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A critical accident occurs during Kirby's most recent adventure. Instead of returning to Dreamland, he and his friends find themselves in a completely different world, a world where "friendship is magic". How did they get there? How will they leave? What are these "ponies"? Most importantly, what abomination has followed them into this world?
Contains spoilers for Kirby's Return to Dreamland.
Hmm... now let's see... I'm gonna guess that Meta Knight is gonna meet up with Rainbow Dash... 
Wait... What kind of power-ups will Kirby be able to use in Equestria? 
Exactly where will they come from? 
Well atleast Stone Kirby is going to be there... But I think Spike may be a little angry when some of his snacks goes missing...
It's a liberty I had to take. If I were to use his "puyo" speech, how would you know what he was saying unless I were to slip his words in english in parenthesis or something? And if I did translate it, then what would be the point in having him speak in "puyo"? Having it written in one way for the characters and in another for the reader is completely pointless and it slows things down. So I decided to get creative and conceive a language for Kirby himself, to replace "puyo".
I must say, I can't wait for Kirby to show off his copying powers at some point.
Maybe does a smash bros style inhale and drop on a foal, leading to use of powers at max power?
Or if it's a unicorn, does he just get Magic? That'd be useful, he'd be able to get access to any of his powers from there.
And let it be known that the end of Equestria began this day.......the day when.......-dramatic pause for effect-.....Pinkie and Kirby baked together!...........-sighs- We need a better way to tell the future generation how everything came to and horrible but oh so tasty end..."
This is pretty good to be honest.......I don't know WHY this isn't more popular at all it got good spacing. Spelling is pretty good, and no rushing around really as it built a bit like how the MLP:FiM episodes are like......some connect and have things to do with one another.......others don't at times.
-snickers and laughs for a good while- Sorry sorry I just love the part with tiny Applejack and Applebloom. I can picture that from the show and it always tickles my side......that and the voice Fluttershy gets from the whole mess.......makes me laugh pretty hard too.
Hmm...interesting concept. I honestly think that this might be the only one of this genre. However, I believe I know what the 'Antithesis' is. I don't want to state it here, though, as it'll spoil it for everyone else.
Now, the story itself is well done, except for the earlier chapters. Sometimes it seemed almost as though you were just going through the motions of writing, particularly in the second chapter. Other times, it seemed like certain scenes were...off, guess would be the word. Like they'd been written and rewritten several times. It's a more common error among new writers than you might think. When writing a scene, don't think about it too hard. Just do it. Once you're done, you'll have a steaming pile of horse vomit(no pun intended), but a pile that was pure gold before it was vomited out. Then it's just a matter of piecing the whole thing into a coherent puzzle. The main thing to do is to get the material out.
Now, another gross metaphor: It's nice to have silk from thin air, but realistically? It's gotta come from the worm's butt first. In this instance, you are the worm's butt. Weave your silk, and I guarantee you that your writing will improve dramatically, in both speed of production and quality.
That has got to be by far the most unique comment I've ever read. And that's with this story being on FF.net and DeviantArt.
As for my early work, I'll go ahead and admit it – I'm disappointed with myself. I was very foolish as a writer and didn't properly think/look them through. They basically wrote themselves, but they were weak and overall not well done, especially Chapter 2. After I finish Chapter 7 (which is nearly complete), I'll jump straight to revising the previous chapters. Chapter 1 will receive some touch ups in the weaker places. Chapter 2 will actually be completely redone, and what I plan to do with it would basically eliminate Chapter 3 almost entirely (resulting in Chapters 4-7 being moved back by one). Chapters 4-6, I think, are mostly fine, but not great; they could use some edits.
Thanks for the review... and the rather interesting input.
DAMMIT! Another person's written an MLP/Kirby crossover, and this one is pretty much the same idea I've been thinking about for months (after Return to Dream Land, Kirby actually talks, features Dedede, Meta Knight, and Bandana Dee, other villains from the Kirby games appear)!
WHY DO YOU TAUNT ME, WRITING GODS?
...Will read later, btw.
to herself with up most confidence,Should be "utmost"
In once instance, Meta Knight shot outDo you maybe mean "instant"
"Someone's gonna have to help me see,Rarity does not typically use words like "gonna"
The Dedede wasn't going toThe Boulder Dedede takes issue with that comment
So, I really want to wait to read this until you've finished the major revisions... but I have no idea when that'll be, and apparently, neither do you.
I also don't want it to affect the Kirby crossover I'm writing too much, since I don't want to be accused of ripping off someone else's story. Mainly because, in my early fanfiction writing days, I tended to swipe jokes, characterizations, and settings from other people's fanfics. Fortunately, none of those crimes against writing were published, and I deleted those files long ago. But the memories of the massive piles of suck still haunt me.
...And I got off on a tangent there. But seriously, I'll definitely check this out sooner or later.
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Thanks so much, Battery1320!
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