloomed to the stage that she can't sleep and can't crusade. Sweetie Belle is the most subtle and level headed crusader, which makes her a little trickier to write than AB or Scoots.
There's not necessarily a problem with leaving SB as a bit of a blank slate. If you're using her to play the level headed, everypony protagonist in a story, that can work. Keanu Reeves earns a regular paycheck doing exactly that. However, if your shipping story isn't going to be character driven, it should be event driven. Something has to happen to make Sweetie Belle develop a crush on Spike, and also to make Spike drop his Rarity crush and start macking on her little sis instead.
Now, the event you use is Spike giving SB a nice flower. I'll admit that yes, this is plausible. SB isn't used to dealing with crushes, gets a very big one at a relatively small sign of affection, assumes it's true love and the plot rolls on from there. On the other hand, ehhh. It just doesn't make for a compelling ship. There's no indication that there's anything special between her and Spike, that SB wouldn't have gone head over heels for Pipsqueak or Lickety Split or Featherweight if they had been nice and then given her a flower. It feels like the romance in Star Wars: Attack of the Clones between Anakin and Natalie Portman, two attractive people who spout lovey dialogue at each other and get put in romancey places together instead of a romance based on characters that have actual romantic chemistry. I'm not saying romance can't happen like that, but it's not particularly interesting when it does. It feels tacked on, and that's really not something you want in a pure shipping story.
Spike's side just seems odd to me. I don't see a compelling reason why his monomaniacal obsession with Rarity slowly replaces itself with Sweetie. He doesn't consider her more attractive than Rarity, there's been nothing to indicate that they've bonded and formed some deeper link based on shared/compatible personality facets, desires and interests. The only explanation I see apart from 'authorial fiat' is that Spike is so unused to being desired that the moment someone is interested in him, he drops all previous infatuations and goes for the sure thing because he's desperate for some, any romantic affection.
Again, this isn't implausible, but it paints a darker fiction than I think you intend: One where there's no real attraction or chemistry between Spike and Sweetie Belle, but they end up together through a mixture of confusion and insecurity in a relationship doomed to dissatisfaction and failure. That's a very normal sort of adolescent relationship, with one side mistaking elation at being treated nicely with twue wuvv and the other side so starved for affection and validation that they jump on the first person who offers it. I could see it working as a dark comedy or a bittersweet story with a moral of sorts, but I can't see it as a d'aww true romance.
There's one or two other things, but I'll only post them if you actually want more feedback.
Is Sweetie gonna have to smack a dragon?
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Sweetie_Belle.png
SWEETIE NOOOOOOOOOOO!
I don't see any reason why you can't do your own story. It's not like I called 'dibs' on this ship or anything.
...Except that I started writing this story LOOOOOOOONG ago. If I remember correctly, the first chapter was done last November.
Eh, let them revel in their ignorance. They're probably just jealous. 
>>820658 Make it 3--err--4...? Okay, I clicked it and it went from 2 to 4 but whatever, yeah...
I changed my mind... I don't like this anymore...
Now, this is an... alright fic... in the beginning. But the pacing is terribly fast; it went from Sweetie being unsure of her feelings and just sort of leaning towards liking Spike for about two chapters (which I thought was really nice because it was realistic) all the way to love after a single conversation with her sister. That kind of bothered me due to the fact that it was very unrealistic...
The other thing is that, as a Grammar Nazi, this fic bugged me to death with the amount of mistakes in it...
At first, I was enjoying it and looking past those mistakes but then, somewhere around half-way through chapter 3, I just sort of stopped reading and went to a different fic... I just couldn't stand it anymore...
Anyways, my point being, I think that this story is meh, but not really worthy of the attention it's getting in its current form...
Mind you, the premise is good and the characters are decent and all that, but the writing itself and the pacing is just far too... sporadic.
So, I'm glad you got Featured and all, I guess... but yeah, those are my two cents. If you fixed the pacing (which you can't really go back and do, but improve on in the future) and just made sure to either edit it yourself one more time after every chapter or get an editor to help you, then I think this fic could probably turn out wondrously.
Also, I'm not trying to be a bitch about this or anything, so sorry if I come off that way. I'm just trying to give (albeit somewhat harsh) constructive criticism...
Good day.
Ouchy ouch! That's what I said when I read the latter part of Sweetie Belle's library scene. That HAD to hurt.
But, as a positive, I could picture Sweetie Belle being just beautiful in makeup and stuff. ^^ *sighs* It'd be pretty cool if somepony fell for Rarity (cause it looks like in the series, Rarity doesn't really feel much for Spike any more than a friend), then someone fell for Sweetie Belle. I LOVE YOU SWEETIE BELLE!!! 8D
Awesome story. Can't wait for the next chapter! ^^ 
I'm one myself >>821327 I could understand that, and in all reality, it israther offensive. However, my friend Pailhorse have an inside-joke going where a Nazi is simply an inter-dimensional being (they come from the 3rd dimension and above) and during WWII, Adolf just happened to gather the 3rd dimensional ones, which is why he did so well during the war.
There's a lot more to it than that, but basically, I'm from the 5th dimension (so I'm a "Nazi") and such... So, the term has become a null point that means something completely different to us...
I apologize to any and all who may be offended by this. 'Tis simply a gag between my friend and I. 
I was just joking. Nopony woulld ACTUALLY feel offended, but my friend and I have an inside joke also. Our Biology teacher told us not to use the term Nazi, so he said he was a Ranger instead. It was hilarious. (Unless you're Jewish or Polish) 
And actually, I'm part Polish 
Thank you for your critique. Yeah, pacing is something I'm still trying to work on. For this fanfic, I've been making an outline of events for every chapter I write. But I think starting with my next fic, I'm going to write a full outline of the entire story and then get down to writing. Hopefully, that'll improve the pacing a little more.
What kind of 'mistakes' are you reffering to? Grammar mishaps, I'm assuming? I'll see if I can work on that too.
PFFFFFFFT. 
>>821479 Yeah, just little things here and there... I can't remember at the moment and I'm too lazy to go back and find them, but just little things like comma placement (or lack thereof) that ends up hindering readability and flow. *shrug* Just the little things.
And yeah, pacing is very difficult, I think, for many authors (myself included) because you want to get your ideas out, since you're excited about them/tired of dragging on the current development. Though, a lot of the time, you send them out too quickly or don't transition from one element to the next properly so it just creates an odd jumpy feeling for the reader... (And I mean most every author; there are only a select few who manage to get around that really well and they're authors like TAW, AbsoluteAnonymous, etc. etc.)
So, I'm just saying, for future chapters and stories, attempt to make better transitions. It's not so much about slowing down, either, as slow sometimes = boring. It's just transition work.
You know, I thought that it would be an interesting twist. There was a few fic about Apple Bloom having a crush on Spike, but I thought it might be interesting if Sweetie Belle got one and got jealous of the current object of his affections: Rarity!
There aren't enough Sweetie Belle fics. Sweetie's Mansion I kind of dig, but the author really needs to stop confusing Past and Present tense.
>>810086 Well, the problem is that as children, their characters generally AREN'T as deep as.
In "Not all who wonder are lost", a certain commenter brought up how Scootaloo usually is defined by how her whole universe revolves around Rainbow Dash. I felt the complaint was a little unfair.
Children are simple-minded individuals. Note I did not say stupid, but simple minded. TV execs and apologists always make the same defense of their terrible programming saying "its not supposed to be gold, its just a kid's show." While some things can be too
But it still adds up to not so much Rainbow being the center of Scootaloo's universe, but rather that Scoot's universe was much smaller in a way, and as not just a celebrity, but a local one that all the kids see flying around in the sky leaving a distinctive colorful train behind her, RD was a BIG part of that universe, which had so little room to give...and depending on the story, Scoots' universe might even have a void to fill.
And that story begins with Rainbow Dash being dead, and all the other characters around Ponyville still coping with the loss (Fluttershy in that story is taking it much, much harder than Scoots is, interestingly enough), and it being heavily implied that Scootaloo was actually there when it happened...
So yeah. In that environment, Scoots might just have Rainbow Dash on her mind. The only way she could get even more fixated on her is if all of a sudden she thinks that a way to resurrect her might be REAL and oh...right.
My opinion on Apple Bloom is...actually a little hard to describe. There have been more episodes about Apple Bloom exclusively (Bridle Gossip and Call of the Cutie before the CMC were even formed.) And when you want a child protagonist for your fimfic, AB is usually the go-to filly that springs to mind. Apple Bloom is somewhere in the middle of Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, being willing get into danger (and occasionally call Scoots a chicken....over an argument on how to call a chicken), but isn't as full of absolutely insane ideas like Scootaloo ("Know where we can find a CANNON at this hour?" You called THAT a chicken? Question this filly's bravery at the peril of the entire world, folks.) However, she usually takes initiative to do things to prove something. Or get out of embarassment. She's the most "main character-y" of the fillies, but that's mostly because we know more about her family and we've spent more time with her.
Yeah, My Little Snout was okay as far as fics go, Fluttershy's Little Dashie... Well, that one was a request and I'm not even really into that, but I'm not going to lie, it was rather fun to write... 
SPEAK TO EACH OTHER COMMUNICATE DAMN IT IT'S NOT THAT HARD THIS IS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL STOP MAKING THIS DIFFICULT JESUS CHRIST THIS IS GETTING OLD...
Huh? Oh. Sorry, I do that sometimes.
Anyway, do you get the point? I'm starting to get tired of these characters avoiding each other and by extension a chance to solve their problems at every available opportunity.
You're on really thin ice. Pick up the pace.
No, it's actually Japanese. The term "tsundere" is used to describe a female character who acts abrasive and loudly most of the time, but also has a softer and sweeter side, usually displayed around the protagonist. Notable "tsundere" include Akane from the classic Ranma 1/2, as well as Chisame Hasegawa and Asuna Kagurazaka from Mahou Sensei Negima.
The term itself comes from the twin Japanese phrases "Tsun-Tsun", meaning to turn away from or be disgusted by, and "Dere-Dere", meaning to become lovey-dovey. It's a very popular character development device in Japanese media, and so it has probably spread to other nearby Asian countries.
Example-
"Ugh, stupid commenter. Fine, I'll show you what it means, since you don't know. But I'm only doing it to set you straight, _not_ because I like you or anything! S-so don't go getting any ideas! Okay? Geez..."
For more information, please check out the following link-
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Tsundere
And now that my short Twilight Sparkle-esque lecture is over, I hope you have a nice day!
And then...
Image: http://cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbBlsHOgZmSSIkMjAxMi8wNi8yNy8xNl8zNF8zM18xNDRfMjI4ODRfXwY6BkVU/22884__safe_rarity_spike_plushie_fire-ruby_artist-senselesssquirrel.pngRarity got a restraining order...
Image: http://iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/133027617488.gif
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