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Veil of Thoughts
By Starwin
Chapter 1Eno retpahC
The dream was over. Twilight had watched it be over. She had watched Applejack vanish and felt the end come but she hadn’t woken up. Instead, she had faded away, into the darkness.
Twilight could feel herself falling… No. That wasn’t right. She didn’t have a word for it. What did you call it when you stayed absolutely still yet moved away? Maybe falling was close enough.
There was something else, somepony else, falling with her. Even though Twilight couldn’t see the other pony, she felt it was there. No. That wasn’t right either. Felt was the wrong word. It was more like she sensed the other pony, more like she knew that there had to be another pony. She also knew that other pony shouldn’t be here with her.
Reaching out with her… whatever they were — she couldn’t think of the name — Twilight gently pushed against the other pony. The other pony didn’t seem to want to move but Twilight pushed with all her strength. Not with her – whatever they were — but with something else, with something she might once have called ‘magic’ but that word wasn’t right either.
The other pony began to slow. She was doing it. She was pushing the other pony back, back to where it belonged.
Twilight felt a coldness press against her back and she shivered at its touch. She could see it. She could see the coldness, the feeling, the sensation; it had form and shape. She could see it through some twisted kind of sight. Twilight could see the edge of nothingness.
The boundary of existence had no color. Against this vast nothing, the blackness all around Twilight might have been the brightest white by comparison.
The icy cold crawled over Twilight. She was pressed against the divide yet she had not gone beyond the edge. The other pony, the one she could not see, could not feel, but knew was there, did not stop. The other pony tried to continue through, its hooves slipping from the darkness and passing into the nothing below. Twilight held like a barrier, keeping the other pony mere hooves away from nonexistence.
They were stuck there; moving neither towards the blackness above nor the nothingness below.
Tentatively, Twilight pushed at the pony she was holding. It moved slightly further away, but as it did, Twilight began to sink into the nothingness. If she could have screamed, she would have. She could not comprehend the feeling. It wasn’t pain, it was something worse, something terrible. It was like her very essence was being torn apart.
Twilight pushed again, with more force this time. The nothingness tore at her, latching onto her soul and digging into her thoughts, but Twilight did not stop. She pushed harder. Everything she had was focused into pushing the other pony back.
And suddenly, the other pony was free. Twilight could sense it in the same strange way that she could feel it. The other pony was racing away from her, sailing up through the darkness… flying… flying away…
If she could have smiled, Twilight would have but the nothing took her and she had nothing to smile with.
Dash felt herself rising upwards. It was like flying… No. That wasn’t right. Flying was the wrong word for it yet she could think of no other word. Perhaps flying was close enough? Yes, she was flying, even if she couldn’t feel her wings.
She couldn’t comprehend what had just happened to her. She had been at peace with herself. Her eyes closed against the darkness; against the end. Everything had just stopped and she had started to fall.
Fluttershy may have delayed it but it had still come. Dash had felt it come, felt the nothingness embrace her and take her with it, dragging her down towards the inevitable.
She had not been afraid. She was ready to accept it, so that Twilight could go back to how she was. Except, right at the edge, right where there wasn’t anything anymore, she had stopped. Something… No, somepony, had stopped her, had held her back.
They had lingered there for a long time and then as quickly as it had come, the feeling of not being anything receded. Dash almost felt like she had been shoved back, pushed away from death.
The tiniest glow of light glinted in front of her and Dash held up a hoof to her eyes to shield them against it. Even as small and distant as it was she could feel its warmth calling her back, beckoning her to return to it.
Not that she felt that she had any choice. Her path seemed to be set. She felt like a cork, shooting up through a deep ocean, destined to rise to the surface with little control.
As Dash got closer to the glowing light, she became aware that she was not alone in the darkness. There was a pony right beside her, sailing upwards towards the light as well. Dash turned her head and saw the shadowy outline of the pony. It was another pegasus, its wings flapped gently in a slow rhythmic beat. It was either further away than Dash had thought, or was smaller than she assumed.
“Fluttershy?” whispered Dash. The pony turned its face towards Dash and she felt a bolt of shock run through her body as she saw its eyes. Those eyes! Those were her eyes! The same color, the same shape.
“No,” answered the pony beside her. The light shifted across the pony’s body, revealing a coat of powder blue and a mane of rainbow colors. She was not a full grown pony, she was a filly. More precisely she was how Dash had looked when she was a filly, even the cutie mark was missing.
“You!” cried Dash, pointing an accusing hoof at the filly.
“Us actually,” said a voice from her other side. Dash turned her head so fast that she actually spun in the air. A small lavender unicorn was flying alongside so that she was flanked by the fillies.
“Sparkle,” whispered Dash. “What are you two doing here?”
“We are here for you,” said Rainbow. As she spoke she began to move in the air, they both did. Like some strange flying formation, they circled around Dash, orbiting her as if she were a planet. “We are here, to give you back what you’ve lost, so that you can go on.”
“To give me… what?” asked Dash in confusion, her head turning as far as it would go as she tried to keep track of the filly.
Above, the tiny point of light had become massive. It was as large as the sun now, filling most of the sky. Its brightness washed over them, yet it did not blind them. However, Dash was too busy to concern herself with it now.
“We were divided before,” said Sparkle, coming into view. “Half in one place, half in another. We were not really sure where either of us belonged.”
“You gave me to Twilight,” said Rainbow as she floated past, “because I was too painful to keep. You wanted her to protect and remember me… once you were gone.” Dash looked away.
“Twilight gave me to you,” said Sparkle, “because she didn’t want to lose you. She wanted you to have me so that you could always stay, even if she couldn’t remain.”
“Now that it’s just you,” said Rainbow, once more in front of Dash. “We can be whole again. You can be whole again.”
The fillies began to glow, just as bright as the light overhead, which now filled the entire sky. Their slow orbit began to increase in speed and the fillies became little more than whirling orbs of light as they spun around Dash.
“Hey! What are you doing!” shouted Dash. She felt strange. She could feel the essence of each filly starting to pour into her. Memories were flooding back into her mind. Life was flowing back into her body. “Stop! Please stop! I don’t want this! I want Twilight! I want…”
All at once everything collided with Dash. Both fillies slammed into her as she crashed into the glowing white sky and was forced back into life.
A new sensation enveloped Twilight. Not falling, floating? Sinking maybe? Twilight wondered if this was what it was like not to exist. If it was, it really didn’t feel that much different. Her thoughts seemed a little slower, it was hard to focus and hard to think. However, those things were still there, she could still think.
Did she have more than thought? Was there anything more than thought? Twilight tried to remember what else she should have, what else there could be for her to have. What she wouldn’t give for a checklist.
What else, thought Twilight to herself, what else should I have! There was no answer.
Twilight tried to reason out what else there should be. She tried to draw inspiration from her surroundings. Yet everything around her was filled with nothing. Not darkness, not emptiness, just colorless nothing.
Shouldn’t there be something?, thought Twilight. Shouldn’t I see something?
As she thought it Twilight realized what she was missing, what else she should have, sight. She knew it, within whatever was herself. Her eyes opened to the darkness, washing away the nothing that had been a moment ago.
She was surrounded in darkness once more, yet this darkness was different somehow. She couldn’t explain it, after all, darkness was darkness, yet this was just… different. She still couldn’t see anything but she knew it was there, knew she was seeing it.
However the darkness did not stay black for long. Tiny pin pricks of light winked into existence. There was only one or two at first, but soon the blackness was filled with them. There were millions of them, billions of them, more than she could ever count. They were in every direction, close yet impossibly far away.
“Stars,” whispered Twilight softly. She had a voice. As she had spoken aloud she had realized she had a voice.
Her eyes looked down and Twilight knew that she had eyes. What else did she have? She lifted her foreleg and watched as her hoof materialized before her eyes. It was connected to something, to a body, she had a body. She glanced over herself. It was all there, just as she expected it to be. A lavender coat, her purple mane, four legs and the unicorn horn atop her head.
No. That was wrong. She shouldn’t be able to see all that.
Her perspective changed. She was inside her body, floating in the darkness, surrounded by shining stars. She didn’t know if she had everything she should have, but this felt like it was enough for now.
Twilight’s attention shifted from her internal focus to the strangeness around her. She didn’t recognize this place. It was quietly beautiful and strangely haunting. She felt like all the stars were watching her, waiting for her to do something.
Distantly Twilight felt like she knew this place but she didn’t have a name for it.
A streak of light raced past overhead. It was completely silent as it moved. It had a long streaming tail of light that slowly evaporated as it soared across the sky. Twilight watched it for a long time until she lost sight of it in the field of distant stars.
However, she didn’t have to wait long before another and still another shot past. The sky was not full of them, not like it was full of stars, but there were still many. Twilight wondered what they might be.
Suddenly, Twilight felt herself move. She could not say how she moved. She did not have wings, her hooves did not touch the ground, for there was no ground. In truth, it didn’t even feel like she was moving, yet she moved.
Around her, tiny glints of light began to spark into existence. Twilight glanced back to find a long tail of stardust streaming out behind her. To somepony else, she supposed that she looked like a shooting star, just like the ones she had seen only moments ago.
Faster and faster she raced towards the distant stars, having no idea where she was headed. Her eyes searched the stars in front of her looking for some clue of a destination. There were so many stars, more than she could ever properly see in an endless life time. Each glinted and sparkled like a tiny gem as her eyes swept across them.
Her eyes kept being drawn towards one spot, no matter where she looked. At first she wasn’t sure what was different about the small group of stars. They seemed to be just regular stars, like all the others in the sky. They were special in their own way, but no different than the rest. Yet they were different. The way they were grouped, the way they twinkled. She knew those six stars. That was what she needed, that was where she needed to be.
They were growing stronger, pulsing with light, beckoning her on. She reached out her forelegs, trying to grab the impossibly far off points of light like a little foal. They twinkled at her, out of reach.
Some of the other stars in the sky raced past her. Twilight caught glimpses of them and was surprised by what she saw. Up close, they weren’t stars at all. They were… cutie marks. That one had been of an hour glass. And that one over there was some bubbles. And still, the one that narrowly missed her head, was a rainbow like wave of colors. But they were different somehow. The cutie marks weren’t static as they normally appeared, they moved and glowed with a strong inner warmth, all but the rainbow wave of colors, which was dull and lifeless.
Now there were hundreds of cutie marks shooting past her, so many that she could hardly even make them out. Some were vibrant and bright, others dull and faded. She knew some of them, had seen them on other ponies. Many more she did not know or had never seen. There were so many of them!
Twilight looked back to the group of six stars. They were much brighter now and much larger. The star at the center had grown the largest of the group. It was brighter than the others too. Its color had changed from glinting white to pulsing purple. She recognized the constellation, she knew the symbol, it was her own cutie mark.
She got even closer still. The five small stars around the larger purple one began to change, their glinting white exterior becoming more defined until Twilight could make out each in turn. Three apples, three butterflies, three diamonds, three balloons and a cloud with a rainbow lighting bolt. Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie… Rainbow Dash, those were their cutie marks. Each one glowed brightly, radiating warmth and moving with life.
Each of the marks grew larger in her vision until all of the sky before her was filled with only the six cutie marks, all of the other stars were invisible against their brightness. Then even the whole sky was not large enough for them. If Twilight turned her head she could look at each one in turn, but she could no longer see them all at the same time.
Twilight focused her attention back to the purple star at the heart of the constellation, wondering what it had changed into. Her eyes widened as she saw it. Twilight was all too familiar with what had appeared before her. It was the library tree that she called home.
With a gentle thud of hooves, Twilight landed on the side of the house, so that it was like a floor beneath her. The stardust trail washed down around her, cascading away like tiny diamonds.
Twilight glanced around. There were no dirt roads around her, no Ponyville, just the house floating in blackness and her atop it. The infinite number of cutie marks hovered above her, pretending to be stars once more and watching her, while streaks of light raced across the sky towards their own stars.
She pulled her gaze down from the sky and found that she was standing on the library door. Her eyes widened slightly at this realization. This door, this door was for her. Unlike every other time she had encountered it, this was her door.
With the gentlest of movements she tapped on the wood. The door opened, swinging inwards. Brilliant white light poured out of the house. It was blindingly bright, Twilight couldn’t see anything beyond it as she hovered in front of the glowing entryway.
But she didn’t need to see where it led, she knew. She knew this was it, this was where she was meant to go. Putting her hoof into the light Twilight felt warmth run up her leg. Taking one last deep breath she plunged into the unknown and vanished. The door closed silently behind her. The warmth around the library tree faded away and it turned dull and lifeless.
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Well I guess this message rings true.
Image: http://gigaom2.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/connery_ramirez.png"In the end, there can be only one."
p.
End Credits by Chase and Status played through my mind as i read this.
(@ Starwin, my bad for the 4 something comments, the html coding didnt work.)
I admit, I liked this story at the start. It was an interesting idea. By now though, I'm almost bored. There's too much metaphysical stuff in the last few chapters that I can't relate to and don't really understand. Personally, I'd like it better if things took place in reality and we saw what happened from an outsider's view. That's something I can relate to.
I kinda want a story where they both die and live, but the living part of them is only a shadow of their original selves. Or they only live to half their whole lives. Like Twilight gave Dash half her life force.
Isn't that kinda the point? To resolve the problem?
>>1199196 Rather harsh. I haven't read any dark fictions EVER where everything went back to perfect, normal Equestria. They can all live, and still have it not be a "good," per say, ending. If Twilight survives, in this, she's going to be broken, as is Rainbow. It isn't going to be the happiest of endings. It will actually be a really dark ending. No matter what happens, that's going to be the end. We could all tell that from the start.
Even if Twilight dies, Sparkle still lives. So, Twilight Sparkle isn't gone, yet. Not until Sparkle dies. With Sparkle alive, there is a chance that they can bring Twilight Sparkle back out, as an individual.
At least, that's how I see it.
This dreamworld stuff is getting really tiresome. Maybe it would be better if the chapters were longer, and the mind adventures could all be in a single one, or mixed in with reality, because I feel like I'm reading continuous pieces of nonsense and I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on. I know that's kind of the point, and it will be explained later, but when the explanation is after several other chapters of subconscious sojourns which give vague and peculiar indications of what that may be, I just feel confused. A metaphysical journey where one can piece together what has occured and what is happening can work well as part of the story, but this is excessive and difficult to comprehend.
Fair enough. I really enjoy the surreal mind stuff but you do make a good point, there is only so much a reader can take before they want something different (true with any theme in the story).
I guess I could have combine chapter 9 and 10 (as they are thematically the same). But I really wanted to do the question thing, so it got split in two.
I wont give you spoilers as to where we are going next, you'll just have to decide if you want to stick around and see what happens. Just know I've read your comments and I give serious consideration to everything my readers say. 
Ignore the naysayers. Truth be told, there actually isn't enough stories like this out there. If they don't want "metaphysical stuff" they should go read another fic. The dream sequence is part of what makes this story unique and thus keeps it interesting, if someone doesn't have the attention span to make it through it, then that should be their issue, not the authors.
Long story short, I like where you're going with this.
nice touch on the way to your heaven/afterlife but i'm guessing its not over. the elements need magic or other words RD and friends NEED twilight. even pinkie realize this a few chapters back.
"my heart stops beating. my lungs stops working. my blood stop flowing to nowhere. my thoughts slowly fading away. my last vision will forever be it...returning home where it all started. the darkness. but i will live on. in the hearts of people i met. good or bad. memories last forever. being pass down to other people. i will live on, even if i'm a tiny, meaningless and useless memory"
I really hope that twilight will survive this. I dont think it would be the sort of story that I would want to read if RD is going to have to spend the rest of her life in an unfamiliar body, wishing that something had or hadn't happened, it's just depressing, and i dont wish that to happen.
... Okay, I'm sorry. I know others have said it, but I'm bored now. I mean, this doesn't even feel like a freaking STORY anymore, it's more like a... Philosophy class or something. I can appreciate good symbolism, making the reader think, etc, but this is just *ing ridiculous.
We're in the "Artistic Mindfuck" portion of the movie. Just smile and nod at the pretentious bullshit the director is trying to pass off as the ascension into the afterlife, and wait for Rainbow Sparkle Dash to wake up after the scene change.
< What do you MEAN this is a fanfic? I thought it was an Art Film! )
Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.pngHoly smokes, this story is one of the most intense stories I've read. (Admittedly I'm having issues keeping up with the Meta-physical issues but other than that its fairly clean-cut) I cant wait to see how this ends. So now dear author, you have a choice on your hands, Will you become a champion of your fans and turn this into a happy ending? (I hope so) or will you turn to the dark side and stick us into the depths of a sad-fic. The choice is yours.
There's something missing.. there has to be something more. something everypony's overlooking. but what... wait a minute... if Twilight is dead... what happens to Sparkle? better question... What will happen to the elements of harmony. and why do I KNOW there's more then meets the eye, but I can't identify what. aaarrrggg I hope the next chapter has answers... and wait, couldn't someone abuse time magic to go back in time and stop rainbow dash from crashing into the unicorn bust? all that'd do is create a new timeline, not cause a paradox... far as I know.
Image: http://www.google.com/url?source=imgres&ct=img&q=http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/8fFOoIo-kMk/hqdefault.jpg&sa=X&ei=7FVCUOqZLIzY8gT7kIGIBg&ved=0CAQQ8wc4NA&usg=AFQjCNHsFPj2K5dRtxOACBD5q4n8xAA6zQ
Image: https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSoizsOJY2WHgVi5e2_NFg5_X5usSMxzhIANUgCrrRY9rqSwMsAEQ
Image: http://img3.joyreactor.cc/pics/comment/%25D0%25B2%25D0%25B5%25D1%2580%25D0%25B1%25D0%25BB%25D1%258E%25D0%25B4-%25D0%25AE%25D0%25BB%25D1%258F-161983.jpeg
I see no reason to be confused. I guess it just depends on the reader but I've had no real problems following this story. So far I like the pace and flow, the metaphysical setting was disarming at first but after having been immersed in it for a couple chapters I got used to it. This is actually starting to make sense for me rather than the opposite.
Keep doing whatever it is you plan to do. This is one of the more exciting fics I'm following that actually makes me think while I'm reading and I love it for that.
But she didn’t need to see where it led, she knew. She knew this was it, this was where she was meant to go. Putting her hoof into the light Twilight felt warmth run up her leg. Taking one last deep breath she plunged into the unknown and vanished. The door closed silently behind her. The warmth around the library tree faded away and it turned dull and lifeless.This made me break out into tears.
And not many things can do that.
Not even Forest Rain's "It's Great to be Different," which is basicaly my brony story (if a little dramatized).
I applaud you, good sir. Great chapter.
Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lys8s5eQxQ1r289ido8_1280.jpg
I had chills the whole time I was reading. If that was indeed Twilight dying it was quite beautifully done, can't wait to see the repercussions of this on the physical plane.
To anyone that doesn't like the metaphysical parts, just read another story if it bothers you so much. This is a story about two ponies getting imperfectly mind melded what did you expect?!
This is....amazing. No, amazing doesn't cover what you have managed to write here. You have far surpassed many other stories that I would consider excellent. I, for one, absolutely love where you have gone with it. If I wanted to read a traditional storyline, I would have gone somewhere else. Don't stop what you're doing here, it would be a crying shame to have the talent to write this way and settle for medeocre and normal.
" plunged into the unknown and vanished. The door closed silently behind her. The warmth around the library tree faded away and it turned dull and lifeless. " i know what this means..... he's acting like the full twilight will die.... but storys like that always have a ending. a ending where theres a way where it becomes happy. i need to pay attention. this is saddest part in the story that i wont denie even if i rage over prototype 2.
I disagree with all the naysayers I'm seeing here. The meat of this story has always been the internal conflict between Twilight and Rainbow. Of course we've all been curious how things are going to work out for our main characters back in the real world, but that's nothing new. Ponies in fics deal with loss, injured friends, medical obstacles, and even unfair life changing decisions, but the dream sequence is what I see as making this fic really unique.
TL;DR, I'm loving it. Keep it up. I look forward to seeing how this all pans out. And I thought this was a very strong chapter.
(skip to 2:09 for full effect)
no Twilight, don't die! don't head for the light! bad idea bad idea! *goes in* NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Whelp, now that Twilight is gone, I foresee only two other possible endings:
1) Rainbow Dash - Rainbow takes complete control over the new body.
Likelihood: Low. Reasoning: Sparkle represents Twilight's life. In order for her to be "Rainbow Dash," Sparkle theoretically has to die as well. I like to call this ending: "And They All Died." 
2) Rainbow Sparkle - Dash gives up part of herself as well.
Likelihood: High. Reasoning: With Rainbow's memories and Sparkle's life, the two come together to form the "best of both." Also, I highly doubt Dash would allow her friend to be completely erased from existence, even if she could survive without her. I like to call this ending: "Better Than The Sum of Its Parts."
I agree with this, and I also really like the writing style just by it self how Twilight, for instance, was rediscovering all of the things normally taken for granted like how you use your eyes to see or how you don't see things from outside your body. I am also looking forward to seeing what you do with Twilight's 'death' and the issues with the Elements of Harmony. 
I feel as though Twilight's being isn't gone, but rather in storage. She has rejoined the essence of her mark, more than likely like those before her that held it. The tree house sort of represents the collective knowledge of things for her, or rather took on the form she is most familiar with. This could be an indication of a successful fusion spell, where nothing is lost but rather placed elsewhere until called for in the right way. Will she learn of a solution to things? Debatable. Will Dash, now with Twi's life and magic affinity, be able to find a solution? Also debatable, since she may not have acquired the sponge like mind of twilight. Its a curious scenario they have found themselves in. Fluttery Shy and Apple Jack both have some idea of what happened now, but not real sense of how to repair things. AJ isn't particularly pleased with Twi, so she may not be as thrilled to help twi, though she may not be as ready to help after she found her anger was misplaced. Time will tell how things pan out. More over, we'll learn how the others will react.
Heh, a lot of people have been saying that all the surreal scenes are slowing the story down and I can partially agree with them.
SPOILERS!!!
They do slow down the plot advancement if you look at it objectively; in the past three chapters we've found out that Rainbow Dash died and that Twilight fused them together to save her life, and Twilight has now given herself up to allow Dash to take control. However, they are also very beautifully written and touching chapters which explore an issue that is impossible to explore otherwise. The surrealism forces us to question what is going on and look into the sub-text to discover the meaning behind what is happening.
SPOILERS OVER!!
So, yeah, while on the surface these chapters may seem slow to some or confuse others, they do contain a lot of "submersed" information which we have to try discover for ourselves. I find it a very interesting and enjoyable experience, and I hope you keep on producing such great chapters, Starwin
This is definitely interesting writing, but I'm not liking this Twilight dies thing. 
I mean, that's probably a sign that its a decent story, but its kind of like anti-climactic somehow because it just kinds wanders over to the point, unless there's more to it. The whole metaphysical stuff is kinda cool, if a bit confusing at times. I think it just needs a bit of touch up so the reader can follow it a bit easier. For instance, I feel like the transition between the two of them in the metaphysical world bit could use a little smoothing somehow.
Image: http://mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw1779_small.jpgYou write that you appreciate feedback from readers - here are my 5 cents.
You have very interesting concept in this story and story itself is very atmospheric. It got me from the first chapter. You have great quality writing, stunning storyline and story itself is not too dark for my taste (at least as long as there is some hope for heroines).
And 'mind adventures' part is simply 'Wow!'.
I totally disagree with comments like "Kill Twilight! No, kill Dash! No, kill both AND MAKE THEM SUFFER!!!" or "You mush kill one of mane 6 because happy ending is so mainstream, and not too tragic ending is booooring". I hope that most of your readers do not read this story simple for having fun with heroines suffering or dying. And if some readers receive pleasure imagining broken RD and dead Twi in the end - I hope it is not what you planned. I personally hope that there will be some reason in the end, that all that your characters endured already will not be for nothing.
Anyway - thank you for the story.
First off, congratulations. You're the one who made me make an account so I could make this comment. This is an outstanding story so far and nothing really has captivated me as much as you've done here, especially as someone who's trying to study psychology and philosophy. Seriously. Write a book. I'll read the crap out of it.
Second, and let me preface this with a fact that I am not a psychologist, simply someone who has it as a passing hobby, let me just say that Twilight won't exactly die, per se. The human brain, and I assume the pony brain, doesn't exactly wipe anything from memory, it just... Compartmentalizes it beyond being able to recall something. While Twilight did wind up afoul of this ersatz pony's brain, the worst thing that can happen to that particular aspect is that she gets so far repressed that any thought kind of gets glanced over. Which is better than death, in the strict sense of it. Hey, she might even pop up as an off feeling while talking about the pony that lived in that library. Which is nice. I guess.
And the only reason I remember this is because it popped up in a dream of mine after having gone to bed. In Tara Strong's voice. Food for thought.
Length of content is not nearly as important as quality of content. Could I have made this chapter 5000 words? Certainly, it was at one point (I've cut almost 4 chapters worth of content from this story so far). But longer does not mean better, it just means longer.
As another commenter has pointed out, since you are reading this story in parts, as I post it, things you expect to be answered by 'turning the next page' aren't, you have to wait and that can certainly interrupt the flow of the story.
I've spent a lot of time working on the pacing of this story... seriously... a lot... While it certainly isn't perfect, sometimes the pace needs to slow a little, but not to the point where it drags. I think where most of the pacing issues are coming from are chapters 9 and 10. In truth, they should be one chapter (and a little shorter maybe). But I really wanted to do the reader question thing in 10, and I am really glad that I did. It's one of the best experiences I've had in fanfic writing.
I love feedback, comments from my readers are one of the bestest parts of writing fanfiction. Commenters help me improve my writing and come to realization about work that I had never known (or considered) before. And it also make me happy to see that others enjoy my work as well, it's always hard to judge how something is heard by others from inside your own head.
Staying moderately spoiler free here, you may have noticed this story has no tags. Not sad, not dark and not tragedy. I don't plan to drop them in at the last minute as a surprise (because that would be mean), so read from that what you will.
Not every heroes journey has to end in death, sometimes life is the greater sacrifice.
Thank you for picking my story as the jumping in point
I'm glad you are enjoying the story, I've spent a crazy amount of time on it. Several people have suggested that I write my own work for publication. While I've gotten pretty far with a few of them, they all suffer from the same problem. They just aren't fanfiction. They feel like work not fun. And I got into writing to have fun (which I do for the most part). It's a hard concept for me to express but I don't want to do professional writing because, well, I don't want to turn my fun into work. I know, it sounds silly, but that's just how I feel. 
I cannot comment as to the mental state of our main character (cause you know, spoilers). Just know that I put a lot of thought into how... well... thoughts and the mind in general tend to work. Do I consider myself an expert in psychology, oh heck no (truth be told I would consider myself more a theoretical physicist if anything else, but besides 'fusion,' not really any science in this story), but much of my writing has dealt with the mind, dreams and the who and what we are beyond our bodies. So, I've spent some time on the subject, I think you will like where we are headed
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